What is just punishment for smoking weed?

Leesa - posted on 09/05/2009 ( 184 moms have responded )

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My boys are 16 & 17. When a neighborhood mom called and said she busted her son (their friend) for smoking pot, my husband and I decided to test our boys. When we told them what we planned to do, they both admitted to having tried it. The 17yr. old said he had tried it for the first time three days prior, but he tested negative. The 16 yr old said he tried it 6 weeks prior, but he tested positive. We don't believe that either is telling the whole truth. We grounded them both for a month. They both lost their cell phones and the ability to go anywhere. For the 17 year old, that means no his car. The 16 yr. old doesn't drive yet. We let them keep their X-Boxes. It has been a week and a half since this happened. We are considering easing up on the restrictions in another week if they test clean and keep a good attitude. We want to be fair but firm, keeping in mind that they admitted to it and one actually tested negative. I'm looking for help and advice from anyone who has delt with this problem before.

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Mary - posted on 12/19/2012

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I'm sure your wholly archaic approach will not only bring your children closer to you, but also induce a great deal of respect for you. To think, you could have sat them down- asked them if they were smoking, asked them why they began to smoke- asked if they intended to continue? But no, that would be far too rational- punishing them, putting them in a more rebellious state is probably the answer- it's not like they'll probably resort straight back to it after you lift the punishment?
It's weed, try and restrict it until they're 18. Tell them they can't do it in the house, tell them they'll be out on their ear if they start stealing to fund it.
You may have given birth to them, you're only watching over them until they progress into adulthood- wherein they'll decide whether or not they ever want to see you again, push them too far and once it's possible for them to leave you in the past, they will.
Everyone smokes a bit of bud occasionally, it's really no anomaly.

Jenn - posted on 12/17/2012

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Gail, I just found out my 15 year old has been smoking since this summer. I had his phone password and just one day decided to use it....he was texting freely about smoking and recently started selling it. He's in the middle of two weeks with no phone and very limited contact with his friends (basically if they were calling him out on his behavior on the phone, they're sort of okay with us) and girlfriend. He's had to apologize to his friend's parents when he brought it there and his girlfriend's parents because they're our long time friends and they're worried for him and their daughter. I thought he should be accountable to more than just his family. This is so, so hard. Like a rollercoaster. One minute I'm almost trusting him and then he says something flip or leading and I think he's not really all that sorry...just sorry he got caught. I know it's been a few weeks since you posted -- how's your boy doing?

Set The Right Example For Your - posted on 12/16/2012

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The punishment is to not smoke it anymore so your kids don't find it and think it's cool. I never grew up around weed smokers so I never thought it was cool to try it.

Unless you mean the punishment for the kids? In that case learn self discipline. They're addicted now... you need to try and level with them and explain why it is BAD to smoke weed. If you are a good at this they will try and quit and should be let off the hook.

Jami - posted on 12/11/2012

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Well hello there, my views on smoking are that when it comes to children mums are protective, it's a primal thing. I believe that and it has been scientifically proven that weed (cannabis) is less harmful and less addictive, the general public just Believe it is more harmful as it has a greater effect than tobacco but this is just not the case. Tell yourselves, is it worse to do something that is less harmful just because others say it is wrong. If science proofed it to be so then how is it wrong, that is a different case.

You should teach your kids about resposibillity not just punishment and hope the message, that is for less intelligent beings like dogs when they take a dump on the mat, that is very crude when compaird to human intelligence. Humans are intelligent enough to get the massage across in a more sivilised manor. You should give them the opportunity to come clean, don't offer them an ultimatum, don't say anything like "if you don't come clean now I will be forced to ground you" I would take that as a challenge and continue to smoke canabis. Give them a chance and then let them work it out. Just act like you don't care, it is proberbly a third trying to be a rebel, a third peer pressure and a third the feeling you get from smoking it which as I have researched is pretty nice, a tranquil feeling, everything is more Intence like colours, sounds, taste.



I am thirteen from England

Shauna - posted on 12/10/2012

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My son is 18yrs old smokes weed everyday and also has ADD is their any connection because it seems like its making him worst off.

Angela - posted on 12/09/2012

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QUOTE:



"thats bullshit if i had you people as my family you wouldnt see me id tell you to go fuck yourselves my parents or not id move the fuck up outta that bitch its fucking weed not like its crack or fucking herion its proven that wee does nothing bad to you"



Well, Matthew White, what an appalling post. Full of spelling, punctuation and grammar errors! Don't know if weed made you like that or just your own attitude!





