What to do with a disrespectful 16 year old boy?

BARBARA - posted on 05/07/2013

what do i do with an 17yr old boy who is disrespectful skips classes i fell to mention that i,m his guardian my sister adopted , but 2 yrs ago lost her battle to cancer i took care of her at her home until she passed away no one wanted to take him or his baby brother who was9 at the time and an sister who was 16 at the time i have took all them to all sorts of doctors including grief counsulors totaling over a year he is an habitual lair been in an reach program still doing the same behavoirs as will as cursing me out i am about at the end of my ropes he is constantly bringing other person belongings home even when i tell him not to help me help this child who says he doesnt want no authority over himbut yet wants to stay in my home im not having this much longer TIRED !!!!!!!

Lizzy - posted on 04/30/2013

omg you hit the nail on the head! My son saw how his father treated me and his current gf and now can be abusive towards me...apple doesn't fall far from the tree

Leanne - posted on 04/11/2013

They seem to think they are above any curfew or disciplinary action that you hand out... I too have locked my son out of the house as he is abusive using foul language calling me ugly fat and useless... sometimes I wonder how I can look at him with love

T - posted on 04/10/2013

It's boot camp or scared straight time. Let him see what it's like in an atmosphere where he will not have a choice. He will have to follow rules that the staff give him. He is sixteen a juvenile you still have time to work with him when he turns 18/yo,that's adult jail time. I work with juveniles each week and some say only if they would have just listened to their parents.

RR - posted on 04/10/2013

My 16 year old son has been steadily failing his school courses. From 9th grade he would say, "it'll get better", same in 10th grade. Now in 11th grade, he says it's "too late", as his counsellor has said his GPA is 2.0. He's become physically aggressive and disrespectful. He comes home from school and eats and eats (everything he can find) then goes to sleep! When I try to stop him, he pushes me out of his room. I have given up on him being normal now. Don't know why he has become like this. He blames me for watching him and yells at me for checking his grades and "being on his case" . Our doors are broken as well as windows from his force. sometimes I lock him out so that he can't sleep and eat all the time. I am so stressed , because I know he should be studying and doing homework as he is naturally intelligent, but all he does is laze around. I take his Xbox and phone away but he drives me craZy. I just want him to go away somewhere so we can have some peace in the house. College is too far off and who knows if he'll get in anyway. Does anyone know where I can send him so that he can learn the value of all we provide for him and learn to be grateful for everything his family is? He takes everything for granted and has such a sense of entitlement that I wish he could go to live in an orphanage to see what it feels like to not have anything or anyone. I know it sounds harsh but I've become so bitter and at my wits end. Dont know what to do anymore...

Tana - posted on 03/27/2013

In reply to Cade...It really hard to know what is the best parenting style to use in raising kids, today. Not all kids/people are the same and respond differently. I have 15 and 17 year old grandsons that we are raising and they are as different as day and night. The 15 year old is the one that presents the challenges. He does what he wants to do. He does comply with curfews and the rule of needing to 'ask' before making plans or going somewhere. But things that need his self-control and common sense to be used, when he knows he shouldn't be doing it, brings more pressure and stress into our home than I can handle. I am his grandmother and the concerns/stress that he creates with his lack of caring about things that he needs to be concerned about drives us apart. I continue to care for him, provide him with a clean, stable, safe enviornment to grow in..but I don't know if he recognizes it as our loving him. I am with him more than his grandfather, due to his work schedule, so my responses are out of a since of wanting to protect him from himself, but as I have been told by him, sound like I am nagging him. I love him and I do point out the times that he does make good choices..but when he doesn't make good choices I point that out to him, also..one isn't more loving than the other. He is loved, he just doesn't see it as love when I point out the choice he made as the reason for the result. I am at the point of not saying anything, anymore, just letting him learn from the consequences...Nothing I say or am doing seems to make a difference in his choices, anyway.

Kelly - posted on 03/27/2013

I'm new to this site and i certainly didn't post the below comment that says go away! I too have a 16 yr old boy that wants no rules at all. My situation went from bad to worse bec i have a paternal grandmother that likes to undermine everything i say and do. Evil woman. Anyhow, He has left home now and is staying with the witch and nothing i can do bec of his age. The police have told me over and over he can't be forced home. For now i have had to Let go and Let God, but it's killing me. Worried he's so stubborn he won't talk to me anymore. Our relationship was fine prior to Sept 2012. My son got upset that his Uncle embarrassed him by going to the girlfriends house to advise it's not ok to sleepover there. Eversince then he hasn't spoken to my brother, my mother and now because i tried to step in and get him to forgive and forget he no longer will talk to me either. I just don't get it. He's so cold hearted, no remorse for his actions. Since then the grandmother has incl him in harrassment thru the authorities. I have had DCF at my house several times, the police, fugitive task force, i get harrassing phone calls that i know are coming from her and nothing i can do to stop her. The phone calls i'm being told by police are untraceable, but i WILL NOT GIVE UP..... Sorry so much trouble with your son. Hope it has all worked out? Interested to know of the outcome.

