What do you do when your 17 year old son comes home drunk?

Leslie - posted on 01/01/2010

I will tell you what I did ...My son was 17 & said he was going to his buddy's house & that he would call me in a few hours to let me know he was ok & he was staying over.....well I never gotta call & I ripped the roads at 1-o'clock in the morning looking for him..Guess what? I found him & the other boy walking ,way on the other side of town ....I flored it like I was gonna hit them & scared them as bad as he scared me & then rolled the window down & told-em to get in the car , my son started for the back seat with his friend & I sad O- hell -no get you're-self up front & he did ...I smelled it on both of them & then he goes into Mom I really love you ..well that did it I knew he was loaded & I made up my mind right then & there, I would never go through that again & I got on line & found a Military School run By the National Guard & got him in (They Kicked his ass) let me tell you ...he graduated with honors & worked as a page for the State Congress & now wants to work in the Government , so to answer you're question...If you do nothing then you allow it!

Fiona - posted on 12/21/2009

i feel your pain! my 16 yr old daughter is doing the same. i stopped giving her money and now all her friends chip in and get it. i lost my reason and now i check her when she comes in. if she has been drinking then she is grounded for as long as i see fit. she hates grounding and so far all has been ok.

Debbie - posted on 12/20/2009

He is young he will forget & if you have no rules it will happen again he needs to earn your trust back over a period of time before he can have his freedom again this is very important that he understands that he could have died from this get online type in alchohol poisoning you can let him see. and also let him know you will not put up with that disrespect in your home.Because if it happens again you may not get a chance to punish him

Leigh - posted on 12/17/2009

DO NOT KICK HIM OUT OF THE HOUSE - IF HE RUNS AWAY FILE A POLICE REPORT IMMEDIATELY - TALK TO HIM - TAKE AWAY & HIDE THE KEYS TO THE CAR - DO NOT KEEP ALCOHOL IN THE HOUSE - GET ON MYSPACE AND FACEBOOK TRACK HIS FRIENDS - GO TO THE MADD PAGES - and visit MYSPACE BRITTANY NATION FOUNDATION

I have watched 12 kids die in 10 months in a small community including, my son who died in a single car crash 2 months before he turned 19. He was at his friend's 21st birthday party drinking and doing xtc. . i kept giving him do overs.

Kelly - posted on 12/17/2009

I think as a mother and 11 and 13 year old and I am only 34. I know that they are going to experement with things. I just hope that they use there head while doing it. Like call me to come get them instead of driving. My daughters tell me everything. They know that they will get a lecture from us but never a punishment so bad that they can't tell us. good luck

Elizabeth - posted on 12/16/2009

Ok I agree with Janet.. way up there. I have watched my teenage daughter loose two friends to drinking and accidents. Not that she has ever been involved with the incidences.. but they have impacted her for life. I would hate to see you loose your son to a drinking accident. Knowing waht can really happen can be a good thing. Too many teenagers think they are invincible! The breathe like everyone else and they have to understand that. I really hope everyting goes well for you!

Michele - posted on 12/15/2009

I think punishment is ok, in my profession I see young kids drinks all the time, of course the 1st time they get drunk, they feel terrible, but do you really think its gonna stop them if they get no punishment, what if he gets in a car next time? Better to get a punishment by you then Police.

Becky - posted on 12/09/2009

Quoting Marianne:

I think there are a lot of good answers here! If my son ever came home drunk at too young of an age (ok, any age he lived at my house) I would probably wake him up the next morning at my regular time and start banging pots & pans REALLY LOUDLY. (but that's just me). I agree with everything else.. stick to your guns about the consequences though if it happens again.. :o)

You must have the same DNA as I do! I love the pots and pans! Having raised 2 boys and 1 girl past their 17th birthday, I have found that you are soooo right about sticking to your guns. Being a parent is not easy, sometimes it's downright painful, but we all signed up for it when we had our children. Personnaly I wouldn't change it for the world!

Colleen - posted on 12/07/2009

If it were me I would find out where and how he got the alcohol. It is illegal for someone to give it to him or sell it to him because of his age. For nstance, if he got it at a friends house - then you need to address that. Even for first offenses there needs to be some type of concequences or it makes it easier the second time.

Marianne - posted on 12/06/2009

I think there are a lot of good answers here! If my son ever came home drunk at too young of an age (ok, any age he lived at my house) I would probably wake him up the next morning at my regular time and start banging pots & pans REALLY LOUDLY. (but that's just me). I agree with everything else.. stick to your guns about the consequences though if it happens again.. :o)

Dianne - posted on 12/06/2009

Exactly right - matter closed

Tiffany - posted on 12/06/2009

I can name 35 friends off the top of my head who said those exact words in H.S. & college......sorry.
Consequences the next time? He is leaving for college in less than a year where there will be parties and kegs 24/7?
He will be making all of the daily decisions soon. Will he make mistakes? Will he fall?
Of course. Tell him you plan on cutting the cords real soon, but not with mature, adult decisions such as this. Too many die or become alcoholics - you must show him how serious this is. Do not sweep it under the rug like other parents!
Consequences NOW. Take away what he uses daily -ipod, phone etc... Only allow him the computer to research 10 kids his age who died of alcohol related incidences so he understands how common it is. It is everywhere and it is acceptable. Do not let him go out and you both figure out the time span. Your job is to not only protect but to inform, and give him the tools to make his own decision the next time.
He is not done drinking, you know that deep down. He has only begun to experience what is out there.......