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For what it's worth, Leesa Rankins Moore, your older boy tested clean and also admitted he'd used weed. Sounds like you're punishing him for being honest with you. Do you think this teaches a kid to tell the truth? By the way, some far more dangerous drugs are much harder to detect in the body after a far shorter time. This is why many people in prison use heroin rather than cannabis.



What if others had given your children cake that had ground cannabis resin in and they didn't know? Their readings on the dope test would have been far stronger than through smoking joints and they genuinely may not have known! I know this was not the case with your kids but what about next time? What about other people's kids? Nothing's definite, nothing's cut and dried!



However, you've grounded them for a month. So you have to stick to this.



If I was your older boy, I would be as resentful as Hell I was getting an identical punishment to my brother who tested positive! In fact he's getting a worse punishment - he doesn't get use of the car, which means his brother, who doesn't drive yet, is actually getting off lighter.

Evelyn - posted on 12/09/2012

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You set the punishment and I think it should be stuck too...a month is a month.

Matthew - posted on 12/08/2012

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thats bullshit if i had you people as my family you wouldnt see me id tell you to go fuck yourselves my parents or not id move the fuck up outta that bitch its fucking weed not like its crack or fucking herion its proven that wee does nothing bad to you

Barbara - posted on 12/05/2012

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Brian,

I'm so glad you have seen the negative side effects of drug experimentation and are doing something positive with that. You are very lucky and even more fortunate to have parents, teachers and even law enforcement that are willing to help you move in a healthier direction. Stay with it, keep your chin up and go for it! We need teenagers just like you to see the unpleasantness and sadness that this can cause (both to you and your parents) and do something about it.



Sadly, not all young people are as fortunate as you. Some human beings have more of a tendency toward addiction that others. These people can, and frequently do, get into harder and more dangerous drugs. When that happens, they end up ruining or ending their lives and some even destroy the futures of their parents who try so hard to provide them with drug treatment facilities as well as legal fees and attorney fees to defend them in the courts. Because a lot of this starts in high school, many don't graduate and are unable to attend college to plan for their future.

I'd hate to see anything like that happen to any teenager, certainly not my daughter, and not you either. I'm glad you have taken such positive steps to get and stay clean and sober, but remember sometimes it's also the company we keep that leads us into these difficult situations. I know your friends are important to you, as my daughters friends are to her, but please take a look at what is happening, decide for yourself if the kids you 'hang' with are really a good influence on you and want you to succeed in school and in life. Once you've made that assessment, it will be up to you to decide what to do about it. My daughter has no issue with drugs other than to say, 'if you do it, I'm outta here'. A true friend won't invite her to fail, but to be healthy, whole and as accomplished a person as possible.

Stick with it, Brian, I have faith in you.

Brian - posted on 12/05/2012

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im 17 years old lol dont know why im here but heres one thing i can say. weed has gotten me into nothing but trouble. The laws on weed here in ohio are unjust. Weed is not bad for you. the worst thing about it is that it removes your motivation. Im getting lots of help to turn my life around and its hard to start goin back in the right direction. I have been SOOOO lucky that I didnt get expelled from school and i didn't spend a few weeks in JDC. my teachers, principle, and police officers have been there helping me the whole way . i was driving w/o a license with my friend in the car (he had weed) but i said it was mine so he wudnt have to go back on probation (he just got off). police officer pressed no charges and sent me home with my parents. i learned my lesson with weed there. i also got caught with weed 3 other times. once because some idiot smoked weed in my closet after i passed out (i invited friends over at 12 pm and we went to drinking party then came back to my house to crash and i fell asleep and some girl passed out in my closet and another kid smoked weed in there and i didnt know) but the next morning my parents found all my friends out on the floor it was really bad. i also got caught @ school sharing vodka just yersterday but i dint get expelled. my point is, WEED will get u into trouble and make u experiment with other things mostly just alcohol and cigarettes and maybe dip. it does not make you do cocaine... or anythings like LSD. altho i have plenty of friends who do those things i know that is going way too far. whats important is that teens like me have the opportunity to experiment with things 1 or 2 times. if it becomes a habbit things need to stop or theyl end up like me right now. but even if they do, its not too late. im getting back on track it just going to take a bit of time. id rather have taken the journey thou. because now i understand the reality of these things (cigarettes, marijuana., alcohol) and i am able to distinguish the seriousness of their effects. (weed primarily being laziness and lack of motivation)

Jake - posted on 12/03/2012

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Amanda, this was such an intelligent remark... please share more of your wisdom with us.

