What is the best way to deal with a moody teenager she drives me insane

Michele - posted on 03/18/2009 ( 64 moms have responded )

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she drives me insane if I ask her to do something she rolls her eyes and now she has started shouting at her younger brother and sister so I keep asking her not to and to be patient with them or fetch me and I will tell them off, but it is really getting me down that I feel as if I cant do anything right to make her happy

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Ail - posted on 09/03/2012

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I'm just entering this phase with my 14 year old. I read all the replies, before writing, so I feel a sense of community with you. And, I do remember being absolutely awful to my mom, so I feel that karma kicking in... oy!



The good news is, it's a phase. The bad news is that it lasts 3ish years. They go from adoring you and sharing all their feelings and dreams, to locking you out both emotionally and physically. They are miserable and there is nothing YOU can do to fix it, because the truth is you aren't the problem. I am beginning to think of it as a temporary mental illness. They are completely inside their own heads and during this phase, there is no empathy. It's all about me, me, me. They may lie or just not share all the details of what's going on in their lives, because they want to figure it all out on their own and they truly believe they are smarter than you. They ask a question or advice, then they give you the eye rolling, huffy breath and storm away, mid-sentence. Then, when you lease expect it, for a brief moment, the sweet little girl shows up and reminds you of the "good ol' days".



You are definitely not alone. I didn't even see it coming, but it's here, so I am going to pray that she only makes the small mistakes, and I'm going to work on getting a thicker skin, so my feelings aren't constantly hurt. And although I usually don't like her these days, I will always love her and hold out hope that she will one day realize all the sacrifice, love and opportunity I've given her because nobody could love her as much as I do.

Yvonne - posted on 05/12/2010

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wow...There are other moms out there going through this too! I have felt so alone dealing with my 14 year old daughter. I too have 2 younger sons, whom look up to their older sister. My daughter never seems to have a nice word to say about anyone in our house. All she does is lay on the couch, and gets mad if we ask her to do something as simple as pick up her clutter from the living room table. It's like venom pours out of her mouth if asked to do something she doesn't want to do. I,like a comment under mine, try to take on doing everything myself. It does make you depressed and unhappy. Plus, what kind of an example is she setting for the other children? Everyone tells me "it's just the age"...but how are we to cope with this for the next 4 years? I'm tired of getting treated like a second class citizen in my own home! Any suggestions?

Koran67 - posted on 03/25/2012

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I just found this site last night & can't wait to read the responses and figure out the best way to deal with "moody teenage daughter". Mine is about to turn 15 next month and yesterday by far was one of the worst ever! She is out of control and we are oil and water together. Her Dad and I are in the process of divorcing and she doesn't get along with him either, so that is not an option. She is very close to her brother which is helpful. I feel like I am losing my mind. When she wants to be sweet she is wonderful to be around. She really is a beautiful girl, smart, funny, makes good decisions outside the home, good student, but when it comes to me that is where all the anger is unleashed.

Balanced - posted on 09/29/2012

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Sounds like a fairly typical teen. I used to teach them (eight years) I know its frustrating, but in a lot of ways it is a good sign. She is asserting her independence - something that is completely developmentally appropriate for a kid her age. It might really surprise her if next time you say, "Why are you so frustrated? Can I help". After one conversation with her where you really listen and paraphrase her feelings, express to her that her feelings are hers and she can feel them and even express them if she can do it repsectfully. If she is respectful toward her family members you can be respectful back. Then, next time she acts disrespectfully, If you can calmly respond with. "I don't tolerate disrespect, please take some time to yourself until you are ready to be respectful again" you can express your distaste with her behavior in a respectful way that models the behavior you would like from her. Just keep saying the same thing over and over again until her behavior becomes more respectful. I highly suggest two books, Parenting Teens with Love and Logic, and the Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families. In the meantime, check out pinchxeverything.blogspot (the dotcom goes here) /2012/09/the-mush-brained-adolescent.html for more info about how a teen brain actually works and more suggestions.

Michele - posted on 10/09/2012

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try not to take it personally as its not intended that way. She is coping with all sorts of changes at this time including the dreaded hormones which have a massive effect on mood swings. What she needs more than anything at the moment is for you to remain calm and stable so she feels safe to express herself even if it is to roll her eyes! Its a very difficult time for both teenage and parent - unknown territory for us but we must remember we are the 'adult' and she is going through a transition which she WILL come out of.....all things pass....just try to hold onto that.

