when should I allow my Beautiful 15 year old daughter date?
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Deaunna - posted on 06/15/2012
Thanks Kristi! While you are at my website, go ahead and download my free report, "The Definitive Guide to Transforming Your Troubled Teenager" Even if your teen is not "troubled," it is packed with great information on how to parent in such a way that your teen does NOT go all alien on you!
Peaceful Parents Prosper!
Cherie - posted on 05/29/2012
Kitty, are you nuts or just trying to be sarcastic?
She's 15 and she's going to make oodles of mistakes along the way. As far as finding the perfect guy to look after her, get real, this isn't the 50's. She will have to grow up and learn how to care for herself and hopefully find a wonderful guy to share the journey, but not at 15. At 15 she needs to learn about herself and learn to strengthen herself to become a strong self assured woman. The question of when she should be allowed to date is one of personal decision between parents and children but 15 is an age when parents need to know what they will allow for their children (both boys and girls).
Kristi - posted on 05/27/2012
@Deaunna- Thank you for the wonderful advice! It all sounds so logical and kind of like "Duh, Kristi!" I am very excited to check out your website. I joined COM's quite awhile ago but never got on here. But I needed advice about my daughter so I thought, "What the heck, let's see what this place is all about." While I didn't get what I was looking for regarding my daughter, I have learned a lot from reading other mom's questions and responses. Hopefully, the ones I've commented on have given a little support to others as well. I look forward to running into you and your advice on here again. Blessings to you and your family!
Tina - posted on 05/27/2012
I let my daughter go out on group dates with the youth group from church. Sounds pretty safe, right? The youth group use to come to our house & enjoy our inground pool & my husband would BBQ for them.I was so involved with the youth group too. No one is safe. There isn't a safe situation that you can put your daughter in and think "this will keep her pure & safe". The only and I do mean only thing you can do is raise her with the best values and keep the line of communicaiton open. I didn't let my daughter go out on group dates till she was 16. I came to the conclusion you just have to not ask your self "what did I do wrong" but how much more could I have done? There isn't a right age or a right answer. Put your trust in God and keep her close. My daughter is now 23 and her boyfriend just moved in with her. I'm alittle upset but she's 23, what can I do. We're close & have a great bond. I'm thankful she didn't get pregnant while and teen and even now. She's a correction officer & has seen her share of "This could be you" Sorry abt my answer being so long. I wish you all the best & will say a prayer for you & your daughter. God Bless, it's not easy being a parent.
Elizabeth - posted on 05/26/2012
I too have a 15 year old so this is a topic of discussion at our house as well. We have given an age of 16 for "one on one dating" but do allow her to go to parties and/or group trips to the movies where boys are present. Why 16? No specific reasons except that's the age they can get their driver's license and it feels a little more mature than 16.
Keeping an open line of communication about her relationships, is in my opinion, much more important than the actual age she starts dating. In today's society the perception of these kids is that it's ok to have multiple partners while still in high school. I have seen many girls in my daughter's class flattered by the attention they are getting make very poor choices. Self-esteem at this age is very important, instilling in our girls (and boys) that they bring much more to the table than their looks and bodies is very important.
Deaunna - posted on 05/26/2012
Hello Kristi! First I want to compliment you 'awesome parenting!' I love that you don't just stop with the 'because I said so.' I'll try to answer your question by mentioning that standards are vitally important for everyone. Our standards are based on our values which in turn determine how we act, treat others and ultimately effects our own self-esteem. Just like the standard for driving is 16 our family standard for dating was 16.
Before I go any further, I want to tell you that my husband and I allowed our children to choose for themselves. We set the standard, explained the wisdom behind the standard and then gave them their agency. Forcing and coercing breeds rebellion and never works, while agency is respectful and liberating.
Scientifically- developmentally speaking, a teenager's brain is not fully developed. 'Teenagers are capable of learning a lot, but the parts of their brains related to emotions and decision-making are still in the works. As their brains undergo growth, teenagers are particularly vulnerable to risky behavior, such as drinking and driving too fast.' Dating is nothing if not emotional, so the more fully that part of the brain is developed i.e. the older, then logically the more capable a teenager will be at handling the emotional aspects of dating. Go to my website and read through the specific things teenagers are going through at the different ages. http://supermomscoaching.net/smc-plugged...
