What would you do if you found out your 15 year old son was involved with a 36 year old?

Ava - posted on 08/23/2011 ( 231 moms have responded )

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The other day i found out my 15 year old son is involved sexually with a 36 year old women and i about lost it i only came across this because of my sons friends and this girl that likes him and has known him all his life told me and thinks this women is manipulating him and controlling him i am not even sure where to start or what to do! What should i do? Has anyone ever dealt with this?! Any advice or help would be helpful!

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Amanda - posted on 10/15/2011

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I say this woman would come up MISSING and never seen again....well, they might find her body eventually!

Kristen - posted on 10/14/2011

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You should do the same thing you would do if it was your 15 year old daughter dating a 36 year old man. Pedophilia
is Pedophilia. And yes, she should be in jail.

Marie - posted on 10/13/2011

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The boy could be making it all up to impress his buddies. A friend of mine son did the same thing was telling lie like this to impress a group of boys so they let him hang out with them.

Marie - posted on 10/13/2011

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I bet he is lying just to impress his buddies at school. Trying to be Big Man on campus.

Kathy - posted on 10/13/2011

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I can't believe this stiory is still being talked about.It was first told almost 2 months ago. The woman should be in jail on charges.of Stat. Rape or petaphilia.And the boy in constant rehab.What's taking so long?

Marie - posted on 10/13/2011

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the problem is it can not be proved a boy is having sex. You can not just give him a medical examine like a girl. You need the have prooff or you get sued for false arrest.

Heidi - posted on 10/13/2011

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Im glad to hear that youve moved forward to press charges. Its akin to someone molesting your child! That said..we all know the conflicting attachments youngsters have with these manipulative pedophiles! Its just the same as someone "protecting" an abuser...while everyone else stands around just aghast.....same thing as "why doesnt so and so leave their abuser"...So your son is right in the midst of an emotionally and sexually abusive relationship! You may do best finding him a male counselor(if you havent already) and maybe if you have a family friend or his father or step father..to take some extra time....It's sad but true, at that age these kids think we as mom's know nothing about how they feel and what is good for them etc etc...My kids tend to be more respectful and considerate to others! LOL.. I wish you the best in helping your son and prosecuting this deviant! Just stand your ground and know that its your job and duty to stop anyone from abusing your boy...even if he doesnt THINK thats what is going on! You are in my thoughts..this time is going to be almost unbearable, just remember that its a temporary road block. not a brick wall!

Marie - posted on 10/12/2011

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Well you need proof before you do much that he is having sex with the women. He may just be saying he is to impress his friends. He may not be doing anything. You may just want to take the bull by the horns and ask the women. If she does not look you in the face she is having sex with him and if she gets mad then 90% of a chance she is not having sex with your son.

Heidi - posted on 10/12/2011

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Wow...I dont want to be brutal...BUT If the situation were reversed, would you immediately say the offender was a pedophile? I firmly believe that a women can be a pedophile, and that it is more common than we all think. A close friend of mine had this happen, except it was his WIFE with the 15 yr old buddy of their son!!! All of us close to them thought it was statutory rape, and that "amy" is now and will forever more be thought of as a pedophile. The 15 yr old's parents were very close friends of the couple! It is just mind boggling! Unfortunately while the parents of the boy wanted to pursue rape charges, they decided to let their son move away with the 36 yr old, to a state that the age of consent is 16, as soon as he turned 16, they "came out" as a couple but cannot go back to their reopsective home state until he is at least 17 or be arrested. Also, the boy and "amy" both denied any sexual contact to the police so the parents were told "there was nothing they coudl do". However they were told to get a restraining order and THEN the process could begin to charge her. I even had to look over at my own son who was 15 at the time and think..okay what would I do If one of my female friends was "involved" with my precious child...Id say at the very LEAST warn this woman that what she is doing is morally and legally wrong. You should definitely have your son see a counselor. If the offender doesnt leave your son alone then I would press charges period. Just my humble opinion

Janine - posted on 10/12/2011

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Okay we are all talking about "rape" which technically is called Carnel Knowledge. Your son although young is 15 and yes although underage, if he is consenting to this relationship, he really isnt being raped. Is is deplorable no matter how you view it so please dont misconstrue my words. I would call the police. Your son will more than likely be upset with you but this woman has no right being in your childs life in this respect until he is of a legal sexual age in which case still although wrong, it would purely be his decision. Definately talk to your child, now more than ever you need open honest lines of communication between you. You could talk to this woman and see if she would stop persuing your son but I am assuming she holds no moralistic fibres to begin with so that may be futile. Call the police and try to communicate your actions to your son the best you can. This needs to stop for your childs safety if not his emotional welfare. Hope this helps and best of luck x

