What do you do when your teen daughter becomes pregnant?
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AndyandBelle - posted on 04/05/2013
Talk to her. Figure what she wants to do as far as adoption or keeping the baby (personally I do not believe abortion is an option). Then get her to the doctor and start the process of either finding adoptive parents or getting ready for baby. I got pregnant at 15 and while my parents were NOT thrilled what's done is done. Support her, help her, lay down the rules, plan for child care, insurance, get information on WIC, and other programs for teen moms. It's no one's ideal situation but it's not the end of the world. Pray a lot!! Will the father be involved? Child Support? It's long road but not an impossible one, and at the end there's a bouncy, sweet gift from God that will bless your family or the family she chooses, that's amazing no matter what.
Kiara - posted on 03/26/2013
umm hi there,
i am 22, and i am pregnant now. im not married and i am a student. i am carring 2months already... my boy friend doesnt wanna have the baby now... and he wants me to abort. but my plans are different.!! i wanna have the baby... its just that i wanted to know how hard is it.!! because iv got no support.!! i live by myself... dont have a mom... and my dad is not in the picture... can you mom's out there help me please with some right solutions... i know having a baby is not a child's play... please help me.....
Denise - posted on 03/23/2013
Well, i had my first child at 16yrs old, she is now 17.....but i got kicked out of home, then allowed back home, then came home from MY FULL TIME JOB, to see my stepfather kicked me out AGAIN because of the noise of the baby crying at night!
If my daughter ever comes home and tells me shes pregnant, i see it as my job to help her on the road to being a good mother, and i would be there throughout, even if it was stressfull! i really think its great that your standing by your daughter (well done to you) years and years ago girls had babies very young, its only a negative thing if people treat it that way. You can rest easy knowing your always there for your daughter and grandchild, with pride!
And me.....well if i ever need to deal with my daughter being pregnant, i will also do it with major pride knowing im doing what a mother should do, and thats standing by, helping and loving our children!!! good luck x
Nicole Jessica - posted on 03/22/2013
Hey my daughter is 16 and pregnant she came crying to me one day and told me she was pregnant i said everything is alright i will support whatever you choice is she said thanks mom and said i want to keep it i was a little shocked at first i thought she would want to put it up for adoption then i said i will help you as much as i can and i will always be there for and i love you then she said mom i love you so much and i said i love you to and our guest room can be the baby nursery she started smiling and said i feel a lot better she went to the pregnancy everybody was very supportive i was there at all of her oltra sounds and i buy her clothes threw the pregnancy and sat by her and held her hand threw labor she ended up having a baby boy named him Tyler i think every mom should support there son or daughter if there in this mess it makes it a lot more easy on you and your child
Shannon - posted on 01/22/2013
when my daughter was about 6 weeks i found out she was pregnant, now she is almost 14 and 16 years old!! I need other moms in this situation to talk to... my husband ( not her dad) is not understanding of her livining with us at this time. because i currently still pay child support to her dad but he gives it to her for spending money.. need some help and advice..
Shannon - posted on 01/17/2013
I found out my teen daughter was pregnant 2 weeks ago. She is 17. She thinks she is going to "breeze right through labor". She a young 17 and is going to have a quick slap of reality. She cried and told me she was pregnant. As she apologized I told her there was no need. I then leaned down and talked to her tummy. I said, " There are a lot of people that love you little baby. You are going to have more love than you can handle." She laughed. ....While I wish she was not as young as a parent I feel it is my job to support, love, and let her learn. Sometimes learning is easy and sometimes it hurts. She must learn her lessons as I have learned and am forever learning mine. I guess what I am saying is just love her, listen, and don't push. It is her choice now. Just guide her.
MaryKay - posted on 09/03/2012
My 20 year old college student is 11 weeks pregnant. We will be there and support her, of course. We also have two children ages 10 & 12. It's a challenge explaining to them....about morals and how this is not what we want for our kids - all the while being supportive for our older daughter. We have yet to tell our families and friends. It's hard not to be a little embarrassed. Anyway, my question is, how did you, grandmoms, tell people?
