What do you think of taking Christmas away as punishment?

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Shelly - posted on 02/03/2009

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Just by this statement I'm going to take a leap here and say your not a believer in Jesus....Or you would never even consider this.  Teach your children about the true meaning of Christmas and maybe you wouldn't need to go this route...

Zaundra - posted on 01/30/2009

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i have taken several birthday celebrations away.  I will do it again.  But keep in mind you are the parent, no one here is, you know what works for your child.  When I said I took the celebration away, I mean I took away the party with friends, but we did have a small family party.  But she got my message.

Sabina - posted on 12/13/2008

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Are you trying to be punitive or actually using it as al earning experience...punitive then go for it...but you will create a life long hatred!

Solange - posted on 12/12/2008

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I love all the ideas to help others as a good example. Doing something nice for another will make her feel better & improve her self sesteem. It turns a "punishment" in to a valuable lesson, instead of resentment. Doing something together is an opportunity for bonding time. Keep it positive, create a new tradition instead of a punishment. All in the spirit of Christmas.

Kristina - posted on 12/12/2008

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I think Christmas is off limits as far as punishment goes. However, I think Lisa and Michele have the right idea. Our kids are so spoiled now, that they need to learn to appreciate the circumstances of others who may not have the opportunities that they have. I am just going thru this with my son who is 15. It's not an easy age right now and the stresses of the economy and the peer pressure they hae at this age, doesn't help either.

Audra - posted on 12/12/2008

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I think it could be a good time to come together and really improve your relationship. They will fight, but in the end, it could be the most memorable Christmas they have because you took the time to just love them even in their times of trouble. This doesn't mean spoil with gifts. This means spoil with quality time and love. Good luck.

[deleted account]

Hi Nancy...I guess this is my first post here so here goes LOL...I wouldn't take Christmas away because while I'm not Christian the idea of Christmas is time together with family and that's what I'd want to instill...I would find something else to take away...I REALLY like the idea someone else had about having him do volunteer work or something during the holidays. Good luck!

Melinda - posted on 12/11/2008

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I don't agree with taking Christmas away, but perhaps making it a time where the two of you spend more time together over Christmas Break. No friends over the holidays make it a time for the family to reconnect. This will be hard to sell, but not if you are creative and come up with some fun things that you used to enjoy doing together as a family. If you can put up with the attitude for the first couple of days, your teenager will probably start to realize they are having fun and give in to relaxing and actually having a good time. Boardgames, movies and hot cocoa on the couch with blankies and a long conversation, shopping together, cooking, baking listening to music, dancing stuff like that. I hope I helped. Thanks Mindi ( Mother of a 13 year old son)

Vera - posted on 12/11/2008

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Nancy,

I have been there before with my 16-year old son. I never took Christmas away, but when he was younger, gave him coal, with a small note attached, in his stocking. The note was from "Santa" and said he was getting this piece of cola because of ...(and I named the incident/behavior. My family made a big deal about it, and he was very embarrassed, to the point of getting mad, but he learned his lesson. May not have been the right approach we took, but we wanted him to realize that we were aware that he had been bad. I am having a hard time this year, but for more selfish reasons. For the last 2 Mother's Days I have not received one thing from him -- not even a "Happy Mother's Day". For my birthday, I didn't receive anything, but a quick text, while was out with his friends, that read "oh yeah, happy birthday", and for Christmas last year, I got a wallet, while his girlfriend of 3 weeks for a new pair of shoes, roses and a necklace. I don't want him to think Christmas is all about the gifts, and what you get, but I am hurt by his lack of kindness towards family. Last year I gave him $100 to go buy gifts for family, and he came back with $40 change and not one bag to show for it. I found out he spent the money on movies for his friends, and dinner beforehand. So, I decided earlier in the year to not give him anything for Christmas this year. But, of course, I am battling with myself as to whether or not I should follow through with that. Maybe give him something small for Christmas and intentionally forget his birthday. It is tough, especially when they are older, but if you make a point of really making their day subtly "different", it might speak louder than words.

Good Luck and Merry Christmas.

Nancy - posted on 12/11/2008

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I thank you all for your responses. I agree with you all as well, I am still angry, and am at my ropes end. Wish me luck...Happy Holidays to you all.

[deleted account]

Hi Nancy,

Most of the times when I am at the end of my rope with frustration I feel like jerking the rug out from under my teens too!

What about taking some time this Christmas break to teach your teen some of the lessons that they might need. What I'm trying to say is that it's sometimes the lack of caring or selfishness or unappreciative attitude teens that that makes us so mad.

So perhaps it may be time to spend a day volunteering at the local soup kitchen or food pantry to help our teens remember how blessed they are. Doing this together once a month might be a great serving AND bonding opportunity.



ALSO, who would want to take away Christmas? It's not possible.

No matter what any of us does, we can not detract from the message of LOVE that God sent us in His son Jesus, who loved us- ALL of us (even frustrating teenagers!! :D ) so much that he gave himself as a sacrifice for us.

Christmas is a message of undeserved love and forgiveness that brings us the joy to be called children of God. We give one another gifts as a reminder of the Gift He gave us.

You don't have to go 'whole hog' for Christmas. Our family actually doesn't do a lot of gifts at Christmas, simply because we can't afford to but even when we could we never bought lavish gifts. Our kids get things they need and maybe one gift of something like a special cologne my son loves. That's actually his special gift this year- found it on ebay for less (18!) $$ than in the store or we couldn't afford it! ;D



Also, I recently ran across a neat article on the difference between 'punishment' and 'discipline' and it really stuck with me and made me think.

PUNISHMENT- means to cause pain, is used to 'pay back', creates fear, offers no explanations or solutions, and says that it's ok for people who love one another to hurt each other.



DISCIPLINE- means to help develop self-control and character, is used to help our kids correct their behavior, creates courage, helps build a kid's self-worth, helps a kid feel empowered to improve, offers explanations and solutions, says that people who love each other do not hurt each other.



I'm praying that you have the best Christmas ever, making warm memories with lots of bonding time with your teens!

Jane - posted on 12/10/2008

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That question has passed through my head a few times this year but I don't think it's the answer to be honest & especially if you have other children in the family.

Would you still have christmas but lock your teenager in their bedroom for the day or would you just not do christmas day full stop for anyone in your house?

Sounds like a good shock treatment idea I think but to actually put it in to practice would be quite hard.

Good Luck anyway with whatever you decide to do!

Michele - posted on 12/10/2008

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I agree with Lisa. Rather than taking it away, why not focus on your teen giving back to people less fortunate than him or her through acts of service. I wish you all the best in your decision.

[deleted account]

I don't think that is one that will work. It is not something that you can use consistantly and will likely cause a longstanding feeling of resentment toward you. Is what the teen did bad enough to warrent this or are you still very upset?

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