What is just punishment for smoking weed?

Barbara - posted on 02/08/2013

Chris, I agree with you that parents can be the primary role models for their children. That woks fine when they are 5,6,7. Once they hit the teen years, their peers, friends, school buddies become their primary focus and all they want to do with the parent is muzzle him/her/them because that is when they start to individuate into who and what they are and will become. Their brains aren't fully developed, far from it, and many doctors think they won't be fully developed until 24 or 25. They don't magically become 'responsible adults' at 18 just because most laws establish adulthood at that age. That said, I still wouldn't allow even an adult child to partake of illegal drugs in my home. If they want to live here during college, I'd love for them to stay to keep college costs down and to have them here for another few years, but it's my rules, my way. If they'd prefer to engage in what I believe is risky behavior, particularly illegal drugs, they best do it somewhere else once they are adults and capable of supporting themselves. I love my daughter (she's 15 now) and I would do anything for her to help her, but I will not condone or ignore use of illegal substances in my home at any age.

Mary Ellen - posted on 02/08/2013

Thank you, Chris.. I will definitely check it out.. You know, I was thinking more about how we can all deal with this issue. I seriously think that there is no one hard fast rule we can follow. We need to just stand our ground with confidence, and constantly reaffirm that we love them.. If possible try communicating in a soft voice (anybody is more likely to listen to what you have to say if you speak in a soft voice rather than yelling) I know they can be scary - even my own son who weighs barely 100lbs soaking wet, but just remember that if you can stay cool, and deliver your wishes with smiles despite how they may react - eventually they WILL come around. It just takes a lot of patience and repetition. Children are a lot like dogs and horses. Horses always know when you're afraid of them. Doesn't make for a good ride. Dogs...they love us unconditionally no matter how many times we repeat the word No! I really think our children do too, they just have a hard time showing it. I have to clean my house now... :)

Chris - posted on 02/08/2013

@mary ellen....google "The nature of things" It is a show on CBC and this was by David Suzuki. The episode is called "the downside of high" That is the first report I have seen that did not put down marijuana at all. They even talked about how drug companies are looking into using marijuana instead of anti psychotics in the future. They did however talk about the very real problem for certain teens that smoke this potent weed which leads to mental health issues. I really hope you can find it. I am sure your son is not like mine and having the same issues but it really is still important that this message gets out so all kids can at least be informed. Most importantly, my son watched the whole 45 minutes intently and even though he may have thought the three kids were a joke, I know that this gave him something solid to think about the next time he smokes.

Mary Ellen - posted on 02/08/2013

Chris, Unfortunately, the link you gave me is no longer available, but it looked like it would have hit home with my son. He spent a good portion of our conversation last night defending pot, and stating that it wasn't dangerous. (to him) Anyway, I will search the internet for something similar and allow him to watch it. I have already printed articles from various social workers and doctors, all of whom, like us have had problems with their teens and pot.
Really interesting and eye opening stuff..

Mary Ellen - posted on 02/08/2013

Terry, everyone is different.. and every child is different. What most of these parents want - myself included - is the ability to help our children understand that while they may see pot smoking as harmless, it is in fact detrimental to their developing brains and bodies. And we have to look at why they're doing it, too. Why? I really believe that parents need to be more involved in their children's lives, especially when it means deciding what they can and cannot do - despite whether 'everyone else may be doing it'. If you want to share a doobie with your kid - go for it. But how can you be 'disgusted' that some of us parents hope to lead our children down a drug free path?, Desperately I might add - some of us with little to no help from anyone else. It's frightening, and it's not as easy as it has obviously been for you.

Chris - posted on 02/08/2013

@mary ellen, they sound like they use the same excuses. My problem is that because of all the problems I had with my son, I thought that maybe he was using the pot to self medicate because he really needed it for anxiety or whatever but I didn't tell him that or he would certainly run with the idea. I did take him to the doctor previously to see if there was anything going on and I still want to do bloodtests to see if he has an imbalance (hormonal, genes??) that are affecting him causing anger, depression etc) (He was fine with bloodtests and seeing the doctor etc/social worker etc so we could start to fix things here. Actually, at the beginning weed wasnt the real problem, or so I thought....then I find this film and it turned it all around and I now think that it is the weed that has given him his problems. (he does not agree of course) You should really watch it because although marijuana can help and calm people in a beneficial way, it can also do the opposite for certain teens. Scary. Really, take the time to watch it.
http://www.cbc.ca/player/Shows/The+Natur...