Kelly - posted on 03/25/2013

go away !

Tracy - posted on 03/21/2013

I have the same son. I want for him to have a job to make his own money and have to pay for taking the girlfriend out to dinner and for any thing he needs/wants, knowing where he would be, (the job hopefully). My husband on the other hand has trained him in tennis.... for his entire childhood/teenage years... he is just now 17, and husband thinks he needs tennis... I think he needs to join the rest of us in reality and work. I worked at his age, 3-11 pm and made my own money. I never had to ask my parents for cash, had my own. I think the world has changed so much the rules I grew up with don't work anymore, especially when you have a husband who... lived a different life, no job. Money and "tennis" for heavens sake. At times when I see tennis raquets I want to lay them out on the driveway and drive over them.

Lori - posted on 03/12/2013

First of all I know just how you feel .My 16 year old has ODD AND ADHD and PTSD and i just found out that he is slightly on the edge of having Asperger's syndrome and on top of that his has Narcissistic Personality Disorder and it sucks. He takes everything out on me. I know it's because i'm his mom because in my opinion kids tent to walk all over the mother and not the fathers. So he walks all over me never listens. He tells me he wishes i were dead and that he has a different mother and just the other day he told me to go die in a whole and that was because i grounded him for the day because i was giving me a problem with his chores the day before. I do have to say that he doesn't really act that way towards other people unless they are women and he can be very nice and he can be the sweetest kid when he wants to be. He doesn't really give me a hard time when when my husband is home but if my husband leaves to go to the store or is just outside or when he leaves to go to work he just starts acting out. I'm so tired of everyone telling me that he acts like that because he feels safe and he knows that i won't hurt him and it is true but sometimes i just want to scream. And i feel like i am going crazy but i do have to say i love him very much and i won't trade him for all the money in the world. So when he doesn't listen and he starts breaking the rules I tell him that he has to follow the rules and if he doesn't like it to bad because he is not the only one that has to do things that he doesn't want to do in life. And then i say do you think i want to spend the day cleaning the house and paying the bills no but if i don't do it how do you think it is going to get done because i don't think you want to do all the housework and pay all the bill but I'm willing to let you do it so you can do the few things that you have now or you can start doing the whole house so what is it going to be the few chores you have now or would you like me to write a list of all the things i do so you do miss anything and that way you will know where to start. He doesn't like it but he does start his chores. I also have to remind him to do his homework and he gets so angry at times and he has a hard time controlling his anger so i told him that when he is angry to take a 5 minute break and then when he comes down he can calm down and then finish what he was doing. I also started phrasing things differently like I want you to do the dishes or whatever it maybe instead of will you or can you and it didn't work overnight but it does work most of the time. I hope that helps and i hate to say this but i feel so much better that i am not alone and that if i have an issue with my kids that i can talk to other people that are going thru what i go thru everyday. I completely forgot about this morning my son asked if his girlfriend could come over after school and i said yes but you are not aloud to be in your room together and he didn't like that at all he says i wish you where a normal mother because other moms let there son have a girl up in there room alone and what are you afraid of it is not like i am going to have sex with her in my room while you are home and then he started questioning me didn't you mom let you have a boy hang out in your room when you where my age and i said that was different yes i had a boy sleep in my room every night when i was your age but that was different it was your bio day and i had a baby to take care of but before that no i was not aloud to have boys in my room and i don't want him to be a teenage father so i don't want him to go thru that until he goes to college and get a job that he likes and then when he can take car of his wife and kids i don't want him to grow up fast the was i did and if he doesn't like i say to bad, I can't believe that his girlfriend's mother called me and asked me if my son could stay the night at there house the first thing i said was aren't you afraid that they would sneek into each others room while they where sleeping and she told me that we have to trust in our kicks and that she said that she would call and talk to me because the kids wanted her to and i had told my son no and he wouldn't stop asking so i said i like talk to dad about it when he gets homes and it was 3pm when he asked and his dad would be home around 9pm so after i said that i would talk to dad about it i new that he would stop talking about it because i was not in the mood for him to start arguing wth me and no more then 30 minutes later the phone rings and it was his girlfriends mother and she is a very nice women but i was is shock because i also have a daughter and not in a million years would i let her have a boy stay the night i told her no and she told me that he is old fashion and i was thinking if she was old fashion she wouldn't even be asking me that question and i kept saying that she respects my decision and my son till asks and i say when you turn 18 i told him you can't stay the night then but until then no i just still can not believe that he would even think i would let him stay the night at his girlfriends some times i wonder if he has been smoking and don't mean cigs i mean the pot anyway good luck and i hope thing get better