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Michele - posted on 10/09/2012

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try not to take it personally as its not intended that way. She is coping with all sorts of changes at this time including the dreaded hormones which have a massive effect on mood swings. What she needs more than anything at the moment is for you to remain calm and stable so she feels safe to express herself even if it is to roll her eyes! Its a very difficult time for both teenage and parent - unknown territory f

Michele - posted on 10/09/2012

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try not to take it personally as its not intended that way. She is coping with all sorts of changes at this time including the dreaded hormones which have a massive effect on mood swings. What she needs more than anything at the moment is for you to remain calm and stable so she feels safe to express herself even if it is to roll her eyes! Its a very difficult time for both teenage and parent - unknown territory for us but we must remember we are the 'adult' and she is going through a transition which she WILL come out of.....all things pass....just try to hold onto that.

Tracie - posted on 10/06/2012

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"When we are at our most unlovable is precisely when we need love the most." ~unknown



When my daughter "pulls attitude" I see it for what it is - she is struggling to deal with something (fear, hormones, workload, sadness, stress) and not winning the struggle, so I offer my help instead of my wrath.



Think about the times you've felt upset, out of control or overwhelmed and your emotions came spilling out. What would help you more at that moment - someone giving you a hug and saying, "Hey, let me help. I'm sorry you're so upset." or someone giving you a nasty attitude right back and taking away your prized possessions? One of these will bridge the gap, the other will widen it. Your daughter is a human being, just like you. She needs you to guide her on how to handle these big emotions.



Show her through your actions that difficulties can be worked through peacefully, especially if you have the help of someone who loves you.



Best of luck to you both.

Swlkr50 - posted on 09/03/2012

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My DD (12) has been acting like it's her against the world for the past year. While she is not blatantly disrespectful she would mutter under her breath, disobey us when she was on punishment, lie habitually about any and everything and not listen to what we were saying in general. This summer my MIL offered to take her for 2 months while she was on summer break and she has now been home for about 3 weeks. The time apart had me and DH evaluate a lot of our parenting skills and how sometimes we let our frustrations get in the way of good communication. I think she also got to see some of the issues that she was dealing with because she was in a girls leadership camp. There are times when I have to stop myself and say "is this a battle worth really fighting or am I nitpicking?" i.e dirty clothes, room, etc ... I know it's hard and was it not for my MIL intervention I do not know where we would be right now.

Melia - posted on 04/03/2012

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Stacy,



Am right there with you!! My daughter was diagnosed with type one diabetes at 9. She is now 15. If I piss her off, she rebels by eating without her insulin. Did you go through the same thing? How do you deal with it?

I use to get angry and it would turn into a screaming match. I tried taking her things away. She would lie. Now, I tell her that doing that isn't hurting me, she's only hurting herself. I get the puppy dog eyes and a soft "I know". But, she still does it. I'm terrorified of the long term effects of diabetes and she uses this as a weapon. Any suggestions on how to cope with this?

Jenn - posted on 02/13/2012

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Help!!!! My daughter seems to be like me when I was a teenager..........friends with problems were my main priority, no matter what the problem was. She has been late and doesn't come home when she is supposed to because she says that she has to be there for her friend. I have taken her phone away and computer........nothing seems to help. It's hard because she has such a kind heart towards her friends but when I'm upset or getting anxiety, she simply doesn't seem to care. She turns my words around.............a very good manipulator.......everything is my fault when she's in trouble. She often tells me now that she hates me and would rather go live in a foster home....like where her friend is heading for real.

After all the angry words, stomping of the feet, slamming doors, throwing things...........having a big fit, i finally get an " I'm sorry, I won't do it again", ugggghhh!!!

