Why is big brother being a bully to his little sister?

Anne Marie - posted on 09/16/2011 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My 13 year old son has been picking on my youngest daughter, who is 9 years old. He does everything possible to make her cry, make her loose her temper, and he laughs it off. I have taken the x-box, his laptop, his cell phone, and any fun activities away from him. I have questioned his reasoning for being a bully to her and he has no answer. he chooses not to respond or he says that she is annoying....I am at my wits end with these two...my other daughter who is 10 goes and hides in her room with a book when she sees things are getting loud with her brother and sister. I have talked to them both until I'm blue in the face as well as separately. Please if you can give any advice, I'd greatly appreciate it.

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Simone - posted on 09/19/2011

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Ok, not sure if I have done anything right, but my kids are 7 yrs apart. When my daughter, the younger one, turned 4 or 5 my son figured out quick how to push her buttons. And she would distroy things and blame him.
What I have done, bad/good/indifferent, is stuck them in a room together, told them they cannot come out until they can be nice, kind, and loving to each other.
Now it did not work instantly. I first few times I would just listen to him make her cry, or her throw everything at him. Never left them in there longer then 30 minutes, but then I would sit them at the table and have them look at the other and explain what they saw.
like; your sister is in tears, why is she like this? Neither would move till there was an answer beyond "I don't know" And to her I would say "Why do you not walk away? what happnes when you throw things?"
THEN I would ask what they would do if they saw a stranger picking on, throwing things, or hurting the other one. They have always said they would try to stop that person. So I would ask "Why do you think it is ok for YOU to do this?"
Now it took time and major patients, friends would tell me to spank, smack, or take everything away. I do not hit my kids, ever. And taking things away does not deal with the person issues. So i figured making them look at each other, talk about it, and be forced to play nice together you help.
Now my son is 15 and my daughter is 8. They still pick on each other and if they hear me coming they STOP, hug each other and say "We love each other mom, we were just playing, see we are going to draw togther."

I think figuring out a task they can do together, working as a team, is a good start. But also teaching the younger one they can walk away, and when either one does come and tattle on the other, actually stepping in and listening to the problem before it exculates.

Hope that if helpful. And I know it is a lot of work!

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Anjali - posted on 09/25/2013

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My brother is the same way... he needs medical help... something is not right up there..

Brittany Morgan - posted on 03/26/2013

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Ask the boy to stop ur sister has done nothing and it is wrong to be mean to her

Rochell - posted on 09/19/2011

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Mine are exactly the same way.. but when it comes down to it, if anybody else messed with a younger sibbling.. the 2 oldest ones would be right there to put them in their place. Just to give me quiet time ... on the weekends, each older one has to spend 1 hour with a younger one doing what the younger one wants, without the crying and fighting, or I take cell phones away for the weekend :-)) They have been very complying on doing this for over a year now. If in fact they won't be home during the weekend, they must find time then on a school night. They seem to enjoy it at that moment.., but the rest of the time.. yes.. fighting all the time!

Julie - posted on 09/17/2011

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you are not alone here...i have a 17year old the same way and it drives me crazy...he finds reasons to pick on his siblings all the time or will go out of his way to pick on them...if you find any helpful answers please i beg let me know and i promise to let you know also...one thing that did help is we had a family meeting and i explained how the behavior upset me in my home and nobody deserves to be uncomfortable in their home...try it...good luck

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