Mary Ellen - posted on 02/08/2013

Chris, I totally agree with you about not being a 'friend'. Believe me, I am not a softee. My husband, on the other hand, likes to tread lightly. He is afraid of the possibility that if our son is depressed in some way, but not showing it to us directly - that by harping on him he may become more involved with drug use- the opposite of what we want. I too, found my son smoking in our kitchen at 11:30 on a school night and could not believe my eyes. I asked him what he was doing and he said, "it helps me relax to go to sleep" I told him right there that if he changed his lifestyle (getting to bed at a normal hour) he would not need anything to promote his sleep. Also, I told him that his father will not appreciate this news. His dad is not at home for two days and nights and so basically I feel like the single mom at times. He is my only child and that's another factor. But I am with you. We told him we will not tolerate smoking in the house or anywhere else for that matter, and if he decides to go against our wishes we will be greatly disappointed in him. We also said this is HIS opportunity to fix this. We gave HIM the responsibility to do it - and if not then he WILL suffer the consequences. If we find out that he has ignored us, then we will have no choice but to stick to our original threat of removing the things that he relies on. phone, data plan etc. I will ask him if he prefers the freedom of smoking to all of the other things we provide for him, and then ask him to make the choice. Keep repeating to your son that when he is the one with the power then he can do what he chooses, but while he is under "your" roof he must respect your wishes. Tell him lovingly that you are not his friend and that you don't care if he doesn't like you, and you're sorry he's angry. I think threatening to talk to other parents can be helpful, although it can also seriously backfire.. So take one step at a time. Incidentally, we just had the conversation last night with our son, and we are hoping that we've gotten through. Only time will tell. Rome wasn't built in a day!

Chris - posted on 02/08/2013

@Terry, I don't know ...I always believed that parents are the most important role models in their kids lives. I think that smoking pot (or drinking) with your kids can backfire on you in the future. If something goes wrong in their lives, they can always come back and hold that against you and they will have a valid point. Maybe you won't have any problems...all the better. To each his own.

Chris - posted on 02/08/2013

@mary ellen, I tried the reasoning, the films and everything in between but as a very good social worker told me....you are dealing with a 15,16, or 17 year old brain...they don't have the reasoning capabilities because the frontal lobe is just not fully developed. Some may laugh, but I swear he was 100% serious. I try to keep this in mind to avoid 1 hour or more arguments that go no where. Bottom line, you are not legal age to drink, pot is still illegal...don't let me find it in the house. Sneak around if you must, but don't rub it in my face or suffer the consequences. (yes, he got caught smoking in the house and yes he therefore went offline/suspended phone for a period) This is a 16/17 year old however so dealing with a 13 year old is a whole other ballgame. My son won't stop smoking pot but I will never ever make it easy for him like some parents. (one of his friends parents allow them to smoke/drink at home and didn't inform me. I told my son that if I caught him in their house again I would call the police on the mother) Everybody's situation is different but when your kid is failing in school and gets in trouble with the police, it's time to be a parent and not a friend. One day when they grow up, hopefully they will appreciate it.

Mary Ellen - posted on 02/08/2013

In answer to your question regarding "just punishment"... I believe that before you decide to punish - you must TRY to teach. Look at advertisers... they know that their audience is going to listen if they show us certain things. THings which are aimed at getting our attention. That's what we need to do as parents. Our son is 15 and we just discovered that he was smoking pot. Rather than tell him I was going to remove his phone, computer etc. my husband and I had a long chat with him while he cried - mostly because he felt he had let us down. I felt that this was a good sign. However, I am not sure that this is all we will have to do. We have explained to him that at his age, he needs to seriously focus on the things he enjoys doing and that he's good at. Also, if he simply stands up to his friends and attempts to drop out of joining in, he will - despite what he believes - feel good about himself. I try to explain to our son that he doesn't always need to do what everyone else is doing to feel important. I sell individuality... and I'll keep selling it until he buys it..

Mary Ellen - posted on 02/08/2013

I agree with Barbara, and the illegality of marijuana is the first reason we gave our son in the hopes that he will abide by our wish to avoid it altogether.. We have also told him the same thing regarding its origin. Who knows where it comes from! Even though the friend who is supplying it may be trustworthy - he may not be aware of where it came from either. Our children are too young to be engaging in mind altering drugs, having sex, and even driving in my opinion. Yes, there are advantages to medicinal marijuana, as Bluebird states but truthfully, just like a two year old has no business using a stove on their own.. a 15 year old developing mind has no business using weed or any other drug to satisfy what I can only guess is a period of boredom and a desire to conform. We need to teach our children that it is okay to say, "you know, my parents are going to take away all my things and make my life hell, so no thank you!"

