What do you want to know?

Dellakay - posted on 01/12/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I have twin fraternal girls. They will be 17 at the end of this month. I stumbled onto this site because I have a special man in my life-who has two teenagers who I love as much as my own daughters. The 18 year old skips out soo much, that I am afraid he isn't going to graduate, come May. His dad helps him get his work done. He's a smart kid just --am not sure what the real underlying problem is, His daughter is 16, smart, pretty, excels in softball, but majority of her friends are her older brothers friends. Their mother moved out of the school district last summer that they went to school at thru their whole life. The daughter wants her dad to get an apt in the old town-just so she can play sports there-which I think is a bad idea. right now, tho he makes really good money, because of the divorce awhile back-tho she prolonged it-for selfish reasons-and uses him a lot-. He gives her over $l,000 a month and pays for everything on top of it for the kids. He is currently staying at his mom's place. We just don't know how to keep the kids in school. last 2 days they went-but when he told me-his daughter hadn't gone for a few days since the new year started-it broke my heart-cos I don't want her down that path. They stay mostly at their mom's til they fight with her-then they are with him. She doesn't work-and he has to be at work at 7 am. His x takes advantage of him at every turn. tho they all live within a several mile radius, she bought a house. The little I have witnessed of the mother/daughter bond. I don't think she has a strong one with her Mom. She is very shy and quiet. She isn't making friends in her new school. I don't know what to do. I just want to help the man I love. thanks

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Jessi - posted on 01/19/2012

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Being a step parent is hard, i know I am one. I love my daughter very much, but there is a lot I don't control because it doesn't happen in my house. The most important thing is for you and him to come up with a plan while the kids are away and put up a united front when they are there. You need to be his backer not the "hard" one because then it will just seem like you want to take over. It is a slippery slope but it can be over come. As for what happens when the kids aren't with you you have to learn to let it go. It doesn't mean that you don't worry or that you don't ask them about stuff but know what happens away from you you cannot control and should try to it will just make things with the mom and the kids worse. Good Luck.

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