Danielle - posted on 09/29/2011

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My daughter is 12 and I also have a 16 year old son and a 2 year old son. The older two are from my husbands first marriage and I adpoted them both a year after we got marriaged (2006). I get the slient treatment and I get the eyes rolling. When I ask them to do something and they make a big deal about it I started yeling, but that doesn't do anything but get the baby upset and also my husband. So I just started trying not to yell and I did just ignore them like they do to me these last past two days and they did what they need to do. I also can't get through to them how important school is and would always have issues. I told my husband to deal with it as he is home when they get home from school. He asked them everyday what homework they have and to start it so I also don't have to deal with anything regarding school and I have noticed that has made a big difference. I thought a lot of it was that I wasn't their birth mother but I see everyone else sems to being having the same issues. I also did get a book from the library about how to repsond and not to react. Just got it but hope it will help. I know I wasn't the greastest teenager for my parents so I believe its sort of pay back in a way. But I just keep praying and hope for the best.

Kristina - posted on 09/29/2011

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Lori,
I feel the same way! It gets to the point that I just say the hell with her! because I can't deal with the attitude, the mouthy talk, the indignant stuff and then turn around and ask for money or clothes. The cops wont/cant do anything and I can understand that its really not their problem, but sometime I need help as to not to really hurt her.

Katherine - posted on 06/17/2009

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for the most part your not going to be able to make her Happy over the screaming of her own Hormones but I have found a deal that works with my 15 year old son. he gets 1/2 hour in his room to lie down and listen to his music with his door closed after school before I ask him to deal with family matters. It lets him close the school chapter in his brain and transition to family without all the pressures from the day hanging unresolved over his head, or like tonight I took the younger kids back to watch a movie in my roon and gave him 90 minutes in the living room that he didn't have to compete for. small bites of the independence they crave mean a lot to them at this stage.

Caroline - posted on 06/17/2009

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please remember when you are pulling your hair out, that being 15 is really hard. just getting by with all that pressure from friends and big exams coming up - please be patient, my girl is 15 and life is really hard just now, so I am trying to remember and not demand anything from her at all.

Tino - posted on 06/17/2009

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When my daughter acts like that towards me, it's usually something else she doesn't know how to deal with... read up on 'active listening', if you haven't already.. takes a lot not to throttle her or jump through hoops trying to please her when she gets like that...

Amanda - posted on 06/16/2009

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wow, Do I ever know what you all mean...I have a 15 year old step daughter. And Her Dad and I have no clue what happened. We see her on every Sunday, until we had a baby now it is what is convenient for her. The thing is she has no responsibilities here. Nothing to get pissy about. And yet she always is... I know it isn't the baby b/c she has brothers and sisters with her bio mom and step dad. But it is like a simple conversation is an effort. My husband and her use to talk every night now it is like they don't even talk at all. You mention the simplest things to her. like she should eat something and she gets soo mad. But my thing is I am afraid that if I don't tell her to eat one she might get an eating disorder which I am full aware of what it does to you personally. But she'll go home and tell her mom that Dad and Amanda ate and fed me nothing. Her Birthday was last week I had offered to throw her a party here and then have her g/f's stay over after.... The whole conversation was 4 mins. and All I got was I'll get back too you.....I never got one response from her. I had private messaged her on June 8th about getting her to scan her hand for fathers day so I could do put it on a back of a tee shirt for her dad (she won't be here on fathers day she is going to her uncles wedding) I didn't get a response. Then when I asked if she had been on facebook... She lied right to her dad and I. We both know that she was one b/c of messages she sent people. I personally wanted to write her a letter to tell her how selfish she is being.... maybe if she read something it would stay in that pretty red head of hers. And realize how much she is hurting other people. OH EXCEPT her aunt ( my husbands sister) And that is b/c she is soo far up this little girls ass that she can't see it. And the worse part is she talks negative about her aunt to her Mom, dad and me. Stating that she can't stand her and how she acts like a teenager....I want to tell her but Then WHO AM I...SIGH.......And it was funny B/c both me and my husband weren't like this a teenagers b/c of our life situation. We both has single moms that we adored and dads that WE fought for a relationship with ( our dads were alcoholics.) I am with ya

Heather - posted on 06/15/2009

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i have 5 children 2 of them teenagers (16 & 18), they are forever moody, i've found the best way to stop them is to be them, if they kick off at me, i use the same attitude to them, even the way they talk, they hate it and soon stop, my 18yr old daughter constantly says" yeah well i'll do it in a min init", so i reply with, "u gonna do it init in a min yeah init", she soon gets up and does what i've asked of her, or if they ask what im doin for dinner i'll jus sit on the couch and ingnore them for a little while, when they ask why i didn't answer straight away i'll reply with something like, "i was acting cool like you do, so i'll fit in with you" in all honesty they jus seem too embarrassed to continue being moody. lol

