What YOU say or do if your 17yrs old is smoking pot what you do or say?

Mary - posted on 04/11/2009

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Mary - posted on 04/06/2009

Also, it is a Schedule 1 drug and judges and prosecutors can use this for what it is.

No one in their right mind that has intentions of a respectable career will risk this charge that will follow them for the rest of their life.

Heather - posted on 04/05/2009

teenage boys often will go through a stage of smoking pot which in a ideal world we would brevent but we carnt i also feel it is a powerfull drug but the lesser of the two evils with alchol.Although as a mother you will be concerned but dont blow out of prportion weed as its not what i call a hard drug that screws lifes up its 90% of the time smoked amoungs the young as a pass time when they get together

Mary - posted on 04/04/2009

It is not a wise parental decision to say, "Its only a misdemeanor."

I nearly fell out of my chair when I read this.

It is STILL a criminal charge. And you absolutely HAVE to answer this question on every decent good paying job application I have ever seen.

Many employers now do background checks and this "Little misdemeanor" is going to haunt them for the rest of their lives if they get stuck with one.

And you can be sure your little police record will indeed have an effect on their hiring you if you are up against a person for the job with a squeaky clean record.

Jobs are hard enough to find right now. Why live recklessly in order to minimize your

employment chances?

And by dismissing a criminal charge as any small thing you set the child up to dismiss criminal activity as a whole.

What is a felony? Rape. Murder. Larceny. Child molestation. And obviously possing a goodly amount of pot with intention to sell.

What is a misdemeanor? Passing bad checks under $500. A DUI. Petty theft. Possessing a joint.

In any case a misdemeanor is a reflection on ones moral terpritude.



Also, in some cases depending on what state, it all depends on how the officer wrote up the charge. You can indeed have "the book thrown at you" for posessing a joint or two. The prosecutors can indeed make a mountain out of a molehill and turn that little joint into a big fat felony if they so desire. Because no matter what, it is still a crime.



With a misdemeanor charge you can never work in a daycare or be a teacher, be a public servant of ANY kind (firefighter, medic, cop,), work in a hospital with patients and many other types of employment. You can't even drive a truck. They make truck drivers pee in cups constantly.

So if anyone still wants to blow off a "little misdemeanor" you'd better think twice about

it all.



Thanks to whoever metioned that "its only a misdemeanor". This needed discussion.

:o)

Tina - posted on 04/04/2009

u tell him how u feel and then if he is ok with it thats good just say i know ur a 17 yr olsd but i woud appreciate u smoking pot away from the home and nowhere where i can see it being done

Jeanne - posted on 04/04/2009

Thank you Carolee

Jeanne

Carolee - posted on 04/03/2009

does your 17 year old live at home ? If so you set some guidelines  ! tell him that it isnt evil its just not  going to help their lives { i know i was there } . they are going to have to make their own choice :} this is where it gets tough mom . i have an 19 year old daughter and our relationship went from mom \ sometimes friend to true friend . she always calls { off at college } and talks to me . i will always tell her the truth . we have been talking with her about loving guidance no matter what age you are :} hang in there mom 

Jeanne - posted on 04/03/2009

Quoting Sheila:

Mine have never tried it but it has come up in conversation, and I am in law enforcement so know that we have officers that are more than happy to talk to teens. They have certain officers that do it and they will even come to your house. They dont discipline or preach, they just get the point across  of the effects of drugs and will even take them to see what effects it can have on a person living on the street. It will usually put  something in their heads that stops it in its tracks. A large police officer sitting across from them at the kitchen table is a pretty good deterant in itself. They know just what to say as are trained in this kind of thing. You can arrange to have an officer come to the childs school as well to give a talk and have some props and viual aides to help really hit home. good luck.

Thank you so much for your note I really do appreciate everything...........and yes I had a police officer in my house.............and still nothing!

Take care & keep in touch!