Stacie - posted on 12/05/2009

ok well lol when i did it to my mom i got very very ill and even peed my pants. i passed out and woke up freezing.. it was a school nite and punishment oh yeah she made me go to school the next day. i had the garbage can as close as possible in every class. aaahh! my daughter had a few girlfriends over (ages 18-21) many different kinds of alcohol. i warned her lol well i woke up everyone asleep (except her) i could hear her in room throwing up then crying and dry heaving punishment was for her to hear me laughing at her anyways when they are that sick thats a little punishment in itself.

Dannielle - posted on 12/05/2009

I totally agree with Angie Bachicha Kissner who wrote on nov. 27th....read what she said again...lots of good ideas from people here...such as making them do nasty chores and keeping to their previous commitments ....hangover and all....

Toni - posted on 12/02/2009

Well you lost your opportunity to deal with the situation, it's done and over. However, if he is drinking at 17 this could be a gateway to other things if you don't intercede it now. Question, how did he get home? Did he drive, where was he when he got drunk? Who provided the alcohol? Yea, I would have punished my child, sick or not, we have all been drunk, got sick and sure enough did it again. Teenagers talk a good talk, but the walk is wobbly. Keep your eyes and ears open mom, I would explain that the trust you had in him is gone and he will have to earn it back. Good luck and god bless.

Beth - posted on 11/30/2009

I am a true believer in natural consequences. The same thing happened to my daughter. I have not seen signs of drinking since that time.

Julia - posted on 11/29/2009

My son did it at 17, worried me sick, sat up with him all nite in case he choked on vomit or something. He was mortified the next day and very apologetic, he is nrly 19 now and tends to be the nominated driver. He still drinks every so often but he never wants to be ill again so has learnt restraint, wheras I find alot of my friends kids who didn't do it underage do it week after week now. Maybe a lesson learned young is a lesson not forgotten....I have reminded him of it alot, taking the mickey out of him, which I think causes him enough embarrassment not to do it again. We all make mistakes in youth so wouldn't worry too much. He could have done much worse that couldn't be made better the next day!!

Julie - posted on 11/28/2009

When I was 16 I went to a party where everyone was drinking and so I did too. Well let me tell you I was so hung over and sick, I will never forget. My father and I had plans to go bowling and he made me go. I will never forget it and for many years I didn't touch a drink...Thinking back as a teenager, the more my parents punished me, gave me lectures, etc the more I rebelled. I try to find a middle road with both my teenagers, and sometimes I have to allow them to make their own mistakes and let them figure out how to fix them in order for them to get it!

Donna - posted on 11/28/2009

I would review the list of at risk behaviors for alcoholics. i would explain, lovingly, that no one drinks with the intention of becoming an alcoholic, but it is like russian roulette; we never know who will become addited. SO I am also concerned about my son who just turned 21 and can now legally buy booze on his own, I am praying about how to talk to him about it. I looked up info about it on google last night and found there are distinct warning signs: alcoholics crave liquor like we crave food, they need increasing amounts to get high as they build up a tolerance for it, and they can never stop at one drink as one always leads to more until eventually, the only time they can stop is when they feel sick or pass out. That is the only thing I can think of for now and I am praying about how to share this info with my son as well. Keep me posted and i will keep you posted too. Once they are alcoholic they need Alcoholic Anonymous or Teen Challenge.

Valerie - posted on 11/28/2009

Get curious, not furious...make a plan with him for what will happen if there is a next time

Angie - posted on 11/27/2009

I have thought about this a lot over the last several days and I've even started to write and then backed off. God help my children, if they EVER come home drunk because I never met my grandfather - he was run over by a drunk driver when my mom was 7. My child will be in a living hell if that hangover comes. They will do every nasty chore I can think of - from picking up dog poop, changing the little box and then scrubbing it clean, to scrubbing toilets with gloves and rag (not a toilet brush), to cleaning the hair out of every drain in the house. All of this will happen with the loudest COUNTRY music blaring in the background. They will give me the name of the person who provided them with alcohol because I will be informing the police of the crime. Just saying, "I'm sorry" is not anywhere near enough to prevent this from happeing again.

