Treena - posted on 09/14/2009 ( 1 mom has responded )
My 16 yr old teenager (Essence) believes she is in love. She went out yesterday, Sunday and did not return until today (Monday). Though I was ANGRY, FURIOUS & WORRIED SICK OUT OF MY MIND...I did not mentally nor emotionally beat her up when she returned. Sometimes, as mothers we forget to look at what is causing the behavior, choosing instead to dish out unreasonable punishments in hopes of getting rid of the behaviors.
Essence's disappearance resulted in consequences, but please believe the consequences (actually with her input) was at the last leg of our conversation. She took advantage of her freedom, so the most natual consequence is to restrict her freedom temporarily. AFTER actually listening to my daughter and forming a connection of what led her to do what she did, she came up with the idea of also performing 'house' (vs community) service in the house.
So...we sat down and listed out three chores a day I want completed for one week. She can choose two of the three chores each day.
I write this all to say that we should NEVER MOVE OUT OF ANGER & RAGE when parenting our children. They are going to mess up, but let's empower them while they are under our roofs to voluntarily make the right choices.