What do I do??

Saima - posted on 07/11/2012

Hi Jeana,
That is fantastic! I wish I had been given this advice when my children were much younger (well when my son was much younger). I had my son when I was 22yrs old and to tell you the truth I had to grow up really quick! I had no support not even from my ex or his family, we had moved to Birmingham to be closer to his family for support but never received it. That made us too far from my family, on top of that there was a scare going around about some people coming from a different country who were going around biting people and giving them rabies so you can imagine my son hardly went outside and that lasted for ages. He would go to his friends from school but we all shared the same views on keeping the children safe and not allowing them outside around the front but keeping them in the back garden. We all did have very big back gardens, also i can't really say the kids didn't go out because we use to go to the park just about every weekend and with all the personal problems we use to go up to my mums in the north just about every half term break and they had cousin's they use to play with and stay over at. So I don't think it is a case of them not going outside because my daughter is 14yrs old and in the summer she still goes outside and play's on the trampoline or rides her bike down to my mums to meet her cousins.
Overall, I think it's my son he does not like it when it is hot weather, he prefers the snow and rain and now just getting him to go anywhere with us is an issue it self. His excuse is 'OMG, I am 16 nearly 17 (in a few days) and i have to go to the park/seaside/amusement park etc with my mother and sister! Also i must say since i have moved his Xbox downstairs and put limits on his usage there is a significant improvement to him. He has realised that he can't do what he wants and say what he wants.
At the end of the day I have to remember he is still young and all of this is a part of growing. How much should he grow-up? He does his share around the house, he gets his school work done before anything, he eats with us, he knows his limits on his Xbox and what can be earned or taken away because of his actions. Also he is actively looking for work even if it is on a voluntary basis he is still interested. I wouldn't want him or my daughter to grow-up like I had to all of a sudden, I believe they should be allowed to live a bit as long as they know the limits.

Thanks
Saima.

Jeana - posted on 07/10/2012

I have four kids 17,15,12 and 11 yrs. They all know if they want to play xbox wii or whatever chores must be done and they have a time limit on how long they can play. By doing extra stuff they can earn more time playing. I want my kids outside doing stuff being active rather sitting with there eyes glued to a screen.

Sarah - posted on 07/08/2012

Saima - YESS!!! So glad it worked out for you! Good work mom! :D

Saima - posted on 07/05/2012

Ah thank you all.
He doesn't go to Uni until next year September but I can't wait! Hopefully he will become more independent and responsible. I think my next move has to be try and get him a job and getting him to save for Uni, which I have to say he is not a big spender. In fact he hates spending! Also I have broken up for the summer today and the kids don't breakup until end of July, and he does not like to many holidays that is going to be difficult if he doesn't have a job but lets see what happens.
I will keep you updated always..

Take care and speak to you soon.

Chaya - posted on 07/04/2012

We don't have video games in our house, but I took my daughters computer away from her when she threw it out of frustration. She didn't hurt it, but she lost priviliges with it. Her bad behaviour stopped when I told her in her councilers presence that she'd lost the computer for the same number of days she treated me badly. Problem solved.

Kristi - posted on 07/04/2012

Hi Saima!

It is so good to hear from you and such a fantastic update! I'm so happy for you all! I have thought about you many times and wondered how things might be going. ; ) When does he go off to Uni? I hope things stay this new path, he's got to feel better, too, not being so angry and intense all the time. Yea for happy endings!

Hugs to you!
Kristi

Sarah--

I am taking a screen shot of your advice, it makes so much sense! Knock on wood, my daughter, 13, and I are doing well right now and haven't had any real discipline problems, but I've heard stories...lol So, thank you for sharing!