Angelyn D - posted on 03/12/2013

I have found that if the Man of the house doesn't respect the wife then the children follow suite. If they are seeing disrespect in the household from him then they feel it must be okay, as a woman you have to demand respect in order to get that respect from your husband and children , but if you continue to let your husband down talk you then your getting what you ask for. Maybe this sounds harsh but that's how I see it. My Daughter lives with a man that disrespects her and her daughter, so now the son has no respect for either of them. Thank God the daughter after being told to get the hell out of his house when she was 14 called us and got us to come and get her . I fault my Daughter for putting up with him . He is not their father I might add. I feel it will be a matter of time before he kicks the son out because her children have been nothing but a mere inconvenience to him.
I have a second Daughter and her husband would never show her disrespect and their son knows he had better never be disrespectful to his Mother or there will be consequences.

Bev - posted on 02/12/2013

Juilissa, I Love the way you do things :). I too do the same things. Except my son does not care at all. I have shut the phone off just to show him who is in charge. He was a pain in the butt starting toddler- grade 1- grade6 boy, he has a silent nasty streak running through him a mile long. At this time I am holding back his drivers Ed. That hurt me ! I swore I would never do that. Yet it flipped out of my mouth. I would love to know how to get to his stubborn thick headed kid. He had a nasty start so I thought we could at least breeze through the later part of his teens. Most of his nonsense is disrespect. He listens to everyone except me. I getting less and less tolerant to his crummy behaviors

Sarah - posted on 11/24/2012

I have a 17 year old son. He has become increasingly disrespectful, verbally abusive/ rude to me his younger siblings, uncles, stepfather and even his grandparents. If I tell him do or don’t do something it’s a “fight”. When his brothers ask him simple questions he most often responds with a nasty remark. He has even become physical ( pushing/slapping ) with his siblings, (ages 12 & 8 over the slightest infractions. This behavior started about 4 months ago. I’ve always been very proud of what a good kid he is. Up until a few months ago, he was kind, empathetic, funny, respectful, and loving. Yes he had the occasional bad days, but for the most part he was a joy to be around. I’ve tried talking to him, asking him if there is a problem, telling him that whatever it is we can work it out. He either says nothing’s wrong ( but quietly pouts) or becomes angry, saying that he’s going to move out, no one respects him, and I’m holding him back, then storms out of the house. He doesn’t elaborate on what makes him feel disrespected, ( until recently he would tell me everything) or how I’m ” holding ” him back. he will be 18 in a month, so we bought him a car, but with the way he’s behaving, I don’t know if I should give it to him? He has a stable home with family that love him and provide him with everything he needs and most of what he wants ( cell phone, name brand clothes and shoes etc ) but he says nobody does anything for him and once he moves out he’s done with this family and won’t be seeing any of us. He doesn’t have to move out. I don’t think he realizes how hard it’ll be on his own, but I support his decision, I attempt to encourage him and give him advice, but that also makes him angry. He’s been in therapy ( his decision ) for 2 months, but his behaviors seem to be getting worse. Everyone one in our house walks on egg shells, not out of fear, its because no one knows whats going on with himI just don’t know why the sudden change? Is this normal for his age? Im confused! Any advice on how to handle this? I love my son and want the best for him. He acts so entitled lately.

Cade - posted on 09/07/2012

When I was 16 I stole my parents car, picked up my girlfriend and ran away from home. When we were found later, my parents didn't do a damn thing in terms of punishment. Instead, they took me out for dinner and let me sleep in my own room where most parents would tell the cops to not even let me see home again and would let me starve. Simply by showing they still loved me despite me treating my parents like a door mat actually made me respect and love my parents even more. Needless to say, I never went that far out of line again. They let me push every envelope and button at once, and didn't even raise their voice at me when it was over. I didn't for one second think "wow I can get away with a lot more shit". I thought "wow, that's love. I should be very grateful and happy that I have such a wonderful life and should quit trying to fuck this up". Seriously, if you let your kid think life with you is lucky, then they'll be happy at home. But if you are always disciplining them for any short coming, either physically or emotionally, they'll feel like living on the streets is better than living with you.

Mark - posted on 09/02/2012

Ok all you moms if you haven't seen this you all bitch about how your son is bad I bet half of you are bad parents and also my sister is a bitch and my bro is nice and quite because woman are gossiping assholes

Beata - posted on 08/26/2012

It is not easy question to aswer, maybe my little reflection will help in one way or other:)



http://beatastasak.hubpages.com/hub/What...

Tweetie - posted on 08/22/2012

WOW!! I have the same problem with my son. He also is 16 years old and he totally rebels. He stop going to school, and now has a truency charge against him. I take away his phone, ground him, and take away his computer. His respose to me is " I don't care".

Pam - posted on 08/01/2012

I handled it with Military School! Good Luck!