Barbara - posted on 02/08/2013

The bottom line with pot is simple: It's illegal. While medical marijuana is useful from a medical point of view for a variety of issues, including pain management for cancer patients, street weed is just that. You don't know who grew it, how it was fertilized (there are carcinogenous fertilizers), where it was grown or who processed it and if anyone put additives into it. If you want to know my take on this, take a look at the murder and mayhem south of the border. There is so damned much money in illegal drugs, people are willing to murder to keep their share of the huge profits. You may not think it's harmful, you may think our laws are archaic, but if you don't know where it came from, who produced it, what may have been added into it.....seems to me you are playing Russian roulette with weed. If that's what you want to do and allow your kids to do, so be it. Just remember, when an American producer of food, medicine or baby seats, cars, etc is found wanting, recalls are issued to protect the consumer. Think about the Tylenol scare a few years ago. Can't say that about street drugs. It's your choice. My daughter knows that grounding will be just the beginning if she engages it this, as well as removal of any/all electronic devices and all 'fun' things that she enjoys and that it will last for at least a month and she'd better test clean or the whole thing will start all over again. Fortunately, because of limited exposure to a family member who got high and got dead, she isn't tempted to try.

Chris - posted on 02/08/2013

At times I started actually thinking that maybe my son could be helped by pot until I watched this video. What do you think?

http://www.cbc.ca/player/Shows/The+Natur...

Chris - posted on 02/08/2013

I agree with you in certain cases but please watch the film and then tell me about todays pot and cannabinoids. I don't know about the medical marijuana but this film and lots of research certainly had a lot to say about the lack of cannabinoids in todays potent cannabis. It was scary to me and I smoked enough pot in the 70's. Developing brains do not need cannabis or anything else. Glad that it helped you and I am sure it helps a lot of people but it can also harm certain kids.

Bluebird - posted on 02/08/2013

ok time to put things in perspective. Marijuana is the least of our words in a society that is riddled with chemicals and radioactive waves that will probably end up giving us all cancer. It is a life saving substance that I can truly stand by. When I was 16 I was admitted into a mental hospital for attempted suicide. the doctors and psychiatrists doped me up with prescription drugs that only made the thoughts worse. One day i was beyond consolation my dad approached me with a joint and offered it as a solution, at that moment and days after i began eating again, singing in the shower, getting my grades up in school and getting admitted into all the colleges i applied for. i am now currently alive and well, smoking weed everyday, working, studying and living life like a normal person ( just as my parents have been doing before me) and i am proud to be brought up in a family that understands. the secret is don't be radical and punish them because in the end your kids will end up hating you or turning out just like their myopic parents. weed is a plant and our brain even has canbinoid receptors already naturally in our brain. worry about something like your childs addiction to technology or porn for that matter

Chris - posted on 02/07/2013

I have been going through this problem starting when my son was 13. I had him watch this video. It is excellent by a very well known and respected man. In case the link doesnt work. google Nature of Things "the downside of high" If you kid is older, make them watch it, talk about it and let them make informed choices. It didn't work for my son. He wants to believe everything is fine because he wants to smoke pot. Hope it works for someone here. Better if your child is young when you have more say in their life.

http://www.cbc.ca/player/Shows/The+Natur...

I think one month is way too long for a punishment. After a week or two it is useless and causes resentment and more problems. If your kid has made up their mind that pot should be legal and is the same as alcohol (which if you think about it, is basically true) it will be a constant battle. Stand your ground. Keep throwing out the stash to show that you mean it. Thats about all you can do besides throwing your kid out. (I am talking about older teens...not kids!) With younger kids I they should know that illegal substances and underage drinking won't be tolerated. Period. I would immediately take away computer and cell phone, games etc for fixed periods. Remove their bedroom door etc. Let them earn back trust and start again. Let them watch the film to see the risks. Good luck everybody.

Mary Ellen - posted on 02/07/2013

Check out this link:
www.empoweringparents.com/article
entitled, "Yes, your kid is smoking pot" What every parent needs to know NOW

Carissa - posted on 01/28/2013

She asked about pot specifically, that's what I responded to. Just my opinion. I don't claim to be an expert.

Jannice - posted on 01/28/2013

Hello, just posting a simple reply to say that smoking cannabis may be a crime, but then again so is drinking alcohol underage along with cigarettes. If you punish you children for the crime i agree but i must say that cannabis is and always has been better then alcohol, tobacco and other drugs.

