what do you say when your child says they want to have sex

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Denise - posted on 04/14/2009

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one more thing onone said, you could suggest to your child that sex is the biggest gift of self you can ever give to another.  that it is the language of forever love.... it unites 2 people to become one and from that a little baby, true love waits.......

Mary - posted on 04/08/2009

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You thank them and applaud them for their honesty and talk, talk, and talk to them. With so much emphasis on physical health, we sometimes forget to talk about emotional health. Is your child ready for intimacy? I would begin a discussion about the emotional impact that intimacy can have on a relationship. If your child feels he/she is ready I would help him/her to obtain birth control.

Sydell A - posted on 04/08/2009

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Well, it depends on your morals standards right. If you think there's nothing to it then give them the go ahead with a simple talk of protection against pregnancy, or diseases. But please remember the talk of protection against heartbreak. I believe that sex should be restricted to the marriage bed between spouses and its for the purpose of procreation and the bonding of husband and wife (it's one of the ways to express your love to your spouse). If your children are teenagers I sure hope that the birds and bees have been explained in laman terms with proper grammer. I share my expectations with our children (from a religious point of view) and talk over what they learn at school through sex education. I tell them them to refrain from sexual relations before they are married.

Shelly - posted on 04/27/2009

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Shytina,
You need to explain to your child aout it being about respecting them selves enough to wait for the right person. And then you need to explain to them that teen parenting is not a joy...You have no life as a teen parent you have this baby that is stuck to your hip and don't even think that mom is going to play mommy to a baby you have already payed your dues with raising children...Not that you wouldn't be there for them but you are not raising another baby...The biggest thing is trying to stress the respect aspect they need to have aenough respect for them selves to not have sex!!!! Good luck

Marlene - posted on 04/10/2009

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First of all, thank God your child feels comfortable enough to talk with you about it.  Most kids are afraid their parents will disapprove, so you must be doing something right. 



I learned on Oprah this week that we're supposed to teach kids about their sexuality early, because the earlier they are comfortable with their sexual selves, the more in control of their bodies they are, and less likely to have sex before they are ready.

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Sydell A. - posted on 12/10/2013

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Because my husband and I started our children's sex education early, it has been an ongoing conversation with them. We have shared with them the purpose of sexual intercourse (one of the ways that a husband and a wife shows and express their love to and for each other and to help build a family on earth) and and expressed that this is a very sacred act between a man and his wife, We have shared with them the emotional turmoil that can occur when sexual relationships are abused and when an unwanted or unexpected life is produced during such a relationship. We have discussed movies or TV shows that show passionate sexual relations and explain that this is not always the case (heavy passion). Most of all we have taught them who they are. Encouraged and strengthen their self worth and kept an open and honest relationship with them. We have encourage them to come to us and talk with us about everything and though we may get angry or appear angry, the anger may not always be directed towards them. We have explained that our emotions may be that of fear, or hurt pride. Most importantly though, this conversation should start before they enter the school system. Teach them that their bodies are private and sacred and not to be touched or shared with others outside the bonds of marriage. Teach them who they are.

Meg - posted on 04/29/2009

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I agree with all the advice given. Just the fact that this teen came and talked to you, says an enormous amount about what a good parent you are. JUST KEEP TALKING. Let her know your views(it is obvious that your view is majorly important to this kid.) make sure she /he has protection even if you don't want it to happen. Give all the honest info you can. Try to get to the reason "why he or she thinks this should happen at this point in time. Keep talking.

Angie - posted on 04/28/2009

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Wow, that's a tough one. I think I'd explain to my child that the purpose of sex is to create life. That God meant sex to be shared between a husband and a wife and I'd explain the consequences of fornication to one's soul. With all that said, it's up to my child to decide if that is a risk they are willing to take.

Ann-Marie - posted on 04/28/2009

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This is a very interesting topic & one I always find difficult to know as every child/teenager is different. First of all it does help if you have an open & honest relationship with your child already... if you have always been able to talk about everything - then this shoud make it easier. Discouraging is good but my experience is - that they will do it anyway & not tell you & the first priority is making sure they are safe. I was lucky that both daughter & son were both very open with me & we have very good relationships - even about talking about sex. I am not sure if you have a daughter or son & what age - my personal opinion is that any children 16 or less is too young for a sexual relationship - but this is my opinion & not one that I would force onto others - everyone is different. My daughter was 17 years old before she decided she wanted to have sex & luckily she came to me & told me she was thinking about having sex & wanted to get birth control. I had always spoken to her about sex & being safe but further to that - I spoke to her about how special a sexual/intimate relationship was between two people in love. When she & her boyfriend approached me about wanting to have sex - I sat with them both & asked if they felt they were both ready - individually - also talked about protection - both birth control & condoms - by the way - they use both. My daughter is now 21 - has been with her boyfriend for 4 years & they are each other's one & only. I know that these days it appears that alot of kids want to experiment - having sex is like changing underwear but I maintain that talking to your kids about the special feelings - the connection - the love between two people is a far better way to go - especially their virginity - that is something uniquely theirs & something that should not be given away to just anyone. Anyway I hope all this makes sense - it is not something that would work for everyone but it did work for me - all the best xoxo