Tee - posted on 08/01/2012

my kids are very respectful for elders ,the only problem I ve is that the younger one dont have love for study although he is a genius one for sure.

Dove - posted on 07/30/2012

I empathize with all you moms! My situation is a little different because I'm divorced. It's a long story, but I won't draw this out too much. My EX (dad) and his wife will do anything to hurt me, and are using my 15 year old son to hurt me now. They have brainwashed him that I am crazy, blah, blah and they reward him for not behaving for me. Who teaches a kid to hate a parent?

I have zero solutions, but I agree tough love. That's what I'm doing. I'm not falling into arguing with him, so I act sweet and tell him I love him.

Beata - posted on 07/18/2012

http://beatastasak.hubpages.com/hub/When...

Having my last child in the age you describe with the same disregard for the rules as you mention in your example I have tried to reflect on my experiences in my hub. Maybe it will be useful. Whenever I can, I leave my son to pay for his mistakes, to teach him to take responsibility for his own actions. My son doesn't care either if he knows that his parents would provide everything... transport, money and unconditional love whatever he does...once he realizes that parents have right to say no and stop providing free services when rules are not followed his attitude has changed:)

Licoricecat - posted on 07/13/2012

My son is in his 20's and not living at home. My family has disrespected me in front of him growing up. If I did not bring him to visit, he would have resented me. When I brought him he would not leave with me if I wanted to leave. Now he is in his 20's and is considered an adult and he is living at my mom's house who recently died. He got an order of protection and lied and stated that I call him a lot on phone. I have called him about 2x a year. The police encouraged and order of protection. I have no contact with him for almost a year. My sister has been vindictive with me for years and my mom put everything in her name. My son is going where the money is, with my sister who is letting my son live upstairs from her rent free since she inherited the house and has banned me legally from it.
What do I do when this order is done? He wants no contact from me and is being encouraged by my sister. I am not a drug addict, not a drinker and truly love my son and have told him and tried to talk to him but he is consistently disrespectful even when I tell him I love him. I am in a lot of emotional pain due to separation from my son and daughter. Help. What do I do when this order is expired in Oct 2012? They will just get another and the officers stated I will get arrested next time. I haven't even contacted him, he was just there when I visited my mom when she was alive.

Heather - posted on 05/31/2012

I have a 17 year old nephew who acted the same way. There was no respect for anyone in the house or the rules. In my own opinion, he was afforded way too much freedom. In my own opinion, 3 days is not enough at that age. A week maybe with absolutely NO phone, NO tv, or any other luxeries or visits with his girlfriend. I am not looking forward to the teenage years with my boy if this past year is any indication on how that will turn out!! Good luck :)

Cherie - posted on 04/18/2012

need a close relationship with your child before this age, have to listen, find a fun hobby with him, boys get bored easy they need stuff to build, take apart, create, let them work in the garage with own tools, go to movie, bowling, something to connect. It is not worth losing their innocence. He should not have a girlfriend, lots of friends, good ones but too young to be alone or serious with a girl, not worth it. Go on a camping trip together, love him but be a fun friend as well, too many serious consequences in the world after being bored and making mistakes, Your child is worth loving and communicating with, find that connection before it's too late....=o?

Stephanie - posted on 03/15/2012

I have 16 year old boy and would take away cell phone first- he doesn"t get it back until bad behavior is changed for a 24 hour period- if he disrespects me again I just hold out my hand for the phone back. We work on 24 hour consequences> As far as not being able to get ahold of him, he has to be home or somewhere where he can use another phone. No negotionations. Grounding never has worked a bit for my kids either. Cell phone, computer, then TV in his room. I use 24 hour time frames because any longer and his consequence ends up bothing me!

Phiemma - posted on 03/15/2012

Julissa, I agree, the rules have to start from the beginning. That's the key. You can't wait till they are too old.

Gaynor-Marie - posted on 02/02/2012

At that age they are transitioning to adulthood they want more freedom. It is important to teach them that with more freedom comes more responsiblity. They still need to show respect to you but the consequences may need to reflect the changing relationship. Negotiating consequences with them or allowing them to suffer natural consequences may be more appropriate. They don't come home and do their chores. No pocket money.you can make them responsible for their own laundry washing up and when it doesn't get done they have nothing to wear, and it is not your problem it's theirs.

As for talking to you in a disrespectful fashion a little bit of talking back is them wanting some control. Disrespectful language is not o.k. I respond with stoping the conversation and telling them they can go to their room till they are ready to apologise and discuss thongs like a grown up. It's tricky with older teens they are a bit like toddlers with hormones (I do it myself the worlds out to get me) all while making choices that can limit their future. Hey most make it through with a bit of love understanding and some firm boundaries .