Here are some quick articles to help you understand :
http://www.perkel.com/politics/issues/po...
http://www.scientificamerican.com/articl...
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/co...
And yet again remember one thing : It is better that you not what they consume and control it rather then they do it behind your back and degenerate to stronger drugs...

Carissa - posted on 01/26/2013

Your response sounds very reasonable. They admitted to it, essentially, which is something to thank them for. (So they will always tell the truth. Too much punishing means they will certainly lie next time.) I'm going through something very similar right now. Hubby and I decided grounding for 1 week was sufficient and we would check in with our son after the week, see if he learned his lesson. He had thoroughly admitted to it, but the smell in his room was more than obvious. We also gave him the schpeel about the fact that it's illegal and he's lucky he and his friend didn't get arrested. You've inspired me to purchase a drug test kit. Keep us posted.

Kathryn - posted on 01/18/2013

I'm with you, Patrick - many of the posters have no clue how to write an intelligible sentence.

WOW, there are some nasty, judgmental people on here! Apparently, the site doesn't monitor the content submitted. It's a shame. When people are calling each other the "C" word and attacking each other personally, it is hardly a constructive forum.

I'm in a similar situation as the lady who posted the initial question. Although she posted eons ago, I was hoping for some ideas from other parents on the subject. After reading some of the replies, I've decided that I'd be much better off asking the advice of a trained Psychologist.

Suraiya - posted on 01/18/2013

How did you test them?

Jennifer - posted on 01/14/2013

Personally I would be extreme but then I am one of the few people who is deathly allergic to Cannabis and even thou I live in Co. (wish I could move now! But with my hubby job that is not a option.) So for me ALL communication would be cut off from friends, and electronics would be removed no exceptions for as long as they tested positive and until they had gone to rehab (even if its not needed at that point there is out patent). That is if I still had that child with me and not in a pine box as they don't test for this allergy here and even my testing was really unorthodox up in Alaska during the 80's when it was legal with close to the same laws they have put in place here in Co. So I am open and honest with my girls about my allergies and the possibility that they might if inherited it from me.

Sonya - posted on 01/14/2013

I have worked in restaurants for over 20 years now., Since I was 16, my first job..I am 42 now. I will tell ya, 75% of restaurant employees smoke pot. This isn't a dig on them, just the truth. So first of all, be leery if they are hanging out with friends after work, restaurant or not. I used to party hard at certain restaurants I worked at (and they didn't sell booze). I got bored with it fast, and thank God to this day I didn't have a problem walking away from that scene, weed can be segway to other drugs. The weed dealer hands out free sample, cheaper and stronger stuff and it snowballs from there. I have seen it too many times. With that said, IF they have jobs, I would drop them off and pick them up. Do not let them get a ride or drive themselves. They work with people you may never meet, restaurants have very high turn over in employees, simply because it is usually a job someone takes till a better one comes along, or to get em through schooling. If they do not have a job, What you have done sounds good, but I would have taken EVERYTHING. especially the XBox, cell..all electronics. Maybe have them volunteer at a homeless shelter, they will see fr themselves what can happen if you take the wrong path. (not saying everyone in shelters have taken the wrong path, most are just down on luck) just saying it may wake em up to what they have, the family, friends, good health and perhaps a joint isn't worth the chance of losing all of that. Just my opinion..please restaurant employees..don't be hating on me. I still work in restaurants and not a thing has changed. (I have never worked in a 5 star place..speaking of fast food, casual dining).

Karen - posted on 01/14/2013

No, I'm not a mom, but I'm a teenager who has experienced this with her own parents and with many of my friends. I don't know how I happened across this but I felt like I needed to comment. Cutting your children off from smoking entirely could produce opposite effects that you originally intended. Yes, smoking weed continually does contribute to a generally lethargic and 'stoner' lifestyle if you will, but it's a relatively harmless drug. There's a reason why it's now legal in two states. Now I understand why you would want to prevent your children from meddling with illegal substances (assuming you don't live in Washington or Colorado) but I've had friends who have turned to harder substances because they don't show up on drug tests.
For me at least, I occasionally smoked in high school because it was sort of an 'outlet for rebelliousness'; something that I think basically every teenager possesses. They're going to find a way to break the rules no matter what the substance. So, if they were my own children, instead of using empty threats that would make them resent your punishments, I would instead monitor them relatively closely, but give them a little freedom in their spare time. If their grades start to drop or they act out at home, then more drastic measure should be taken. But if you didn't notice any major changes in them, I don't think smoking a little pot now and then is going to turn them into awful human beings.

