Ava - posted on 08/23/2011 ( 231 moms have responded )
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The other day i found out my 15 year old son is involved sexually with a 36 year old women and i about lost it i only came across this because of my sons friends and this girl that likes him and has known him all his life told me and thinks this women is manipulating him and controlling him i am not even sure where to start or what to do! What should i do? Has anyone ever dealt with this?! Any advice or help would be helpful!
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Jen - posted on 09/06/2011
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I would take a shotgun to her. It's wrong, it's illegal and immoral. CAll the police!
Chris - posted on 09/06/2011
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I'm so glad you are following through with your son. We know it's hard. Hang in there, feel the friendship and support from this circle. Seeking a therapist for yourself or a local support group might be a really good avenue for you to explore for yourself as well.
JuLeah - posted on 09/05/2011
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Call the police
Ann - posted on 09/04/2011
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call the police
Vanessa - posted on 09/02/2011
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Now that you've got the ball rolling, as a Survivor of Rape/Incest, let me assure you that you're looking out for your son's long term growth. The 36 year old pedophile (has she been arrested yet) has threatened his emotional well being and development of coping skills. He is definitely confusing lust with love and lost a portion of his childhood. I encourage you to find male role models for him that will not say what she did was OK. Find a male rites to passage group (possibly within your church), leadership/conflict resolution building groups for him. Understand that he's hurt and weaning from developing a sexual appetite. If you don't have a weight bench and weights, now is the time to buy them for him. Also consider a punching bag. He desperately needs to channel his anger constructively. Raise your patience and tolerance shields Mom, he needs you and doesn't know how to tell you this. If you haven't already told him, begin talking with him about what you expect from a man. Does he read? Get "I don't want Deliah, I need you." My heart and prayers go out to you.
Heather - posted on 09/02/2011
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I also have to side with Vanessa here and a male influence for him to talk to would be the best. Not only would it show him that there are men out there that understand but he would not think that all woman are evil and just don't want him to be happy. A male would be the best for him to see.
Heather - posted on 09/02/2011
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You are doing the right thing Ava. Whether it is a boy or girl that an Adult takes advantage of serious steps have to be taken. I am glad to hear you are taking them. You are hurt now by his anger and resentment toward you but be strong, he will one day see the logic, love and compassion in what you are doing.
Cudos to you! We are here supporting you. You are doing the right thing.
Debbie - posted on 09/01/2011
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It is rape, and definitely prosecute her, she is a pedifile and has no right to your son. I have a 15 yr son and I would send that woman to jail if she messed with my boy. Would you not file on a man if it were your daughter instead. Your son will need counseling because this is child molestation not a relationship.
Vanessa - posted on 08/31/2011
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I commend you on pressing charges against the adult, now you must do (perhaps?) more footwork for your son. As a survivor of incest/domestic violence there were very few boys/men, in counseling, who were willing to fess up that they'd been raped. I highly recommend that you seek out both individual and group counseling for him and preferably, gulp, to a male counselor dedicated to the cause. Cultural differences play a huge part.
Kathy - posted on 08/30/2011
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I'd have her arrested for statautory rape.
Shawnn - posted on 08/30/2011
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a good idea for now, Ava. Eventually, they may want to pull you in for a session or two. Give it time, though, because this is a blow for him.
Ava - posted on 08/30/2011
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Its one on one
Shawnn - posted on 08/30/2011
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It may take a couple of sessions, but he'll start to open up. Are you going with him, or are these one on one sessions? He may be more likely to open up if he's one on one with the therapist
Ava - posted on 08/29/2011
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Thanks ladies he refused to talk his first day in therapy he is so heart broken and then i think it was anger cause he blurted out he wanted to kill himself and then i wouldn't have to protect him.
Annette - posted on 08/29/2011
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You have the prayers and support of many on here Ava. It is tough, as everyone here acknowledges, but we are sure he will see the love behind your actions one day in the future. You're a good Mom. You may not hear it from him today, but one day... Until then I'm praying they hunt down and string up the woman who did this to your son and your family.
Shawnn - posted on 08/29/2011
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Keep up the good work, Ava! It may be a rough go for the next few months, but eventually it will all work out. still praying for you and yours...
Maria - posted on 08/29/2011
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i would kill him and then Lock him up until he was !8. this a tough one. sorry and good luck
Ava - posted on 08/27/2011
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Thanks gonna start him on Therapy come Monday.
Marlene - posted on 08/27/2011
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YOU DID THE RIGHT THING! Yes it will be very rough for quite a while. Rather have your son angry at you now, than totally destroyed later when she was bored with him. He will see all the good you are doing now.... LATER, but he'll thank you one day. For your sake and his he WILL need therapy to process and come to terms with all that is happening. Good Luck!