Penny - posted on 11/02/2011

Ok I agree with all the above I have a 20 yr old 16 yr old. And a 12 yr old girl. We went through hell with eldest and now he is good and tell me I am too soft on younger ones. Removal of price legend is great but they have to have things to stop ie computer games, sport, hobbies etc I have a friend whose kids don't do anything therefore she has nothing to remove if they are naughty. Also my newest thing is plan something fun for the family and tell them if they be disrespectful they won't come they can go to grandmas out of town for the day. This works a treat. Especially when everyone else is excited for it. Keep communication open make them eat dinner as a family and talk at night not hide in their room on computer.

Ava - posted on 09/24/2011

For all these teenage boys being disrespectful one question... where is the father or positive adult male role model? A one on one man to boy intervention would do wonders. Good luck!

Bonnie - posted on 11/12/2009

Take away the internet or phone......that will really shake him up???

Kristen - posted on 11/11/2009

In my opinion you have to hit them were it hurts. Respect will get them everywhere. Start back at the basics by taking away evreything they value and explain that as respect is given to you that he will get his things back. For example: Computer, videogames, his bedroom door, car, permissions to go and hang out. I have a 16 year old boy that thinks he deserves the right to be an adult. Well adults have responsablities and for every good thing he does a good thing is returned to him. Curfew rules included. If He wants to go out after work then he must show up on time for the week adn then permision is granted. if all else fails I get great pleasure in having my children clean out the trash cans with a scrub-brush! Also taking him to and from school will put a stop to this issue of after school rondevus.

Aimee - posted on 11/11/2009

you guys are great- thank you for all the advise! I too am having issues with our 15 year old son, not so much with not coming home on time but with not feeling like he needs to do what he is asked to do, when he is asked to do it- not taking his medicine(he has allergies and asthma) is his way of having control.ect ect mouthy disrepectful to all in the house and the list goes on. I so miss my son, we live in the same house and I know he is growing up but he is like a complete stranger to me right now and one I don't much like. my husband and I are trying to work together on dicipline issues- he thinks I am too hard on him and I think he is too easy on him. we have always disagreed with each other on punishments so sticking to them can be dificult at times but we are trying to come to some sort of common ground as to how to handle his terrible attitude. If it was up to me I would take everything away- I did it once before and family life was much better for about a month and now it is back to square one and my husband felt I was too harsh last time eventhough it got the point across to the kids. oh what to do , sometimes he is just as big a problem as my son! so anyway thank you , if nothing else you confirmed for me that I am not too mean after all. :)

Caroline - posted on 11/11/2009

my son is so evil mouthed to me i am actually scared of him now,dad is away all week and he takes full advantage of this.Oh what to do?!

Kitty - posted on 11/10/2009

My son is 18. Been there; still there. What finally did it was I stuck to my guns. Instead of letting him wheedle his way out of a punishment with his sense of humor I held my own. Then he started torturing his sisters (still laughs at this) so they would BEG me to let him go! Just stick to your guns. It IS tough love. It sucks. They say things that you wouldn't imagine saying to your parents-ever. XBox gone, cell phone gone, privileges gone, tv gone, stay in your room, do your homework or stare at the ceiling your choice, no, I'm sorry, Patrick can't go anywhere because he's being disrespectful (when they rang the doorbell and they DID when they couldn't reach him on his cell) etc. GOOD LUCK and just be glad that even though he's a pain in the butt, he's healthy enough to still be around to be that pain. It puts things in perspective.

Kristel - posted on 11/07/2009

Wow! I think you need to nip this in the bud before it gets any worse! It sounds like he's completely defiant and being disrespectful to you!Who is paying for that cell phone? You have the power to revoke that. He needs to realize that going to girlfriends house, having a cell phone, is a PRIVILEGE! I can't believe that he just came home @midnight!I would sit down and have a long talk with him about what's expected of and from him! You don't want to push too much/nag, but you are the parent! I know after school, kids need time to unwind/relax!So, maybe you can have a set schedule of exactly everyday what time things are to be done, and homework, and when & how long he may be on his cell! I would not allow him to be out past 7 on a

school night! You know how much schoolwork you had when you were in 10th grade? Besides, that's a privilege that he has to earn! In the end, if talking and setting boundries doesn't work, counselling does! He should be concentrating on his grades, not girls! And you are the one to guide him until he's old enough to be independant! Good luck with your 16 year old boy's behavior!:)

Nicole - posted on 11/07/2009

take away phone and games or whatever it is that he likes and brings him enjoyment for like 1 month then see what he does or just embarsses him

Jean - posted on 11/07/2009

i do have the same problem with my 17 year old son and he just won't listen. he's been grounded, he's been scolded and the worst i ever did was to tell him to leave the house and he can do whatever he likes. i just don't know anymore what to do since his grades are affected also. their was even this time that he texted me "call parent" because he's always been late for his first subject. i asked my sister to go to the school since i may be able to hold my temper. WHAT I DID AFTER WAS TO GIVE HIM THE SILENT TREATMENT AND I NEVER OPENED UP A CONVERSATION TO HIM. NOW, HE'S THE ONE TELLING ME AND ASKING ME IN A NICE WAY IF HE CAN GO OUT AND DO THIS.