One last thing- childhood behavioral charts were a life line for parents with a new baby. Adolescent behavioral charts are JUST AS IMPORTANT (not screaming- just emphasizing) for parents of teenagers. These charts will help you avoid parenting mistakes and misunderstandings! You’ll be able to offer more support and empathy when you learn what your child goes through in mind, body and spirit during his adolescence years. Here's a quick reference- http://supermomscoaching.net/smc-plugged...
Lastly, I remember as a youth leader of girls 14-16 the girls just seemed more grounded at 16. It's like they had really settled into high school and had a better sense of who they were.
Okay Kristi- I hope this all helps! I know you're going to handle this famously! Good Luck Anyway;-) Peaceful Parents Prosper!
Sarah - posted on 05/26/2012
i am not surprised she is being hit on alot. My eldest son had same at 14 15 years old
I had to give in and let him date. It was hard to see him start to make his journey but i think if i banned him, he would have rebelled and done it anyway or become even more shy
suppose give her advice that she is beautiful many will see that and only that first
my son was getting atention from wide variety of ages of girls from 14 to mid 20s when he was still a school boy and only when on a weeknd away at the beach i really noticed why
Kristi - posted on 05/25/2012
Hi Deaunna! I am just wondring if there are specific things that you notice between the maturity levels of a 15 year old and 16 year old or if it is just an overall part of who they are? I am not questioning or challenging your advice or comments at all! Just curious what to be on the look out for. My daughter's favorite question is still why? so for me, knowledge is power. "Because I said so," doesn't cut it around here. I come on here for support and advice and in hopes I might be able to offer the same in return. So if you have a couple of "solid facts" about what separates the the 13-15 year olds from the 16+ I would be truly grateful.
Deaunna - posted on 05/25/2012
If she feels like she is ready to date, then age 16. After having worked with young women ages 12-18 at my church for over 10 years, and with 3 teenagers or my own, I can definitely say that there is a level of maturity that comes at age 16 that is simply not present at age 15 or below. Maybe that is why teenagers are not allowed to get their drivers license until they are 16. Even at age 16, it's sound advice to encourage group dating. Hope this helps.
Cherie - posted on 05/24/2012
All of my children have grown up with the standard of not dating until they are 16 and that is only group dating. This has worked well for them and me as they have known the standard from the beginning.
As my children, especially the girls have become teens they have been going with one young boy or another but as the saying goes in our family, "you may be going with him but your not going anywhere". This is a concept they understand and accept. Even when they complain about the restrictions early on they seem to understand and even appreciate the fact that dating doesn't start until 16 and the restrictions are there to protect them from complications that they are not mature enough to deal with.
Have fun, you are entering exciting and dangerous waters. The most important part of this time in you and your daughters lives is that you need to keep communication open. If she is afraid to speak to you about things in her life she will attempt to do it herself. Be there for her listening, guiding and not judging.
Linda - posted on 05/24/2012
My daughter will be 16 on Saturday and hasn't started dating yet either. I'd let her but she's not interested she see's her friends dating and the drama involved and doesn't want any part of it. She has a lot of guy "friends" and she likes it that way. I figure she will when she is ready.
Kristi - posted on 05/22/2012
Are you sure she's not dating already? What is your definition of dating? Has she approached you about wanting to date? What kind, if any, of discussions have you had about boys/dating,etc? It is different for every girl because they all mature at different rates & have so many different environmental factors, like how they are being raised, what kind of peer pressure are they under, etc. But overall, I would say at 15 to be open to some sort of dating. You want her to feel like she can come to you of she needs to instead of thinking she has to sneak around because "my mother would die if she knew..." I can't tell you often my friends & I said that about things we were doing. If you decide to let her date, group dates are a good compromise, having the boy over at your house is always a favorite. I also reccomend verifying parental supervision if they say they are doing something with them. Another mom shared one of her philosophies with me & that was trust them until they give you a reason not to. You're her mom, nobody else knows her like you do. Her appearance should not have anything to do with this decision. Age wise, she's about on target for this day & age. Stay connected. Communicate & participate.