Teresa - posted on 08/20/2012
I have a 23 year old daughter who had her first baby at 17, when she and her boyfriend told me she was pregant I cried (I was in shock). But I supported them right through it all, I was even in the labour ward with her. That baby is now 5 years old, and she has just had her second child.
It was hard at first to deal with that she was pregnant. So the only way was for me was to be there for her and give advice. She was still at school doing her senior year, the school was great once she got so far in her pregancy they let her do all her assignments and school work from home. She passed her senior certificate. She started working when the first baby was 3 and has just given up a few months before she had her second child.
All I can suggest is that you support them, and let them know that you are there. My daughter is one of the lucky ones she is still with her partner and is engaged to be married sometime in the near future
K - posted on 08/19/2012
We are in the same situation. All I can say is that the Lord has pressed upon my heart to love her, no matter what. He loves us no matter what and we will do the same. As many have said already it is not the end of the world, it is going to be rough for our girls but difficulty builds character. That baby is your sweet grandchild and that teen is your scared little girl. Find some wise counsel and hang on. I'm also a labor and delivery nurse, I see teen moms and their families all the time, support is everything.
Chantaul - posted on 08/19/2012
, I jus found out about this circle of moms, nd its pretty cool. well my story is....im 8 months pregnant, im 38 yrs old nd my daughter is 17.she has a boyfriend thats 17 as well. my daughter made the choice to leave the house nd go stay with him at his grandparents home, which has been going on for about 5 months now. She was attending school on a regular daily basis considering its a inependent study which means she can go every day or once a week. Well she was attending daily to bring her grades up even tho she was staying with him.Ive tried to fight for her to be home by 11oclock at night but that did not work. Ive tried to set rules for the house, that didnt work. due to the fact im preg. i refuse to keep arguing nd fighting with her. you kno at that age they think they kno everything. So basicly i told her that im not giving up on her but i hav to let her feel her own bump on her head. So now she doesnt want to come home at all. She has been preg. before a few months ago , she had a miscarrige, but she didnt want to hav the baby anyways, then she started bc pills which she only took for a month, wen i asked her has she been taking them she said she forgot. Soooo my question is if she gets preg. i can not help her bc im going to hav my own baby nd i can not afford to take care of her nd her baby. ive told her since she wants to make aduld decisions then she has to deal with the consequences. I deeply feel she will end up preg. but I truly cant help her if this happens. Her boyfriend can not help out either bc he is on his way to jail soon nd she cant stay with his grandparents for too much longer. i do love her but i jus cant help out financially if she ends up preg. i dont kno wat to do......help
Tracy - posted on 06/22/2012
Love her. Respect her. Teach her about all the upcoming responsibilities in a realistic (not a doomsday) way. Support her (emotionally at the very least - financially is totally up to you). LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN.... LOL, I was 17 when I got pregnant and though my parents were there for me, they never LISTENED to all that I was going through. Even when dumb pie-in-the-sky dreaming kind of drips through her words (stuff like "It's going to be easy" and "the father and I will be together forever!" or any other likely dumb crap). Just listen. Correct her if she is absolutely wrong - like maybe expecting not having to work or whatnot. But let the dumb crap just roll around because trust me, life will teach her just how wrong she can be. If you want a good laugh later in life (with her, not at her) then maybe secretly write down some of the expectations she says she has that you think are absurd! Ten years later you can laugh at how naive some of the things were. Just be there for her when she learns these lessons. Help her become the adult she should become by not letting her scapegoat anything. Ummmmm..... I suppose most of all, don't let her think life is over. Not by a long shot. It's going to be a tougher road than it could have been, but nearly all of her dreams are still possible as long as the child is put first. If her dream interferes with the raising of her child, then it's a dream that has to be either lost or shelved for 18+ years. If this is something you are going through and not just a random question, you are welcome to email me and chat if you wish.
Minding - posted on 06/16/2011
I don't know what to do. it breaks my heart because I struggled as a 20 something yr old mom with her and my son. It's like she wasn't even paying attention to the fact that I worked 2 jobs, not because I wanted to but, because I had to!