Saima - posted on 07/04/2012

Hi Sarah thanks for the advice.
God were should I start?? I last posted on this issue on 16th June, now that's nearly 3 weeks. Well since then I have kept him to the time limit to his Xbox, the Xbox is still downstairs and if he is ever rude or does not eat or do his chores he has time knocked off!
Let me tell you how this is working for us!!!
We have been to my cousins wedding and OMG it was like my son was a totally different person! We went to the menhdi here in the north and my son didn't say a word about not wanting to go, it's not for him blah blah. He even went with me and my daughter to get his clothes and tried them on there, also he waited while we got our clothes and believe me we take ages to choose our clothes. He actually enjoyed him self at the mendhi, then we went to London last week Thursday for the rest of the wedding and he was great. It was like he has suddenly grown up!! Not once did he mention his Xbox.. My brother has learning difficulties and is 29yrs old, he also had gone to the wedding. My son stayed with my brother throughout the whole wedding. He got my brother to sit next to him on our table, when the men went out he took my brother with him even when taking photos he made sure my brother was in them. He totally looked out for my brother. The good thing is he was not once asked to do any of this. Then when we went out to central London he did not moan or anything. He has never done any of this before and wow what a change! I can't wait for him to go to Uni, the word is when kids go to Uni they come back GROWN UP!!!!!
We came back on Monday and he has gone on his Xbox yesterday and was fine. Today he was on it and when I mentioned the time he became a bit lippy but he stopped when I said "Sorry, say that again I didn't quite hear it", he instantly got up and gave me a hug and said sorry and switched the Xbox off. So I think taking the Xbox out off his bedroom and bringing it downstairs, time deduction if he is rude, does not eat or do his chores and putting a time limit on his usage of the Xbox is working for us at the moment. Lets see what happens in the next couple of weeks.
Take care and speak to you soon.

Sarah - posted on 07/04/2012

I understand what you're going through. I had an issue like that with my son (who is also 16 going on 17 in October)

If you took away the Xbox because of bad behavior, then (in my humble opinion) he should not get it back until you feel that he has changed that behavior. The fact that he studied hard is something he should be doing anyway... the reward for that is good grades, passing tests, making goals come to fruition. Not time on an Xbox. The issue seems to be his behavior, and that alone (correct?) so if he wants his Xbox back he would have to show you how he's changed that paticular behavior. Tell him what you want. For example, my son was the same way. Didn't want to pick up after himself, started eating in front of the tv, didn't keep up with his chores and I got a LOT of attitude when I would even MENTION the Xbox getting turned off. He would be get instantly angry and frustrated. Then when he did do his chores it was half assed (pardon the lingo!). So I took the Xbox without an explination (because I had already said I would how many times?) I waited for him to come to me to ask about it. That's when I knew I had his attention! I told him that because he spoke to me rudely, hasn't kept up with his chores, etc. I needed to give him a break from the Xbox until he got back on track. I explained that if he got off track because of the Xbox again I would sell it and use the money I got from it to hire a maid and if I was spoke to rudely again it wouldn't be allowed in my house because being disrespectful is unacceptable. He had a FIT! It was like he was going through withdrawls! But I stuck to my guns... and he did too for a few days. Eventually he came around. Not only did he get back on track with his chores, wasn't disrespectful, but... he even put a time limit on his game time. I think he realized after a few days without it how much of a pull it had on him.
This has worked for me. Do you think it could work for you, too? Please keep me posted on how it goes! Video games... pffft... whatever happened to playing outside and being with REAL people anyway? lol
Good luck mom!

Sarah

Saima - posted on 06/16/2012

Hi Kristi,
Thanks for the 'Woot-Woot'. We'v had such a busy Friday and Saturday it'a all manic! One of my cousin is getting married for the 3rd time. Well, our weddings last for at least 3weeks this is week 1! Anyway my son only went on his Xbox for about 45mins today while he was waiting for me and my daughter to get ready and he was really calm and did not argue or give any lip to me about not being able to go on it longer. He wasn't able to go on it on Friday because we had gone to the wedding house at 6pm and he was( I think) understanding! I really hope it does get better and better.
Any way, speak to you soon.

Kristi - posted on 06/13/2012

Woot-Woot! (in case you're wondering what that is all about, it is an expression a few of my friends & I use when something is extra good!)