DEBBIE - posted on 10/09/2011

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Start the process of getting a restraining order against her right away!! Then it will be a little easier to get the police involved, they will see a violation of a restraining order as an important matter. (i know they should see the whole situation as a serious matter but sometimes they don't) Get this B&%$# put behind bars!!!! She has no right to brainwash or control your son. I am going through the same thing with my 14 year old daughter and my older daughter's 26 year old ex-boyfriend. It is not easy he has my baby hating us and believing everything he says! I can really feel for what you are going through and good luck to you!

Donna - posted on 10/06/2011

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damn! Why is your son dating a 36 yr old. wow! I think its time for you and your son to have a heart to heart.

Heather - posted on 10/04/2011

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Other than controlling the urge to go kick this woman, several times, I would get all, any information from my son and charge that b$%ch with everything I could. Sexual preditor is what she is and needs to be stopped . That is just wrong wrong wrong

Kellie - posted on 10/03/2011

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Buy him a box of condoms take him for std testing and have her arrested.

Christina - posted on 10/03/2011

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I would set my son down and get all the information I could and then press charges against her.

Faye - posted on 10/03/2011

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www.familywatchdog.us is a great website for searching your area for those on the national sex predator list. Just type in your address and all listed in your area will be shown. It even has the schools automatically listed on the site so you can check those that are near your school.

Sherri - posted on 09/30/2011

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My best friends 16yr old was just found with a 39yr old man. So yup we are all going through the exact some thing with her at the moment.



Because he is 15 you can press charges for statutory rape!! We don't have the same option because legally she is 16 and of age to make the decision for herself in our state.

Lynn - posted on 09/27/2011

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Ava, First off, sit your son down and talk to HIM! Find out who this Sex Offender is, and as much as your son will say he 'hates you', this IS the best thing for him...Call The POLICE! Please, I was sexually abused by a family member from the time I was 5 til I was 16, he had me completely brainwashed-for lack of a better phrase-! No One intervined for me, and I was even BLAMED for this situation...at 12 yrs old, I Seduced a Grown Man. Enough about me, back to your son,
Please get him, and you-alone and together- help(psychological-psychotherapist) right away!
I agree with what Elizabeth Berns said in her post "how do you know she won't move on to another boy?" I KNOW you are going through a VERY difficult, unimaginable time right now, but sit back a bit and ask yourself~do you wish this to happen on ANY other Parent? Also, ask the young lady out for a soda, and Thank Her for coming to you with this, then ask her for any other information she has, for instance the woman's name and/or address. I am sure you are a Strong Woman, and want to Fight for your Son. Please do so, Please call the Police right away! If your son goes to school in the morning, call the Police then(tomorrow-9-28-11), when they get to your house, tell them what you have been told, and ask them to please not pull your son out of school to talk to him, but wait until he is home from school that afternoon.
Please Ava, don't wait ANY longer! Truthfuly, the longer you wait, the harder it is going to be on your son.
Good Luck
~May Angels Walk Beside You~

Elizabeth - posted on 09/26/2011

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Regardless of what the law is wherever you live, she is an adult and he IS NOT. If you are able to prosecute, I would DO THIS. Otherwise you will live out the rest of your life regretting that you didn't. Also, if you don't do anything legally, how do you know she won't move on to another boy? Maybe the next one will be 14... Also, your son will probably be angry with you. Do joint counseling with him to strengthen your relationship, and he will need counseling on his own. He probably feels like he is capable of making "adult decisions" and will be angry if you intervene, but it needs to be done!

Bev - posted on 09/21/2011

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Good grief! track her down? go to the police/DA and press charges...what she is doing is child molestation not statutory rape....and yes, therapy, he has been sexually abused and probably emotionally abused as well...my son was molested and I believe had had not done the legal route to stop it I would be 50% responsible if another child was molested.....this is a no-brainer....and therapy for yourself too so you can understand what has been done to your child.......