Sandy - posted on 12/02/2012

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A very long time ago I found out my son was smoking pot! But as I expected and thankfully, he was only experimenting! As your children grow I have found that the more you tell them NO, the more they find a way to turn that word into YES! Also when they enter middle school is the age that kids seem to be more impressionable..Meaning that not only are they slowly finding their independence, it is also a time when you (the PARENT) find out whether they are to become leaders or followers! I have 4 children! Two of them are followers, but luckily the other two became leaders! Nonetheless, I love them all the same! Good, bad, or indifferent! Anyway getting bk to what happened when I found out my son smoked pot! He was 14 yrs old and at first I was very angry! And especially because he had tried to grow a pot plant inside of a good suitcase of mine that he used to store not just his newly seeded plant, but also due to the fact that he had placed a lamp inside of the it, to provide light to help it grow much faster! But instead of screaming at my son, I placed a big poster board on his pillow that read "BUSTED"...Well let me tell you, the look on his face when I followed him to his room and he turned on his bedroom light, was priceless, when he saw this huge sign leaning up against his pillow! Not only that, but I also placed the partially melted suitcase and lamp. along side of it! I mean to tell you, his face turned beet red! But like I said, I TURNED MY ANGER INTO DIRECT COMMUNICATION, explaining the ramifications and dangers of what could have happened, had that lamp tipped over in the middle of the night when we were all asleep, and what was he thinking, and so on! Two weeks of ALL PRIVILEGES WERE TAKEN AWAY, and I also explained everything I could think of, should he decide to continue down the path to drugs, including but not limited to legal repercussions! Thank God he was smart enough to take my advise and run away with it! That was 10 years ago, and after graduating High School with honors, my son joined the Army! Now 10 yrs after, he's an Honorably Discharged Sgt., but is also a severely Wounded Warrior and amputee of both OIF and OEF Wars!



I guess the best advice I can give you is let them know that you know, the day will probably come when they want to experiment! But if and when that day comes, to sit and talk with you first! And let them know that no matter what, you will always be there for them! And please don't take that the wrong way! Because no parent wants to repeated pay for their child's fines, court costs, Atty fees, etc, every time they find themselves in trouble with the law! Make sure they know that experimenting is one thing, but to make it a way of life for themselves, IS UNACCEPTABLE AND WILL NOT BE TOLERATED! AND IF IT MEANS SENDING THEM TO BOOT CAMP TO GET YOUR POINT ACROSS, THEN SO BE IT! I happened to luck out! My son took all the good advice I ever gave him and literally ran away with it! GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS!

Jake - posted on 11/27/2012

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parents, i beleive that if you have children smoking weed, the best thing to do is to sit them down and talk to them about it. dont yell, dont tell them about how its bad for them because for one, it isnt (no one has ever died from it, and it is useful as medication in some situations) and for two they are young and feel invincible anyway. yelling at them about it or telling them that it is bad for them will just make them want to do it more.



if you have smoked weed in the past i would say to be honest with them and tell them that you have. tell them about the dangers (legally). because getting a drug charge would look bad on their record and prohibit them from going into certain feilds possibly.



in all honesty we all know that teens wont always do what we tell them. we were all teenagers once. want to keep your kids off drugs? take an interest in them! spend time with them!

Daniel - posted on 11/27/2012

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You Shouldnt Even Punish Your Kid marijuana has no effects on lung damage for 7 years of use and it does not kill brain cells it promotes the growth of neurons y'all ladies are sad learn your facts first

Barbara - posted on 11/24/2012

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I have to disagree with the premise that marijuana isn't a gateway drug. Your research, though thorough, will not stand up to the facts of drug abuse we see every day in our treatment facility.

Most of the drug users that come through our treatment facility are ordered to do so by the court. An in-depth intake interview and medical exam are the first steps in this multi-leveled process. Of the hundreds of teenagers and adults that have come through our facility (a well-respected, West-Coast facility associated with a major hospital) 93% of our patients identify marijuana as the original source, 15% identify teen alcohol abuse as the precursor to more substantive drug abuse, including marijuana. Be advised this isn't a research study, simply an accumulation of population statistics.