Mary - posted on 01/07/2013

If you are pushing for decriminalization don't criminalize it. That may help for the law to be changed in your area if you are still in an area where it is a legal crime. Most people today do want decriminalization of the law to save their kids lessen their fears . Teens have challenges sex, drugs, alcohol and coming in to adulthood knowing that these are things adults do. If it is illegal in your area to possess more than an ounce then you need to let them know that it is not okay to have pot in the house because it is illegal. Try to keep cool and the tone of voice you use is way important .. Speak on an adult level to them. don't make them fear you or try to beat it into them they do understand if you say in a civil manner that it is not okay to have in the house. This stuff is not legal and we can get in trouble. They will probably say okay and listen. Outside of pot being an issue at all have them checked out medically for possible depression because pot is a natural medicine sometimes a person is ill and does not know it. so they may be seeking healing and not recreation and not know it. . If your household, family is against pot 100 percent then you may get your feathers ruffled but if you love you kid do overlook it . Its their choice and not a bad choice, Perhaps not your choice but a choice.

Terry - posted on 01/07/2013

Some of these post disgust me. I believe that doing real drugs not marijuana and getting in trouble with the police are some of the worst stuff on the list. Now let Your son's make their own choices and choose for themselves. Ive smoked pot with my kids on occasion and never said anything bad about it but they choose not to do it everyday because i'm am not pressuring them not to do it and threaten them with punishments.

Proud to say we have two doctors in the family :)

Angela - posted on 01/05/2013

John
It's not so much as parents wanting control but like you said we love our children and want the best for them. There are no perfect parents and you opened my eyes after reading your post. I too was a parent that post I would have a police officer TALK to my child about consequences of smoking (never to turn them in). I am a single mother of two and I am still learning. You post for parents to sit down and talk to their child, did you ever go to your parents and talk? We may be adults but we as adults (parents) forget how it was to be a young adult and need reminding sometimes. So I thank you for your post.

Gary
Please don't give up just to prove something to your parents. Gary you do it for you! Your grades and other abilities are what this world needs from our children. I am not your parent but from a parent to you, Gary, I am honored to say that your doing an awesome job! Gary your post inspired my nephew who also has ADHD that he too can do this and he is in middle school. I thank you for your post. So there are others who would love to see you successful in life. Everyone needs an out so please don't use smoking as your out. Gary, you have so many talents that your great at, like music, that could easily be used to teach others how to play. My daughter who has Autisum would love to have your talents in music and is working so hard at it! God has blessed you Gary so don't loose all that you have worked so hard for just to give it all up.

John - posted on 01/04/2013

Firstly, Barbara, I am glad you liked my name. Secondly, this is a discussion board on the internet and anyone who would like to discuss the topic posted may do so. In addition, you make yourself appear to be incredibly ignorant and close-minded by telling me not to post here. I am sure that other parents who are open minded and looking to fix this problem were happy to hear a suggestion from somebody who was on the other side of the spectrum in this situation. You should learn to look at things from more than one viewpoint. Also, the fact that you would call the police on your own daughter for breaking curfew(and other comments on your policies as a mom) tells me you have a strong need for control. Regardless of why you feel the need to have complete control (probably bc you care more than most parents), but you go about it all wrong. I wish you luck in ruling your daughters life with an iron fist, and I am sure you will have a rocky road ahead of you with her in which you ask yourself down the road where u went wrong.

Gary - posted on 01/03/2013

I am sixteen years old. I have a 4.0 GPA, take all honors classes, and I'm a junior. I have a 32 on my ACT, and currently over 100% in 3 classes (Pre-Calculus, Chemistry, and German III). I am on my school's varsity Quiz bowl team. I also am incredibly passionate and successful with music, being a state piano champion, a trombonist, and the leader of my band in which I play guitar, piano, bass, and sing. I have plans already laid out for college. I hold a part-time job, and always work to the best of my ability. I also have incredibly loving parents, who want the best for me. However, sometimes they pressure me to honestly unhealthy standards. I often feel like I cannot impress them, but only because I am so stressed with trying to balance all of the things I have to do. Sometimes, I feel like just giving up and not caring anymore. When I get like this, I'll call up a few friends and we'll smoke some, and I feel a lot better. I honestly attribute much of my success in school to occasional marijuana use, because I get a break from stress. Unfortunately, I am also ADHD, so it is nearly impossible to relax normally. My medication helps me to think clearly, but sometimes messes my emotions up more. I wind up feeling tense and exhausted. I really appreciate the break from time to time.