Wendy - posted on 06/14/2009

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I have 2 girls, 16 and 14. My 16yr old is extremely moody. My 14yr old is the one with the eye rolling and getting loud. We just don't tolerate it. If you want to be moody or obnoxious, go do it in your room, I don't want to deal with it. Try to redirect her. My girls started a band. Whenever they act up, I change the subject to what makes them happy, their music. It generally works unless the're really upset. Good luck!

[deleted account]

I am going through the same thing as well. I have a 17 year old boy. We always had a close talking relationship and really we still do but at a distance. I think mine would be happier if he found a girlfriend.

Annette - posted on 06/12/2009

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We had this same issue with our 13 year old son. In the end, we actually canceled our family spring break trip. We explained that if he wanted to continue to participate in activities like track, cross country and hockey, he needed an attitude change. Then we prayed. And I'll tell you, he became a completely different child within a matter of days. To the extent that he was expressing true interest in my day and my feelings. Then I got this incredible letter from him thanking me for leading him to Jesus and apologizing for his cruel unkind behavior. We still have our days. There are days when the computer and TV are taken away. But, if we stay on it he acts like a loving member of the family.

Be consistent. Be calm. It is our job to raise our civilized, social beings. Every person if valuable and should be treated as such, including mothers and siblings.
I'm praying for you.

Shelly - posted on 06/11/2009

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Michele,

First off it's not your job to make her happy!!! Number two people only treat you the way you allow them to treat you...She needs to figure out what makes her happy and yes you can assist her with that, and try and remember what it was like for you at that age??? The hormones are raging and out of control you just need to treat her how to deal with all of these feelings she's having. As far as the way she is treating the other children you need to put your foot down and ask her how she would feel if you allowed them to talk to her in that manner??? Put it back on her don't allow her to get away with thinking that it's ok for her to treat anyone in that manner...Good Luck

Angela - posted on 06/11/2009

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my daughter is the same she wont do anything for anybody gives me dirty looks all the time. she is really nasty at times, wont pick up her clothes her bedroom is a tip.everything in life is to much trouble she is always moaning she is bored when i suggest we do something she says no. so i have started to ignore her when she goes of on one. she hates it normally after a hour or so she starts acting like a normal person i think its just to be centre of tension when they realise you are not going to play the game they give up. i have also told her she cant use the computer unless she keeps her room tidy and picks up her clothes that worked .

Natasha - posted on 06/11/2009

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Quoting Michele:

What is the best way to deal with a moody teenager she drives me insane

she drives me insane if I ask her to do something she rolls her eyes and now she has started shouting at her younger brother and sister so I keep asking her not to and to be patient with them or fetch me and I will tell them off, but it is really getting me down that I feel as if I cant do anything right to make her happy



I have to say what everyone else is saying. Teens are difficult, why? I don't know ... but I can say - I understand. I have two teenage daughters and only one of them is doing the "typical" teenager thing. You have to set strict guidelines, you do this, this happens. You also have to pick your battles, what really needs your attention right now and what can be discussed later? My step-daughters favorite phrase is - I want to make my own mistakes. Ok, let her. I know that as parents we want to protect them from everything but sometimes, we just can't. Yes, have a curfew, yes you have to be in school, no drugs and alcohol are not tolerated ... etc. You have rules, they break them. In our house, we have a 2 for 2. You commit 2 rule violations, you get 2 weeks. Period. No phone, no TV, no computer, no friends, they don't even eat dinner with the family. Complete restriction - mini jail. This idea came from our family therapist. Does it work? Not all the time, but stuff has gotten a little better.



Furthermore, your job as a parent is not to "MAKE" your daughter happy. That comes from within herself. She is making her life the way it is. She is making things difficult. Once you start placing "blame" where it goes, things will get better at least for you.



When my step-daughter starts yelling at the younger children, I remove them from the situation. Tell them that is not nice that their sister talks to them that way. Maybe explain a better way, but in the end you have taken away the point of interest for your daughter. Then she no longer has power. Yes, I know if you're like most moms you have 5mil things to do! Sometimes, they can wait; especially if you don't want your youngsters to learn bad manners and be abused by their family member.



