When did you allow your teen to go to byob parties?

Mary - posted on 01/15/2013 ( 63 moms have responded )

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I have a 15 almost 16 year old boy who wants to attend a party where there is going to be alcohol. He wants to bring some too!! Is there a time when you would allow this to happen and maybe start with small amounts?? Help!!

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Jodi - posted on 02/23/2013

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But a BYOB isn't being supervised by the parent. I am not suggesting never to let your child drink at all until they are of legal age, but sending them to alcohol fuelled parties and buying them alcohol to take is a different thing altogether. That's not a parent supervising responsible drinking.

Lakota - posted on 01/15/2013

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I wasn't judging you. I was and am floored that you are even considering this. I have worked at the Dept. of Youth Service for my state. There were plenty of 15 and 16 year olds who had been arrested for under age drinking (which lead to other stupid behavior). You don't have to be a parent who doesn't let their kids do anything. But, you should certainly not let your child break the law or make drinking alcohol such an important thing. There are more important things you could be teaching or letting your child do. The fact that you asked other mothers if they thought this was ok should be a sign that you know the answer to that.

Lakota - posted on 01/15/2013

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When they are of legal drinking age - and that's not 15 or 16 years of age. You shouldn't be focusing on trying to be a friend to your kids. It's against the law for them to be doing this.

Kristi - posted on 02/20/2013

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I don't know how old you are Mary but I'm guessing the same age range as I am based on the age of your son. You also mentioned you grew up in a small town.

My sister and I did, too. I never went, I didn't drink because I was an athlete. But my sister was the queen of the BYOB. BYOB parties were pretty popular but they were usually at some out of the way "site" with a big bon fire and parents weren't suppling the alcohol or hosting the parties. But things were different back then. Most kids could walk home and usually several people ended up at one house.Sometimes people brought tents and food and just camped out. Or everyone pulled the I'm spending the night at Shelly's. Shelly tells her mom she's spending the night at my house and so on because by 15 or 16 the reigns are a little loser...again, this was back in the day.

Guys weren't lacing girls drinks and then "date raping" them. Nobody had fast, fancy cars to race. (I'm not saying they do where you live now, because obviously I wouldn't know) Every time a parent purchases alcohol for their child and their child's friends (with or without those parent's permission) you are taking a big risk.

For example, you bought your daughter a 6 pack of Margarita drinks. Say one of her friends only had two of those but decided to continue drinking and got smashed. She decides to drive because oh so many teens (and adults) think they're fiiine and they don't have far to go, don't worry about it. The other drunk teens "make sure" she's okay and off she goes. She wraps her car around a tree or a lamp post. OK oops...this was Pam's situation but the messege is still the same. Just substitue son for daughter ; )

First of all, can you live with yourself knowing you supplied some of that alcohol? Will you be able to face that girl's parents or your own daughter? Granted, you didn't supply all the alcohol but you got the ball rolling.

Second, the ball is not the only thing that's rolling. The police and her parents (even though they gave permission) are going to want heads to roll, too. Their daughter is dead. Do you think they're going to lie about where she got the alcohol? You won't just be getting a ticket for contributing to the deliquency of a minor. It is just irresponsible for parents to buy alcohol for minors. The fact is, it only takes once and none of us are immune. It won't happen to us, no longer applies.

Most kids today are not like Pam's. Just because you don't supply the alcohol or approve of underage drinking doesn't mean you are being ignorant about what kids are going to do anyway. As Shawnn said introducing them gradually at home is one thing and you have complete control of the situation. That still takes the mystery and the passion for the forbidden fruit out of it when they do go off on their own.

One other quick point, you are also letting them know that you can pick and choose what laws to follow. I know this is a little extreme but what if your son decided he didn't need a gun permit or permit to carry a concealed weapon, afterall you bought him alcohol and served him and his friends and that's illegal. He gets pulled over and for whatever reason the cops ask if he has any weapons in the car or on his person. He says no but the officer says please step out of the car and they search him and/or the car...they find the gun. He will be arrested for illegal possession of a firearm and could face jail time and/or fines. That goes on his permnant record, good luck getting a job with that on your background check.

Just out of curiousity, would you provide your son a place to have sex because you know that's going to happen, too? What about smokes or weed? Those are pretty popular among teens these days, as well. I'm not trying to be judgemental. I'm just asking. These are just my opinions, not an attack on you parenting skills and/or choices.

Sofia - posted on 01/16/2013

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The time to "allow" it is when they are 21. Why is this even a question in your household? My daughter is 17 and would not be "allowed" at any party where there is alcohol. Nevermind bringing some of her own.
When I was a teen, I was not an angel and I tested some limits. But I knew my mom did not "allow" me or "approved" of me drinking at that age. I think it saved me from making bigger and stupider mistakes. It is important to be a parent and let your teen know tha there are limits, and in this case the limit is 21.

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Emily - posted on 08/06/2013

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No, it's against the law and if any of those children get hurt the adults are going to JAIL.

Jill - posted on 08/06/2013

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Never! Many states have laws against this and if he is caught you and he get the ticket/jail time.

Sandra - posted on 08/05/2013

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It depends on where the party is, if there is going to be an adult around to supervise how well you know that adult and trust them. In a small rural setting, with parental supervision my son went to his first party with 3 beers and a packet of condoms at 16. I did speak to the parent and confirm the details.
I got a lot of flack for buying the boy condoms, I don't know if he used them or not but they were there if needed. I didn't put them through all their vaccinations to prevent diseases so they could expose themselves to STD's.
In a larger situation, with people I wasn't sure of? It would depend on how much trust you have in your son, how he feels about alcohol and what sort of role models he has chosen. If he thinks drunk louts are cool or funny, if he looks at videos of drunken parties where people do stupid things and thinks it is funny. He needs to grow up and be sensible before he is trusted in that sort of situation.

Andrea - posted on 04/10/2013

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My son and daughter were going to a party of there friends. It was at a building where they have parties for adults. I wanted to make for sure there was no funny stuff going on. So I got out my car and and went inside and asked if this was for kids? The man said yes. I looked inside and saw everyone setting up for the party. I was to pick them up at 9. Before 9, my sons friend mom called me and said its for grown people. I got in my car in my mow-mow dress.(night gown) and went there. I made them get in the car. That is the last party he was able to attend. I am loving all the stories everyone is sharing. Its really helping me to understand. Somethings I need to change and work on with not only Aaron. But my other kids as well. THANK YOU

Betsy - posted on 02/25/2013

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you do sound eager to give your child that drink! good kids, like my son, WILL WAIT, AND LISTEN TO THEIR PARENTS.he is 21 now and does have drinks with his friends, but they are great kids and I trust them . there is love and trust between my son and his dad and I . that means everything!

Kristi - posted on 02/24/2013

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The drinking age does make a difference. But, the she could get hit by a car or a school shooter are hardly the same as knowingly putting her in harm's way. I was from and currently live in a small town also. I don't recall if you said how old your daughter is. My point was not that you can't or shouldn't trust your daughter. It was that you can't always trust other people's kids. And that sadly, those things I mentioned happen more often than we like to think.

Even with the drinking age at 18, I would still look after my daughter at home while I let her get used to drinking where I can control the environment. So I can set the example, so I can teach her how to drink responsibly. (Prior to her turning 18)

I am glad things have worked for you so far. I very much hope they don't turn around and bite you in the ass. I do wish you and your family the best. Your daughter sounds like a great girl!

Pam - posted on 02/24/2013

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Kristi, in no way am I trying to be the "cool parent" here, that I can assure you. She has strict rules and guidelines to follow and has been doing a good job of adhering to them. She also works a part-time job, is an honor roll student, volunteers and also looks after our neighbors pets for the past 7 years. We live in Canada, drinking age is different and we also live in a small town. All this being stated, no I cannot protect her 24/7.......no parent can, who is to say she wont get in an accident when going to school or that some other teen wont go on a shooting spree in her highschool ....I could go on and on about what they could encounter on a daily basis. I choose what is working in our household and gradual freedom with proven maturity is what is working for her. Please do not judge me as the cool parent here as that I will defend...I have not judged anyone else and will not do so, I just post the decision we have made on this subject. To each their own!

Kristi - posted on 02/24/2013

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Chances are, parents who are irresponsible enough to host a drinking party for a bunch of teenagers are probably not doing a whole lot of supervising to begin with. And there is a major difference between living in a bubble and knowingly putting your child in an unpredictable, dangerous situation.

Yes Pam, each teen is different...so while your teen might stick with her "set limit" and make the right choice every single time she sets foot outside your door, that's not to say some random teen, you know, a friend of a friend, won't show up and slip something into her drink? What if her "good (drunk) friend" decides he wants to be more than friends...don't think that can happen because you know all of her friends and none of them would ever do anything like that?...think again. Then, when it's time for all the girls and boys to leave, it's just a crap shoot as to who will make home safely.

Imo, sending your child off to a BYOB party under the premiss that we have to let them experience life to the best of their abilities and as long as we trust them and text them, everything will be fine is just your way of justifying being a friend or the "cool" parent, instead of being the adult parent who does the safe, legal, responsible, not-so-cool thing.

My daughter is going to be 14. She is tall enough and smart enough to drive a car. I trust her to make good choices on the tough stuff and regarding driving the car, I know she wouldn't speed, she would only go to point A and home again, she would never let anyone else drive or ride in the car. Should I let her run errands when I don't feel like it or go to the mall? She gets good grades, plays 2 sports at a time and volunteers. She takes care of our neighbors animals and they pay her to do it. She sounds pretty mature and responsible to me. Why not let her drive?

Well, because she's still only going to be 14 and 13-14 year olds are forgetful and preoccupied sometimes. For example, she took care of our neighbor's dogs (feeding them, taking them out, playing with them in the morning and after school) for about 22 days. On one of the last days, she asked me if I would go over in the afternoon so she could go on a day trip with my mom and sister. Of course I said yes. Guess what I found when I went over there that afternoon....she had left their back sliding glass door wide open. Not because she was stupid, not because she is careless, not because she is unreliable but because she is 13 1/2 and was in a big hurry to go shopping in Seattle with her Grandma that spoils her rotten because she only sees her twice a year and with her cool aunt, who always picks out the coolest stuff. So for 22 days times 2 times per day that's 44 visits. If things weren't the way the are here, this could have been a devastating day for everyone. 1 out of 44. Someone in the US dies every 20 seconds in an alcohol related traffic accident. I didn't do the math, but I like my chances with my daughter better.

There are a million things that could distract her on the road, that could distract any of us. Why would I set her up to fail and possible injury herself and/or others in the process, not to mention that it is illegal and I would imagine that if I was the one responsible for putting the keys in her hand, I'd be the one responsible for whatever happened if she caused an accident, at least morally and I would not be ok with that.

This is the article I got that statistic from. It also mentions other statistics you might be interested in...
*most alcohol related traffic fatalities are passengers
*teen drinkers are 80% more likely to get in trouble with the law as minors and 45% more likely to carry that behavior into adulthood
*teens who drink are 60% more likely to have an unwanted pregnancy before age 20

http://www.senecahealth.org/health_tips/...

Evelyn - posted on 02/23/2013

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Also about the bubble idea, I do not keep my kids in a bubble but I also do not allow them to do things which can hurt them. If they want to experience something they can come to me and ask to do that said thing. If I deem it to be okay to do then I will allow it to be done with me supervising and no one else. THis includes drinking (which I won't do until 21), smoking (I do not smoke and its illegal until 18 to buy for minors), and other things as well. For the most part, those things that require age limits will have to be waited on but I will freely explain what goes on and answer what questions I can. IF when they are 21 or older and want to experience them, then they can. But I also know that they will try things out too without me knowing but I can find out. Its just not safe for this kind of party.

Evelyn - posted on 02/23/2013

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Pam--I understand what you mean about things working differently for each family. But my concern is that you are agreeing to let her go into a situation that to a point she can handle but one time she is not going to be able to handle it. When a person has had a couple of drinks or more they do not have all their mind working well. THat is a known fact. Any other choices made during that party are going to be half way there. Someone could slip something into her drink and drug her without her knowledge. And do not say she knows and trusts all those kids at this party. That is beside the point. It can happen anyway. She could change her mind and tell the DD she is not riding with them. She could try other booze you do not know about. And a party like this with only a few adults watching is not my idea of a safe place for a teen to be.

Pam - posted on 02/23/2013

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I understand what you are saying Evelyn, I have no parental supervision when she was as the party, I did know whom she went with, the DD,had trust in her to consume what we agreed on and to come home if things got out of hand. I also was communicating with her through texts throughout the night. Not all teens may do that but myne did and came home early when she felt trouble was starting. I would not have given her the trust and responsibility if her father and I felt she was not mature enough to handle the situation. We cannot watch our children 24/7 and keep them in a bubble, we have to let them experience life to the best of their capabilities. We felt our daughter was capable of handling the situation and she did, proving to us she made good choices. Once again i stress this is what works in our family.....not everyone else's. Each teen is different.

Jen - posted on 02/23/2013

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You do NOT know what or how much your child will be drinking at a BYOB party. You might know what he/she brought, but that doesn't means he's not sharing what someone else brought along. It also doesn't mean that your child will not be giving what he brought to friends whose parents don't know they are out drinking at all. You said if you don't let your child do this sort of thing they will do it behind your back. So what makes you think they won't try other things at this party behind your back? A BYOB party is only supervised by a couple adults who are breaking the law and are tremendously outnumbered. It's not safe. Your child might drive drunk, or drive with someone else who is drunk. And he's still 5+ years below the legal drinking age. I understand individual differences in parenting, but this is just irresponsible.

Evelyn - posted on 02/23/2013

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Pam--sending them to a party with their own booze and not being there to make sure that they drink just two drinks is not supervised at all. How do you know that the child did not comsume more of something else? Do you have a breath-a-lizer to determine that they are under the legal limits set where you live? This does not promote parent/child trust at all. Supervised drinking is when you allow the child to consume something at home and its a sip or two or a small portion of a serving. They are under your eyes and not someone else's that claims they will keep an eye on the kids. Its not responsible to let kids go to these parties. Its sending the wrong messages. My daughter is 23 now and I bought her her first drink at 21. Before that she had no desire to try anything. My son is 16 and is the same way. But if either had wanted or wants to try something they come to me first. I will not be taking my son to a byob party because they are dangerous, unsupervised, illegal and shows bad responsiblity of the parents involved.

Holly - posted on 02/23/2013

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pam, that is assuming they get home alive at all. they are unsupervised and drinking. they could end up getting alcohol poisoning, or in an accident and either dieing or paralyzedand a veggie gor the rest of thier lives

Kristi - posted on 02/23/2013

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I am not "eager" at all for my daughter to drink. By choosing to slowly introduce it to her in my home, under my supervision, NOT at a BYOB party, when she is mature enough to understand what she is feeling from the alcohol is smarter than letting her loose on a college campus with no experience and all sorts of outside pressure from a whole new group of people that he/she wants to fit in with. Not to mention, it's his/her chance at a piece or a basket of the forbiden fruit.

Pam - posted on 02/23/2013

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The parental supervision I am talking about is knowing what and how much they will be drinking, checking them when they come home to make sure they did "obey" parents expectations and if not then the "trust" between teen and parent would be broken and consequences would follow. This is how it works in our family and so far so good, I understand every teen is different along with the parent/teen relationship.

Pam - posted on 02/23/2013

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it has nothing to do with being "so eager" it has everything to do with the fact that gradually now with parental supervision or when they leave the nest at 18 and go crazy with the freedom with no parents around!

Betsy - posted on 02/23/2013

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It didnt hurt my son to wait. maybe parents shouldnt be so eager for their kids to drink??

Jodi - posted on 02/23/2013

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"when they are 21"

Except that the US is the only place in the world that this is the legal age :) Your kids could choose to visit another country for a holiday when they are 18, and there isn't a damn thing you could do to stop them.....just saying.

Nancy - posted on 02/22/2013

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When my kids were that age,they never even thought to ask me to do anything like that.They already new what the answer would be.I can understand that they want to be part of the in crowd and maybe they're afraid that they'll be made fun of.Who knows?I understand too that you trust him.There was never a time when I would have allowed this with either one of my kids.It depends on how you feel about it.but I believe in zero tolerance for this sort of thing.There can be too many disasterous things that could happen.If the other parents condone this kind of party,then so be it.That's on them.My son got mixed up with a bunch of kids who did things like that.He was a little older than your son is at the time.He had moved in with some "friends" with his girlfriend at that time.Well long story short,I wound up going to the hospital and waiting to see if he was going to live.This was on a Christmas Eve.No.I do not approve of any kind of teenage drinking,however it's up to you if you want to allow it. I'm lucky.My son is still alive.Theres a lot of kids who don't make it.You'll make the right choice.Good luck.

Kristi - posted on 02/20/2013

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Pam--

If I am one of the people your newest comment was directed at, I would like to let you know that I was being sincere about not all of us having children that make the best choices, as your daughter seems to be doing. My comment was directed mainly at the OP and then just to whomever in general.

My comment was my advice and opinions. I appreciate your feedback on the questions I asked, which again were not directed specifically at you, even though you seemed to think so. I still stand by my original comment, in which I did not judge or accuse anybody of anything. In fact, that was my last sentence.

I made a reference to the margaritas thinking that Mary had done that and I said "ooops, that was Pam's situation. Just substitute son for daughter." However, my opinion that it is irresponsible for parents to supply kids with alcohol and the examples of why, still apply to everyone, again IMO.

Of course, I assume people are from the US unless they comment to the contrary. So, my comment is based on the fact that the OP's son is 15 and our drinking age is 21. Not a senior in high school, who can be 17-19 y/o with a legal age of 18, like you just said in your last comment. Quite a big difference.

I hope things continue to go well with your daughter and her friends.

Evelyn - posted on 02/20/2013

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Pam~I have been reading some of the other posts and while we all parent differently, I can see the points made in the one post about breaking laws and a scenerio of a child dying and the parents wanting heads rolling because another parent even with permission supplied some alcohol. I would think from your post about sexual activity and drug activity that you'd think twice about drinking. And what you call maturity for her age is fine but she is not totally adult yet either. Even the rest of us parents are not perfect and we do not parent in some things as well as others do. Its a matter of life and death when it comes to teens and drinking. And BYOB parties are the worst case to be sending our kids to or hoping that they do not go to. If you say its okay to drink a bit but not okay to do drugs or have sex, what message are you sending?

My ex husband told our daughter one time if she got pregnant as a teen she would not be welcome in his home. Then he wanted her to wait until marriage to have sexual relations. Well, before he married again, he was having the girlfriend stay over night with her kids and mine in the same house....they were not supposed to do that unless they got married. My daughter talked to me about it and she said, "He does not want me to do this yet he did it! What kind of message is he sending?" I said, "Its do as I say not as I do." So is it okay for us to tell our kids no to certain things and okay to others? No it is not...if something is a 'no-no' then it should be a 'no-no' for all things.

Betsy - posted on 02/20/2013

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If you dont care about anyone elses opinion, why ask on here at all?? just do your thing. my son did not ever drink til he was 21 years old. I think its wrong to give kids booze. my opinion,

Jinnie - posted on 02/17/2013

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Allowing your CHILD to drink is not wrong only because its against the law or they might get involved in a drunk driving accident. There are health reasons why CHILDREN are not allowed to drink alcohol. I is the same reason the legal age is 21-boys are not fully developed (especially their brains) until they are 21. Brain cells do not reproduce- you have the ones you started off with and when they die, they're gone. Alcohol kills or damages brain cells. If your child's brain cells are not fully developed and he goes around drinking, is could have a severe impact; at least, he could end up setting himself up to be an alcoholic. There is no such thing as "responsible drinking" for a child. It's just plain wrong and dangerous. It is possible to teach your child responsible drinking without letting them drink-it's by emulating it yourself. If you drink responsibly, and explain to them in a grown up way about how to drink responsibly when they are old enough, they can make good choices. Providing it for them or allowing them to do it in your home is not teaching them responsible drinking. It's teaching them to do what they want to do regardless of the rules. You're teaching them you have no boundaries so why should they? This is not good, at all. And if I got a call from one of my daughters friends parents like that, I would not be picking her up so the others could drink. I'd be picking her up so the cops would know who to arrest!!!!

Evelyn - posted on 02/10/2013

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It is never okay to supply our kids or have others supply our kids with any kind of alcohol. It is also against the law. I would not allow a child of mine to go to a party like this if I have knowledge of this. What is wrong with this picture? Parents letting their kids going to drinking parties readily?

Pam - posted on 01/28/2013

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I respect all the parents views on this post. We all have different teens who we know what works and does not work while raising them. My husband and I agree that if we forbid alcohol she will drink it anyway without us knowing. We also feel that if we forbid it and in a couple years when she is on her own she will go overboard experimenting with it without us being there to monitor. Like I stated, gradual controlled freedom is working best for our family.

Bonnie - posted on 01/28/2013

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NEVER! You can go to jail and the parents whose house it is at can go to jail. Underage drinking is against the law! Even if you buy alcohol and another parent verbally says it's ok - don't do it! If something happened to the child you will go to jail and there is no proof of a verbal agreement!

Fawn - posted on 01/27/2013

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a "BYOB" party is never acceptable for a 15-16yr old, in my opinion. Unless my kid is old enough to drink and take responsibility for the acohol consumed, permission won't be granted.



?????

Vanessa - posted on 01/27/2013

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These are some of the tough ones. I'm always trying to hit that balance. I want and wanted mine to feel they could call me if they got in a tough situation involving alcohol but at the same time I didn't want to encourage it. In the end I talked my face off , stressing that if they did drink at a party to make sure they were in for the night, but I have never knowingly supplied my teens. I say knowingly because I'm fairly certain they have snuck some on occasion.

Pam - posted on 01/27/2013

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I agree Jodi but like I stated, my daughter is mature and responsible and demonstrated that by coming home early when trouble began at the party. I believe in giving them more responsibilty and freedom when they clearly are making good judgement calls and being "smart" in situations that they will be in. I stand by my situation and has so far proven to work well in our family.

Jodi - posted on 01/27/2013

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Well, 18 is different. That is legal here. I just think 16 is too young to introduce them to alcohol or even allow them to go to parties where alcohol will clearly be in abundant supply. It is more than the issue of drinking itself, it is also about the other kids who will be there who WILL be drunk, and the things that happen at alcohol fueled parties. To me, and parent who would HOST a party encouraging underage drinking is not a place I would want my underage child supervised, nor the person I would want supervising my child. Secondly, if the parents aren't there, then no way, not even if hell froze over.

Pam - posted on 01/27/2013

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Once again, I had that covered also. The friend whom she was going with (not the driver) was able to have a couple of my daughters drinks as I discussed this with her parents also. The friend was 18 (two years older ).

Jodi - posted on 01/27/2013

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OK, I just wanted to mention it because I know people have been charged for doing this. Not to mention that you were also supplying her friends. I don't think that is ok at all. What you choose for your daughter is between you and your daughter, but you don't have the right to suggest she supply her friends with alcohol you have purchased for her. As a parent, I would be very upset if you did that for my children without discussing it with me first.

Pam - posted on 01/27/2013

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Hi Jodi, yes I was fully aware of the situation but I still feel secure with me going with her instead of getting it from her friends whom I may not know and drink "harder" alchohol. We discussed the alcohol percentage and the difference in alcoholic drinks. She did not go and pick it out in front of anyone in the store, we agreed on what would be purchased before going in. I agree what was done was illegal but I still stand by the way I have done this.

Jodi - posted on 01/27/2013

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Pam, here in Australia, you will be refused service if they believe you are purchasing for a minor, and you may also be reported to the police. So just by your underage daughter indicating she was the one SELECTING and paying for the drinks is illegal.

Pam - posted on 01/27/2013

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Hi Mary, I have a daughter who just turned 16 and this NYEve asked to attend a house party and to bring a bit of alcohol. We talked often about the dangers of alchohol and I feel that she is alot more mature than other girls her age. Their group had a designated driver who I knew and I brought her to the liquor store with me, used her debit card and she picked out 6 coolers. I purchased them and we agreed that she would only drink two and share the others which is exactally what happened. I feel I still had control of the situation, she gradually is experiencing the "drinking parties" and actually made a very wise decision that night. Some other girls started yelling and crap at her as a guy they liked started talking to her.....(which made them mad). She remembered me telling her how drunk teens can get out of control very easy and she asked her friends and DD to take her home. I feel introducing them gradually will be better for them than when they are in College or on their own and have no parents there to monitor them with alcohol. A little controlled freedom is ok in my eyes.

Jodi - posted on 01/16/2013

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Um, no. My son is 15, and there is NO WAY he is going to a party where there is alcohol, and there is no way I will be supplying any for him. MAYBE when he is 16, I will let him have a drink at home sometimes (although he said he isn't interested in alcohol at all), but letting him go to a party where underage children are "boozing up" like this is asking for trouble.

In Australia, it would actually be illegal for anyone to be supplying alcohol to these kids. And who is supervising the party? That's a question you need to ask too. If my son was going to a party at his friend's house, where there would be alcohol, because his friend's older brother is 19, I would be okay with that (not my son drinking, but my son being AT the party where this was going on), because I know that the parents would be there, and I know the parents well enough to trust them.

Jessica - posted on 01/16/2013

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I would NEVER supply him/her with alcohol...that is telling them it is okay!! I let my 16 year go to parties that I know alcohol will be and stress to her the danger she could get into if she chooses to drink. I tell her it is not a good choice BUT if she does drink I tell her to call and just be honest! This has worked for us as she has maybe had 2 drinks and been to many, many parties, but I alwyas know if she does. I feel it is better for her to open with me. She will call for me to get her if she sees things getting out of control OR if other girls lie about staying...she will not because we are open with her about drinking. We don't condone it or EVER host or buy alcohol but we are real and know she will try so her being honest actually keeps her safe, and will not be punished so in turn it makes her tell the truth!!

Shawnn - posted on 01/16/2013

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All the more reason to teach your kids responsibility, Sofia. I'm not saying get them blind drunk, but teaching moderation is a good thing. At any age. I work at a college, in the US. The statistics of binge drinking are phenomenal amongst 21 year olds. Why? Because they were never taught moderation.

I've taught my 18 yo moderation, he doesn't drink at all, unless he and I have a beer at Christmas.

Sofia - posted on 01/16/2013

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Btw, I am from the USA and we have strict laws here due to the high level of DRUNK driving accidents that have TAKEN many innocent lives.

Betsy - posted on 01/16/2013

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I never allowed my son to have alcohol til he was 21. he is fine with it
thats just the way it is!

Shawnn - posted on 01/15/2013

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Mary, that's still questionable, especially depending on how strictly your laws are enforced.

Like I said, introduction to alcohol prior to them being legal age isn't a bad thing. Its the whole legality of allowing them to consume outside of your private residence that becomes an issue.

I can guarantee, though, that if I lived in, say, Germany, I'd have let my son's partake at the legal age of consumption there. I would have introduced them to alcohol in my home first, just as I have here.

Well, I take that back...I did NOT introduce my eldest prior to his trip to Germany, but he was very responsible while there, and since back has continued to be so. His brother, however, I'll monitor a little more closely.

Mary - posted on 01/15/2013

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Thanks ...I would rather him not have any but if it came down to a yes,
then home it is:)

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