Our licensed mental health therapists spend 240 or more hours each week with our patients during both group and individual mental health sessions. Our physicians and psychiatrists another 100 hours or more. Custodial staff hours for residential patients spend an additional 400 hours with patients each and every week. During various treatment settings, nearly every inpatient has identified marijuana as the starting point of their drug involvement, many of whom may never recover from the effects of other illicit drugs (pcp, cocaine, heroin, and other 'street drugs' they have self-administered.



At present we have 200+ court-ordered patients in treatment. Due to the bio-chemical nature of addiction, there is a strong recidivism issue and some are here for the second time. Teens in our treatment area are sent to us by the court the FIRST time they are arrested with marijuana or any other controlled substance (including alcohol).



I believe, as a participant in the treatment process, that I am fairly well educated on this issue. In addition to professional involvement, our family has lost three members to drug abuse. Two started their drug abuse history with marijuana, the third was a by-stander death due to her husbands use of both drugs and alcohol when he flew into a drug-induced rage and strangled her to death (she refused to give him more money to buy drugs). I don't think I'm a single bit confused about the impact of drug use or it's gateway having both professional and family experience with the issue.



While paper research may be valuable to scientists and educators, it falls very short of reality when on the front lines trying to treat and restore the human beings directly or indirectly impacted by it's abuse. Don't forget that for every ONE of our patients, we have at least TWO family members who mourn and at least one-quarter of our treatment time is with these peripheral 'patients'. Quantitative research is one avenue for educators and scientists to amass large volumes of paper to support any given hypothesis. While I believe most scientists maintain a high degree of professional integrity, one can't ignore the human element in any research study. People come to these issues with biases and personal stakes wanting to prove or disprove any given premise. With a topic as highly debated as marijuana or 'drug abuse', the debates become even more volatile and the research more questionable from a QUALITATIVE perspective.



Though a valuable tool, academic research isn't 100% reliable. Women in the late 1950's whose babies were born with various fetal syndromes after taking the APPROVED drug Thalidomide for morning sickness can attest to this.



There is no debate in my mind with regard to the cancer research relative to marijuana. Marijuana provides needed relief for pain management and other medical purposes, but it's use is prescribed by medical professionals using medical grade marijuana, not street weed.



While you have spent many hours involved in research of this topic, it appears that you have limited hands-on experience. I don't feel it is relevant to the discussion here to criticize others for fears that THEIR child's usage may escalate into more lethal areas. In my personal experience, their concerns are appropriate. Having my teenage daughter hospitalized for accidental excessive use of an over-the-counter medication (Ibuprofen) during her menstrual cycle (for pain relief) isn't an in depth study of the topic, but is a cautionary tale for me on ANY substance, legal or not.

Lorie - posted on 11/24/2012

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First of all and let me be clear and concise; I'm an educated adult in my 50's, I work at a local college, I have 3 children and 6 grandchildren. I happen to know the truth about marijuana because I made it a subject of intense research after the death of a close family member that died from cancer. If you don't know the facts, do some research. You do yourself, your children and your communities a gross injustice by not educating yourselves.



I've waded through scholarly papers, journals, and scientific studies, (many with the help of a good dictionary) and marijuana has never, I repeat, never caused even one documented death. (Alcohol and tobacco are legal, they've caused an inestimable amount of deaths) And marijuana is NOT a gateway drug. It has been scientifically proven. Marijuana does not cause cancer, it aids in the cure for cancer. Get the truth and know the facts before you speak, please.



I found that when my children came home from school and began their tales of D.A.R.E. class, I had a new job to do. It was my duty as a parent to present my children with the truth and dispel the myths about all drugs. My children were taught half truths and total bold faced lies by this program and I felt as a loving parent, they deserved nothing less than the whole truth. When we lie to our children about these things, we set ourselves up for bigger problems.



With that being said, lets move on to underage use of a controlled substance. It would be no different if your child had stolen a prescription med from your medicine cabinet and taken it. It's simply illegal. Good citizens simply don't break the law as there are serious consequences for that type of behavior. You as a parent are correct in your decision to set consequences for this type of infraction, but treat it as though it were in the same context as drinking alcohol or smoking cigarettes. The law clearly states that a minor child can not use ANY controlled substance, whether that controlled substance be legal or not.