Karen - posted on 11/06/2009

Hi, my son just turned 17 this month. He has been giving me hell all summer. He's been getting progressively more disrespectful and won't do his chores. I think a lot of it has to do with the friends he's hanging out with and smoking pot. I ended up taking his truck, his playstation, phone and tv away. After 3 months and 2 arrests he's finally sucking up his pride and giving in to my way or the highway. He's also started going to a youth group. So, keep up the faith and pray, pray, pray, that they will grow up soon:)

Carol - posted on 11/04/2009

Hey Debbie, Just wanted to let you know you are not alone at this I have a son who just turned 17. He called to get a ride home from school. He was so abusive to his brother on the phone that I could hear it from across the table. I picked up the phone very calmly and said ba-bye and hung up. an hour of waiting and he decided to walk home(it is only 2 miles) When he got home and discovered I wasn't home he proceeded to have a temper tantrum and throw things around. I have never been one to stick with punishments and now at 17 I am finding that it was stupid of me to wait this long to set down boundaries. (Stupidity is not my friend.) Anyway Stick to the punishment make it hurt, cause when they are adults their boss is not going to care why he didn't listen just that he didn't. Good Luck with your 16 year old boy's behavior and may God lay his hand on our frazzled nerves as we venture on into the world known as teenagedom. ( It was bad enough when i had to go through it myself. itis like second hand smoke, it stinks worse then if you did it yourself AND IS JUST AS HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH. God Bless

Carol - posted on 11/04/2009

Quoting Dana:

I have two teenage boys!! It is hard...but I am harder. When I would ground them they would sneak out!! So I started taking thier shoes to work with me!!! It worked and now only a few days grounding works! They grow out of it and return to human at 20! Only 4 more years GOOD LUCK :)

I have a 14 year old who also is disrespectful. I want to thank everyone for all of their suggestions. There is a lot of good advice in these responses, including this one; but I had to chuckle when I read this. I take away the computer  and usually have to take the power cord with me; but I would never have thought of taking the shoes. That is really ingenious. I love the way you think.

Dana - posted on 11/04/2009

Glad to hear!! :) I did the happy dance too :)

Debbie - posted on 11/01/2009

Thanks again for all the good advice on my 16 year old boy's behavior. I have tried a few things since my last post. I have taken away all the electronics and am holding firmly to my ground. I have in the past, but this time I have added some incentives. I am giving him some extra chores he can do to earn time off his grounding. I have also met the gf parents and plan on getting everyone on the same page.



My children only have 1 chore a day and I check them when I get home. I always say homework first and chores second.



Again thanks so much for all your help!

Lisa - posted on 11/01/2009

I have a 15 year old son who will be 16 in 2 months.. Let us not forget who the parent is and who the child is.. I remind him of that all the time.. I am lucky that my son does what is asked of him. Sometimes though he slips up.. I ask for a phone number to where he is going to be, or where the friend lives.. YOU have a right to go pick him up at his girlfriends house, because YOU are the parent.. Emberass him if you have to in front of her to remind him that, HE is to follow your rules NOT HIS.. My mom did this with my brother and it worked. My mom was tougher then I am. Give him one chore a day so you know they get done right. I do that for my son, and give him the weekends chore free if he does his daily chores for the week. He checks in with me, and I call him.. I give him the respect he gives me. But always remember YOU ARE THE PARENT AND WHAT YOU SAY GOES!!!! ( sorry about the caps, not yelling, just emphasizing).

Suzanne - posted on 10/31/2009

Hit him where it hurts! no girlfriend and no cell phone! and stick to it! If he realizes you are not going to follow thru, then he will continue to do what he wants! the rules are the rules!

Missy - posted on 10/31/2009

Quoting Dana:

I have two teenage boys!! It is hard...but I am harder. When I would ground them they would sneak out!! So I started taking thier shoes to work with me!!! It worked and now only a few days grounding works! They grow out of it and return to human at 20! Only 4 more years GOOD LUCK :)

Dont get me wrong, im not criticizing the advise, i just think its funny, because i have a boy thats 19 yrs and 8 months old... im so excited he will be a human again soon !!... (Does a happy dance) ...