Saima - posted on 06/13/2012

Ah thanks ladies!
I know what your saying and you both are spot on! I am not getting ahead of myself and I am taking each day as it comes, because his behavior will not change over night (today he has lost 15mins of his time limit) it will take some time for him to fully change but i'm prepared to do it!
Also believe it or not but when my son was born and he was a few weeks old I started to play the then Super Nintendo super-Mario, and well my son use to stay asleep. no wonder he is so addicted to his Xbox LOL! Iv'e said to him me, him and my daughter will have a game on Saturday, he was happy and offered to show me how to play. He has said he is going to earn his time back and more!! Lets see what happens...
Thanks and speak to you soon.

Angie - posted on 06/12/2012

haha Kristi that is so true...we are moms, we just want to fix things & always believe in the best...here's a thought Saima ~ have you ever played xbox with him? Maybe that could be your time together? But now don't you be getting addicted to it that we have to set limits on you! lol...It's sometimes a challenge being moms to boys to find mutual interests & sometimes we have to go out of our comfort zones to find them..I must say I've gotten to be a pretty good helper mechanic...even if I am a girl..lol..we actually changed out a ball joint once... hope things continue to go well :)

Kristi - posted on 06/12/2012

Oh Saima, that is such good news! I'm so happy you had an enjoyable, productive day with your son! Soak it all in now because even though we hope & expect to have this behavior carry on, each day is a new day full of choices. Now that he has seen how favorable things can be when he follows the rules chances are good he'll stick with it as long as you stick to your guns. He'll have bad days, too, just like the rest of us. I am not trying to rain on your parade or discourage you. I've just been in the position where I thought I was getting through to someone and it turns out I wasn't. But all the while I was setting us both up to fail by getting my hopes too high, too fast and by doing that she felt like I put her on this pedestal that she didn't belong on. I am NOT at all saying you are doing that to your son. I'm just saying it is usually wise to live in the moment and to not get to far ahead of ourselves. Ok, now that I have sucked the life blood right out of your great day, keep want you will, throw out want you want, go grab your kids and hug em till your arms fall off! Again, despite my little "lecture" (lol), I'm am completely thrilled for you!

Saima - posted on 06/12/2012

Oh thank you Angie and Kristi that is really helpful to know.
Today wasn't that bad at all, I only picked him up as my daughter goes to the gym with her cousin (every day sometimes). Anyway, he was a bit 'off ' at first and said no i'm not going on my Xbox now because it's embarrassing my friends be online. I just said to him 'that's your choice, just remember what you agreed to, you have 1hr and 30mins to play you choose when you want to start'. Well he started and was just telling me about his games and he stopped on time and I had no moaning or RUDENESS! Wow. Also I think he liked the fact that when he was telling me about his games I was genuinely interested in his games which he has never wanted to tell me anything about before. So, all I can say is hopefully this carries on and we do find ourselves getting on together!
Thanks again

Angie - posted on 06/11/2012

Yeah!! a step in the right direction...so happy he was receptive to the change without any difficulties and bonus time together too!!..you had to be on cloud 9 :) Hope things continue to go well..open up with him about why you want to spend some time with him ~ in a few short years, he's going to be an adult & more doing his own thing..it's important that you figure out how to still have that quality time ~ me and my 20yo yard sale together sometimes, we just did a phone book delivery route together ($60 wasn't worth it, but the time together certainly was).... maybe ask him what he would like to do & maybe it's not necessarily going out, but staying in...some of me and my oldest's best times together have been spent in the garage, while he was working on his car...keep communicating & you will get there...what do they say Rome wasn't built in a day, but I think you have a great start on it!

Saima - posted on 06/11/2012

Hi again thank you so much ladies.
I have brought the Xbox downstairs this morning before we got out and I have explained it him what are the reasons for it coming downstairs and what he needs to do. He has got a time limit and he has kept to it today and he has had his tea/dinner with me and my daughter and it was still nice and warm for him!
Also I will try and get him to go out with me but that is going to be another task! He is a typical bloke who does not go out with his mother. His answer is why are you wasting money? He studies Economics! I will encourage him to go out in a few days.
Thanks again.

