What do you do when one of your childrens friends is a BAD influence!!

Amy - posted on 12/17/2008 ( 23 moms have responded )

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So our 14 year old has this friend who seems to create trouble everywhere she goes!! Her friend encourages her to be rude to myself and my husband, the friend is rude to our younger child and simply seems to be BAD news! I understand that I can't "pick her friends" although the thought is certainly nice!!



LoL

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Mary - posted on 04/14/2009

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My kids have also taken many of their wild/disrespectful friends to church in the beginning stages, just to try to help them out.

I can tell you this, it rarely makes any difference.

If they are truly determined to rebel they will do so RIGHT IN YOUR CHURCH.

So just taking them to church isn't a simple answer.

And as far as churching goes, according to protestant christian doctrine kids ARE born bad. Born with original sin. And while they do need the Truth of Christ, they need to have open ears to hear alongside still hands that do not abuse or cause others to stumble.

And they will NOT "do it anyways" if you say not to. This is just a setup to never have to say say "no".

How absurd and lacking in parental conscience.

Say No and see what they try...

A lazy parent gives up quickly saying they are defeated.

A clever parent expects them to obey and reprimands them when they are

ignored.

Parenting takes more time and attention that any of us have.

But throwing in the towel by saying "If you say no they will just do it anyway."

(So why try Then??)

Well, we should try because we expect them to become successful adults. Rather than adults that are quitters that have no hopes/expecations because that is all they learned from example by their own parents.

Amanda - posted on 04/05/2009

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I have also been in the same dilemna many times. I think if you keep them occupied doing other things or joining clubs where they can spend time with other people, usually that will do the trick. If all else fails I truly believe that sooner or later they see it for themselves and distance themselves from the negativeness of others :) Stay strong hun xx

Lynn - posted on 12/17/2008

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Sadly there is not much you can do except not allow her in your home. I have found that if you"forbid" them to hang out they will do it behind your back. Do you trust you child enough to make the right choice even if it takes them a little while to see this friends true colors? Talk to your kid, tell them you are not fond of this new friend and give them reasons why and then trust that your child will make the right choice.

[deleted account]

Last year when my son was 14 he had a friend who was always in trouble. He even started a fire in a trash can at the park when my son was with him. I sat my kid down and simply said if you keep hanging around this boy his reputation will become yours and everyone will think you're that brain dead. It will effect how coaches treat you and even what girls like you. Shortly thereafter he dumped the kid as a friend. Good luck with your daughter, teenagers are like aliens, sometimes they listen and sometimes it's like talking to a houseplant.

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Julie - posted on 08/13/2012

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You will probably find the more u tell her not to the more she will all u can do is guide her n hope she sees what u do soon gd luck

Colleen - posted on 04/15/2009

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If your daughter is rude to you and your husband your need to put a stop to it and let her know who is boss. If she is rude in front of her friend maybe you could pull her up and embarress her in front of her friend, she would think twice about it next time. And if the friend is rude to members of your family simply let her know that unless she can behave nicely she is not welcome in your home.

Tracy - posted on 04/14/2009

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wanna bet.she's what, 14. sure you can pick her friends. you dont want her hanging out with dope heads, do you? ok then. my 18yr old son had a few, not so nice, friends, and we told him you're not allowed to hang with them any more, well that didnt do any good, he got into all kinds of trouble. thats why i say, yes you can pick your kids friends. just my opinion tho.

Melissa - posted on 04/07/2009

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Sometimes, these "bad children" need a good friend.  I tell my daughter that I have to trust her to make the right decision no matter who she is with.  And, often, if she makes the right decision, her friend will too.  Now, I am not stupid and know that this is not always the case.  I try to get a long with all of her friends good and bad, and show them what a close family is like.  Many of these "bad kids" have bad homes.  My daughter is 15 yrs old and has recruited two of her friends ( that i was not crazy about in the beginning)  to going to church with us and joining our youth program.  Just remember, Kids are not born bad!  They learn it.  I am also a teacher who has the very challenging job of showing these children morals and manners.  Don't assumed they are learned at home.

[deleted account]

She's only 14. You absolutely have the right to pick her friends. At least choose who she hangs around with outside of school. I am very involved with my son, who is 16, and his friends and before he goes to their house and they come to ours I have to speak to their parents. It has always been this way. And I can now see the fruits of my labor. He has friends at school who are in trouble. Some with the law. My son has never been in any kind of trouble. Please do  not let your daughter run your house.  You set the rules and boundries.

Shelly - posted on 04/05/2009

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Amy,



  Bull pucky you can't pick thier friends, you are the parent she is the child.  You don't need to put up with the disrespect from her friend and you never ever put up with it from your own child.  You just very kindly invite her to never come back to your home...How do you think it makes your younger child feel when you allow her and her friends to miss treat them???   You need to put your foot down and put your daughter in her place and that place is not with this so called friend...I will tell you like I tell alot of mom's "People will only treat you the way you allow them too"  That includes your children!!!  This is not just about your daughter this is about the other two children you have in the house they sit back and watch the way you handle your oldest and trust me they do remember...So you need to decide what is best for all of your children not just the oldest!!!  Good luck and I will keep you in my prayers...

Caryn - posted on 04/05/2009

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If you forbid it they will do it anyways. I would allow it but only under you supervision. Friends are fleeting. Hopefully they will grow bored with each other.

Tiki - posted on 04/05/2009

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Hello, I just had to deal with something similar to your situation. The only difference is that the girl that my daughter hang with likes to run away on the weekend.  Don't return home until monday after school. Well I contacted the girl grandmother this is how I found out this information. So I'm taking small steps to show my child this is not someone she wants to be around. Discuss with your child something that the child has done that is wrong. I told my child that this girl like to start fights and she don't want to have to fight are be known as here come trouble. I prayed and asked God to lead my child away from this BAD COMPANY. As the days go by it it graudually happening Praise God. Good luck with your situation.