Jeanne

Sheila - posted on 04/03/2009

Mine have never tried it but it has come up in conversation, and I am in law enforcement so know that we have officers that are more than happy to talk to teens. They have certain officers that do it and they will even come to your house. They dont discipline or preach, they just get the point across  of the effects of drugs and will even take them to see what effects it can have on a person living on the street. It will usually put  something in their heads that stops it in its tracks. A large police officer sitting across from them at the kitchen table is a pretty good deterant in itself. They know just what to say as are trained in this kind of thing. You can arrange to have an officer come to the childs school as well to give a talk and have some props and viual aides to help really hit home. good luck.

Jeanne - posted on 04/02/2009

Quoting Dana:

I just took my 13/11yr olds to a Drug Prevention Program last night. It is run through a non profit group called Candle,Inc. www.realitytour.org The hardest part of the 4hr program was listening to a 26yr old recovering addict talk about starting with pot which eventually led to heroin. When asked what could have been done to prevent this he said(holding back tears),"Mom's know, we are a part of you....you know when we are lying to you, you know when we need help." What powerful words....Get your child into an education program, mandate weekly drug testing.....pot stays in their system for almost a week, talk to the parents of the kids he/she is hanging around with...more than likely if your child is doing it, so are theirs. Be strong, pray and know that if you follow the 10-10-10 rule....(what effect will it have if I do/do not intervene in 10 min, in 10 months, in 10 years) I am sure you will find that the short term frustration, embarrassment and loss of friends (which is not such a bad thing when most children are introduced to pot from their friends) will far out weigh the 10yr effect of no intervention. The second hardest thing was to listen to the parents who had lost their children to drug addiction. One father (crying) turned to the 26yr old and said I can't hug my son any more, I can't shake his hand...then he turned to the audience of parents and children ages 11+ and said....Don't let this happen to you! Jeanne...you are asking for help don't take NO, Your not my boss, I'm old enough to do what I want or any other excuse. Your a MOMMA BEAR and we don't ever let anything/ or anyone get in the way of protecting our children. Best of luck...may God bless you and protect you through this test!

Thanks A Million I so do appreciate for taking the time for me & my son............SENDING YOU ANGEL BLESSINGS...........

JEANNE

Kristine - posted on 04/02/2009

You would actually be VERY surprised on how many people smoke pot!  I don't but I do know a lot of people who do.  I don't judge because it is their life.  As for my son who is 15, he has been around it with his friends.  I tell him the truth.  That just pot I think is harmless.  But you NEVER know who you are getting it from and it could be laced.  The stuff it could be laced with could get you very sick or hurt you.

I told him that it is illegal.  And that in itself should be enough to stay away.  I've told my kids that I will NOT tolerate drinking, smoking or drugs.  If they get caught doing it by police they are on their own.  I will not bail them out....you do the crime...you do the time.

My son wants to go into the military.  So I tell him that a drug charge on his record will NOT look good and they won't take him.  I'm just begging you not to lie to your kids.  Go online yourself to get the facts, know the signs of being high.  And if you catch them that way...insist on manual labor. 

Because all it takes is a click away for them to learn. 

And all it takes is one time for them to realize that you lied and nothing you say will ever mean anything to them.  That is what my mother did to me.  And I never trusted her until I had kids and learned the hard way.  Being  a parent is the hardest thing in the world and I truely wish you the best of luck!

Kristine - posted on 04/02/2009

It all depends on how much you get caught with.  If it is over a pound it's a felony.  Know the facts before you tell your teen something.  Because if they find out different than everything you have just said will go out one ear and out the other.