In the end, I think all teens are seeking power; over themselves, their lives and those around them. Some learn brute force, some learn manipulations and some learn the way life actually works.



Good luck! I'm here if you need to bend a ear or just wanna get away! :)

Barbara - posted on 06/11/2009

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First thing is to recognize it is not just you. Your daughter is going through adolescence a time I have defined as the "turbulent teens" everyone has heard of terrible twos but this is equally trying time for parents. Communication is key. Let her know this is a normal phase of life and you are going to get through it however there are some boundaries that need to be in place. Let her know you understand she may be upset but shouting is not acceptable. If she feels the need to shout remove herself until she calms down then calmly discuss what is going on. Be patient with yourself and your daughter. Remember you are the parent and you have nothing to prove you are in charge. This is a great time to model the behavior you want her to display. Pick the battles don't let everything become a major battle. When it is unbearable state I know you are upset so when you are calm lets talk because I love you and I want us to get through this together. Hope this helps.

Leanna - posted on 06/11/2009

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Call your nearest bookstoe & get a copy of "Get Out of my Life, but First Would You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall?"

Her behavior is normal; don't take it personally or too seriously, Love her, but don't chase her; be just a bit aloof and let her come to you. She needs you and loves you as much as ever; I promise!

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when someone finds the answers let me know...lol..i have three daughters also..21,15and 10....its kinda like be careful which battle you pick...i dont pick very many..

my middle child gives me the worst of all of them...her dad died when she was 8 and as she grew older i have found that she never really dealt with it...i take her to therapy,got her on meds...shes gotten herself kicked out of school...and now shes going into a program like alternative school [stricter] for 45 days..she doesnt like authority and she has the dontcare attitude..im at my limits and i have come to the point that she will learn the hard way....i hope..i cant do everything for her...now she wants to quit school when she turns seventeen...i ttold her that is not something she really wants to do in these times...but what do i know ,im just a mom...lol LIVE AND LEARN..we all did..

Lee-Anne - posted on 06/10/2009

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Quoting Janis:



I am going through this with my daughter and son also!  It is very frustrating and hard.  My daughter is especially horrible around her PMS time.  She treats everyone in the family like dirt--including the animals!  Last month what seemed to work was we took her phone away--as they live to text with their friends.  We told her we would give it back to her as soon as we saw improvement in her attitude around us all.  She didn't seem to be too upset at loosing her phone--I really think kids want us to define clear boundaries with them and her attitude improved within 2 days and she got her phone back.  PMS is coming up again soon and we shall see!! LOL





Ditto on the PMS time, I have found that if she takes a vitamin B supplement she is almost back to her old self. Its when she forgets to take it I get stuck with this 16 year old terror.



We are all in the same boat, its just the steering that differs from house to house.



 



I can say I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.



 



Good luck to all

Michele - posted on 03/30/2009

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I know what you mean!  I have a 14 yr. old girl and she does the same exact thing!! You start to take it personally. But I'm glad to see I'm not the only one with this issue. Good luck. We'll both need it!!

Christa - posted on 03/30/2009

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i don't know but let me know when you find out!!! my 14 year old daughter is driving me out of my mind.i can't seem to get anything right.

[deleted account]

what ever you do, try not to yell it makes them more angry with you and they don't seem to remember the good times only the bad

Arlene - posted on 03/29/2009

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After reading all below boy am i glad i am not alone. My 15yr old daughter can be a real piece of work, especially playing her dad and i against eachother for what she wants. He is remarried and has lost his mind and believes everything she says, dumb ass. Anyway, she has a great heart i cant wait until she calms down, now i know what i put my mom through, thank god i had the chance to tell her how sorry i was before she died! Hang in there!!!!!!!!

Karen - posted on 03/28/2009

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I have 3 girls 12,14,16 and the 16 yr old is moody.  I try to enjoy what good times we have and cherish them.  When she's in a  mood, I leave her alone and walk away.  I let her throw her tantrums unless they get out of hand and then I go in pulling mom on her.  I have to say, I've been blessed and they are not as bad as a friend of mine.  She has 3 girls same ages and her 14yr old hits her and her sisters, got kicked out of schooll, etc.  I give my girls room to grow and learn some independence.  You raised them and now..lets see where it takes them!!



