What would you do if you found out your 15 year old son was involved with a 36 year old?

Ava - posted on 08/23/2011 ( 231 moms have responded )

22

0

0

The other day i found out my 15 year old son is involved sexually with a 36 year old women and i about lost it i only came across this because of my sons friends and this girl that likes him and has known him all his life told me and thinks this women is manipulating him and controlling him i am not even sure where to start or what to do! What should i do? Has anyone ever dealt with this?! Any advice or help would be helpful!

This conversation has been closed to further comments

231 Comments

View replies by

Ava - posted on 07/26/2012

22

0

0

Sorry i haven't updated in awhile or even updated been so busy.... Son isn't and hasn't been taking it well she was also pregnant And so now i am a grandma and helping my son raise his son! Its just been insane and she is in jail.

Trina - posted on 05/03/2012

1

1

0

If it were me I would call the police and hope to god they got to this #%#$@$@ pedophile before I did,

Julie D. - posted on 05/02/2012

31

4

5

@Judith: I agree with Judith on the point that in this situation, first & foremost a parent *must* CALMLY and privately discuss the situation with the son so that facts vs. fantasy vs. fears vs. gossip can be sorted out best as possible. Parents must also reassure the son they love him & want only what's best for him in the big picture/long run. THEN, parent(s) & son must decide as a *united* front (ideally) what to do about it. That last one might, or might not, be possible...but it's ideal if everybody is on the same page.

If the person is a teacher, a double wrong has been done -- using not only inequality of age but inequality of power as interpersonal leverage, not to mention breach of trust & possibly/probably breaking the law.

Speaking with the woman could be quite risky: A parent could be setting themselves up for slander charges if the woman denies what has happened.

Anna - posted on 05/02/2012

7

0

0

Ava, you did the right thing by reporting that woman to the police and also getting your son in therapy. It may take several visits for him to open up about his feelings. I'm sure he has a varied amount of emotions he is experiencing right now. That woman was so wrong for doing this to your son and I will keep you and him in my prayers! I'm sure one day he will look back on this and thank you for doing what you have done for him to protect him from this predator! He is hurting right now and sees you as the evil person who is keeping him from the "woman who loves him" but hang in there, stay strong, and just be there for your son because he needs you more now than ever before ... even if he doesn't acknowledge it. I hope this person is prosecuted to the full extent of the law and is forced to be recognized as a sex offender because that is what she is. Praying for you and your son!

Julie D. - posted on 05/02/2012

31

4

5

Depending on laws where you live, it might or might not be considered statutory rape. Ages of consent range from 14 to 18 in each of the United States. In western Europe it's generally lower, usually 14 or 16. In Canada it's 16. And it can be different for boys and girls in some nations. Where that's the case, it's always lower for the boys than for the girls (go figure!).



Google "age of consent" to find resources for determining what the legal age is where you live. Also, know that laws can & do change & what you find might be incorrect now or you'll even find two different ages for the same state from two different sources; so talking to police or a criminal attorney might be best.



But regardless of the legal concern, yes, what has happened is very inappropriate.

Judy - posted on 05/02/2012

17

0

0

your child needs a therapist this will affect him for the rest of his life. you should not talk to the woman just call the police. you dont want to wind up getting arrested in case something happens

Darla - posted on 05/01/2012

8

46

1

I believe you need to call the authorities and file molestation and statutory rape on her. A 15 year old is vulnerable and does not have the cognitive ability to make a reasonable choice in this. You are his mom, not friend...sometime being mom means having to do tough things. Be ready to discuss with him why you chose to do what you did and only do this if the conversation is calm and rational. An irrational conversation is not going to be productive. I had to learn this the hard way with my son who is 29 today and it has only been in the last five years that we have been able to have a good relationship....I will pray for you and your son.

Mandy - posted on 05/01/2012

10

1

5

first call the police and report the rape. this woman will do it again to some else son. If it were me the police would have to beat to her house or there would be more problems to deal with. I'm very laid back except when you mess with my family.

Meredith - posted on 05/01/2012

6

0

0

In my opinion, and most, if not all authorities, consider this as child molestation. I would not confront the woman or have any contact with her at all. You must, right now if you haven't already, notify the police. They can take it from there. You son is a victim here and this adult has taken advantage of him and his young age. A child of 15 is very vulnerable and no where old enough to handle this. I'm sure your son will need counseling as well and it's possible he feels he's in love. All this needs to be dealt with by professionals. Good luck.

