what to do with boy my daughter will not give up

Carrie - posted on 07/05/2012 ( 7 moms have responded )

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my 14 year old daughter was dating this guy and both me and the father know that he's not treating her well and she's not always happy they are constantly fighting and stuff ... he broke up with her and she has been bent and bound that he is the one .... we've tried soo much to get through to her that he's not the one for her .... we have ran out of things to say or to do .... we dont want them together ..... when we tell her not to she secretly goes out and meets him and talks to him without us even knowning ..... but as we do find out in the end of it ... is there any suggestions that we can help her get through this so she can change her mind with him and move on in life ...

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Elizabeth - posted on 07/17/2012

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First thing you need to address is the disrespect and disobedience she is showing. Tell her your sorry that she is having problems with her exboyfriend but that when ya'll tell her to do something and she does it anyway that she is gonna be punished and then punish her. Start with taking her phone or computer priveliges. Or tell her she's not allowed to go anywhere. Not with friends or anyone for a month. Don't let her know you don't want her and him together. I don't know why but for some reason it makes her want to be with him more. Also make sure if ya'll go anywhere she has to come with you or someone has to stay with her. That if you can't trust her that you will treat her like a child that can't be trusted. She may get mad but o'well.

Jodi - posted on 07/06/2012

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She's 14......have you had an honest conversation (not lecture) with her about menstruation, about sex, about birth control, about conception, about boys wanting to have sex, about hormones, about love vs. lust, about her value as a beautiful young lady, about how a woman should be treated when she is in a intimate relationship, about how young people's brains do not mature fully until they are about 22, and how that can impair judgments, about making mistakes (that it is okay and normal to make mistakes) and then being a big enough person to realize a mistake was made and stop making the mistake further? My guess is you have not. Start there..... and for goodness sake, be honest with her about your concerns for her future; you obviously have them!

Judy - posted on 07/06/2012

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I know how you feel. My son 13 years old cannot take his mind off a girl. I am glad at least both sides of parent are working to together to try to stop this, as both kids are suffering in grades. It is hard, but hang on there, she will thank you when she grow up.

Cherish - posted on 07/06/2012

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This is easier to say than to do...but you could make sure she is never alone,until she is over him..
I agree to find stuff for her to do,to try to keep her mind off him.
Teens are such a pain,they can never see past whatever it is they are going thru at the time,they live in the "right now".
They also have a hard time with permanence.Maybe you can tell her that you know she loves him,but right now is not a good time for them to be together.Tell her you are not saying she can NEVER be with him,and they should give themselves time away from each other to see what they really want. If they are "meant" to be together,they will be,just not now.

I am SOOOOOOOO happy I am not that age any more...lol

Judy - posted on 07/06/2012

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I think the best is keep her busy and enrol her in something that she likes to do and I think this can help to take away her mind on him at least for the summer and hopefully she will think less of him after the summer.

Michelle - posted on 07/06/2012

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is she on summer break is there a camp or relatives you can send her to visit for the majority of the summer, sometimes out of sight out mind works best.

Chaya - posted on 07/05/2012

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Don't do anything except keep an eye on the situation, if he's abusive, get the police involved. If you try to force them apart, they will. One rule I have with my daughter is that her sweethearts have to sign a set of rules for dating, I got it from the internet, it's basic don't be abusive, nor should you allow the other partner to be abusive.

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