 

User - posted on 03/28/2009

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I have a house full of girls, they are 19, 17 and 13. I tell you that if we didn't have the eye rolling and the screaming and the door slamming.....I might forget they were there. I have to tell you first and foremost that I was given the best girls in the world, but even the best have their days. When we have these types of issues around the house, I turn in to them. I roll my eyes, go to my room and slam my door and crank up my stereo so I don't have to hear them and if it gets too bad I go on strike. I will not cook, I will not take them anywhere, I will not give them money....I'm virtually not there. Now, you have to realize that most of this strike stuff works only on the youngest one since she is the one who depends on me the most, the others make their own money, they have cars and pretty much do for themselves. BUT, I have used this strategy for quite a few years now. I have been divorced and raised my girls alone for the last 10 years while working a full-time night shift job. Good Luck.........I hope it gets better for you. Siblings will fight and argue, they just have to learn to work it out.

Patty - posted on 03/27/2009

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I also have a thirteen year old girl and have already found myself wondering how long I can take this. They can be brutal at this age. My brain says it goes with the age group but sometimes they just break your heart. But I sure wouldn't want to be 13 again so I try to feel some sympathy - not always an easy thing to do. It is great to read everyone else's posts. At least we are all in this together.

Lynn - posted on 03/24/2009

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wow.... "me too?!"



My daughter is driving me insane as well. 



She is so smart... never had to work at school at all. Now she is a freshman (15 y.o.) in all honors courses including an advanced placement class where she is the only freshman...and is now just dicking off!!! Straight A's have dropped to low b's and c's... totally absorbed with her phone, won't do anything to help out around here, gripes about every last thing, treats her little brothers like dung (one is almost 5, the other is 8), yells and screams at her dad and me, says she wants to move out and.....



 



Has decided she doesn't want to go to college! 



 



I swear, I sit and think *where did I go wrong???*



 



I love the girl with all my heart, but I don't like her. And that makes me so sad.

Linda - posted on 03/24/2009

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I went through and am still going through it. The best advice I can give you is stay true to your rules don't let your guard down. My daughter is very mean on her period I actually put her on generic prozac .Helps a little not much. I went through this with a boy and I was not going through it again . This is why I had the Dr. put her on the med.. I took her texting away from her for two weeks man I thought she was going to die. Ha ha. It works Verizon rep said it was a good tool. just call and tell them to put it on hold. REMEMBER STICK TO YOUR WORK and I also found with a daughter talk as much as you can my mom did'nt talk about boys and whats going on in my life at those years. Teenagers are so confused they are tied between a kid and an adult .They will make a lot of mistakes but I found out the best way is for them to find out themselves. Best of Luck!



Linda

Linda - posted on 03/24/2009

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I went through and am still going through it. The best advice I can give you is stay true to your rules don't let your guard down. My daughter is very mean on her period I actually put her on generic prozac .Helps a little not much. I went through this with a boy and I was not going through it again . This is why I had the Dr. put her on the med.. I took her texting away from her for two weeks man I thought she was going to die. Ha ha. It works Verizon rep said it was a good tool. just call and tell them to put it on hold. REMEMBER STICK TO YOUR WORK and I also found with a daughter talk as much as you can my mom did'nt talk about boys and whats going on in my life at those years. Teenagers are so confused they are tied between a kid and an adult .They will make a lot of mistakes but I found out the best way is for them to find out themselves. Best of Luck!



Linda

Shannon - posted on 03/24/2009

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My son who is 15 does this when HE is going threw something in his own life. I see that when I am more understanding with him and talk to him in a loving manner and dont critisize him he is much more open to talk to me.. He calmes down too and says he is sorry and loves me and all that good stuff that we love. So maybe just try to remember what she is going threw....pressures at school and from he friends and from her parents tooo

good luck

Alison - posted on 03/24/2009

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Quoting Annette:

