what to do if you suspect drug use in your teen?

Kim - posted on 02/12/2009 ( 16 moms have responded )

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I found something in my son's room that leads me to think that my son is smoking pot. WHAT SHOULD I DO?



PLEASE HELP!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Angela - posted on 02/15/2009

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Hi Kim,I am a newbee to this sight but your post really caught my attention.I have a son that has some major problems but about two years ago ,bad went from worse.The thing is todays pot that we think of from our teen years is not alot of the pot today.I knew my son was starting to smoke weed and was extreemly concerned,talked to professionals about it,they said talk to him,leave the lines of communications open but not to freak out cause well its ONLY pot.The police now tell me pot is not just pot anymore,,in 90% of the time it is laced with something stronger.less then a month later my son went missing and I had the worse week in my life.I searched in a world I just thought was in movies,honest!!I am a small town mom in the city talking to gang members,prositutes,,etc.We found my son in a meth house with a woman that takes kids,drugs them gets them dealing for her then prostitutes them.I am not saying this to scare you I just think your first insticts are usually right and not to ignore them or just think ,,oh well its just pot...Oh my son still has problems but he is in school now and is doing pretty good but we have a pretty honest and open relationship...just alot of stuff to get there.

Concetta - posted on 02/12/2009

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Personally, i would ask them directly in a calm manner. depending on there response take it from there, but remember stay calm, show and tell them they can come and talk to you about anything.



If nothing comes of that and you are still adement they are taking drugs ask an uncle or auntie, they might particulary get on with, to do it. That way  they are not answering to 'mum' or 'dad'.



That one seems to work very well with me and my daughter at some very difficult of situations!

Sherry - posted on 02/27/2009

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Kim....Don't think that your teen will be truthful with you if they are using drugs.  They know they should not be doing it and they also know that you will be upset with them.  Like most drug users, they will most likely lie.  I would trust my Mom instincts...and if you have found things, then be up front with them and show them what you have found.  Don't be afraid to confront...You are the parent, you have the power at this point.  I was doing drug counseling and my son was using for 4 years before I knew about it....  We went into drug counseling and into family group with him....(other kids using and their parents)  If nothing else it gave us other parents to talk with that were going through the same stuff.  It also gave him information on what the drug was really doing to him.  Kids think pot is no big deal, but the pot that is out there now has little if no reflection of the pot of the 60's or 70's.  Remember...If your gut tells you there might be a problem, don't ignore it.  We also began to do home drug testing....with my husband standing right there while he went into the cup....They will try all kinds of things to get around it....other people's urine in condoms, bottles ect.  Pot stays the system for about 30 days because the THC clings to the fat cells.  The best way to get a sample is to just surprise them with it.  That way they don't have time to think about how to get around you.  Good luck.  I feel for you.  Raising kids today is tough.  There is too much for them to get into.  I agree with Shelly Burton...trust went out the window the second you found what ever you found that made you "think" he was doing drugs.  I wouldn't worry about him being angry at you either...  He will understand when he is older and his mid brain connects to his frontal lobe.  Right now you have to be the one who draws the boundary lines.  jGood luck, and I too will pray for you.

Pati - posted on 02/12/2009

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Well you need to talk to him, openly and honestly and rationally, and that might be difficult. Im not sure how you two get along or communicate, but hopefully he will be honest with you.



I found my daughter doing some drinking and she lied to me about it, I had thought about how I was going to handle it while giving her a few days to come clean with me. She got in more trouble for lying to me than for breaking any other rule.



I went online and found this site drug test your teen dot com, they had several kinds that tested for a whole gamit of drugs so I went with the all of them even tabacco. My daughter never tested positive for anything, thankfully, but I caught her drinking once at 14 and she was randomly tested from then on. To be honest she said it has made it so much easier to say sorry I cant my mom tests me when she is out and someone has offered anything to her.  She says its a great out for her.  Good Luck

Shelly - posted on 02/12/2009

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Kim,



  You do what I did you go down to the local drug store and buy a home drug test.  Thier not very expencive.  And then you have dad go into the bathroom and watch him teenkle in the cup.  And then you test him...Trust went out the window when you found what ever it was you found.  Better to be safe than sorry and if it comes up neg.  then at least he knows your watching and may think twice before he puts him in that situation.  Good Luck and I will keep you in my prayers mainly that you don't kill him!!! (HA HA)

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Angela - posted on 03/26/2009

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Aman to that. Just watch out for suicidal signs. If you ever see those get help immediately.