Ethel - posted on 04/05/2009

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My children are grown now however I did experience this with one son. It's hard to do but we are the parent and I believe children want us to guide the way. when our Bad news friend came to the door one day I made the decision he isn't welcome in our home or as a friend and told the child as much. and then explained don't come back here don't call you are not welcome. Your child will hate you for about a week and then it's over. Keep in mind what works for one parent may not work for all. I raised three sons on my own and with no family in the state we lived in, so it was up to me to get it right. Those sons of mine all finished high school and college and are now happily married with children of their own and one at a time they have thanked me for being as strict as I was.

Mary - posted on 04/05/2009

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It was in 2007 actually.

If the link doesn't work just Google: "7 teens killed Millington TN car crash"

This made national news so you may have heard of it.

Mary - posted on 04/05/2009

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About 5 years ago a horrible thing happened in my community.

One night a group of seven 13 - 15 year olds decided to have an adventure.

The oldest boy was 15 and had just earned his drivers permit earlier that day. He and 6 of his friends snuck out of the house around 2 am. First the boys got together, about 3 of them. Then they picked up 4 girls that were all staying at one girls house for the night.

They were in a small Honda Protege

Imagine 7 teenagers crammed into a Honda Protoge...

They were driving on our local rural roads where we live. They hit a tree head on going about 70. They were all killed instantly and the remains could not be identified. They had to use dental records.

They all went to the same school and were excellent students. Honor Roll kids.



I mention this story to my kids every now and then when I sense they are getting restless...



Here is a link to the story. In that story there is a link to another story at the bottom. Their pics are posted on that story.

http://cms.firehouse.com/web/online/News...$26895

Mary - posted on 04/05/2009

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Why can't you pick her friends? You are her mother!

I have more than once sent a kid packing when I did not like their behavior or attitude.

One girl that is a daughter of a woman I was once close to is a horrible example.

This girl is 17 and sneaks out windows at night and takes her mothers car while she is sleeping. She brags of her adventures to my own 17 yo daughter.

I made it clear to my daughter that she is to avoid this girl while she is sowing her wild oats. And that if I EVER caught her with her she will lose her world (car, cell phone, trusted outings).

My daughter is no fool because we once did indeed take her world from her.

She doesn't want to experience THAT again so she behaves now and communicates with us.

Teens are going to test the rules. We can guide all we want but at the end of the day

we must expect them to respect our authority and lives lived as adults.

I do believe in my kids being an example to their friends.

But again, at the end of the day the mess is all mine I will have to clean up that my own child made. I don't have the bearings to clean up another persons childs mistakes.

And I also tell my kids that they are judged by the company they keep.

If they spend their time with unruly peers they will be looked at by others as just as unruly.

And I am of the mind that it matters greatly to me to be a respectable person and that my kids follow this example of mine.

"Garbage in, garbage out" extends to who they spend their time with.

It is simply choosing to be blind to not realize that our kids will be influenced by who they hang with. Peer pressure is at its peak in the teen years.

So I want to make sure they are not influenced by the reckless one set upon self destruction.

Jackie - posted on 04/04/2009

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My daughter hangs out with a group of friends that we dont necessarily approve of. But we truly believe we are here to GUIDE her and not RULE her. What i did...is I sat down and talked to her.. I told her that I beleived she was put in these friends lives so tthat she would be the influence in their lives... NOT the other way around. I think what that has done is put a bit of pressure on her to stay on her road and hopefully get her friends on that road... and for her NOT to sway off her path.

Antonia - posted on 04/04/2009

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Invite them over for tea be there best friend and NEVER let on to you're child that you dislike the friendship this will drive them towards the bad behaviour and away from you. Become a role model for the 'wayward' child you child will soon get bored of them if you've brought them up with morals this is what I've alway's done with my son who's now 13.

Gina - posted on 03/25/2009

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Nothing. I am going through this right now. I have learned the more you tell them that those kids are no good, the more they want to hag out with them! So, I have learned to not bad mouth her friends. I control whats in my house and whe she walks out my door there's not much control I have over any sitution she might get herself into.

Connie - posted on 01/03/2009

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Bad friends are the worst influences for your child. In my son's situation, we just don't let him go out for very long with his bad friend. We tell him why he can't hang with him for long periods of time.

I take my kids out to places they like to go quite often but if he wants to bring his "bad friend" I say "Nah, choose another friend." If he wants to do fun things, have more priveleges and trust, he needs to do it with the friends I trust more. Teens love to be trusted and I just tell him honestly, "I don't trust that friend so I don't want you to be put in an uncomfortable situation w/him, to where I wouldn't trust you either."

Angie - posted on 01/02/2009

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only allow the child to hang out with this friend in a controled enviroment (such as only at your home or in a group setting) then you know what your child is doing and you know he/she isnt getting into trouble.

[deleted account]

I was reading an article a few years ago about a similar situation. The person writing it had a son who was also hanging out with bad news friend. Like you said, you can't pick her friends but you can hold her accountable. The article said that the parents told the son that if the "friends" got in trouble and he wasn't involved that he would still suffer the punishment without question. It went on to say that the "friends" kept getting in trouble and the son became tired of the consequences and found new friends that were a positive influence.

Kim - posted on 01/02/2009

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I have had these experiences but I have talked to my son from a very young age about being grouped in with the friends that you hang around. I often ask him what his friends will turn out like if they keep up with this or that. He jokes but I think the answers suprise him.

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