Minding - posted on 06/16/2011
I don't know what to do. it breaks my heart because I struggled as a 20 something yr old mom with her and my son. It's like she wasn't even paying attention to the fact that I worked 2 jobs, not because I wanted to but, because I had to!
Denise - posted on 02/22/2010
Tammy, I was 16 when I got pregnant with my daughter. I was on birth control pills and took them responsibly. What I didn't know, and wasn't told, was that a medication I was on at the time lowered the effects of the birth control pills. Voila, I ended up pregnant!!
Condoms rip, medications interfere, etc. Its not that some of these kids aren't on a form of birth control, sometimes an oops just happens.
Dawn - posted on 02/21/2010
hi here my adivce as teen mom i was. i was 14 going on 15 when my wonderful son came in my life i love him.My parents tought my every thing they could about sex i even took care of babys for he was born. still had a baby at 15. i say support her on her dession help her but also make her take care of her baby u kick back in joy that baby. it will help her stay on brith contral after my first child i waited until i was 23 for the next. and those schools help me graduate high school but made her stay its worth it
Cheraki - posted on 02/21/2010
I think that firstly children should be well educated in sex. Once you suspect your child is even thinking about being sexually active I would suggest some form of birth control to prevent pregnancy..
However since this thread is titled "What do you do when your teen daughter becomes pregnant?"
Then I am going to say this.....I had my first child exactly 13 days after I turned 18 years old. That being said....I remember when I was pregnante I was terrified.. I wasn't raised in a home where sex was openly talked about. I mean I knew the risk of having sex.. My pregnancy was a somewhat supported one....
Now my oldest is 15 years old... and I have told all 4 of my daughters that if they feel thier hormones are going crazy and they even think for one second they want to have sex then to come to me so we can take preventive measures...
However if all your trying doesn't prevent a pregnancy then the only thing really you can do is show support to your daughter. Let her know that you will be there for her.
As hard as it maybe NEVER show her your pain... I mean let's face it right now it's not about you.. but about an unborn child..... and a very young new mom....I'm sure a lot of you can remember having post partum depression.. imagine having that being a new mom and being young on top of all that...
No matter how hard we try sometime pregnancys are going to happen no matter how much the world shuns the idea of teenagers becoming parents...
In some cases it's the parents fault for not educating the child(ren)...But, in other cases you have extremely good parents and a confused child who thought for a moment that sex would be fun...
And we ALL know that once you start all the petting, and kissing right before having sex that a lot of times you don't think about the "what about after"...
I will say a forced marriage is not suggested. I got married at 17 when I found out I was pregnante... I thought I was "in love".... I couldn't have been farther from it...Children have enough on thier plates when they learn they are going to be parents...Why add to the stress of telling them "You are gonna" get married. Then not only will you have a daughter learning how to be a mom (in which she is going to need a lot of guidance from you)...but now she has to learn how to be a mom...
Now is the time to teach her to put her child first...before any guys....I mean if she's already pregnant then prevention is not a conversation right now.
Show alot of love and support!
Sometimes when you put your child on birth control and they aren't being sexually active it gives them the thought that it's ok to have sex because mom or dad just handed them a permission slip....If they aren't thinking of sex.... and you put them on birth control ....well they are thinking now...
A lot of listening should be done on the parents part to hear thier child...
Good Luck and Best Wishes
Tammy - posted on 02/21/2010
Why do none of you consider putting your daughter on birth controll? I know you say oh they are to young but they are not. All of these things could be avoided if protection was in the picture. I have 3 boys and a young girl, the boys have had protection with them at the age of them even thinking about girls and I will do the same to for my daughter. I am a God fearing women and I have taught them and told them that they should wait but I also live in the real world of many many single parents because of an un wanted pregnancy.
Stephanie - posted on 02/17/2010
The only thing as a mum you can do. Be there for her, don't berate her and make her feel worthless for bringing another child into this world.
Just be there for her as much as possible and offer her the opportunities she might not get as a single mom. Offer to babysit so she can finish school, help with night time feedings, etc.
I wasn't a teen mom, I was 21, but a single mom none-the-less. My parents stood by my side and helped me out as much as possible.