Ms. Dee - posted on 09/21/2011

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Ava, good luck with everything. As a person who suffered sexual abuse, I can clearly understand you and your son's feelings. The older person has a way of manipulating the younger; the younger is accepted and feels love. Yes, there may be some type of strong love affection. It is up to the parent how they want to protect their child, in regards to sex, schooling, drugs and life in general. It is one thing if the kids were dating at a young age and one became an 'adult' first. But when you have a teen and and adult, that is just wrong - that is why we have laws in the US for minors (not inc Utah). There have been quite a few news articles of older woman dating teens and some getting pregnated. Your son needs to understand the law and his feelings - counseling is a great idea.

When I was 20, there was a 25 year old woman who was interested in my 16 yo brother. My brother was hanging out w/my friends. I about freaked on this woman for having a relationship w/my brother, my friends for not protecting my brother so good and allowing this 'bimbo' to seduce my brother, and my parents for allowing my brother to hang out with the older people. Yes, I can't control who my brother hangs out with, but let me tell you, I can let them know how I feel about it.

Your child is a gift, use your judgement wisely in protecting him. I commend you for the actions you have taken. I'm sure there is another family out there that would allow their young child to have a relationship w/an older person. Just glad its not you. God bless and let the holy spirit guide you.

Julie - posted on 09/21/2011

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This is a disgrace,its not your sons fault she is a manipulative and dangerous woman,I would take a witness and confront her and I would go to the police!This is child abuse!

Triwan - posted on 09/20/2011

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Wow, I'm sorry that I don't have any advice to give you but I am just SHOCKED! I recommend getting the facts first then getting the law involved after.

[deleted account]

you have done the proper thing, good luck in the following days, my prayers are for you and him.

America3437 - posted on 09/16/2011

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That is called a child molester and I would call the police!!!! There is NO reason a 36 year old women should EVER have sexual relations with a 15 year old. This is wrong on so many levels and this woman needs serious help! Now the mom in me would want to kick the living shit out of her the same as I would if it was happening to my 3 year old! he is still to young to fully understand a sexual relationship espically with a women of that age!

Pearl - posted on 09/15/2011

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I haven't had to deal with this and I hope that I never have to. All I can say is keep open communication with your son. PRAY!!!! We have to educate your children when it comes to SEX! Keep talking to him no matter what. God Bless You!

KATHY - posted on 09/14/2011

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Oh my this breaks my heart to hear this, I totally agree with all the comments here. I must add I really think she should be put on a sexually predators list. You could even google it for you area to see if maybe there is a problem there. Who knows how many other "TEENS" she has a "relationship" with.

Natalie - posted on 09/14/2011

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Ava-hang in there and stick to your guns. Our now 31 year old daughter was running around with a 36 year old man when she was 15 and got pregnant by him. My husband took the matter to court and the case was thrown out because she kept going to the man's house. I truly believe that if he had a better attorney, that he would have been put in jail. I hope therapy helps, it did not in our case. Keep him talking to you.

Shawnn - posted on 09/13/2011

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Alinna, my responses are prefaced with **. I chose to address as much as possible in order.

@Shawnn: WONDERFUL! anyone who does not agree with YOUR moral values is NOW a " USA basher"**WHERE did I say that? I said, everyone has opinions, and everyone is entitled to express them.

i'll have you know i am a NATURALIZED American citizen, one by CHOICE, not accident of birth! **and I am a born and raised American, what in the world does that have to do with anything?

MY values an views have JUST as much right to be posted as do yours,,**you are correct, and I've never said that you couldn't post your opinion, nor has anyone else

Having lived outside the USA for many years, i ALSO see other viewpoints, and will be DAMNED, if i am going to be insulted and told i can not post ANYWHERE i wish, just because my views vary from YOURS, or that i am BASHING anyone or place! **Not sure who told you that you couldn't post, wasn't me, and if you were insulted by me saying for everyone to take a deep breath, then that is not my problem. But, all of a sudden, you have decided that we, in the US are horrible because we don't have YOUR view.

If this is forum is ONLY "Circle of AMERICAN MOMS" then say so right up front. don't solicit users from FaceBook, users from other countries, and be SURE to post up front; "Your views, if different than the mine, WILL BE DELETED as you are only a USA HATER".***.Again, not sure who told you that you couldn't post, or that it was US based only. I only made a point that other countries views differed. NEVER did I attack any other country, NEVER did I say that the morals in other countries are lacking, because that would be an incorrect statement. I offered my opinion on age differences, which wouldn't change no matter WHAT country I lived in!