I understand that it is illegal, and I understand that if I am not careful I can find bad weed and damage myself. For me, at least, the benefits outweigh the risks. Sometimes I'm concerned that my parents wouldn't approve, and it bothers me, but psychologically I need mental breaks to fulfill their expectations.
It is your right to punish your children however you see fit, but I encourage you to step back and assess the entire situation.

Mary - posted on 01/02/2013

here is my message to all is to never accuse another kid for what your kids are doing, unless you know the kids did something bad and your kid was not guilty in most pot cases all kids are guilty in hard drug situations a lot of times there is a pusher. I still believe there should be no punishment for smoking pot . don't allow it in your house if its illegal in your area and illegality is a threat. brutalizing your kid over it only causes them to run to bad places with no choice and any parent who wants their kid to have to run to bad places is an uncaring ignorant of how to deal with it person not anyones fault just is. educate first yourself then educate your kids on pot issue and if you have never smoked pot then you are uneducated in h issue and really don't know. I do know I smoke pot very occasionally in my private space in places where it has been decriminalized. I don't really find it that bad of a thing.

Mary - posted on 01/02/2013

it is a crisis to all

Mary - posted on 01/02/2013

girls that smoke pot should not let guys in on it but guys should really not offer girls pot. uncool guys offer girls pot, I told my kids it was okay but not legal and did not want it in the house, head of household not permitting , jobs at stake.

Mary - posted on 01/02/2013

parents need to tell their sons that smoke pot never offer a girl pot. . never try to win a girls love with pot son that is not the way to do it.

Barbara - posted on 01/02/2013

Just curious to John Dough, 1) is this a pseudonym you are using, how creative! 2) Do you have kids (especially teenage kids) that may be experimenting with marijuana?
I agree that the first step is to talk to the kids involved and show them how difficult this can make their life in general, including later when college plans may be derailed due to arrests.
Secondly, if you do not have teenagers, middle schoolers, high schoolers, please butt out and leave this discussion open for the parents who DO have kids this age.

John - posted on 01/01/2013

ATTENTION ALL MOMS: IMPORTANT
After reading on this post I sincerely felt the need to comment considering most of you sound like my mother who felt the need to try and control my life. You parents who feel the need to control your child's life will most likely hurt not help them when it comes to being successful. THE MOST IMPORTANT THING is Honesty/Trust. The first thing you should do when you catch your kid with weed is to TALK TO THEM, not punish them. When you talk to your Kids about Weed/drugs make sure you are honest. Do not tell them that it kills brain cells and causes cancer and its so bad yada yada yada. Anyone with an inkling of intelligence or the capacity to research knows that Marijuana is actually good for you, and that it is only illiegal because certain "Big Business" stand to lose money if it is legal. Anyways I tell u to be honest with them because they will find out they have been lied to about weed by the educational system/gov, and if they think their parents lied to them too they will be more rebellious. You need to just explain to them that it is illiegal, and that if they get caught with it they will be hurting themselves later in life. ACTUALLY show them stuff online about how people cant get jobs because of having a misdemeanor for weed on their criminal background. Have a serious talk with them and just let them know you care about them and that while they live under your roof they will not be smoking. DO not ATTACK them.
Now The next phase
If you have now caught your child again with weed then you probably didn't do what i said the first time. Anyways you gotta punish them now, but try to do it in a way that won't have an adverse effect from what you are trying to accomplish. GROUNDING is a great example of this. If your kid is just starting smoking weed they are probably in a wierd place emotionally (as are all teens) where they are trying to fit in and be cool. Anyway kids smoke these days because they don't have anything better to do, and it brings friends together. This is 100% true, and i can tell u with confidence that the best way to get your kid not to do drugs... Get them involved with stuff, allow them to have friends over at the house. The anti-social kid is much more likely to smoke weed than somebody who is a socialite. SPORTS SPORTS SPORTS i cant say it enough. I thoroughly wish my mom had taken a different approach than the Controlling punishment method, however such is life and I have taken from this how not to handle the situation with my kids someday... well that is if Marijuana is still illiegal then.

Jacqueline - posted on 01/01/2013

First of all any teenager will tell you the current word is WEED not pot. So first get with the program. Secondly, what is this?

"We let them keep their X-Boxes?" and they don't have cell phones? So they can't meet people which is what they need to be doing and you are letting them continue to isolate themselves? This will only lead to more week smoking. Then the idea of testing your children for weed, invading their personal space and privacy is way out of line.