Good luck. I know this isn't easy.
Twyla - posted on 02/16/2010
Hope, you are dead wrong! I pray your daughter has some other support in her life besides you. As an adult we are not required to be "on" 24-7. Why would we require that of a child. Yes, she made a mistake. No, she should not be treated as though this child is her punishment for her mistake. This child is a blessing from God. I really hope your family can "get it" before you ruin any relationship you could have with your daughter. Shame on you!
Joy - posted on 02/16/2010
When my 16 yr step daughter got pregnant it was devastating.She was a good student,was looking into different schools.We talked about her options and what she need to do.Well long story short we got through it as a family.It has been 12 yrs and she turned out to be an amazing mother.Good luck.
Hope - posted on 02/16/2010
I WANTED TO KILL HER...DID EVERYTHING SHORT OF IT....TOOK HER TO GET IT HANDLED, SHE REFUSED, THE CLINIC WOULDN'T PERFORM THE PROCEDURE, AND MY GRANDSON WILL BE A YEAR IN JUNE...ALL I CAN SAY, IS PRAY FOR THE STRENGTH TO GET YOUR FAMILY THROUGH IT.....AND MAKE HER DO EVERYTHING AND TAKE THE BABY EVERYWHERE!!!! HER FREE DAYS ARE OVER.
Lisa - posted on 02/16/2010
She and her boyfriend plan to have their baby and keep it...I had an unplanned pregnancy at the age of 22 almost 23 and that child grew up to be a beauty queen who now is going on to social work...we will love and support our daughter as well as many extended family and friends. She will have to grow up in a hurry but I think that she will be a good mother. She knows she made a mistake...
Tammy - posted on 02/16/2010
I dont want to seem like the mean one but, it is hard enough to raise a productive member of society as an adult parent. I have 4 children at home and have a husband and it is very hard. I have many other family members who have had a baby while under the age of 19 and out of wedlock and I can say none of those children act any different than the young mother that brought them into the world. To me it makes them have a child that everyone else around them raises. Many people in the world are adults and would take wonderful care of a child. Let her have a child hood and think of other options.
Nadine - posted on 02/15/2010
my sister was 17 when she found out she was pregnant with twins my parents supported her decision except for abortion they were totally against it so were the fathers parents in a way they were "encourgaed" to get married by the fathers parents my parents wanted them to wait if they wanted to get married later on but he "Did the right thing" now they are divorced and cant stand to be in the same room as eachother. Lisa no matter her decision support it even if u feel it may be the wrong one if the father is around and supportive let them work it out for themselves. stand back and become grandma just grandma. When i became a single mum (my choice) at 26 my parents said to me you support and raise your son and we will support u they helped me in all ways when i asked for it and they "baby sat" my son (now 15) when they arranged for me to go out and have some fun with friends as i committed myself to him. i have no regrets and surprisingly neither dose my sister (yep she is my twin too) she said marriage was the wrong thing to do at the time but would not change anything for the world, teach her to not regret her decisions and get though each hurdle just as u did being a new mum except she started earlier than u
Twyla - posted on 02/15/2010
I have been working with teen moms for 4 years. My advice would be to support her, love her, honor her choices while providing her the best education available on the choices to be made, and remember this is her baby. You have to expect her to act like a teenager but gently guide her to more adult-like behavior. Do not expect that just because she made an adult choice that makes her capable of adult thought. Her brain is still developing and can only do so at the rate God intended. No situation is going to allow for her to "grow up fast." The best thing you can do for a teen mom is encourage them to be a teenager. She should go to homecoming and prom. If at all possible, you could spend "Grandma time" with baby after he/she is born while mom gets to be with her friends. Encourage good behavior and stand firm on what is allowed during these times off. I have noticed over the years that when a young mom is forced to abandon all the joys of being a teenager in an effort to "make" her be with baby, she gets burnt out. These moms fall off the deep end around 21 and then the kids have a hard life or end up living with the grandparents. Most of all she will require lots and lots of guidance.