You place yourself, as a parent, in a bit of a conundrum when you attempt to advise your children, without all the facts surrounding the substance involved in the infraction. I have to believe that you wouldn't willingly lie to your children, so it's of the utmost importance, to become well educated on the topic before trying to instruct the most treasured people in your lives.



http://scientificfactsofpot.com/studies....

Patrick - posted on 11/23/2012

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First of all, some of you people don't know how to write. I can get the jist of what you're trying to say but it's like disyphering a foreign language I don't read. Holy shit. Have you all noticed that the pro-pot people write really small posts that are clear and consice? They can't concentrate longer than a couple minutes at a time. And, their posts are kind of irreverant and funny They may not be terribly logical but they're easy to read. Is pot a gateway drug? I believe it is, on an individual basis. While I agree that we shouldn't overreact, we should, however, be proactive in finding out how big the problem is. We know our kids well and if there is a big problem, the kid really needs some help because they've also made a habit of lying and not caring about anything. My son tells me he doesn't care about anything.



My son just got caught by his mom. He is 17 and the consequences may be severe. He is with his mom and step father. I don't know how they're going to react. My son says that it wasn't his pot and was just holding it for a friend. That's total bullshit! I'm going to seek the advice from a wide variety of liberal, pot smoking and conservative friends.



Ok, pot smokers, give me a serious response. I don't want my son to get into different drugs, don't want him smoking laced stuff, and really don't want him to have legal problems. I'm looking for advice on how to help my kid. Oh ya, I don't want him to get cancer!



HELP

Patrick

Mustapha - posted on 11/23/2012

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Why are you punishing your kids for smoking weed? What is the problem? It's fun, and has several health benefits.





"If a law is unjust, a man is not only right to disobey it, he is obligated to do so." – Thomas Jefferson



The laws on marijuana are completely bogus. (unjust)

Barbara - posted on 11/22/2012

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Ok. The reactions and the posts from some of the teenagers here indicate to me the level of maturity and how far they need to grow in that regard. Possession of marijuana in many states is ILLEGAL without a prescription from a doctor for pain management purposes. I don't doubt there are some health benefits to controlled use of medical marijuana. What I do suggest is that teens aren't fully mature, may employ use of intoxicating items unwisely and may harm themselves further by purchasing street drugs that are often laced with more addictive drugs. It's your life. No one other than your parents and your own conscience can tell you how to live it. It's your future, have one felony arrest, even if juvenile records are sealed at 18, and it can impact your ability to attend the university/college of your choice, it can have far reaching effects into adulthood when you apply for a 'dream job' down the road. What we do today, directly or indirectly, affects the choices we will be confronted with in the future. Choose wisely.

Ben - posted on 11/22/2012

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Its just some weed smh..I smoke 2 times a week and I hold a 3.5 GPA and 4.4 Weighted..

Wendy - posted on 11/18/2012

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Thank you to the one reply who said smoking pot is not okay, yes it can be used medically but it is monitored and not bought of the street. When kids now a days are buying it is is very likely it can be laced with something else. We have found out that our 16 yr old daughter has been smoking weed, we are sick about it. I love her to death and yes we are having her tested to make sure there is nothing else in her system. Smoking weed may not seem like a bad thing to some, both my husband and I have tried it as teens, but that was a few years ago, things are not like they used to be. We will also be taking everything away and she will have to earn it back. I love my daughter so much and only want the best for her and smoking weed is not it. I am so hoping we can get this stopped. I also read on a rehab site that 99% of drug addicts started out with just weed, so the people who think we are blowing this out of proportion should think twice.

Barbara - posted on 11/17/2012

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Your parents really love you and they don't want you to engage in behaviors that could damage your health and your future. I hope you received this message as one of love and care and not one of control and punishment. You obviously know your parents are giving you healthy information.

I would prefer not to engage in physical punishment, but each parent has a different view of this. If your parents are listening to you and allowing you to express your opinions about different things, take that as a bonus, listen to them and follow their rules. They want you to grow up to be a good man and are trying to role model good behavior.

Pascal - posted on 11/17/2012

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I am a boy from 16,from europe.I want to ask other mothers, about this.I have lovely parents.I know what the rules are.And my parents talk with me,give parental advices, give me space to talk.I am cougth for smoking pot.16 or not.I was punished for that with a spanking.