Dana - posted on 04/01/2009

I just took my 13/11yr olds to a Drug Prevention Program last night. It is run through a non profit group called Candle,Inc. www.realitytour.org The hardest part of the 4hr program was listening to a 26yr old recovering addict talk about starting with pot which eventually led to heroin. When asked what could have been done to prevent this he said(holding back tears),"Mom's know, we are a part of you....you know when we are lying to you, you know when we need help." What powerful words....Get your child into an education program, mandate weekly drug testing.....pot stays in their system for almost a week, talk to the parents of the kids he/she is hanging around with...more than likely if your child is doing it, so are theirs. Be strong, pray and know that if you follow the 10-10-10 rule....(what effect will it have if I do/do not intervene in 10 min, in 10 months, in 10 years) I am sure you will find that the short term frustration, embarrassment and loss of friends (which is not such a bad thing when most children are introduced to pot from their friends) will far out weigh the 10yr effect of no intervention. The second hardest thing was to listen to the parents who had lost their children to drug addiction. One father (crying) turned to the 26yr old and said I can't hug my son any more, I can't shake his hand...then he turned to the audience of parents and children ages 11+ and said....Don't let this happen to you! Jeanne...you are asking for help don't take NO, Your not my boss, I'm old enough to do what I want or any other excuse. Your a MOMMA BEAR and we don't ever let anything/ or anyone get in the way of protecting our children. Best of luck...may God bless you and protect you through this test!

Tanya - posted on 03/31/2009

I just joined the group and thought I would post a quick note to you Jeanne.  I understand what it takes for you to say to your son to quit, and how hard it is to get him to comprehend. No matter what you will always love himand how helpless you feel. I went to the courthouse in my community and talked to the judge, who signed a court ordered Destabilization and Detoxification Act documant, which in fact will: put your son into rehab without his consent..my son enjoyed his week stay at the youth jail for his time...eye opener ..you bet...mom pissed off...damn rights...fed up and tired of the BS...not anymore! If you need anymore info..im right here for ya! peace T

Lorelei - posted on 03/31/2009

My son is clean but only because he got placed on probation for huffing duster. It is so scary I wish I knew a good answer, the fact is my son is very bright and wants a future. He knows he has to stay out of trouble and I think that is the only thing that stops him. He finally realized that his juvenile record will follow him so now he seems to care. You need to find something that he/she cares about and show them how it can be lost. good luck

Krista - posted on 03/31/2009

To be addicted to something is to smoke it when you desire it.  That is what addiction is, you don't smoke when you don't want it..

Any drug is a gateway drug when it alters your brain.

I don't understand parent's who are willing to 'supervise' there kids when doing pot, it means that they are willing to do something illegal with there kids or watch there kids do it.  Those parents need to be turned in to the police.  Illegal is illegal....period.

Shawnn - posted on 03/31/2009

Jeanne, the main thing is this: Your teen will know if you are stretching the truth. If you hit him with "It is a felony", you are not exactly lying, but you are stretching the truth. In most states, the felony is having more than 1/4 ounce with intent to distribute. If you tell him it is "highly addictive", that is also stretching the truth. I have many, many friends who smoke it when they have the desire, and don't when they don't. It is certainly less addictive than nicotine. I myself have started and stopped without any ill effects. If you tell him "it's a gateway drug, you'll only do worse" again, is stretching the truth. I, and most of my friends who do or have done it have NOT even thought of trying other drugs.



The bottom line is BE TRUTHFUL. But, don't try to make the kid think that he's on the firing line, or he'll turn into the proverbial turtle. I'll pray for him, and the decision he has to make, and I'll definitely pray for you, because we all need that extra help of someone watching over us. God bless and best of luck

Shawnn - posted on 03/31/2009

While good advice, it is misleading. Possession of marijuana in most states is a misdemeanor, not a felony, unless it is possession of over 1/4 ounce with intent to distribute. Lying to your teen in order to make things look more ominous is NEVER the way to go. My husband & I have both told our sons that we understand this is going to come up. Our request to them is that they bring it to us. We, having the experience already under our belts, would rather that they, and their friends if necessary, are in a supervised situation.



Your teens are going to be faced with decisions. Instead of making lists, and false claims about the law, your better bet is to sit them down and ask them: 1) What prompted your desire. 2) Now that you've done it, what do you think and why.

Shawnn - posted on 03/31/2009

Quoting Mary:

Make him a list of jobs he will never get if he gets arrested with it which is a felony.
Make him a list of ppl he knows that have been ruined by it.
Make a list of ppl that he knows that avoid it and why they do.

We should never suggest to our children that we will break the law with them.
Even though he is 17, you could be charged with reckless endangerment of a minor
if caught smoking it with him.
And this could do much harm to your relationship with him in the future.