Denarae - posted on 10/31/2009

First of all I must be old schoool or something my youngest son is 17 and does not have a cell phone and if he did he would have the job to pay for it. I will not. You have to stand up to your children and be the parent, my 17 year old is 6 ft. 3 in. and I stand 5 ft. 5 in. and he knows that in no way will I back down from him. What I say goes or he can go straight out the door. I Love my children but respect is important. I raised them alone, I put a roof over their head , I clothe them and I feed them, If they want to get anywhere in life they have to learn that nothing is free and you must have respect for others in order to get respect back. Following the house rules(mine), attending school, and working for the things they want (part-time job) helps them learn to be respectful and produvtive individuals. Now don't get me wrong me and my children get along great but we have our disagreements. I have 3 boys total ages 22,20, and 17, two live with me and the oldest lives on his own and let me tell you my oldest put me through hell and back so I know what I am talking about. I have one in college, and one in high school. I also have a 16 year old daughter in high school. Things will work out my oldest now talks to me and makes comments like I wish I would have listenend to you mom, you were right. I say nothing in response because this would make him feel bad, instead I hug him and tell him I Love him and things will work out. Remember find what works for you and stick to it. Best of Luck with your 16 year old boy's behavior!

Monica - posted on 10/30/2009

talk to him and ask him what is preventing him from respecting your rules. try not to be confrontational. give him opportunities to do things that he can succeed at keeping the rules, maybe positive reinforcement works better with him.

Andrea - posted on 10/30/2009

talk to his girlfriend and her parents all together in one room and see if something changes, thats what ill do. I wont constantly punish because they will or can rebel and we dont want that! so try this approach i think it will work

Theresa - posted on 10/30/2009

I have a 15 year old who put me through this for a time. Last straw came and he was spanked, with the paddle, problem solved. Have you read 'To Train Up A Child'? Its by the Pearls. Would do you wonders.

Nicole - posted on 10/29/2009

I have 2 teenage boys. It seems like it's been a phase. My 16 year old started when he was about 14 & is now starting to follow the rules more & accept resposability. My 15 year old is just starting the phase. When they would act up grounding them to the house did nothing. I started taking away the things they like most. I would start with the video games & then the TV out of their room. I would talk to them & let them know that they are getting to the age where they will move out & be on their own & nobody will be there to do these things for them. I want them to learn to be able to do these things on their own. If they do not bathe or keep a clean house they will never keep that girlfriend. It seems to have worked some but I also remember how I was at that age. Eventualy I had kids & realized why mom had me do chores...lol

Kristen - posted on 11/11/2009

In my opinion you have to hit them were it hurts. Respect will get them everywhere. Start back at the basics by taking away evreything they value and explain that as respect is given to you that he will get his things back. For example: Computer, videogames, his bedroom door, car, permissions to go and hang out. I have a 16 year old boy that thinks he deserves the right to be an adult. Well adults have responsablities and for every good thing he does a good thing is returned to him. Curfew rules included. If He wants to go out after work then he must show up on time for the week adn then permision is granted. if all else fails I get great pleasure in having my children clean out the trash cans with a scrub-brush! Also taking him to and from school will put a stop to this issue of after school rondevus.

Kristel - posted on 11/07/2009

Wow! I think you need to nip this in the bud before it gets any worse! It sounds like he's completely defiant and being disrespectful to you!Who is paying for that cell phone? You have the power to revoke that. He needs to realize that going to girlfriends house, having a cell phone, is a PRIVILEGE! I can't believe that he just came home @midnight!I would sit down and have a long talk with him about what's expected of and from him! You don't want to push too much/nag, but you are the parent! I know after school, kids need time to unwind/relax!So, maybe you can have a set schedule of exactly everyday what time things are to be done, and homework, and when & how long he may be on his cell! I would not allow him to be out past 7 on a

school night! You know how much schoolwork you had when you were in 10th grade? Besides, that's a privilege that he has to earn! In the end, if talking and setting boundries doesn't work, counselling does! He should be concentrating on his grades, not girls! And you are the one to guide him until he's old enough to be independant! Good luck with your 16 year old boy's behavior!:)

Carol - posted on 11/04/2009

Hey Debbie, Just wanted to let you know you are not alone at this I have a son who just turned 17. He called to get a ride home from school. He was so abusive to his brother on the phone that I could hear it from across the table. I picked up the phone very calmly and said ba-bye and hung up. an hour of waiting and he decided to walk home(it is only 2 miles) When he got home and discovered I wasn't home he proceeded to have a temper tantrum and throw things around. I have never been one to stick with punishments and now at 17 I am finding that it was stupid of me to wait this long to set down boundaries. (Stupidity is not my friend.) Anyway Stick to the punishment make it hurt, cause when they are adults their boss is not going to care why he didn't listen just that he didn't. Good Luck with your 16 year old boy's behavior and may God lay his hand on our frazzled nerves as we venture on into the world known as teenagedom. ( It was bad enough when i had to go through it myself. itis like second hand smoke, it stinks worse then if you did it yourself AND IS JUST AS HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH. God Bless

Debbie - posted on 11/01/2009

Thanks again for all the good advice on my 16 year old boy's behavior. I have tried a few things since my last post. I have taken away all the electronics and am holding firmly to my ground. I have in the past, but this time I have added some incentives. I am giving him some extra chores he can do to earn time off his grounding. I have also met the gf parents and plan on getting everyone on the same page.