Well it is nice to hear that we are not the only ones to have to put up with teenagers and their moods! i have1 son 23 and two daughters aged 21 and 18. And at times they are the best of friends but mostly at each others throats.. and the rest of the time annoying me... i to get the rolled eyes and the "you got no idea mum" answers to everything..but honestly the girls are ten times worse than the boy. I to give back what they dish out and it seams to work sometimes.. i honestly believe in the power of letters ..i write to my girls to tell them how im feeling and give them the chance to write back and we seem to get through things that way because when you approach anyone with a complaint ,their first reaction is to defend them selves ..and it can get nastey...i find they dont listen, but love to read little notes and theres no one to answer back to that way... Try it... and good luck Michele



your not giving us any hope that it will end soon, with the ages of your children.lol

Nancy - posted on 03/23/2009

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To every mother of teenagers...especially girls. I have 3 of them, age 19 and 13 year old twins and trust me the attitude flies around here. But I just keep reminding them that I too was a teenager in need of an attitude adjustment and that I basically perfected everything that they try to throw at me. Just stand your ground with her. She wants you to set the boundries and to abide by them. Remember we were all that age once and if my memory serves me right it is not the nicest time of life. I don't care what anyone says, being a teenager is scary, for both the parents and the teen.

Terralyn - posted on 03/23/2009

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Honestly, My daughter started that at about 13 and a half and kept it up till she was 15. It was like 15 was the magic number and she turned back into my daughter again. I just kekpt reminding myself that I really did love this child and tried everything from grounding to extra chores but seriously the thing thaat workd best for me was taking away her cell phone and internet privilages. no contact with her friends was torture and it seemed to change her. Don't get me wrong the attitude came back and I had to do the same thing all over again. But it worked for a while and was at least somewhat of a break from the attitude.



 



All I can really say is hang in there, the child you love really is under that attitude somewhere.

Emie - posted on 03/23/2009

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My daughter is almost 16 and my other is 14, both of my girls have tried the rolling of the eyes to find that mom and dad DO NOT put up with it and demand and deserve respect. The moods are bad with my oldest, but found that (not saying this is for all) putting her on birth control pills to level her hormones...I have to say my daughter is not even close to having sex right now, but the pills have been a blessing. She said that she is able to control her moods easier while on them, trust me when she runs out and we go a few weeks without them, you definately see a huge difference. I have talked to her when she has been in good moods to find out what goes through her head when she is being moody and she tells me that she is just angry, moody, and everything makes her mad. I asked if there is anything that I can say or do to help and she said that no matter what anyones says or does she is just moody and doesn't know why. So now after being on the pill she said that she feels relieved like she was almost a prisioner and now she is the one in control. Like I said this isn't for everyone and I also had her tyroid checked since tyroid problems are on my husbands side and that can effect their moods, and her doc said that this is common and we are hoping that it will level out and she can get off the pills soon. BTW I have a great relationship with my daughters where they talk to me about anything, but I have never told them that I am their friend. I tell them that they can tell me anything because unlike a friend I want more for them than I want for myself. I am their protector, their shoulder to cry on, their nurse, their taxi, their chef, their banker, and I love them and best of all I'm their MOM! Good luck!

Tanika - posted on 03/23/2009

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I am going through the same thing with my 16 year old son, he is mean and moody, and he really irks my nerves, I find myself having to count to ten and just walking away from him before I lose my temper, but lately he has been frustrating his father too, so know it's becoming really hard to walk away when my husband wants to bash him too, so I guess my best advice is to walk away and let all involved, to cool off then address the issue.

[deleted account]

wow..im not alone! My 16 yr old has been driving me crazy for years with attitude, but these last couple havebeen unbareable. The tone of her voice and the eye rolling....wow. Shes diabetic also so her moods can be magnified. I hope i can make it through these years...but somedays, i dont know

[deleted account]

wow..im not alone! My 16 yr old has been driving me crazy for years with attitude, but these last couple havebeen unbareable. The tone of her voice and the eye rolling....wow. Shes diabetic also so her moods can be magnified. I hope i can make it through these years...but somedays, i dont know

Laura - posted on 03/22/2009

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What we need to do is remember when we were teenagers and how we felt. The whole world was against us and nothing we did was good enough. I have a 14 yr old son who is about to start high school. When he starts with his attitude, which isn't very often, I remind him that I am his mother and what I say goes. I also will sit and talk to my son and listen to what he is saying no matter how trivial. To him it is important. They do live in their own world at times. Their teenage world.