Pamela - posted on 03/30/2009

i wish that i knew the right thing to say.  my son graduated the DARE program, his father (who i left when my son was 2) is a user and he swore that he would never get into it because he saw the way that it broke up the family.  now he is in a program sent by a judge.  we have talked about all of the dangers, things it could be laced with, things it could lead to , the life he would miss out on if he continued the path.....but you cannot get to him if he is in the wrong group of friends. 

i say, know his friends, know his friends parents, know where he hangs out, know where he is all the time. 

unfortunately, he is 17.  it's an age which he "knows it all"  and there is nothing else you can tell him.

i am sending you prayers and you have my thoughts with you.  i hope that you can "get to him". 

just talk open and honest.  let him know that you love him and be as genuine and honest as you can be with him.  let him know how you feel about his choice and then, just love him.

good luck to you !

Jeanne - posted on 03/29/2009

Quoting Corina:

Jeanne - everyone has their own personal opinion about pot smoking. My family is from the Netherlands, a country with a very high social tolerance towards pot smoking. That said, with my own 17 year old (who's tried it), I never vilified the drug or romanticized it either. It's important to have honest and open dialogue without fear mongering or lecturing. Stay calm. Kids are parent-deaf and the more you over-react, the more likely they will be to continue any behaviour you don't condone.

In the US, it IS illegal and because it is illegal there is a criminal element associated with it. That carries a lot of risk - including jail time, criminal records, tainted weed, etc. In very practical terms, the discussion can focus more on the risks associated with use. Discuss the what-ifs and weigh the pros and cons. Your 17 year old needs to make an informed decision about whether or not its worth their while to smoke it. 17 is not 16 is not 15. At 17, they're pretty much making their own choices. Just allow them to make an informed one.

In my case, she pretty much reached her own conclusion that it's not worth it. And I never had to threaten, intimidate, beg or belittle.

Thanks A Million I really do appreciate all of your advise & it help me I can guaranty you that..........

Sending all Angel Prayers & Blessings

Jeanne

Corina - posted on 03/29/2009

Jeanne - everyone has their own personal opinion about pot smoking. My family is from the Netherlands, a country with a very high social tolerance towards pot smoking. That said, with my own 17 year old (who's tried it), I never vilified the drug or romanticized it either. It's important to have honest and open dialogue without fear mongering or lecturing. Stay calm. Kids are parent-deaf and the more you over-react, the more likely they will be to continue any behaviour you don't condone.

In the US, it IS illegal and because it is illegal there is a criminal element associated with it. That carries a lot of risk - including jail time, criminal records, tainted weed, etc. In very practical terms, the discussion can focus more on the risks associated with use. Discuss the what-ifs and weigh the pros and cons. Your 17 year old needs to make an informed decision about whether or not its worth their while to smoke it. 17 is not 16 is not 15. At 17, they're pretty much making their own choices. Just allow them to make an informed one.

In my case, she pretty much reached her own conclusion that it's not worth it. And I never had to threaten, intimidate, beg or belittle.

Sherry - posted on 03/28/2009

Jeanne...Good for ;you!!!  Good job Mom.  I know how hard it is...my son put us through 4 years of it too....but hang in there.  You are supported and cared about.

JoAnn - posted on 03/27/2009

Educate! Educate! Educate! There are many informative things on the internet.  Yes the plant itself has Good uses for.  But sit down and consider all those things too.  That way you are giving your child ALL of the information.  Went through this with all 7 of my kids.  It can be frustrating but I am a parent that will try to nurture the learning aspects of things and understand the curiosities that we have all faced when we were that age.  Don't give up.  When you give both sides to a subject matter, your teen doesn't feel as if you are withholding.  Hope works well. 

Jeanne - posted on 03/27/2009

Thank you everyone &  Sherry I've taken matters into my hands...........doing everything.........taking control plus pie test..............gave 30 days because I've been battelling this for 2 years know...........doctors ,conselling............support groups...........even got the police involved this time & his last chats the ball is in his hands...................

Thank you all very much I really appreciate everyone of you that took the time to write me a little note to help me...and my family!