Kristi - posted on 06/11/2012

Sounds good...I might try ie: 30 min every day without incident for one week he gets another 30 minutes & if he is disrespectful, won't do his chores or whatever he loses 30 min for a week, something like that. I would also set a maximum time limit, to hopefully avoid falling back into the not eating, not sleeping routine. As his attitude and his behavior improves be sure to let him know you notice a difference and appreciate his effort. Maybe when he really gets on a roll after he's reached his max time, instead of more Xbox time, maybe the two of you could do something like go out for a nice dinner or for a walk at a favorite park, just some good 1-1 time. If he says he doesn't want to hang out in public, you know how they can be sometimes, maybe you could teach him how to cook. I know it sounds kind of off the wall and corny but he is going to have to fend for himself one day and it's a bonus when it comes to the ladies...later! ; ) idk, that's just my take on your idea. I think you've been doing great!

Angie - posted on 06/10/2012

I think it's a great place to start & I thInk it's also important to explain to him your reasoning behind it. Have a sit down with him, express your worries as a parent & what you want to see accomplished by this. At almost 17, you are getting into a crucial stage that you don't really want to be a dictator but more of a communicator if that makes sense. Otherwise they can tend to sprout their independence a little more & try to start that battle back & your relationship is more important that any x-box. I hope it works out for you both :)

Saima - posted on 06/10/2012

Hi everyone
Thank you again for all your support. I think what I might do is bring his Xbox downstairs and allow him to go on it for a short time and say to him 'he needs to earn his time on the Xbox as soon as he decides to be rude to me in any way or form I will start to deduct his time', but time will be added on e.g. per day = 30mins extra the next day if he has not been disrespectful and he has done his share around the house. I think if this works I will carry this on even when he starts to work, after all they do need to learn to multitask!
Tell me what everyone thinks of this idea and if any1 can give me ideas on how I can work this out. It's just something that has come to mind a few times and now i'm thinking about it.
Thanks again.

Sharleen - posted on 06/10/2012

Give him back the x-box else you will never build a relationship with him ....you say you took it away coz he wouldnt study, eat or drink ....well I,m sorry it was controlling him BUT if you keep it you are controlling him and its HIM who must control HIM ............



Give it back and say he needs to have rules about using it as thats what being an adult is about. also if you give it back now he will see you keep to your word .......study life work then x box. If you keep it he will not respect you or your rules



I think you are doing a great job ...but my worry is if he is "bad" again what will you take away that time ..If he has the x box it can be removed again

Good Luck

Kristi - posted on 06/10/2012

I think a job sounds like a great idea Saima! That might help refocus and readjust his priorities. I remember my first job and getting my first pay check! I thought all this for selling shoes!? I really enjoyed the freedom my own money alloted me. And it felt good to say I earned that. Good idea!!

Saima - posted on 06/10/2012

Thank again everyone for all your support.
Sorry I haven't replied but I had to finish an assignment I had for uni (hand in for Monday next week). Anyway I was reading a few theories on child development and B.F Skinner came up with reinforcement! Well he said the one way psychologists observe human behavior is what reinforces it and if we took the reinforcement away the behavior would stop. When the behavior stops the use of other reinforcement would make a change to behavior. Any suggestions?? I was thinking I get cross and upset because he goes on it for hours, then he doesn't eat or drink anything, then I feel as though i'm not doing enough and i'm the bad parent. He starts to be rude and this gets worse when I take it away. I think today I am going to start to look for a job for him sit with him and re-do his C.V and start to apply for jobs ( he turns 17yrs next month) Oh and my sister who bought him the DREADED Xbox will be coming up to the north tonight. We are going to be having words!! She bought it for him last year for passing all his exams as his other one had 'Red rings' and then stopped working.
Anyway he is back at school next week and i'm back at work. Lets see what happens!!

Thanks again all....