My children only have 1 chore a day and I check them when I get home. I always say homework first and chores second.



Again thanks so much for all your help!

Denarae - posted on 10/31/2009

First of all I must be old schoool or something my youngest son is 17 and does not have a cell phone and if he did he would have the job to pay for it. I will not. You have to stand up to your children and be the parent, my 17 year old is 6 ft. 3 in. and I stand 5 ft. 5 in. and he knows that in no way will I back down from him. What I say goes or he can go straight out the door. I Love my children but respect is important. I raised them alone, I put a roof over their head , I clothe them and I feed them, If they want to get anywhere in life they have to learn that nothing is free and you must have respect for others in order to get respect back. Following the house rules(mine), attending school, and working for the things they want (part-time job) helps them learn to be respectful and produvtive individuals. Now don't get me wrong me and my children get along great but we have our disagreements. I have 3 boys total ages 22,20, and 17, two live with me and the oldest lives on his own and let me tell you my oldest put me through hell and back so I know what I am talking about. I have one in college, and one in high school. I also have a 16 year old daughter in high school. Things will work out my oldest now talks to me and makes comments like I wish I would have listenend to you mom, you were right. I say nothing in response because this would make him feel bad, instead I hug him and tell him I Love him and things will work out. Remember find what works for you and stick to it. Best of Luck with your 16 year old boy's behavior!

Nicole - posted on 10/29/2009

I have 2 teenage boys. It seems like it's been a phase. My 16 year old started when he was about 14 & is now starting to follow the rules more & accept resposability. My 15 year old is just starting the phase. When they would act up grounding them to the house did nothing. I started taking away the things they like most. I would start with the video games & then the TV out of their room. I would talk to them & let them know that they are getting to the age where they will move out & be on their own & nobody will be there to do these things for them. I want them to learn to be able to do these things on their own. If they do not bathe or keep a clean house they will never keep that girlfriend. It seems to have worked some but I also remember how I was at that age. Eventualy I had kids & realized why mom had me do chores...lol

Claudia - posted on 10/29/2009

It sounds like your 16 year old has lost respect for you. As a parent of a teenager, I feel that is the one thing you need to hold on to. Kids associate that with being treated as an adult. They want to feel they can make decision without having to put up with anything. The way I see it... that is your house and your rules. In your situation, first thing I would do is remove the door from his room. If your rules aren't being followed then there's no way he should have the right to his privacy. I would be extremely firm with what I say. There is no need to yell but there definately is a need to be firm. Look at what you have provided for him as luxury items and remind him they are yours to lend to him. They are not his property. Remove all luxuries. I mean ALL of them. Use them as incentives to make him comply with your demands. Give him the rules you expect to be followed and allow him the use of the luxury items only if he abides by your rules. Finally, talk to them as you would any other adult. They have a mind and life of their own. Try to be an active listener and honest about the guidance you give them. Look at what's going on. He's obviously at his girlfriends for a reason. Maybe there's more to that. Try to be unbiased and just geniuinely guide him without being an overbearing parent. By that I mean: don't start by screaming or laying blame. Just talk, listen, and give a calm response. You might even have to leave the room to calm down first before you respond to certain situation. It is definately hard but it is completely worthwhile to get into that habit. Good Luck with your 16 year old boy's behavior. Remember everything is better expressed with a loving manner.

Carrie - posted on 10/29/2009

I have a 16 year old son as well...we work on the premise, you have to give respect to get respect. I don't hesitate to make him EARN his priveledges. We struggle with him making plans with his friends without my prior consent and I don't hesitate to call him on it and clearly make him earn the right to carry out his plans OR cancel them if I don't agree. The WORST punishment in THIS house is when I object and refuse to talk to him until he has earned my respect to communicate on an adult level in an appropriate tone...he knows he can come to me when he is ready to act and talk respectfully....MOST importantly, I acknowledge and express approval and gratitude for this behavior and when he follows the rules....OTHERWISE, he spends his time grounded from #1 friends and #2 possessions of importance

Debbie - posted on 10/26/2009

Thanks for all the good advice on changing my 16 year old boy's behavior. I think it's always good to hear from other people and to get feedback from other parents going through similar experiences. Please let me know if you can think of anything else. Thanks again!

Julissa - posted on 10/26/2009

I have a 16 year old also. have you always had rules, and have you always keep the punishment? is 3 days enough? And who said 16 year olds should have girlfriends. When my son is in grounded, everything gets taken away. No phone, computer,t.v, outside. Where i go he goes. I believe if you behave like a tot then i will treat you like one. Kids need to realize how importance their parents are. Don't give up & remember to pray ask God to give you widom with your decisions. And to humble your child. I will keep you in prayer. And remeber God is always in control...