I - posted on 11/27/2009

the first time my son was brought home for being under the weather, was the last time he did it while in my care

i made him drink 2 large glasses of water the next morning as he had to do a pamphlet run that he failed to do the day before, and he had to do it on foot because he was not well enough to ride his bike.



his g/mother then gave his half cup of strong coffee, he was nearly sick! and i warned him that if it happened again , the same would happen.



result

he never did get that drunk, he always drank to the limit he could walk home by self or if too drunk he stayed where he was drinking to be on the safe side. PS they thought he was so funny drunk that they wanted to do it again the next weekend. he ended up coming home early from the senior ball and did not attend the after doo. i was so proud of him for making a wise choice.and i told him so. it showed me i could trust him.

Arlene - posted on 11/26/2009

I also went through this with my son, and not only sons do this. lots of times it is peer preasure and they want to fit in. Maybe instead of giving him the third degree ask him why he did it !!!! and then discuss the consequences of alcohol for any body not just under age persons. And you should be thankful that he knew he would be looked after and wanted to be home after he did this. People learn from their mistakes but if they are condemned for making them that is a very negative out come dont you think?

Tammy - posted on 11/26/2009

My son has done this a couple of times now, we actually got a fine for it where we live for him being intoxicated in public, the first time it happened he was living with his father and his dad sent him back to me, the second time he was in the hospital and the police kindly handed the fine to my husband, we made our son pay for it and then placed him on restrictions, we told him taht we knew he was going to drink but we would rather he didn't or at least do it responsibly and call us to let us know he intends on drinking and that he will require a ride home, I did this because I did not want him to feel that if he decided to drink he would have to hide it from us and lie which could lead to him getting seriously hurt, but he also knows that there will be consequences if he lets it get out of hand, I made his hangover day miserable, played the stereo loud made runny eggs for breakfast and made him clean up his own mess including go to where he was out and clean up there too, and apologize to the store he threw up in, it was a great lesson for him because he hasn't done it since and has acted more responsible all around

Tami - posted on 11/26/2009

I remember 30 years ago coming home drunk and my mom made me get up and go to church. When we got home it was the worst chores I could get like clean the cat box, scub out the garbage can, clean toilets, etc. Plus no car for a month even though I was not driving drunk, thank GOD. I still remember this 30 years later. Worked for me as a teen.

Rachelle - posted on 11/25/2009

I feel your pain and disappointment. If there is a next time make him get up early and do chores around the house so he suffers big time with the hangover. And make him go to AA meetings. I took my son to those and let him hear the stories and pain and problems that come with drinking. Good luck!

Robin - posted on 11/25/2009

hi laura im robin my 17 yr old son called me and my husband one nite crying because he was so drunk hecouldnt walk we went and picked him up layed him down the next morning he didnt move for the wholeday im gonna tell u at your sons age there going to drink u r better to talk to him right now before it gets worse trust me

Janet - posted on 11/24/2009

There should be consequences now and not a threat of one later. It is an invite to "test the waters" later. Take him to a morgue, talk to a juv. officer...Thank God he is safe and I am sure he logically knows the dangers of drinking.

Chrissa - posted on 11/24/2009

You don't need help....you handled it perfectly!

Barb - posted on 11/24/2009

My husband told me his parents did this to him.. he was sick hungover and got to ride in the front seat with his father yelling at him all the way to the family holiday function and then the second holiday function on the other side of the state. He is 53 and in the 16 years we have been together i've only seen him drink 2 beers.

So they didn't let him out of his obligations because he was sick and let him know in no uncertain terms how disappointed they were with his choice.. so pretty much what Helen was saying.

also, sometimes teenage memories are short.. perhaps before he's going to go out again talk with him about how horrible he felt last time he went drinking to remind him and also let him know what some other consequences or better yet, ask him what they could be to get his wheels working and really thinking about the consequences.

best of luck to you and maybe you will get lucky and this bad experience will make him never want a drink again and realize he can be cool without it.

Leesa - posted on 11/24/2009

Take away his car, start taking him to were he needs to be and ground him

Robin-Dawn - posted on 11/24/2009

i think and hope he has learned his lesson and talking it over as a family is good maybe having him knowing the consequences he will not try it again. i think you have done well you have shown him that you can and will trust him to make better decisons

Helen - posted on 11/24/2009

Quoting Laura:

What do you do when your 17 year old son comes home drunk?

Son came home drunk the other night and got really sick. He said he never wants to feel this way again and kept saying sorry over and over again. We didnt punish him this time but told him if he ever comes home like this again there will be severe consequences.

Make sure that the pollowing day he keeps to any plans he has made and dont give him an inch make sure he helps out etc even if he has a hangover try and reiterate the fact that alchohol is for over 18s for a reason and then leave it with the hope that that is enough he certainly isnt the first and wont be the last......

Tina - posted on 11/23/2009

My daughter was actually taken to the hospital after drinking too much... we did not punish her either and told her the same thing that you told your son. I don't know if it helps much, but she hasn't done it since and this was over a year ago. :)