Cole - posted on 11/16/2012

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I am struggling to say this in a way that is gentle because I know from personal experience a lot about what you are going through. You cannot keep making excuses for your family. You try so hard to convince the rest of us that your "an upstanding family" it stretches thin enough to see that you are unhappy. Just because your husband was an alcoholic or your kids experiment with things that kids have experimented with for decades, does not mean anyone is going to torture and burn you for the "worst family ever" and it doesn't mean your kids are doomed to lives of addiction and alcoholism. If all you believe they will amount to is an addict, it may set them up to go there because its what YOU expected from them and not because they "inherited" it. After I stopped speaking to my mother, and left my abusive husband, I discovered I not only didnt have my "family's" genetic trait for alcoholism, I had been teaching myself to be one to "please" them in their "certainty" of how "hard" it was to put up with me I currently hate the feeling of drunkenness, and rarely have more than three and usually just about half a glass of wine when we eat out,. Don't punish your kids for your husband's past and don't try to "fix" them if there isnt anything wrong. Addiction/ alcoholism is actually more likely to happen to my children or theirs, not me even though my father had it, its recessive and ive seen dozens of families that have a recovering addict turn kids into addicts with hypersensitivity, and a mantra of "you cant do that you Will become like your father". Basically setting the bar so low that being a freak is a step above what you think they will become, and what you say they will have in life. there were more upper middle class kids have been part of the "goth, punk, skater, grunge, gamer, nerdy to a narcissism" crowd than any lower income bracket.

because they loved thwarting the "status quot" Sometimes, kids test waters

or just want to know how something feels and parents that freak out push them to fight you by doing it more.. Don't freak out, and they wont have to rebel, no "uber rebellion" fueled by teen hormone/mood swings, the more healthy sane and respectable your whole family will be in the long run.

Cole - posted on 11/16/2012

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I don't know if you live in either Colorado or Washington, but if you do or you have thought about the uses, taxes and jobs we can get from marijuanna; you probably realize it will probably be federally legal for recreation (same as alcohol) by the time they turn 21. I would be reasonable with them, and ask if they are willing to be responsible and wait until then or until they live somewhere its ok. Teenagers love logic, it makes them feel like you respect them, if offered an "adult" choice, many will be able to choose the reasonable choice and be able to develop responsibility and self control. You can get them through high school, and give them a great life foundation, then let them make their own choices as adults. Besides, if they feel like you care instead of feeling "bad" that is enough to turn more than a few teenagers into brilliant, and compassionate people. Your reaction to this.....is far more important than this itself.

Good luck

Shawnrent - posted on 11/10/2012

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your fucking crazy weed is good for you. dont punish your kids for some dumb shit like that.

Barbara - posted on 11/08/2012

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Gosh, I believe you did the right thing. I've checked on my daughters facebook page to make sure that nothing like that is going on. I've even posted on her facebook page to let her know that I'm keeping tabs on what is said and who says it. My 15 y-o daughter has an F in Spanish and I've taken away her ipod,laptop computer and cell phone because the teacher tells me she's texting in class and won't do any of the work she is assigned. Kids this age need firm guidance and a strong parent who is willing to step in when they start down a slippery slope. Those who don't think it's a 'big deal' need to keep their opinions private. This is YOUR daughter and what is important to you and your family values should be the only thing that matters. The more we 'look the other way' and the more we dismiss as part of 'teenage stuff', the more they will drift away, proceed down potentially dangerous paths. Ask any police officer or teacher, the more the parents stay involved, the better the outcome for the kids. My daughter lost her cell, ipod and the computer for 30 days or until I get a confirmation from the Spanish teacher that she is stepping up her school work and getting class and homework assignments turned in on time.

Remain firm, stay resolved, don't pull out now, the issues get bigger the older they get and the more you ignore.

Rachelle Marie - posted on 11/08/2012

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i have a 14 yr old daughter, i did something bad; i think i dont know? but one of her friends texted durning the day.... so i pretended to be my daughter and texted him back. well make long story short. i found out that that my daughter and him are smoking weed. after i found out threw this friend . i called the cops and let them know what happened. when school let out.... i showed her what i texted to her friend . i asked her would you like to explain to me whats going on here? she told me..... and we had a very long talk. but i told her she is going to be disciplined for what she did. i took away her apple phone, t,v, radio, no going outside. etc. she has been grounded for a month. and she has an "f" in high honors english . another 2 weeks grounded. as a mother, its soooo hard to be firm, and stand my ground with her; but i know if i dont follow threw... she is just going to keep doing it , maybe worse things. im scared as hell! and i pray to god that threw him . he will show her the right way down the road. this is all knew to me .... i need help with this . if you have any suggestions please do tell..... thank you.