Angie - posted on 06/09/2012

Saima ~ sounds like you got a pretty good kid that is just struggling with balance and when he has his xbox, he gets so focused in on it that he doesn't have the patience or time for anyone else, resulting in rude, selfish behavior. I don't get the hours and hours of video games but if he chooses to do that over being out partying, it may not be all bad. I think instead of just taking it away or giving it back, give it back with a limit...help him find a balance. One thing we always did was have dinner together every night where we caught up our day. I'm a single mom of 2 boys. If he has chores done, homework done, and has been respectful to you, sure, what's wrong with a couple hours playing, just like we may like our couple hours of TV....hope things get a little easier for you guys :)

Kristi - posted on 06/07/2012

Saima-



It's Kristi again. I'm so sorry that happened again! I think you are taking a good first step by getting rid of the xbox. It's one thing to play it "all the time." It's another thing entirely when his whole personality changes. Remember you deserve to be treated with respect. I would go back through the suggestions we all gave you before and see if anything sounds doable for you and try it. Being a single mom is hard, we don't have anyone to 2nd our decisions or back us up, which is why we have to do what works for our families. Do not feel guilty for expecting/demanding respect and common courtesy from your son. It doesn't matter what else he is or isn't doing, mistreating you is not acceptable. If nothing seems to be working and you feel like you are continuing to drift apart maybe you want to consider counseling, at least for yourself and he/she would probably have other ideas on how to reconnect with your son, as well as giving you a safe, objective place to talk about your feelings, etc. with freedom from judgement and "should have's" from other, some well intentioned, some not, people. Good luck and stay strong, you are in the right here, you are asking for basic human decency. That is not too much to ask from anyone. Thank you for sharing the updates, one of these days you will have better news!

America3437 - posted on 06/07/2012

I also have a 17 yr old that lives on the xbox. It only really bothers me when hes up till 4 or 5am playing and then wants to sleep all day. He is a very good kid and has a 4.0 with a 21 on his first try at the ACT so i look at it this way... If he is upstairs on that stupid game then he isn't out running the streets getting in trouble or worse getting some poor girl pregnant.

Saima - posted on 06/06/2012

Thank you all for all your support.
Day before yesterday night I was talking to my sister and she really made me feel guilty. She reminded me that yes I have bought both my kids up my-self and I have struggled. I have worked so hard, I've taken on 3 jobs and still been there for my kids but I shouldn't be so harsh constantly taking his Xbox of him. She also said without you they haven't got anyone and he doesn't go out like other kids, he doesn't smoke or drink and he done very well in his GCSE's. Which he did he got 4 A* 6 A's 2 B's and 1 C so he passed all his exams last year. Anyway she really got to me and told me to give it back and see how long he will stay on it. He would get fed up and stop. So I gave it back after we had a family chat about what is the problem? Why we are drifting apart? My daughter stepped in and said to my son you are very rude to mum, you want everything your way or no way. He did say i'm sorry and we did sort things out. But since last night he has turned again it's like Xbox is his life! That's an understatement!!
I feel like such a fool, my sister doesn't have a 16/17 year old and she has her husband to help her.She hasn't a clue about him not being bothered about anything but the Xbox. My son use to be such a lovely boy up until he turned 16 last year and for the past year he has totally changed. He has made new Xbox friends who go to his school and that's it now. It is like iv'e lost him. I am just going to drop the Xbox of to my mums house and he wont know about it so he can carry on checking the whole house. The thing is what should I do? 1 minute he says sorry and then the next minute he turns all rude with sarky comments, shouts, rude facial expressions and imitates the way I speak all this and more when I ask him what he wants to eat or switch his Xbox off to come and eat. That's it as soon as I say the words Switch the Xbox off.... He goes on a barmy!

Jillian - posted on 06/05/2012

Dont give in I've been going through that but worse mine is 16 he's skipped school so badly so that I had no choice but to pull him out and let him do virtual school only because he knows he's going off to Florida youth challenge academy which is like military school and that's because he was caught smoking pot at home, and totally disrespecting me and his stepfather so we grounded him until he leaves if you give in hell just believe he can walk all over you again don't let him do it or your back to square one, good luck!

Mitzi - posted on 06/04/2012

Hi Saima, i just read ur post. My son wouldn't have never gotten his xbox back from me, until he respected me as his mother and he would have had to show me a whole lot of respecting before he even got it back. And i wouldn't be fighting with him about anything, he dosen't want to do his chores that's bad enough and then to be rude oh no! I have a 20 year old son still leaving at home, and he dare not to be disrepectful to me and his father, I don't play that game. Stand ur ground and don't give it back, becasue he dosen't deserve it at all, and lets c if he will start back eating again. GOOD LUCK!!!!