Tracy - posted on 03/26/2009

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I have read several of the responses. My daughter is 18 and thank the good Lord, she has never done major drugs, I dont even think she has smoked pot. I dont want this to sound bad, but I think back to when I was that age. I did smoke pot, but nothing else. There are a lot worse things they can do and sometimes the more you take, or ground, or rave, ect.... the worse it is.  Im having a bit of a problem with my daughter at this time, but not with drugs, sometims the only thing you can do is make sure they know you love them, tell them that you trust them, to remember their morals, and send them out the door with a prayer every time they leave the house. Talk to them about how things were when you were that age. There are a lot worse things out there than pot, Im not saying I want my daughter doing it, but if that is all we have to worry about, I think we are ok, I would rather them do that than drink.  Just pray about it, talk to him, he knows you know, and honestly the one thing I read that I do agree with is this, from now on, dont believe a word he says, he should know that you know, and just that alone can put something in their mind to think they may not want to betray your confidence. They are going to have to earn your confidence.  I am 43 years old, my father is 83, to this day, even though I can tell him things I never thought I would, I cant do anything without thinking what he would do or think of me for doing it.  thing is, I also found out my father wasnt perfect, I always thought he was, let your kids know your not, and dont expect them to be. As I said love them and pray a lot,

Angela - posted on 03/26/2009

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there is the boystown national(USA) hotline(which by the way you can call for problems with teenage girls also and the teens can call themselves if they need help also) it is 1-800-448-3000 available 24-7 website www.boystown.org it is a great resource for all kinds of things. You are not alone.

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Take it all off him and send him off for the night and get stoned urself lol..... no seriously you might need to get some professional advice about this ..... in the uk we have a helpline called frank that people can ring for advice ..... see if there is anything like that

Angela - posted on 03/26/2009

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You did not mention if it was paraphanalia or an actual drug. If its the drug then yes, the kid is probably using and not "just holding it for someone else" as they will usually answer



I am in the same situation. I suspect my kid is on something But since my son has been in trouble before he has a juvinile officer and I thought about it and finally broke down and talked to him. By the symptoms the JO believes it might be perscription drugs as they are the "IN" thing these days. They steal pills from parents not even knowing what they are for and just mix and match with each other and take a few or more. My son is already in counseling but sometimes i think he is on something and i already have busted him for drinking before and caught him lying. So i thought about it long and hard and broke down and jasked his JO to go ahead and spot check him with a drug test because even though they usually do it he had not on my son. If he tests positive he will be sent to a local teen treatment center. If I am wrong then it must be something psychological. I have already set up a full evaluation because I watch my sons posts on myspace. I used to cringe about myspace but since I let him start one since he turned 15 I actually know more about how he is feeling since he lets it be known to the world!

Gina - posted on 03/25/2009

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Quoting Kelly:



Some very good info on here from parents who have been through similar situations.  Shelly Burton and Sherry Marsh make excellent point and suggestions that will help when dealing with a teen on drugs.  Taking the door off and removing everything except the bed and dresser may seem harsh but if the child cannot obey by the rules at home "no drugs" then they will be monitored.  If they do not shape up the next step for the safety of the child would be in-house rehab.  Some parents find this harsh but it does work....have been through it with my boyfriends son.  The at home pee tests are an excellent idea to help build trust with the child again.






I have a 16 year old who I also suspected. I did exactly what you mentioned. I took her door off, I took all her belongings except for what the law says I must provide her with. I stop buying her extra things when we went to the store. I stop giving her money, if she said she needed something I went with her to but it. You name I have done yet. Yet she still managed to get away. Now, she runs away! So, sometimes no0 matter what youtry it still doesn'tr help. We have looked into a treatment facility for her.

Pam - posted on 03/01/2009

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Kim....I agree with a lot of the replies also....I know some girls who started out using pot when they were around 15.....it is a gateway drug...it is the beginning of a bad road ahead...they continued using and then went to cocaine...they finally stopped just before. One stopped just before she finished high school and the other continued going to rehab twice, and not until she had a baby...stopped using....she is now dealing with a brain lesion as a result of her chemical dependency....their experience has made a big impact on my 14 year old daughter....and prayerfully she will stay away from the drugs also...

Kelly - posted on 02/28/2009

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Some very good info on here from parents who have been through similar situations.  Shelly Burton and Sherry Marsh make excellent point and suggestions that will help when dealing with a teen on drugs.  Taking the door off and removing everything except the bed and dresser may seem harsh but if the child cannot obey by the rules at home "no drugs" then they will be monitored.  If they do not shape up the next step for the safety of the child would be in-house rehab.  Some parents find this harsh but it does work....have been through it with my boyfriends son.  The at home pee tests are an excellent idea to help build trust with the child again.

Shelly - posted on 02/28/2009

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Kim,



  That's were you need to decide what kind of consequences you want to dish out...As for us we took his bedroom door off and took every thing out of his room except his bed and dresser...and as we tested him when he had a clean test we would give him something back.  He still doesn't have a door on his room...and it will be awhile before I trust him to do that..I hope this helps 



oh if you end up with another dirty test then you head straight for rehab...but make sure that he knows this in advance that is what is going to happen!!!

Kathy - posted on 02/28/2009

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Hi there, I agree 100% with shelly. I suspected my daughter when she was 12 years old. She was hanging around some not so good friends and she would tell me that they smoked weed so one night she came home from her friends house and did not look right so i went to walgreens and bought a drug test kit and it works and it was great! Now my daughter knows that i will be watching. There are times where a month or longer would go by and i just randemly test her just to make sure that im watching.

Kim - posted on 02/19/2009

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Thank you everyone... I am glad that I am not alone and most of the comments are pretty much what I have been hearing everywhere.  But here is another question... What do you do if they do test positive?  I haven't tested him yet but will. 



Thanks again.



Kim

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