.Make the LEGAL disclaimer that supports the actions i have encountered here today, with my posts being censored and altered.. to suit the needs of the MORAL standards of MORALLY BANKRUPT Americans..**And again, not sure what posts have been deleted, altered or otherwise, nor any that have been censored. If you have been censored, and you feel that you shouldn't have been, you should take it up with an administrator.

Michele - posted on 09/13/2011

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You're right, I was in a hurry and I didn't post the link I intended, however the one I posted is current and straight from Utah State Legislature website. This is the link I should have posted: http://le.utah.gov/~code/TITLE76/htm/76_...
Title 76 pertains to the criminal code and includes unlawful sex with a minor. It's possible it gets changed all the time but it is current and pending changes don't matter because they are not in effect. I'm not going to argue about the law in the US. The fact is, it is unlawful to have sex with a minor in the US and in many other countries. We are not that unusual. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_of_cons... , you can view the map and see that most countries have an age of consent from 16-20 years old, with conditions. In some countries, you can only have sex if you are married.... Shocker, I know!

Shawnn - posted on 09/13/2011

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Ok, lets not turn this into a US versus every other country issue! The OP asked for opinions. She's been given opinions. She, nor any of the rest of us need to have people now bashing on the US in general because of our views. NOWHERE in these posts is anyone saying that customs in other countries are wrong, immoral, etc, so please keep that to yourselves.

As Ava has stated, she DID report this to the police, and charges WERE brought, so apparently, wherever she is, it IS against the law. Enough said. If you live in a country outside the US, and don't agree with those of us in the US who are advocating criminal charges, that's fine. You are entitled to your opinion, as we are entitled to ours.

I fail to see how my opinion that a 16 year old should not be in a relationship with someone that is 20-30 years their senior is judging another’s country and traditions. But, since Mandi thinks that I have, I apologize. BTW you are correct, Mandi, in that it never was stated that she’s in the US. But, as I said above, since criminal charges were allowed, the only place it really could be is the US, with our stronger statutory laws.

I fail to see how offering opinions, (and yes, some of them are rather strong opinions) is advocating anything illegal, either! I myself said that my initial reaction would be to let her know in as radical a fashion I could that she’s messing with the wrong teen, were it my son in the same situation. Offering that as an opinion in NO WAY means that I’m actually going to load up and find the misguided adult.

Up until this last page of posts, I have seen no insulting, no name calling, and no one being intentionally offensive. I have seen mothers supporting a woman who, in her moment of need, asked for opinions.

So, again, please take a deep breath ladies. I believe that Ava has enough stress in her life to not have to deal with people being so hotheaded in a thread that is asking for opinions.

And thanks to Michelle for finding the Utah statue.

Shawnn - posted on 09/13/2011

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@ MandiSue,



It has been established that she is in the US. It is also established as law in the US that an age difference of 3 years or more is child molestation/abuse on the part of the older party. This woman knew this, yet she chose to initiate an inappropriate relationship with a teenager.



I (and most of us here) understand the difference between the US and other countries. In most differences, I agree with the other countries views, however I am of the opinion that (no matter how "hard" it is to find a good man) a 15 or 16 year old should not be in a relationship with someone much older. Not that it can't work. Obviously it does in some cases, but not all, and by telling those of us who have strong views in this manner that we are wrong and that we are judging other countries customs, you are essentially judging us! There is not one single response here that mentions any country outside the US, other than to ask where they are located. Obviously, this question would not have been asked if the parent had lived in a society where a 30 year age difference is the normal course of events!



I suggest that you take a page out of your own advice book, and take a deep breath. Nowhere are you, or your country, or your customs being attacked here.

Pat - posted on 09/12/2011

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I would talk to your son about the fact that this may be illegal for her (and then contact the authorities if it is) He may be mad at you, but you need to stand by your principles, regardless. He will, hopefully, stand by yours by standing by his new found principles. We can't buy their love, and have to take that chance. You need to protect him, firstly. Good luck. (The school authorities can help you with this, also).

Suszanne - posted on 09/10/2011

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If you are in the US, this is illegal activity! Call the police and report this pedophile! You MUST keep your children safe from people like that. Anyone who is in their 30s and attracted to teenagers is seriously disturbed!

Denise - posted on 09/08/2011

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Call the cops hire a private detective, have that nasty child molester put behind bars.

Michele - posted on 09/07/2011

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I read through the comments. I'm glad you pressed charges and have your son in counselling. I wish you the best.

Michele - posted on 09/07/2011

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Press charges! I would have a hard time not going after her myself. She is a sick, sick woman.

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