Saima - posted on 06/04/2012

Hiya Kristi

God where do I start! He went to his prom with his friends. Now tell me what you think of this; I dropped him all the way to 1 of his friends house and they were running late so I offered to drop both of to another mates house (they all were meeting up and going together) when his mate came out to my car his father came out behind him and said "don't forget your beer, here you go" The father then handed the lad 2 bottles of beer in a bag. (Bearing in mind the legal age to even start drinking in the UK is 18 years old) I was shocked at first and said oh don't tell me that's for you? In a laughing way. My sons friend then said oh no don't worry I will make sure Adham does not have any. (I do not drink and do not condole my children too). I left it because I thought my son knows the score and well every parent for their own! Anyway me and my daughter went out to eat that evening. When we got in my son called me to pick him up. This was about 1 and a half hours earlier then his curfew time! I was, what now?? When I picked him up another friend who had gone with them decided he wanted to go home to so I picked both and dropped his friend off to his house and took my son home. When we got home my son said what the hell mum that was the worst party ever. He said me and my friends felt so awkward there, it was like it was for the upper 6 form and we were invited to fill up places. On top of that he had an upset stomach. He was not happy with it at all. He said "I wish you had said I couldn't go instead of taking my Xbox, it was really bad!

I still have his Xbox, laptop and mobile the only time he can use his laptop is for school work or revision, and mobile he does not need it! I plan to keep these until they are back at school next week and only then he will get his mobile back for during the day!! His smiles will not help him anymore, he has over stepped the mark. He has continued to answer me back, try and cut me short while i am talking and still say's "so, I don't care and good". I am glad I am off work too.

Kristi - posted on 06/02/2012

Well shoot Saima, I had posted back to you but I don't see it here. I'm sorry to hear the Xbox has struck again! Good for you for going Amish and standing strong! You are a good mom and you deserve to be treated with respect. You're immediate action (handing down his consequences, etc) to his negative behavior will hopefully make him realize he can't keep taking advantage of you and mistreating you. Keep his "toys" longer this time, let him know it is going to take more than a couple days worth of chores and smiles to earn your respect back. Stay consistent and maintain your ground. You can do this! Good luck tonight!

Saima - posted on 06/02/2012

Hi Amy thank you for your advice I have stood my ground when I have resulted to taking his Xbox, mobile and his laptop. It did work for a few days but since yesterday iv'e had to take his Xbox and his mobile of him again.
On Thursday at 4.45am I could here my son letting the cat out. Then when I asked him if he was O.K he said yeah iv'e just let the cat out, then he said "MUM ITS MY PROM ON SATURDAY!!! I was not happy! Let me sleep!!! After work I picked my son and one of his mates up and we went out to get his prom suit and we did get one that he liked. Then on Friday my son txted me at work saying he needed to get a few things from town and if could take him. I agreed (big mistake)! My son decided he wanted to get a different suit which I must admit did look soo much better so I bought it for him. Then later when we got home my son started to just go on his laptop then Xbox and not listening. He would not come downstairs to eat or anything. I then gave him the warning "I will take your Xbox back" and that's it he started! So I have had to take the Xbox and his mobile yesterday and have told him the consequences of been rude to me. He was planning to go to his mates house after the prom but he has been told I will be picking him up from the venue myself because of the way he has spoken to me and the things he has said not only yesterday but today as well before he went to the prom. I will be standing firmly and keeping my ground, I actually feel like putting his Xbox in the bin!!!! I have given him a time that I will be picking him up and we will see if he can keep to it. I am now going to go AMISH on him!!!
Thanks.

Amy - posted on 05/30/2012

The one thing I've learned with my kids is to stand your ground. I went Amish on my son. No TV, computer, games, nothing. I stripped his room and told him he was lucky to have a light bulb. I went to the extreme over terrible grades when he clued me once on accident. I asked him why taking everything away never worked for very long before and he replied "Because you gave everything back." I told my daughter 2 years ago the next computer she would use in my house was the one she buys. Don't give in, especially when you see the result of letting him have Xbox back. Go Amish on him lol.