They are 16-17. You cannot control them. They are already old enough to (at least the 17 year old) join the National Guard. They are young men and will rebel against you no matter what you do.

Are they good people? They will grow up with or without your interference. If you are lucky they will go to college in a year. OR they will rebel and not go to college in which case you still get to kick them out and they can make their own decisions.

Veronica - posted on 12/26/2012

Their is pressure all around them around this age, High school kids do it, and think its the "cool" thing to do and friends might persuade them into doing it as well, i honestly believe that the punishment you gave them is right, but try not to punish them for to long, remember even if you do take away all their stuff away that weed still going to be around them no matter what.And they might get mad and just keep doing it, cause there is nothing to do at the house. Try to talk to them nicely but firm and let them know how wrong it is, and how much they can get in trouble with the law, and i know kids dont like telling everything to their parents (especially if the parents will just get mad and yell at them for telling the truth) let them know you are there for them, ask for the reason why they smoked in the first place, or where they got it from. And the worst feeling a teen can feel is knowing that they have disappointed their parents, so let them know how you feel about it, I am 19 not to far from their age so i know from hands on experience how it is. When you give them freedom back each time they come home look at their eyes check if their droppy or red, give them a hug and secretly smell them, ( a hint might be that they try to cover the smell with lotion or colon) and you should drug test them every once in a while (like once a month) and let them know that your going to give them random drug test and with that i promise you that it well stop them from smoking or depending how much they smoke at least cut it down.

Mary Jane - posted on 12/26/2012

marijuana is given the bad name it has because of mothers like the ones on this site. educate yourselves. stop the extreme right wing bible thumping and don't knock something until you know the facts.

Angela - posted on 12/25/2012

It's nice to see that children and young adult show up to a Marijuana posting but can't pick up a book or make it into class. Congratulations Khai your an A/ B student! Keep up with me I don't think I stated in my post that everyone who smokes Marijuana turn to harder drugs. I don't think I stated I was a drug dealer or that drug dealers put harder drugs in with Marijuana. However, I did state that people do this (not all people). Hanging out with my so called friends and this was their jump off to LACE their Marijuana. I also stated what may be an outcome, I dont think i said it will happen. So facts is what your looking for? What facts came out of your posting? Are you still with me? Khai I guess you know every drug dealer or pot smoker. I am so glad that you can trust them all. If you read Leesa post I think she is looking for advice how to teach her child that she loves and want to see them have a bright future, learn its not ok to smoke Marijuana.

Khai - posted on 12/25/2012

Look out... Another pot smoking teenager over here. I'd like to say a few things.

1. As a parent, it's your call on how to punish your kids. After all, weed is illegal.
2. Not all kids who smoke pot are like the kids who post rude and badly punctuated replies on here. In fact, it's people like that who give pot a bad name and are probably half the reason it's still ilegal.
3. Please don't assume that your pot smoking kids will turn to harder drugs. This is a poor conclusion based on flimsy research. When 100 heroin addicts are asked if they smoked cannabis before they tried heroin, most, if not all, will say yes. In theory, any question could be asked leading you to the concusion that cheerios are a gateway drug. You want a real gateway drug? Try alcohol.
4. A lot of you seem worried that your kids may be sold cannabis with harder drugs laced in it. A frightening concept to say the least but let us add common sense to the equation. You are a drug sealer. You sell weed, cocaine and heroin. Weed being the cheapest and heroin being the most expensive with coke somewhere in the middle. Why would you mix coke or heroin with your weed and sell it to kids? You are losing a lot of money and therefore this is not a rational fear. I know drug dealers and they wouldn't do this for their closest friends, let alone some kid who buys a little weed every now and again.

You're all entitled to an opinion and so am I. Take the time to consider the facts and strengthen your argument if you want people to listen to you. I hope I shed a little light on the matter.

P.S. I'm 17, live in the UK and I smoke weed on a semi-regular basis and have done so for the last 4 years. Despite the countless oppertunities presented to me, I have never tried or even thought of trying harder drugs. I am an A - B grade student doing A-levels and will hopefully be attending university in a few years time. I have a part-time job and have never been high at work, school or college. I avoid drinking alcohol as I can see the negative effects outweigh the positives. I cannot, however, say the same for cannabis.

Read. A. Book. People.