Leanne - posted on 02/14/2010
hi ,my daughter was a young mum, and yes when i worked it out was very dispointed not for me but for her,as she already had issues with me haveing to home school her due to her bipola,but said we would surport her through it all so she could still have her dreams,she is now just turned 22 and her little girl now 3,she went on to collegage and just finished her diploma in communtity work,and works 2 jobs and is a great mum,yes its been tuff at times,but we all have shared the ups and downs ...after all we r mum's of today,i knew abortion nor adopting baby out would be for her,i have 3 daughter and i know it would be surpport all the way for them no matter what there dision would be,let her know she is loved,and the support she will need and all the options and future things.
best of luck what evr the outcome
Tess - posted on 02/14/2010
Hi Darl, The best advice any person can give you is.... to love her, support her and never make her feel that she has made a mistake. the decisions she makes now will effect the person she becomes later in life, and she needs to be able to look back on life and say 'I am happy with my life, no regrets, no worries'. I was a young mum, and I don't regret it one bit, but I did what I wanted to do in my life, and I always had the support of my family even if they didn't agree with it. I am 32 and if i had waited I would never had have children, when i was 23 I had to have a hysterectomy which would have ment a lonely life for me.
It was the best thing I have been able to do in this world and thats raise two wonderful grown up children who have respect and honour, I grew up with them but we learn every day and thats what makes life so interesting.
Love her, Trust her and Listen to her, never ever critise her.
Jennifer - posted on 02/13/2010
You just have to support her in what ever way you can. My daughter is 17 and a junior in high school and she is pregnant. So I know what you are going to go through. It's not easy at all and there will be days when you just want to be done with it and walk away, but you can't. My daughter has been throwing up her whole pregnancy and she is now just 5 months along. She had to have a pic line put in for nutriennts for her and the baby. Because she lost so much weight. So you see there are problems that she may have to go through and you need to stick by her.
Tania - posted on 02/13/2010
My daughter became pregnant at 17, now we have a grandson whom is one month. They live downstairs. Although I was not happy when I was first told, I let it be her disission with what to do. I will always be there for her, her partner and little Lucas. She is such a good mum, even at 18. Yes I do take him for the night, and yes I still let her have a life. I love them both very much, as hard as it is.
We do not support them, they support themselves. I think you just have to love them and be there for them. If my daughter did not want to keep the baby I would have had to support the decision, but not liked it. We can still be there for them without actually doing everything for them.
Lisa - posted on 02/13/2010
My 17 year old daughter just had her 1st baby. It was a shock initally. She is still in school and is planning for college. She is a wonderful mom. She has alot of support from our family and her boyfriends family i think that is very important. We make sure she has me time every once in awhile.
Laurie - posted on 02/13/2010
My daughter was 16 when she became pregnant.It was a tough situation in the beginning.This is not what you want for her.I told her how much her dad and i loved her and we would stand by her.She went to a school for teen moms in our area and that was very helpful.When my granddaughter was born, she was able to go to school with my daughter and attend daycare there.There were some rough spots along the way but my daughter was lucky and the dad was always in the picture and also his parents.My daughter and her former boyfriend are no longer together,however he and his parents are still involved in my granddaughters life.Your daughter needs you now more than ever,hopefully things will work out and she'll have a happy healthy baby Good luck!
Darlene - posted on 02/13/2010
I myself was a teen mom! Just stand buy her no matter what. My mom was their for me thank god. I was 15 and pregnant. They say sweet sixteen and never been kissed, and i was in labor. It was a hard road but we made it together buy the grace of GOD! Hang in there, and God Bless.
Allie - posted on 02/12/2010
I was a teen mother and the best thing to do is be there as much as possible for your child. Make sure the new parent takes care of the child by getting a job and finishing high school. there are special schools for teen parents depending were you live. once if it is your daughter then put her on birth control once the baby is born. my mother did for me but the whole baby while being a teen turned me off to sex for the next couple years after I had her. Make sure you do not take the child and try to raise the baby let her learn. Do not harp your child raise either let her learn what works for her as long as the child is being taken care of.