Cindy - posted on 05/01/2012

20

17

0

sorry u have 2 go through this & yes he will b angry 4 a while but u did the right thing coz i'm tired of ppl getting away with this!! she raped him whether it mutual or not, he is only 15 & she is 36!!! i was not happy when my oldest daughter was 21 & was dating a guy that was 36 & i was 38 coz he was old enough 2 b her dad, well he was only 15 yrs older but that makes him old enough 2 b her dad!! he made the comment that if things didn't work out between them that he could date me & i said I DON'T THINK SOOOO!! granted she was 21 but i thought it was just sick!!! good luck

Chibuzor - posted on 05/01/2012

3

0

0

This is rape because your son is underage. Call the authorities on her and carefully counsel him or get professional help.

Judy - posted on 04/29/2012

19

17

1

I do not know where this happened, but first call the police. This is PEDOPHILIA... He IS a MINOR! Tell them what you know, and where the occurrences happened... her house, her car, your home, etc... each offense carries time in jail...depending on the different towns or counties, there may be different trials concurrent... this is a serious crime...ask the kids that are concerned for him to speak to a trusted adult figure in school. School employees are legally bound to call the authorities and make a statement as to what is happening. This is not a laughing matter... this is serious. This is the stuff that breaks families...this woman is ruining her life and your family's for a lark of running off with a child for a sexual encounter...what she does not realize is that kids talk...she thinks it will be secret and a fun encounter... it is not. It is sick and twisted. You were right to question what to do...be strong...CALL the police, and encourage his friends to talk to school authorities

Judith - posted on 04/29/2012

2

17

0

What do you know as fact? You could try talking to your son about it and if you achieve nothing you could approach the lady in question as she is actually breaking the law if she is indeed involved sexually with your 15 year old son. How did this happen? Is she a teacher ?

Ned' - posted on 04/29/2012

3

1

0

Go report it to authority. He's only 15 and need adult help. The sooner you report the safer your son will be. At this age they don't understand what's going on...sounds like he is manipulated by this women. Talk to him, get help to find out how he feels.

Elizabeth - posted on 04/27/2012

178

8

0

First call the police and see if you can bring charges. If you can do it. If you can't then its time to say something to your son and her. He is still under your authority so you can get a order from the court that says she can't come any where near your son. In my county its called a good behavior warrant but it may be called something different where your at. Call the court house or your local police station.

Debi - posted on 04/27/2012

46

34

2

Some have suggested not calling the police for fear the son may run away. IF someone else finds out about this & calls the police and they find out you knew about it, that may not bode well for you either. Parenting is tough, tough calls to be made, sometimes you take chances on things like this. But your job is to protect your son and that means from women like this. The law is very clear on what this is.

Wanda - posted on 04/27/2012

27

13

2

This situation is a serious one. Even though he is a boy it is still statutory rape. She is a grown a$$ women and should have the police called on her. It is your decision and a very hard one at that. You can call the women that was involved with your son and have a discussion with her.If it were my son I would definitely call her over and talk. You can let her know that if she comes near your son one more time that you will call the police or, you can avoid speaking to her all together and contact the police right away. If it was a girl involved with a 36 year old man there would be no doubt the police would be called. To me, there is no difference. He is a little boy still and what she did was wrong. I wish you the best of luck. Your his mom and need to protect him.

Debi - posted on 04/21/2012

46

34

2

Have her arrested. Consensual does not apply here. He's underage, she's a pedophile.

Sharleen - posted on 04/15/2012

36

6

7

This has quite an old date ......is there any UPDATE ??

My worry is ..the only thing you all think RIGHT is CALL THE POLICE and get her charged with rape ...GREAT

so we have a 15 year old boy who is having sex with an older lady ..YES WRONG but if you call the Police he may then be a 16 year old whos run away with the 36 year old coz no one understands him .Have some thought for what you may create with getting the police involved. How about talking to him with a grand parent or councillor there?????
Dont distry this child for a mistake or misguided feeling he has for a woman

Sarah - posted on 04/14/2012

268

33

18

my eldest became involved with a woman in her 40s when he was 16. I found out accidently, tho i knew he was 'seeing' her as freidns as it were, he used to deliver papers to her house and had been doing some stuff round the house for extra money etc.

