When you don't have the support from your husband to set up rules or make decisions

Mercy - posted on 07/03/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I'm overwhelmed when it comes to setti rules and say yes or it to our 13 years old girl and almost 15 years old boy my husband is helpless when it comes to parenting. He is a nice guy but he has always leave everything up to me. I am a teacher with not many years of teaching experience yet and I am from a Latin American country. My husband isAmerican. Here we have two different cultures playing a part on parenting but I strongly believe that moral and values are universal. He claims that I am the professional and the teacher so I should know what to do. It is so SOS so tough. I m ALL THE TIME the one who is talking to him about doing things or educating our kids on things. If I don't ever ever say anything he does never bring things up. He is weird. I always tell him that I would love to see his input or point of views on things. I luckily get some little words from him sometimes from which i get to know that he would say YES to everything the kids ask for. He is that type of person that will say yes so he is left alone. This kills me. On the other side, as a ju mother I love my kids and want the best for them, thus be strict and educate them. I still do my best on this but do to the fact that it is just ME all the time is very stressful. Our kids are great kids high honor students and aren't in bad stuff, which doesn't stop me from worrying and teaching them right and wrong. Nowadays, since they are meeting friends from other schools through Facebook, it has originated a topic of concern. We live in the middle of nowhere and we never see neighbors so our kids love to hang out with friends. I don't blame them, but when it comes to sleep overs at friends to whom we don't really know, it makes me nervous. First, my answer was NOT but later talking to someone else and being told to trust and let my kids be I kind so let them go over and stayafter ha ing somew reference from other people that those kids are good kids. My huNsband told me the other day that I'm too much, even though not agreeing with him, I keep being alert and telling my kids that I trust them and that I expect them to make smart choices. This is absolutely hard when as a parent I don't have my husbands support it is difficult. I'm the one who always have to be speaking, making the decisions, rules, and so on, and when it is just me trying to make and keep them is hard. I don't know what to do sometimes I feel helpless. Advice please. Thanks!

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Mercy - posted on 07/03/2012

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june,
Thanks For your suggestions. Sorry About your experience with your son and I am also glad things r getting better as read on your post. The info I gotten about those kids is good though, but I will be more alert and try keeping on the same page with my husband. My son claims that a lot of friends from his school are into bad stuff and that's why he doesn't wana hang out with them. I believe him and don't blame him for trying to stay away from them, but I also need to know this new friends are good influence for him.
Thanks and good luck

June - posted on 07/03/2012

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I am the one that posted about grafitti boy. This sounds the same as me before last summer when the younger son started hanging out with new friends. I too have always been the one to make the rules, and my husband says yes to everything, even going against the rules I made. I trusted him as he was honor roll and responsible. Read my posting to see how lousy things spiralled out of control. I am now trying to fix the damage. After counseling and reading about five parenting books this is what I am trying to do differently. First, husband and wife ABSOLUTELY have to be on the same page. I am working real hard to communicate with my husband all time. He agreed now that we have to agree on any time we give them money and all decisions. He wants to do this but is so used to saying yes that it was hard for him to change. We are still working on this, but things are WAY better now. Second, I wish I had checked the backgrounds of the families of the new friends my son was making. Parents of that friend had been to jail for selling drugs. Another friend had a mom who did drugs and gave access to it to the kids! Now I ask about every friend and there are no sleepover. If there is to be a sleepover I would make sure I approve of the friend and family and talk to the family first. Hope that helps. I felt like such a loser when my kid went astray but am starting to feel like we are gaining control. Get on the same page with your husband and be a "united front". The kids know how to play you against each other to get what they want. They are clever so you have to be together with your husband.