Saima - posted on 05/30/2012

Hiya Kristi i'm in the U.K what about you? Over here we do say friends as well but most of the time in conversation mate/mates are used. Sorry I should have explained "revise/revising" more clearly it is when individuals look at all the work they have done over some time. This could be going through old school books, papers, past exam papers and studying them before they sit any exam. You could also be revising for a meeting by going through all paperwork etc. When we update anything we say "this file has been updated or this file has items added/deleted to it but that still would be "updated". That is interesting to know. Wow. I hope this is a better explanation.

Kristi - posted on 05/30/2012

That is great Saima! So glad to hear that! Where are you from? I love referring to one's friends as Mate's! It sounds like they share a much stronger bond than "friends." I suppose it makes sense, intimate, mate there ya go! Oh and also, "revise" here is like updating or adding/deleting any material from the original "item", school report or a news story or a presentation. So, I'm still confused by your definition of revise. lol Anyways, all is well, that ends well...so I've been told!

Saima - posted on 05/29/2012

Also Kristi Revise means: revising for his AS exams which he finished last week.
Ok speak to you soon.

Saima - posted on 05/29/2012

Thank you for your concern Kristi.
He does have friends but they all are on Xbox playing with each other (not at my house). On Sunday 2 of his mates were meant to go to another mates party and my son was sat with me and my daughter watching TV. He then got a txt from 1 of the friends and the next minute he laughed and said "my mates are asking me to get online, they have decided not to go to the party" so it's like these kids would rather go on Xbox then go to a party! In my days we would jump at any sign of going to a party!
However, I have come home today and he had done what I had asked him to do (put the clothes out, he chose to hover not the washing up) and when my sister came to check up on him he was reading up on extra chemistry which is great. Hopefully tomorrow he might go out with his mates which they do usually plan for a Wednesday. So things do look better at the moment.

Kristi - posted on 05/27/2012

Hi Saima! Normally I would agree with telling him your expectations and empowering him to make the right choice. As your post is a couple days old, I hope that is working!! : ) My concern is how extreme his personality changes when he is using the Xbox. I'm not sure what "revise" means, and some rudeness and laziness is to be expeted with teens but not to the extent to which you're describing, not to mention not eating and drinking. That is completely unhealthy not just for him but for you also. You don't deserve that kind of verbal abuse nor that kind of stress. We, parents are under enough stress as it is.

What kind of games is he playing? Does he have any friends and/or other activities that he hangs out with or enjoys? If you aren't already, I would seriously consider putting strict limits as to when and how long he can play. Like I said, hopefully all is well and his chores are getting done and he is back to respecting you as he should! I'd love to hear that my concern was for nothing! Good luck! Many blessings!

Saima - posted on 05/27/2012

Ahh thank you Pennie.
That's encouraging.
I have just posted on moms of teenagers so if you want take a read of that and any support would be appreciated.
Thanks .

Pennie - posted on 05/27/2012

Sounds like you have a plan. I wish you the best of luck! Keep me posted if you like. :)

Saima - posted on 05/27/2012

Hi Penny
Thanks for your support. I have told him what the conditions are and he has agreed. As he has 2 weeks of school now he will do the lawn back and front, wash the morning dishes or hover and paint the decking, fence and shed also he needs to make time to do some reading up on his subjects. As i'm at work during the day I expect him to do theses things and he knows I will take that dreaded Xbox back! I will tell him before I leave for work that I trust him to do what he needs to before he goes on his Xbox and well lets see what or how much gets done.
Thanks.

Pennie - posted on 05/26/2012

I have learned from past experiences that the most important thing you can do is stand your ground. Did you tell him the conditions of getting the XBox back? If not then you can continue to use it as leverage. If so, then he needs to have completed what you have asked of him. Sometimes as a Mom we want so badly for our children to have what they want, but they have to want it more than we do. In other words, he needs to help around the house, be respectful and earn it back. I hope this helps.