I did hit the roof and i did discuss with him implications. She was divorced but i was worried about him being heartbroken etc. I know boys have a fixztion of olde women as i had a fixation of older men at his age.

I did confront her but after i had calmed down. Thing is i could come across as a NOT IN MY BACK YARD as as an older woman i fhave teens and 20s lads after me and i dont mind it,

BAck to subject,. esp with him being 15 i think he will need support and guidance. Banning him from seeing her may just push it underground and him doing it more secretly

Paulette - posted on 04/09/2012

2

18

0

First call law enforcement officials, Sh is manipulating him. Then get him into counseling quickly.

Praying for your family.

Meme - posted on 04/04/2012

5

9

0

My next door neighbour dealt with this the boy was 15 and the women was 32, she had to call the police and report it. had she not she could of been jailed for Neglecting the Welfare of a Minor and other serious crimes! Get on the phone before you end up a victom immediately!

Mary - posted on 04/04/2012

5

1

1

Ava just keep letting him no you love him. Keep him in therapy. If you dont see him start to open up to the therapists afer 2-3 sessions you may ask for a different therapist. He may be more comfortable talking with a man than a woman or vice versa. You are doing the right thing. He may not talk to you but keep trying. Explain to him, parents like children aren't perfect. You are doing what you think is best and necessary. If he had a child this happened to what would he do? I try to explain it this way to my children. What she did was WRONG and it is RAPE. He is still a child. He may be a teeneager but not emotionally able to deal with this. This is the time for his first dates and kisses and she stole his innocence. You both will be in my prayers!!!

Tamika - posted on 04/04/2012

1

4

0

I went thru the same thing, my son is 15 and the female is 23. He stayed over with her one night n I started asking questions like what kind of young ladies parent woulds laet a little boy stay over. I was upset because he wasn't home. His brother told me who she was n that I had picked him up from. Her house n the past. I went to her house with the police n told her mother he was not to be welcomed at her home, and if I even catch her calling him there would be a flyer in EVERY mailbox notifying our neighbore of a pedifile. Now she claims to be pregant n gave my son an STD. Stop it now before your son has emotional ties to this woman. If the female is pregant by him (since the STD proves he was just a fling) I'm having her arrested

.

Michelle - posted on 04/02/2012

14

31

0

No problem...I am kind of new to this. Didn't know how it works! Thanks for the insight.

Sherri - posted on 04/02/2012

9,593

15

387

Michelle this goes to ever person's e-mail that has ever posted on this thread. My comment wasn't to you but more to the moderators. Sorry if you thought it was directed at you.

Michelle - posted on 04/02/2012

14

31

0

Sorry Sherri...this just got delivered to my email. If I had known I wouldn't have disturbed you. I was just a worried mother trying to help another mother. My Bad!

Sherri - posted on 04/02/2012

9,593

15

387

I wish someone would lock this thread as it is 8mo's old and obviously has been dealt with by now.

Michelle - posted on 04/02/2012

14

31

0

This is statutory rape whether he was willing or not. Contact the police and let them know what is happening.

Sharon - posted on 03/29/2012

3

0

0

I am not trying to discourage you but I would call my local police department. I know it would be hard to do. This woman is a pedophile and the authorities need to be informed.Who knows how many other young boys is is sexually and psychologically abusing.She would be instantly removed from your son's life (they'll issue a restraining order) and that is what he needs, even though he may not know it. This is a difficult situation. You had every right to have a severe emotional reaction.Wishing you all the best.

DEVI - posted on 03/24/2012

4

0

1

Talk to your son and explain all that is wrong in this relationship, try to win your son. show him as much love as he needs, try to do take him out keep him busy like exercising and doing the stuff with him not allowing him to do this on his own. THIS WOMAN you need to get that message to her that she needs to stop or you would take drastic action.

Apryl - posted on 03/19/2012

11

0

0

Ok my SON is 15 and I am 36. That is just sick and so illegal. If this was a 15 yr old daughter and the man was 36 people would be all over it and girls are more mature than boys. This woman is a pedophile and is harming your child. In five years before he's barely old enough to have his own apartment much less be a father, she will be 41! Send the woman to jail. Your son will get over it with therapy MAKE HIM GO

[deleted account]

Call the police and make a report. Push to have this child rapist arrested! I understand you are

upset and you should be, just remain calm and keep hoping for the best!

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms