When can boys start having "girlfriends"?

Desire - posted on 01/06/2010 ( 50 moms have responded )

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HELP!! I'm confused.. my boy is 11 and is seeing this girl.. I thought they where friends, but now they keep on calling and seeing each other. According to his friends they are boyfriend and girlfriend. And for me this is way to young!!! How to I tell him there will be many more and I think he is to young without damanging our relationship! We always had an open one!

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Sarah - posted on 03/02/2012

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WOW! My children are not allowed to date. The rule has always been in place in our home. When they are ready to start dating it will be chaperoned.

I have seen the comments made by several young teens explaining their views. Again, all I can say is "WOW". I think we allow our children to do to much at too young of an age. Children need guidance, not freedom to do as they please. The desire to date now is driven by attraction, that attraction then becomes physical in small ways and eventually will lead to physical in the most intimate way. By allowing such actions with no restrictions, it will lead to the belief by the child that this is acceptable behavior.

Most likely the above actions will not take place with one individual, but several. Again, giving a young mind the idea that this is acceptable. I know that many people will disagree with my view and that is fine, but I want the best for my children in ALL areas of their lives.

Kristi - posted on 08/16/2012

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WTH? First little girls get on here to give us advice and now little boys?! This is not appropriate, how did you children stumble on to this web site in the first place? And then, what made you decide, hmmm ok, I'm going to see what all these mothers are talking about. You set up fake profiles to come on here and give advice? Somebody is not right in the head.

Go back to the playground, keep your private parts private, focus on school, sports, and hobbies. Clean your rooms, wash behind your ears, eat your veggies, and just say "no!"

Tianna - posted on 04/27/2013

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I think it's ok I'm in middle school and I'm 12 you should meet the girl and her parents and just say "i heard you had a girlfriend from school" and that will start the conversation it won't really ruin your bond with him if you listen to what he has to say then come to some sort of agreement with him, I think 13 is an appropriate age to go on an actual date but it all depends on how maturely he is and while your talking mention *rules* like if they go on a date no kissing or something like that. I hope all goes well

Sarah - posted on 07/10/2012

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I don't think you're going to damage your relationship. Being a parent sucks sometimes. That's it. He's not going to like you ALL the time. As much as we would like to be best friends with our kids, it's not always what's best for THEM. Sometimes it's hard for us to see the other side of being the iron fist. But why do we make rules? We make them because our kids NEED structure. They need someone to guide them and sometimes (often) disagree with them and change the course. We've been there and done that! As cliche as that may sound, it's true. We have. We understand that our kids are not prepared for things like a relationship at 11. So it's our job to make the decisions and act on them according to what's in our child's best interest.

Good luck mom! You can do it!

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Susan - posted on 08/19/2014

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My son (14) has several "girlfriends" They seem to have a great time together and often sleep over at our Place No lovey dovey involved as far as I know

Gina - posted on 08/13/2014

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let him, he will only hate you for not letting you, he will say you are a controlling parent. and it will surely cause trust problems in the future

Logan - posted on 08/11/2014

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To all mothers out there seeking advise, most kids 14-18 are not looking for sex in a relationship, but to feel like they are wanted and loved by someone other than their parents. trust me, after 11 years of my adoptive parents love, it gets so old! we just want to have someone new in our lives that requires our affection as much as we do. being 15, i am in a relationship and even though i am a boy, i do not think of sex 24-7 as many mothers have been falsely told. so please let your kids have relationships when they are 13+ so they can experience the love of someone who needs them as much as they need them. :)

Sasan - posted on 06/14/2014

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Im 13 year old and I want good girlfriend . You can call me sasy but my name is sasan

Delta - posted on 05/09/2014

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Let your son see this girl. After school I sure all he wants is to come home from school and have a chick waiting for him

Susan - posted on 02/19/2014

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I agree as well.I feel it is important to have friends of both genders irrespective of age .Therefore I would certainly encourage this My son (now 14) has Always had girl friends. And they sleep over of course and yes in the same room

Robert - posted on 02/19/2014

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Well personally i think it is ok. My boy has a girlfriend and he's 12. Just as long as they don't get to lovey dovey. The mature age to go on a date i think should be 13 and up. Just because they are a little more mature.

Crisi - posted on 01/09/2014

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Okay so I am a 13 year old boy and I believe dating is alright as long as there is nothing sexual. Around 4th grade kids start "dating" and maybe hanging out on the playground a little bit. Its about the same in 5th grade and you don't really notice much of a change until around 6th grade. Around 6th grade and I'm not going to lie guys and girls hormones start "acting up" and that kind of explains teen pregnancy. My advice is be careful and make sure your son/daughter isn't doing anything bad at school. I'm serious I saw a boy and a girl go into the same bathroom at school one time and I'm still hoping the worst they did was oral sex. Let your kids date because they could be clueless in the future. My parents really don't care because its only at school and te worst that could happen is they could take us to Six Flags.

Chuck - posted on 12/29/2013

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To be honest 10 is a alright age to have a girlfriend. The main reason you found out that she was his girlfriend from his friends was obviously because he knew how you would react and try breaking them up. I think it's a bad idea to force him into breaking up with the girl, and everyone on this site is underestimating their kids, give them a chance to prove they know what's right and wrong that also means give the two love birds a chance. I had a girlfriend when I was 9 , I hope you don't break them up and this changes your mind including everyone.

Jillian - posted on 09/23/2013

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Sit down with him and talk, say i've heard from your friends that you have a girlfriend now, i think thats great but maybe you should wait a little longer and get to know her better as a friend. This way you aren't taking away any privileges but you are also putting that idea in his head. 11 is a little young but maybe they can get to be bff's. Good luck mom!

P.S. you have the right to be concerned, just don't take advantage of that right.

Matthew - posted on 09/21/2013

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I'm 12 and I have a crush on a girl. At the end of fifth grade half of my friends were dating. It's normal for kids that age to want to be in a relationship.

[deleted account]

i just logged in im tired of dealing around with yall 11 12 year old nonsense like i said before i have a girlfriend at the age of nine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you hear nine not eleven or twelve nine

Teresa - posted on 12/12/2012

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In middle school boys and girl temped to have relationships with each and other.

Nykia - posted on 09/16/2012

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Um.................... I believe that an 11 year old boy is old enough to have a girlfriend! :I I mean soon yu know it ur gonna have to bc down a little anyways sooooo , i think yu should let him live off his lil relationship, & see how things go..... If he`s immature he`s not ready! If he`s mature and respect yu than he`s ready...... Cuz if he doesn`t respect his parent`s he will disrespect his girlfriend.......... Yu said ya`ll have a close relationship , Right? So if ya`ll do, than their shouldn`t be any problems..... (Good luck) btw pray

Curtis - posted on 08/02/2012

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I think you should talk to him about the advantages and dis advantages of having a girlfriend, then see what happeneds. Keep an open mind

Kristi - posted on 07/10/2012

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Ana--I do the same, but if I'm too lazy, I will just take a picture of the post with my phone and use it later! ; )

Ana - posted on 07/10/2012

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Kudos to Sarah Spencer and Kristy C., could not have said it any better!

I too wish children these days would just enjoy being children and did not want to grow up so fast. They do not have the common sense to realize life goes by fast, and they will be grown-ups before they know it. If I could just make my 14 y/o old son understand this!

I have made notes from several posts on this thread and will discuss with him when I get back home.

Thank you all for sharing your experiences, it makes for great advice!

God bless and good luck!

Kristi - posted on 07/03/2012

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Have you defined what boyfriend and girlfriend means at this age to these kids? Oh, this post is 3 years old...but for any others who come on looking for answers, read Sarah Spencer's comment. She is dead on accurate. It is our job to parent our children, to set boundries and guidlines and standards for our children. We are not here to be bff's, not until later, after they are grown and out in the real world hopefully making good decisions based on their upbringing. Desire is up here and IMO, sounds scared to tell her ELEVEN year old he's too young for a serious girlfriend. Who is the parent? Who sets the rules? If you have to wonder if talking about the opposite sex with your tween is going to damage your open or wonderful or close relationship, chances are it isn't that open, wonderful or close as you think.

Again, Sarah Spencer's comment, it's a little Old School, but it would be so refreshing to start seeing as the norm again.

Janet - posted on 07/03/2012

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i am a 14 year old boy almost 15 and i would like to get out to the moms of the world that most dont want sex at this age but it could be peer presure if they do it but some if not most boy just want someone to love and desire and that is the way me and many of my friends see it

Sarah - posted on 04/25/2012

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Look if you DON'T let him he WILL go behind your back if you DON'T make a big deal out of it he can't have something over you He WILL close up IF you judge him any way just do the safe sex talk and if he tellsyou he has a girlfriend then talk to him what would you rather HIM TO TALK TO YOU or NOT TO

Tamara - posted on 02/29/2012

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Thank you for your post. I was having all kinds of worries with my 14 year old son dating too. After reading all tho posts your's appealed to me the most. It is refresing to hear the plain truth from a teen perspective. Although I was having alot of anxiety, mostly mommy worries with my 14 year old son having a girlfriend, I know he is a good kid and just going through normal teenage stuff. After reading your post, I decided to loosen the grip and stop being so UPTIGHT!!! Thanks again and I know he'd thank you too.

Kathy - posted on 12/16/2011

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MOMS , DADS, I AM A 14 YEAR OLD MALE , I KNOW I AM IMPERSENATING A WOMEN BUT IF U NEED TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT UR CHILDREN ASK ME . I AM 14 I KNOW HOW UR CHILDREN THINK AT THE AGE OF ADOLESCENCE SO FEEL FREE TO ASK AND I'LL TELL U WHAT I THINK , AND I HOPE I'LL BE HELPFUL :) TY

Kathy - posted on 12/16/2011

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hey ppl plz listen i am a 14 year old male ,i'm sory i had to impersenate a women but i thought that u MOMS need to read what i'm going to say : first it is pretty normal for children to start having female friends and seeing each other and kissing , u should stop worrying about your kids let them have their own experiences but keep talking about the "relationship" subject, and try to understand your kid, i am 14 my parents don't give me a curfew i can go back home anytime i want and i'm a very good person, i know what's right and wrong , because my parents have tought me what's right since i was a little boy, in my family we are christians and i go to church every sunday , anyway at the age of 12-13 boys start to think about sex all the time , they act like they want to have sex infront of their friends, i do too , and i had the opportunity to have sex in the summer but i i didn't because i was waiting for the right person , u can't stop your children from growing up , and u should let them date at any age as long as you know what kind of ppl they're dating and who are their friends, be open , i still cannot understand why some parents stop their children from having girl/boy friends , if u have raised ur child correctly , u can just let him do anything he wants to and come back at late hours of the night , don't think that he wants to go do something wrong, when i go out , late at night, i only want to hang out with my friends more or just go watch a horror movie or somethin,I wrote too many lines, what i mean is don't be CONFUSED , don't worry , and if u tell ur son what u think and discuss it with him u won't damage ur RELASHIONSHIP trust me

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/03/2011

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Ok, when my (then) 11 year old started football, he came up to me one day with a girl and said "mom, this is my girlfriend." At 11, that meant holding hands, and he would go to her house once in awhile to play. At 13, he still has the same "girlfriend", in that when there is a school dance, he buys her ticket, and I drive them both. Still at the holding hands stage, and they MAY have kissed. When he goes to her house I have no problems because I work with her dad, so we get the full rundown, and so far it's been "he's a superb, respectful, and very nice boy".

And, if you think about it, when we were growing up we had "boyfriends" in elementary school...and we didn't do anything with them either.

Children see their parents in a happy relationship, and just want to mimic that. You do need to talk to him about sexual issues. He is NOT too young! My kids have had the sex talk at age appropriate levels ALL of their lives.

Jenifer - posted on 02/03/2011

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im a 13 male
Im deeply sorry for impersonating a woman but this was the only way i could communicate with you all

I (being the age you are talking about) would like to share the much needed opinion of a 13 year old as that is what this convosation lacks


At 12 i mostly just held hands and kissed sometimes but only on occations
What your all worrying about is your children doing things u only see fit for a adult
But u need to understand that we have very similar lives to you. We want a relationship like you but remove the sex drive.
At 13 my girlfriend and i kiss, often but my mother refuses to let her come to my house as she is afraid we will get sexual
To all who dont want there child dating because of your fear we might hav sexual relations just talk to your kid about it
But dont restrict them, trust in your child to do the right thing.
And please PLEASE dont talk down on us and act like we think so much smaller than you
And to the people whos kids "just be friends" did it ever occure to you that we do kiss just dont tell you.

Beverly - posted on 12/04/2010

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I agree with Jane M. Their idea of bf/gf is different. I feel it is too young as well but if you have a good relationship with him, just talk to him about it. Mention it in a by the way manner. They hate to be told what to do in situations. Stay informed but don't cause him to shut you out. My son is now 18 and we've always talked about everything. I've always been honest with him. But I never made a big deal out of something. Just let him know how I felt, gave examples, and encouraged him to keep communicating.

Cheryl - posted on 12/04/2010

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My first 3 children were not that interested in boys/girl until they had finished school, which made that great for me. The last one has had a couple of b/friends, and she is the one that I will have to watch out for. She is now 18, and I've had to really clamp down on her as she was getting out of hand.... now I'm the dog that wags the tail.....nipped in the bud and not too late ; )

Cheryl - posted on 12/04/2010

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Gee, thats way too young. Set some limits. Boys mature later than girls anyway. They seem to be just running up phone bills and they enjoy the novelty of it. I don't think you'll ruin your relationship, if you tell your son that if he calls on her, it is to be on a weekend, and no more calls. He is not even in High School yet!!! If he sees her at school, that is quite sufficient, and there's no need for all the calls. I have good relationships with my children ranging in age from 36 down to 18. I have set strong limits and kicked boys out as well, trying to take advantage of the situation.....which they will eventually do, if you start being the parent and not the pal.

Annemarie - posted on 01/13/2010

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OK we all agree, 11, 12, 13 is way too young to date...obviously...it's okay if they go to birthday parties with both boys/girls i mean after all they have been doing it all along haven't they? to a movie without an adult? at this age i would say no. but at 14, 15. and 16 it would be okay for them to go to a movie,(always ask what movie they are going to see it more than likely will be something about vampires or aliens at this stage in their life..and look what Hollywood has to offer..nothing...i have taken my son and his friends to see a few movies when he was this age too..it's OK to go along with them as long as you let them sit where they want to in the theater..lol...these guys didn't have girls with them, but they loved to throw stuff, so i was glad they weren't sitting by me..lol) or bowling, but in groups and to be home by a reasonable time, for this age, would be probably 9PM...now when they are 16 going on 17 here in Chicago..17 is okay to stay out past curfew as long as you are not doing anything wrong. so i suppos they can date at 17 and when they are 18 they are adults (as the US Government says they are) so there is not too much you can do to stop them from dating at that age, however, Christian morals must be practiced and waiting (saving your sex) for marriage is the norm, at least in my house it is and as for me and my household we chose to honor God and follow His commandments to the best of our ability.

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YOUR SON IS WAY TOO YOUNG, 2 B TALKING ABOUT A GIRLFRIEND. HE'D BETTER GET INTO THOSE BOOKS. WHAT DOES HE KNOW ABOUT A RELATIONSHIP? I DON'T C ANYTHING WRONG WITH TAKING AS FRIENDS ON THE PHONE, BUT SEEING HIM. WHAT DO UMEAN BY SEEING HIM? IF U MEAN DATING, THEN THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS. MA'AM U KNOW BETTER THAN THIS. U NEED TO BE MOTHER FIRST AND FRIEND LATER. HE'S STILL A CHILD AND DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT A RELATIONSHIP. U NEED TO GET THIS UNDER CONTROL QUICK, FAST, AND A HURRY. START TELLING HIM ABOUT THE BIRDS AND THE BEES, AND THE CONSEQUENCES THAT FOLLOWS.

Tawnee - posted on 01/12/2010

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Be open now, as well,, tell him how you feel,, i am very open with all my boys,, they are all teens and i was very open about it,,, they understood,, i am just now getting girls calling them and my boys are 16, 15, and 13,,

Danielle - posted on 01/11/2010

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My son just turned 13 but he has had "girlfriends" for a couple of yrs now. I always try to be as open with my son as I can. I just let him know that he can like a girl and even think she's pretty/cute but are too young to have a "girlfriend". I think it is just a title to have at school. I mean how much can kids really see each other besides at school. We always have to be one step ahead! ;)

Glory - posted on 01/11/2010

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The question is what he thinks a girlfriend is? You say he still sees this girl...does she live in your neighborhood? I have an 11 year old daughter, besides her going to school I control what she does outside my house. When she plays she could only play in front of the house. Your son is still very young, sometimes a girlfriend means talking on the phone are just seeing her in school. Do you control his play time with friends?

Tracy - posted on 01/11/2010

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I have twin 13 yr old boys, they both recently started"dating" as they would call them girlfriends. My husband and I have been okay with it .we monitor it very closely they have gone skating and to the movies...it is all innocent right now..we think it's a good way to get ready for the next few years they have ahead of them..I had a very hard time at first..thought awful things..but the hubby brought me to reality..I just keep alot of communication and keep their trust so they will talk to me. GOOD LUCK!! GOD BLESS!!

Clare - posted on 01/08/2010

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When my daughter ran up a large phone bill I made her work jobs around the house to pay back the money - ironing shirts at 50p per shirt focussed her mind! The next time I made her pay back double the money - we haven't had a problem with the phone bill since. Also I make her put her phone outside her room (turned off) at an agreed time each night.

Desire - posted on 01/08/2010

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That was what freaked me out! They also texted each other during the day and the girl will tell him how much she miss him and how much she love him and cry her eyes out when they can't be together. Needless to say.. he ended up on his cellphone the whole day! After a shocking cellphone account I took the cellphone away during the day and gave it only back for 20minutes before bedtime. This helped. I also made an effort to start to know the girl and her parents. They are crazy about my son and I also liked her. He went to visit them on the farm during the hollidays and he enjoyed it so much. I'm divorced and he doesn't have the relation with his dad where he can talk openly about his feelings. That is why it is so important for me to find a way to talk to him about his first "girlfriend" Thanks for the tips!! I have made notas and will definitly approach him this weekend with more confidence.

Tracy - posted on 01/07/2010

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when my son was 11 he had a girlfriend, at the time i thought it was harmless...BUT he had also got a mobile and i found the girl texting him and asking what he was wearing and this was 11pm at night! Needless to say we had a little chat, he was still very child like and wasn't really interested in the girl in the way she was with him. We told him that in our family you are not aloud to start dating till you have finished yr 10 thats almost 16yrs old in Australia. He was actually fine with that and this yr he finished yr 10 and there has been a girl he likes and i asked if he was thinking of asking her out and he said he had talked with her and her parents had said she couldn't date till she had finished school (yr12) so he said he was happy to wait. I kept a good poker face (i was thinking omg i wish i had been that good as a kid) and casually said that sounds good. They hang out mostly at youth group, church and do go with groups of kids to the movies and ice-skating ect.

Vicki - posted on 01/07/2010

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I wouldn't worry much, either. Just be open and be there for him. I was worried about my 13-year-old having a girlfriend until I found out it involves texting each other and sitting together at the lunch table! However, I was just informed that "the magic is gone" so apparently they aren't texting or sitting together anymore. He seems fine with it. I can't believe how different having a boy is than having a girl! So much less drama! Hope it stays that way.

Amy - posted on 01/07/2010

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I wouldn't worry about it. At that age being girlfriend and boyfriend isn't the same as it is at 15, 16+. They will probably brake up shortly & he'll move on to another girl before you know it. They may think it's a 'serious relationship' now but it's not what you think. Remember their world is so very small right now. Everything is a big deal.
Just stay supportive of his happiness and keep the lines of communication open. it's good if he will still come to you to talk about his feelings and emotions. Don't jeopordize that by belittling his relationship.

Melinda - posted on 01/07/2010

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My son is almost 13 and has expressed ,many times, about a girlfriend. We too have an open relationship. I talk to my children very frankly at all times (especially about sex). First I asked him what his definition of a girlfriend is and WHY do people want a relationship in the first place. I agree, at this age our definition and theirs is very different. This topic will be a forever note in your household from now on. Once we cleared the air on WHY people choose mates (courting, dating, marriage, sex, children, etc..) we covered how people can get hurt emotionally when you start to have feelings for the opposite sex. THIS REALLY HIT HOME FOR MY SON! He actually got a taste of being hurt when he was verbally rejected by a girl he happened to like and she did not feel the same way. I told my son that if he is NOT ready to handle the emotional pain of a relationship then he is by far WAY too young to have one. Since then, he asks many questions instead of jumping into the whole girl thing. Good luck.

Susan - posted on 01/06/2010

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My youngest son is 12 and he has already had several "girlfriends". From what I can see the definition of girlfriend/boyfriend is alot different at this age. My son has never been out on an actual date with any of them. It is mostly talking on the phone and texting back and forth. A couple of his girlfriends did come to see his football games. I agree with Jane, I had his father sit him down and talk to him about relationships and I monitor his phone and texting to make sure there is no issues or improper behavior. His father explained that having a girlfriend was fine at this age as long as it didn't get beyond the friend part. I also do alot with the school so I meet and know alot of the kids my sons hang around with so I have met most of the girlfriends. Keep the communications open and honest but don't be afraid to be the parent. Good Luck!

Jane - posted on 01/06/2010

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I think the idea of an 11 year olds boyfriend/girlfriend relationship is different from... lets say a 16 year olds. It is to young if his idea of the relationship is that of what we think it is. You should sit down & ask him what he thinks the meaning of boyfriend/girlfriend means & then go from there. As long as you talk openly & honestly w/ him I don't think you'll damage your relationship with him @ all. Good luck

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