Jeanne

Pati - posted on 03/27/2009

Hi

when I suspected my kid was trying durgs I started testing her, the rules are the rules and the consequences are tough. I really like Mary's idea of the list of how many things are affected by it  if you get caught.

Sherry - posted on 03/27/2009

You say...."Not while your living in my house!!! " Your child is just 17, use all the pressure you can to get things changed while they still have to do what you say (while you still have the control).  Also, remember that as a minor you are responcible for your child and thier actions...legally responcilble.  Some people think that Pot is not a big deal, but it is.  The pot we had in the 60's and 70's is not even the same drug the kids are smoking today.  It is so much stronger and IS addictive. Go onto the internet and google info about todays pot.  It is also the number 1 gateway drug.  I was an alcohol and drug counselor for 5 years and almost every person I saw started with Pot and or alcohol.  It is a very serious thing.  You can buy drug testing (urine) kits and check them at home, but be aware that someone needs to be standing right there while they pee in the cup.  They will use other peoples pee if ;they can.  Take away their freedom and any extras (phone, car ect) until they are clean and remain that way (it will take about 30 days of sobriety to test clean after using pot), and let them know you love them, but you are the parent and you get to set the boundaries.  They may ge angry at you today, but down the road they will thank you.  Don't be afraid to seek out help or join a support group.  You will find other parents going through the same kinds of things as you and you will also get support from them in inforcing what you know you have to do.  Many churches have groups that meet weekly to support not only those in recovery, but also the family members, they are called Celebrate Recovery...Your not alone believe me.  I pray that God will hold you up while you go through this rough time.

Mary - posted on 03/15/2009

Tell him you don't want to risk getting dragged into it by him doing it in your home.

(You could actually have your home seized if he gets caught selling in it).

And if you have younger kids, he is being a bad example to them and you just won't stand for it.

Jeanne - posted on 03/15/2009

I think it's coming to that...............his own place :(  but true..............

Lynn - posted on 03/15/2009

I  WOULD TELL  HIM THAT WE DON'T DO DRUGS N THIS HOUSE  AND IF  HE IS   2  GROWN  2 LISTEN 2 ME  THEN  HE NEEDS  HIS OWN PLACE

Lori - posted on 03/14/2009

Oh this is a no no! You have to stand your ground and let them know that this is unacceptable. You have to be firm and talk with your child and let them know the repercussions of smoking pot. Things are so crazy now. They are lacing marjuana with other drugs that could possibly cause severe harm or even death. Hope every thing goes well.

Connie - posted on 03/14/2009

I use to be a military police officer and also had a brother who started with pot and then eventually moved on to meth. It took my brother 8 years and a threat to never be allowed around my children before he cleaned up his act. I have always been very open with my children on how I feel about drugs.  And I beleive that communication is the most important key....sit your teen down and let him/her know how you feel and ask them why they want to smoke pot. Just don't lecture or yell. Teens will tune you out in a heartbeat if you do that. Do a little research before you sit down with them on the effects of pot on the mind and body and what doors of opportunity (jobs, relationships, etc.) will be closed if they continue down the road they chose. Be supportive if they ask for help but let them know how you feel on their usage. If you show them you are only looking out for their best interest ... they should respond. But remember...it is not your fault in whatever road they choose. DO NOT blame yourself.

Jeanne - posted on 03/14/2009

Quoting Mary:

We once caught one of our kids doing it. We laid down the law and then we made said teen pee in a cup for a drug test at random times. You can buy them at Walgreens, Walmart or any pharmacy. After the first suprise test, our teen came up clean thereafter. It was worth the $30 or so to drive our point home that we meant what we said. And its never any fun to have someone stand over your shoulder and watch you pee. And YOU MUST DO THIS.
Kids can buy sterile/clean urine AT PHARMACIES THESE DAYS. Yep. Hard to believe, I know. But they know how to get it and use it to pass. They strap a little bag/bladder thingy to their thigh to conceal it and it "sounds" like real peeing going on. So be aware!!