[deleted account]

Pick your battles. It is best to choose which battle you want to open with her. All teenager go through that stage. I remember when I was like that. Sometimes we tend to lose ourselves and forget how hard it was being a teenager. You have to put yourself in her place and remember how she feels. I am not saying cater to her, but just remember how touchy every subject was and how hard it was to trust someone. The best thing you can do for her is to let her know that you are available for when she wants to talk, not just when you want her to talk. A little space and a lot of love is the best solution.

Ann Hilde - posted on 03/22/2009

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You and me too..:) Let me remind you that teenager's brains aren't fully developed, and that they often "shut down" when they face stressors, like yelling moms or annoying siblings... I say like the dog whisperer: make sure your teenager are in a "calm state" when adressing her/him with serious issues.



 



I have come down to some simple, basic house rules: all members of the family must be respected, or benefits will be withdrawn. I also choose my battles carefully- that is perhaps the most important for us with these monsters in house. Constant nagging is not Ok for anyone, and least of all me. I rather get strict on revocing benefits, without any discussions. There has-thanks- not been so much screaming, as more modest slamming with doors. It stills bug the neighbours though..... 



 



 

Rachel - posted on 03/20/2009

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I am right there with you!! It def isn't easy, but you will get through it. My daughter will be 17 and my son is 8. Welll they fight like they are the same age.. drives me nuts... I do not like the way she screams at him... so to nip that in the bud... I started taking things away from her and let her know that everything she has is a luxury. Except for food, clothing and shelter...there is no law book that says we must provide them with cell phones, eyebrows waxed,etc... you get my point... the thing that gets to teens is taking away there outside communication (take the laptop and cell phone) let her get a little taste of that and see how good she has it... they take it for granted if they don't earn it or buy it.. give her chores and if there not done..no money... it is going to take a lot for you to stick with it... but you will see a change.. trust me..

Michele - posted on 03/20/2009

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Quoting Colleen:



I would love to offer some good, sound advise, but like everyone else below I am in the same boat as you.  It's so nice to know that I am not alone.  I get the eye rolling and the vacant I'm-not-really-listening-to-you look too!  Her brother is 6 yrs younger than her (she is 14 going-on 21) and that is also a source of tension, plus he has just started back chatting too!  I try to avoid conflict by just doing everything myself but that's not a solution because when it becomes too much, then I end up depressed.  And they wonder why I yell alot!    Keep your wits about you and your spirits high!  Good luck to all us!






thanks colleen its good to hear we are not alone, I know what you mean about yelling you start to feel like your constantly moaning and having a go, we actually had a good day on sunday and did lots of gardening and worked together as a family, (she even made a picnic for us all while I was at the garden centre), it felt good to be together and remember you do love them (they do make you wonder), but alas come monday morning we was back to the stress and showing of in front of people by coming back at me over every thing, if I said the grass was green she would have to disagree and say it was pink lol.



I agree to the last statement Good Luck To us all....we need it x x x

Michele - posted on 03/20/2009

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wow this is fantastic I was starting to feel like it was all my fault and at last I am relising I am not alone in this frustration, I have tried the letter writing (but never got a repy just a OH?) and talking back the same but that seemed to make it worse, but it helps to know you are not alone in this, and that it's not all our fault, that is such a relief thanks all for your help and engouragment you have made my day, hopefully it will help and we may find a magic cure :), take care all Michelexxx

Nakiya - posted on 03/20/2009

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I have a 14 year old daughter that has bcome completly insane with hormones and crazy actions, from sneaking out to doing drugs. She was on probation for assult, and she thinks the world revolves around her. Her father and I are not together and after her last "run away" I had had enough. I have 2 smaller children that she was being mean to, and my husband and her didnt get along at all. So She now is living with her father. She decided that she hated me and my husband and wanted to live with her father. Now it has been almost a year since she has been gone and all she talks about is comming home, that she hates it there and made a huge mistake. Im tired, Im about to start school again after so many years and Im actually afraid to let her come home, only because I know that she has not changed, shes 14 and a brat!!! I love her with all my heart but now I dont know what to do. I want her home, as i did before she even left, and I dont want her home because it has been much easier on myself the other 2 kids and my husband, I dont know what to do!!!

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