Angela - posted on 12/25/2012

As a mother to read a post where an adult is telling a child that weed (Marijuana) is not harmful,it won't kill brain cells, and it's not as harmful as cocaine. What???? Sometimes it leads to stronger and more addictive drugs. I would also fear someone putting the stronger and more addictive drug in with the Marijuana. I sure you have heard of this and it is dangers and could result in death.
Not only that it could start life in the wrong direction. Who wants to see their child in jail? There are Consequences for selling or have access to it if you are caught by the law. There are people out there who would harm someone just to get it. It is ILLEGAL and a CHILD has access to it, that is the danger of it.

Thanks for your post Brian, some need to take time out and read it!

Mary - posted on 12/24/2012

how do you handle it

Mary - posted on 12/24/2012

Thank you rozay

Mary - posted on 12/24/2012

I think it is harmless too but the issue is about legality not health

Rozay - posted on 12/24/2012

you are all idiots marijuana is harmless. Go read a book and educate yourselves

Angela - posted on 12/24/2012

Leesa,
I would not ease up, I think you need to follow through. I would also continue to test them and if one comes up positive, punishment starts all over again. Take them to go see what a jail looks like or talk with an officer. Treat them as if they are on probation. In by a certain time, pay you money or you get to take away allowance if there is a positive result. If they would have been caught by the law I don't think their honesty would get them out of trouble.

Annie,
If my child was living in my house punishment does not discriminate age.

Mary - posted on 12/24/2012

I think the entire marijuana issue should be ignored and that would make the world a better place and don't worry about it give it not rise and it will not present a problem and if you "KNOW" that somebody is smoking pot then you are just a non pot smoker ignorant of another persons choice. NOT an ignorant person just someone who does not do that or undertand that. AM I a pot smoker ... I would reply its none of your business. thank you

Mary - posted on 12/24/2012

smoking pot to me is the sign of a child demanding their privacy and growing up. They are becoming adults and are not wanting mom and dad to know everything about them or their life making decisions on their own and becoming an adult... addiction does not happen to everyone sometimes if you punish a child for doing something that is a way of breaking away an d growing up it forces them into bad places with no choice but to do bad things.. punishment is WRONG. pretend you don't know and let it rest better let them go through a phase of growing up and learning things about modern times than punishing them for going through a phase of adolescents . Some people do become drug addicts but some people may need to relax or use marijuana as a relaxer like a cup of coffee or tea. If YOU don't use it that is perhaps why you would want to punish others for doing so but that is their choice and probably their need. The question presented to them will probably become harmful to them and make them continue wondering why for an entire lifetime did they hit me and hurt me for doing this, and force me into bad places and terrorize me . Ignoring the issues is best just like you ignore them when they do bad things when they are babies.

Barbara - posted on 12/19/2012

Responsible parents need to demonstrate and teach responsible behavior. Simply ignoring it or 'talking to them about it' isn't enough. Threatening to throw them out on their ear is irresponsible and criminal, since they AREN'T ADULTS YET. Grounding, removing privileges, curtailing freedoms, may not like me for it, but at least I'm not turning a deaf ear and I'm trying to take care of my child to grow up and become a responsible human being.
My daughter was recently accosted by a juvenile boy around 15 years old, who's mother tossed him out because he's smoking pot, he dropped out of school, and now he is harassing students and kids who want to get a decent education, go on to college and make a life for themselves. We had to file a police report against him and institute a restraining order. Fortunately, my daughter was not seriously hurt, it left a red mark on her arm and it scared the daylights out of her. But she's 'ok'.
Demonstrating rejecting behavior and not taking the 'bull by the horns' is the pinnacle of irresponsible parental behavior.

Bobbi - posted on 09/12/2009

What ever you do DO NOT go back on the punishment for smoking weed!!!!! If it is working good for you this kind of thing is important to stop.

Annie - posted on 09/09/2009

My son started smoking pot at 17 and he is now 18 and still doing it, I would punish him at 17 but now that he is 18 he does not listen at all to me, I worry because my other children knows what he doing, So please stick to your punishments for smoking weed.

Meesha - posted on 09/08/2009

Well, I think your doing the right thing so far. Just don't got toooo long on punishment. They become Numb to it. I punished my son for months at a time and found that he started becoming depressed. 2weeks to a month is long enough, anything longer than that is Solitary Confinement and that's not good. On another note, be sure to keep the agreement for the term of punishment for smoking weed. If not, they will not take it serious. Con't the random test. I wish I had. Good Luck!

Donna - posted on 09/08/2009

Dont ease up on the punishment for smoking weed, as you will appear to them to be push overs, stick to the amount of time you grounded them for. I use to give in early in the punishment department, and the children reverted back to the behaviour that I didn't like.