Mary - posted on 03/13/2009

We once caught one of our kids doing it. We laid down the law and then we made said teen pee in a cup for a drug test at random times. You can buy them at Walgreens, Walmart or any pharmacy. After the first suprise test, our teen came up clean thereafter. It was worth the $30 or so to drive our point home that we meant what we said. And its never any fun to have someone stand over your shoulder and watch you pee. And YOU MUST DO THIS.

Kids can buy sterile/clean urine AT PHARMACIES THESE DAYS. Yep. Hard to believe, I know. But they know how to get it and use it to pass. They strap a little bag/bladder thingy to their thigh to conceal it and it "sounds" like real peeing going on. So be aware!!

Jeanne - posted on 03/13/2009

Thanks A Million! To each & everyone that took the time................to help my teenager!

SENDING YOU ALL ANGEL BLESSINGS

JEANNE

Jeanne - posted on 03/13/2009

Quoting Wednesday:

If your 17 is smoking pot then you need to find out who he is hanging with and talk to him.  Talk till your face turns blue and they get tired of hearing you.  If we do not talk to our kids someone else will.  We were young once just think back to then and ask yourself what did my parent do with me.  Don't know if this will help.

 

My son is 17 and we talked about smoking.  I told him if he really wanted to try it I would try it with him.  I would rather be there then have him try it with someone else / somewhere else.  Ofcourse I wont be doing the heavier drugs with him.  I just want him to know that I am open to him experiencing life.

 

Thank you! I thought like try it with them..............and see what happeneds to or to me.............I've ask other people about this comment...........and they thought I was grazy...........and tells him..........a story that my Mom really wants to help! That's what I think...........

Jeanne

Jeanne - posted on 03/13/2009

Quoting Julie:

I went through the same thing.... I told her that it is very addictive and that it could also be laced with something else. that could actually harm her deeply or kill her. I know its sound harsh but now a days you just never know whats been put into it. Hope this helps and good luck.

Thanks a million!

Jeanne

Nichole - posted on 03/13/2009

Thanks Mary!!! I like your ideas!! I have a 14 year old who I just recently found out is smoking weed and I am going to use that idea with him!!! I will update on how it works out!!! Thanks again!!!!

Shelly - posted on 03/12/2009

Jeanne,

  You lay down the law of the house and let him know where you stand on this issue and if he doesn't want to live by the rules then he needs to find another roof over his head.  Yes I know it will be hard one of the hardest things you will have to do but you have other children in the house that you need to send a clear message to also.  It's time for some tough love

Cari - posted on 03/12/2009

I would let your 17 yr old know first how diappointed you are in them.Get them with emotion first.Then ask what other drugs are they doing and or drinking.Then start giving facts.These teens are gonna try stuff just like we did but.That does not mean that we have to approve of it.And until they move out of our house they do what we tell them.With no ?'s asked.

Wednesday - posted on 03/12/2009

You said it right Mary.  So true.

Mary - posted on 03/12/2009

Make him a list of jobs he will never get if he gets arrested with it which is a felony.

Make him a list of ppl he knows that have been ruined by it.

Make a list of ppl that he knows that avoid it and why they do.



We should never suggest to our children that we will break the law with them.

Even though he is 17, you could be charged with reckless endangerment of a minor

if caught smoking it with him.

And this could do much harm to your relationship with him in the future.

Wednesday - posted on 03/12/2009

If your 17 is smoking pot then you need to find out who he is hanging with and talk to him.  Talk till your face turns blue and they get tired of hearing you.  If we do not talk to our kids someone else will.  We were young once just think back to then and ask yourself what did my parent do with me.  Don't know if this will help.

My son is 17 and we talked about smoking.  I told him if he really wanted to try it I would try it with him.  I would rather be there then have him try it with someone else / somewhere else.  Ofcourse I wont be doing the heavier drugs with him.  I just want him to know that I am open to him experiencing life.

Julie - posted on 03/12/2009

I went through the same thing.... I told her that it is very addictive and that it could also be laced with something else. that could actually harm her deeply or kill her. I know its sound harsh but now a days you just never know whats been put into it. Hope this helps and good luck.