Gail - posted on 10/31/2012

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We knew our 15 yr old son had smoked it and I sprang a drug test on him after a 2 week grounding when I thought I smelled smoke on him - but it was first thing in the morning. I was so upset, and he swore he hadn't done anything. He tested positive, but even the school counselor said it could still be in his system. I think he's doing okay now, but for a long time I was practically following him everywhere, and I realized neither one of us could live that way, so I've loosened up a little. I honestly don't know if this is the right decision, but it was going to kill me and ruin our relationship. I would not spring a drug test on him again. It really resulted in more hurt feelings and anger than in anything productive. I've had to accept that all I can do is talk to him, offer him help if he needs it, and set a good example - we have a dry house, and I've never done any drugs, and his father is a long-recovered alcoholic who stopped drinking years before we had kids. We're an involved two-parent family in a great community, but I've been told about a third of the kids in high school smoke pot. I feel like I'm shoveling in a blizzard... Anyhow, so far, so good, I think? It's day by day, and I'm trying not to let it eat me alive.

Kimberlee - posted on 10/30/2012

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why a month? especially if you're going to now back out of the punishment...makes no sense to ground for that long.



Why not have them do something that would require them to think about their choices and the possible consequences?

Maybe write a paper on it or volunteer at the homeless shelter etc..

Mary Jane - posted on 10/25/2012

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its not that big a deal. your kids are gonna spark fatties either way. best advice i can give is to let em' do it. stay hazed blazers

Barbara - posted on 10/24/2012

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Testing is a pattern of life. And while children are people, they are still CHILDREN. I wouldn't have let my 3 year-old-daughter get in a bathtub until I tested the water to make sure it wasn't too hot. I won't let my now 15 year-old daughter gamble with the rest of her life by experimenting with drugs. The stakes are just too high and I love her way too much to take that kind of a risk with her health and her future. Kids are tested all the time in school, and not just in class. They are tested by other kids (not necessarily friends in my book), to gamble with drugs, alcohol and premature sex. They are tested every day by bullies and other influences at school, at home and on TV. The nature of their texting can demonstrate that. I wouldn't overlook the power of the reagent strip if i thought my daughter was in this kind of imminent danger.

Cynthia - posted on 10/24/2012

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If you called the police you'd be responsible for all his/her legal problems until your child is 17.

Michelle - posted on 10/24/2012

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well i am certainly a different mom! - my 14yr pld knows that if i catch him with any "narcotics" i will phone the police and have him arrested! if you think you are big and clever enough to take drugs then you are certainly big and clever enough to deal with the consequences! mommy isnt going to be there forever to protect you! tough love yes - good boy at the end - hell yes!

Robyn - posted on 10/23/2012

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We all know our kids are at some point going to try it. But a punishment wld be look in to some drug & alcohol educational grps in ur community make them commit to going until u feel they learned something. Maybe even home drug test and they have dirty urine make them do some community service or restrict them to the house with nothing to do.

Sbb - posted on 10/20/2012

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several things we've done since we found our son self medicating for his anxiety and depression: monitor his bank account: no cash is given. he has a debit card for purchases. if any cash is taken out, he must submit receipts for any purchases he's made. not foolproof, but certainly helpful. random drug tests, whenever i feel the need. his car is paid for by us, so if i feel like driving it, i will. and i will search it whenever i feel like it. i also go through text messages and pix in his phone. yes, he can delete. but odds are, he won't delete it all. i realize this sounds extreme, but until he's out on his own, i will continue to monitor his activity. he's been told, we will no longer take on the liability for him choosing to drive under the influence of a drug. as long as he tests positive, he will not be allowed to drive his car, or we may sell it altogether. and, since he has money for pot, he can start paying for his own phone bills and gym membership as well. he lives a very comfortable life with us. He will be 18 soon, and we are no longer obligated to provide that lifestyle. should he continue to make these choices, we can make other arrangements for his living....and he can pay for it on his own.