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I would sit down with your child AND the person they are dating and ask them why they feel they are ready for intercourse. What other birth control method had they planned on using along with a condom. I would ask if either one of them had ANY previous sexual experience and if so they need to be tested for STD's before having intercourse with each other. I would ask them what their plans are for the future of their relationship..what does a long term relationship mean to them. If they say they want to have sex with each other because they love each other and what their first time to be special...ask them how they will feel if they break up in 6 months or a year and then they see the other person dating...will they still think that their first time was special..or will they be hurt and angry. I would ask them if they have discussed what they will do if they get pregnant. I would say there are many ways to pleasure each other without intercourse and if they are truely in love they should wait to have intercourse until they are physically, emotionally and fiancially ready to raise a child together.

Wanda - posted on 04/27/2009

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I would first have to explain to mine what sex means. I think that is where a lot of the problems start when teenagers start having sex. They don't know what they should be feeling when they decided to have sex with someone. I would tell them that it should be shared by two people that love each other and plan on being with each other for always even if the always is just a figment of their imagination, I would still want them to know that it should not be something taken lightly. And although I love my son with all my heart and I no doubt think he is the best thing that happened to me, I would tell him what I went through being a single teenage mom.

Korrinna - posted on 04/14/2009

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Good for you that the conversation is there.  I feel that there should be a supply of protection in the house that is available for teenagers.  My husband and I feel that they may be to scared to go buy them themselves (not that we want to encourage) so we have a supply at home.  My kids think that I talk to them tooooo much about sex, but I keep talking.

Shytina - posted on 04/11/2009

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THANK YOU ALL THIS WAS VERY HELPFUL. BECAUSE OF YOU



MY HUSBAND AND I HAVED FOUND A BETTER APPROACH TO DEAL WITH MATTER

Cindy - posted on 04/10/2009

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I assume you have a daughter . . .



Remember - the #1 biological function of any living thing is to reproduce.



Talk about what she will have to deal with every year for the rest of her life after she has sex - the annual pap smear and breast exam.



Talk about the fact that NO contraceptive is 100% effective.  The least of her problems is getting pregnant.  She may get an STD that will leave her unable to have any children and that if she does not get an STD vaginally, she can get one orally (recent article regarding tonsil cancer from HPV).



Regardless of where she gets one, they are now harder to treat and some are gifts that keep on giving. 



Is she is allergic to Penicillin? That is the only known cure for Syphilis.



Have her visit an OB/GYN doctor or nurse practitioner and a Labor and Delivery Unit and a Nursery. (O/GYN = obstetrics/gynecology)



Ask her if she wants to have to deal with "him" for the next 18 years.  If they have a child, he can jerk her chain until the child is 18 years old.  He may not stick around, but then again, he might.



And this is all before getting to the reason she thinks she is ready to have sex.



If you have a son, all the above goes + he could also carry a rap sheet for the rest of his life, having to register as a sex offender if her parents have a problem with the relationship.



Hope this helps.

Jeanette - posted on 04/10/2009

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Well, at least they are telling you, teach them about protection from HIV and STD's. ask them if they are ready to be parents and take all the reponsabilities of parenthood. Some kids listen, others don't and anyways make mistakes.

Kristy - posted on 04/09/2009

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Talk, talk and then talk some more. As the mom of 3 teenagers, the talking is the most important. The choice to have sex is just that, a choice. All you really can do is arm them with information. The more information they have, the better. Talk about contraception, consequences, feelings, etc. The emotional impact of a sexual relationship is also a good area to begin a discussion. Also, be proud that your child came to you BEFORE they made that leap. Much to often, they wait until after.

Tia - posted on 04/08/2009

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talk to them about contraception and also about thier feelings etc also try and be a friend be open and honest about your feelings too its going to happen eventually no matter what at least this way youll know thier safe and theyll keep coming back to talk to you rather than hide it from you.

Blithe - posted on 04/08/2009

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I would try and discourage her from doing it, but you know its gonna happen anyway, but if you can prolong her from doing right now, thats a plus. I would just sit down and tell her your experiences good and bad, especially the bad ones. LOL. And tell her the extreme importance of using condoms, because of AIDS. And tell her the real talk of guys just wanting to screw her, and they'll say anything to get it.

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