Hope - posted on 02/12/2010
Wow! I was a teen mom and know have 16yr old girls. My mom was very supportive and I could have not made it without her. Just remember she is you're daughter and you might be dissapointed but is there really anything that she could really do to make you stop loving her?
NANCY - posted on 02/12/2010
My daughter became pregnant while still a senior in high school. Her father and just about everyone around her thought it was the end of the world, No college, No life, etc... Well you know what, it is not the most perfect time to get pregnant but it is NOT the end of the world. It is not the end of her life, it is just a new chapter. Her book is just going to written a little differently than expected, but not in a bad way. Her and the father are not married and not even together anymore and he is not involved with the babies life like I would have hoped. My beautiful granddaughter is now almost 18 months old and smart as a whip!! Precious! My daughter is in college, she is going to be a chef, and she is working 30-35 hours a week. My daughter has struggled some no doubt, she can't always do what her friends without kids are doing, but sometimes she can. She has had to grow up faster maybe, but is that really the end of the world, No. It is so hard sometimes, but I have to show her that tough love at times too when she has a moment. It's okay, Really. My life has been so blessed to have my beautiful daughter and precious granddaughter involved in my life and I get to see them almost every day. I see my daughter more now than I did when she was 16 or 17.
That is great. It has brought us closer actually I think. Pray and pray some more is all I can say. Love her unconditionally and support her.
Mae - posted on 02/11/2010
I want to say as a teenage mother myself, this is a very tough situation. Its initially up to her but please if she ever wants someone to talk to about it... You can message me here, I'll talk to her on the phone if need be.. Its not all its cracked up to be. I love my kids and I am not saying that I would change much now that I have them. But if I could of for one second had a glimpse of what was about to happen to me... I wouldnt have gotten pregnant at 16. Its a hard road and nobody is going to have to live with it except her in the long run. You are her mother but she will have to grow up. That is where things went wrong for me. I grew up too fast and then when I wanted MAE time.. It cost me my kids and my life. I turned to the streets and it was awful. I am much better now. Some have it worse and some do great but If I had known I wouldnt have been willing to take that chance. Just dont give up on her. My mom never gave up on me. Good luck and keep the offer in mind.. I am always on Facebook :)
Amanda - posted on 02/11/2010
Im a single mum of 3 boys i got pregnant with my first baby when i was 16, i was a very grown up person i had a job and was at college aswell i had the support of the father and we arranged to get married but i was still very scared and so glad to have a very supportive close family if i didn't have them it would of been so hard my mum was brilliant she said what ever i decided she would support me which helped alot because i didn't feel pressurised to have an abortion or look at adoption it was my choice. I think the best thing you can do is be there for her give her cuddles and tell her you will always be there no matter what she decides. And as hard as it is for you it will be one of the hardest things for her to go through i hope everything goes ok, im always here to help aswell, you or your daughter can ask anything and i will always reply. good luck
My son's are 17, 16, 10 now and there the best things that ever happened to me. I am now disabled and if i'd left having children til later on in life i wouldn't of never been able to have them so it was ment to be...
take care Amanda xx
Angela - posted on 02/10/2010
What a tough situation...this is one that will effect every member of your family for the rest of your lives. First of all....now is the time to demonstate unconditional love. She is your daughter and she needs you more than ever now. You may seek counseling to help make some difficult but very important decisions. If keeping her baby is a choice she wants to make, some schools have what is called the TAPS program (teens as parents). This class allows the teen girls to learn about their bodies and the changes they are going through and child birth, fetal development etc and child care etc. If adoption is the route you will be taking, then I would suggest looking into the teen pregnancy crisis centers to see if they can direct you to a local agency for additional support. While pregnancy in teens is a difficult situation, it is by no means the end of the world! Countless others have been there and survived. I adopted my 15 year old teen niece when she was pregnant...there were many ups and downs, but here we are, 7 years later and all is well!
Don't forget Lisa, the child she carries is your grandbaby...You didn't mention her age, maturity level, any info about the daddy or education situation, all of which are very important facts to consider. She certainly needs medical care, lots of encouragement and to know you will be there no matter what she decides. I am a praying Mom, and I will pray for you and your daughter...plz keep us posted.