Barbara - posted on 10/19/2012

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SOOO GLAD! you are sticking to your rules! Great going, I know it's really hard when they are ranting and raving about 'how unfair' the parent is being (I hear it frequently from my daughter when I stick to my rules), but it is so worth it in the long run. They may dislike what you have done now, but when they are parents themselves, they will have a better understanding of why you are doing what you are now. And, they will respect you for not playing games with this destructive behavior.

You are doing your sons and yourselves proud!

Barbara - posted on 10/19/2012

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Most experts, and we have one in our family who treats chronically addicted individuals, completely disagree. Drug sellers know that in most cases straight marijuana isn't where the big $$ is, so they lace their marijuana with other narcotics, including meth, 'crack', lsd and other hallucinogens. Teen brains are not maturely developed and the affect these drugs have on a teenagers brain can be incredibly damaging. Even those who have successfully completed a drug rehab program are 70% likely to relapse. Only 30% remain drug free for 1 year or more. Teenagers are tempted to try, it is up to the parents to do everything in our power to keep them clean and on the right path to adulthood. In college, after age 18, they are legally adults and responsible for their own behavior and the legal consequences. If my daughter (who actually hates drugs due to the loss of one of her friends to cocaine) is tempted to try she knows the college money will dry up until she cleans up her act.

Kristi - posted on 10/19/2012

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Jackie--



OMG! How did you pull that off?! How old was your son when that happened? I can't believe he didn't get sick from trying to hold it until he got to school or something. Or just from having human waste out in the open in his room like that for a month. That is pretty radical! I'm not sure I could ever go through with something like that myself because I don't know how far I'd be willing to go to enforce it once my daughter objected to that punishment, and that is something she would definitely object against.

Jackie - posted on 10/19/2012

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When I caught my son smoking pot I wanted to make him stop so I made him shit in a trashcan for a mouth he was not allowed to move it out of his room or us the main bathroom in my house. He does not smoke anymore.

Barbara - posted on 10/17/2012

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I wouldn't ease up. I'd continue to test them and not let them know when or if it was going to happen. I'd continue to test them periodically AFTER the month's restrictions were over. I would maintain a firm handle on the one month restriction regardless of how much hell they dished out and lock up the car keys. My daughter has lost as much for a bad grade on her report card, let alone messing with illegal drugs. The first thing I would want to know AFTER I grounded the kid is WHERE DID YOU GET IT? If it's at school from another student, I'd report it to the school and I'd name the student- they can't fix it if they aren't aware it's happening. If it was purchased from a street dealer (God forbid), I'd call law enforcement with a report that teenagers, including my child, had been approached at a specific place for the purposes of selling marijuana, and God knows what else. I wouldn't report on my child in this case, just the location of the event. Your boys need to know that you take this very seriously, that you will not waiver on any consequences you put in place and that they had better never, EVER, even consider experimenting again. I lost a family member to drugs, I refuse to lose my child. My cousin was an honor student in an Ivy League University until he got hooked on crack, he fried his brain trying to stay up all night (supposedly to study - while high?) spent six months in a lock down facility and died of a brain hemorrhage at age 20. Stick to it, your kids are too important to be wishy-washy on this subject.

Titsmegie - posted on 10/17/2012

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your sons are so stupid, it gets out of your system in 2 weeks, if they did not admit it, you wouldn't even know :D

Anika - posted on 10/16/2012

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Bob, tell him about your own life experiences, openly and honestly. That way he knows that you can relate and aren't trying to be preachy.

Bobbi - posted on 09/12/2009

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What ever you do DO NOT go back on the punishment for smoking weed!!!!! If it is working good for you this kind of thing is important to stop.

Annie - posted on 09/09/2009

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My son started smoking pot at 17 and he is now 18 and still doing it, I would punish him at 17 but now that he is 18 he does not listen at all to me, I worry because my other children knows what he doing, So please stick to your punishments for smoking weed.

Meesha - posted on 09/08/2009

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Well, I think your doing the right thing so far. Just don't got toooo long on punishment. They become Numb to it. I punished my son for months at a time and found that he started becoming depressed. 2weeks to a month is long enough, anything longer than that is Solitary Confinement and that's not good. On another note, be sure to keep the agreement for the term of punishment for smoking weed. If not, they will not take it serious. Con't the random test. I wish I had. Good Luck!

Donna - posted on 09/08/2009

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Dont ease up on the punishment for smoking weed, as you will appear to them to be push overs, stick to the amount of time you grounded them for. I use to give in early in the punishment department, and the children reverted back to the behaviour that I didn't like.

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