Ava - posted on 08/26/2011
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Went to the police and pressed charges so there is now a warrant out for her arrest. Just made my son that much more angry and put a hole into his bedroom wall and which in turn broke his hand =/.
Shawnn - posted on 08/25/2011
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Hang in there, Ava. By starting legal proceedings, you will be better able to get your son into counselling. You can request that as part of the whole deal, and have it backed up by a court order. Check out legal aid in your area if you're strapped for cash. This woman needs to be prosecuted to the fullest extent.
Your son is going to be upset, because he is confusing lust with love, and he's at a time in his life when teens think they are adults and know it all. Once he's through it, and looks back (in 10 or 20 years) he'll realize that you did what you do best, you're his mom, and you are looking out for him, physically, mentally, and spiritually.
Ava - posted on 08/24/2011
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Thanks and i plan on taking him to some therapy but he keeps saying no and that he doesn't need it. He is just so angry and upset cause he lost his virginity to this lady and so now he is hurting.
Annette - posted on 08/24/2011
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Ava, my heart goes out to you in this rough time. Your son is understandably upset. His emotions and his body have been abused by a perverted woman who could not possibly care one whit about him. He's a teenager, full of emotions and various other pubescent angst. He's naturally going to confuse lust with love (enough teenagers do that without a miscreant adult's assistance).
You did the right thing. God only knows where this could have gone if had been unchecked. Toying with the emotions (and body) of a child can do some serious and long-lasting damage. What you did was to protect your child, even though he won't see that now.
I do hope you can get him into therapy. He will be angry and not want to talk, but in time the rift can heal. There may be a scar, but scars can diminish. I guess I'd ask you to consider what might have happened, and how you would have felt if you had not moved to protect your son. What if she got tired of him, broke it off and in deep teenage remorse he threw himself off a bridge or something? You would never be able to live with yourself. Being a mother is tough work, and I'm so terribly sorry that you're having to deal with one of the tougher aspects in parenting. But your first responsibility is to care for yourself and your child. By acting as you have, you did both.
Hang in there. You have the support and prayers of many on here.
Ava - posted on 08/24/2011
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I contacted the police today so now my son isn't talking and is pretty ticked off with me he won't even acknowledge me now. I hope i did the right thing he says he is inlove but he is too young for that!
Annette - posted on 08/24/2011
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I agree with advice given here: contact the police immediately, inquire of your social services agency for support that you, your son, and family will need to deal with this situation, and find out how to secure a restraining order. If you can afford an attorney, it may be helpful to retain someone to ensure that your son's rights are protected and, if necessary, proceed against her in civil court to recoup the costs of counseling, etc. which may not be covered by your insurance. God bless as you deal with this unfortunate situation. I wish you and your family the best.
Shawnn - posted on 08/24/2011
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Oh, and Ava...Good luck! You and your son are in my prayers!
Ava - posted on 08/24/2011
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Thanks Ladies.
Shawnn - posted on 08/24/2011
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He's 15, she's 36. In the US, this is considered statutory rape, even in a consensual relationship, and she needs to be prosecuted. Period. There needs to be a restraining order, effective IMMEDIATELY. Your son needs to see a therapist, and so do you.
The reason for the restraining order is to KEEP HER AWAY from your son, and gives you the legal back up to call the cops if you see her within the restricted range. You initiate one by going to your local police department, and explaining your situation. If they don't initiate it there, they will tell you what steps to follow.
The therapist is because your son is going to be upset that you are removing him from her presence, and to figure out why, on God's green earth, he decided to hook up with her in the first place, why he didn't feel he needed to be honest about the relationship, etc. There are underlying issues in most all of these "consensual" relationships between someone who is 20 years older than the teen they are involved with. The teen may have self esteem issues, attention issues, etc, which led to seeking the "attention" of this inappropriately older woman.
DO NOT approach her, threaten or anything else. That can be used against you. You do need to contact her telling her that you are initiating a restraining order, and legal procedures against her.
Ava - posted on 08/24/2011
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Thanks Ladies i wasn't sure or not if it would be considered Rape or not. And yes i plan on tracking her down and telling her off. And why A therapist? Sorry if these are stupid questions just never dealt with this before!
Chris - posted on 08/24/2011
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Yes, this is rape. It may take a toll on you and your son's relationship for a while, but I would prosecute, and there would be nothing "polite" about it. I would also DEFINITELY take your son to a professional therapist. At that age they think they know how things like this will affect them later, but we know they do not. I wish you luck!
Marlene - posted on 08/24/2011
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Is this not seen as "rape", as he is under age? I think you should track her down and remind her of this, "politely" telling her where to get off. Then get professional help for your son. Good luck
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