Dealing with my 10yr old boy and his over sensitive emotions!!!

Maribeth - posted on 01/30/2009 ( 18 moms have responded )

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Does anyone have any advice with dealing with Over sensitivity and controlling emotions???? My son Daniel is in 4th grade, and having a hard time with his emotions...it's starting to affect him and his performance in school and at home as well...he's so negative all the time!!! I don't know how to help him??? He's frustrated !! We're frustrated!!! Help!!!!!!!

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Anupama - posted on 10/16/2012

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my son is 10 years old and he is in 6th std. n m expecting a baby right nw. my prob is that that whn any one cms to my house my son becm bored n reacting like anything .he dont wana spend time with guest . whn he is alone at home he dnt feel any boredom.how to tackle him i dnt knw

Heidi - posted on 03/04/2009

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Wow, I thought it was just me.  My son is 11 and has the same issues.  It's so hard for him because he is so intelligent and yet so immature in so many other ways.  I see his frustration in his face when he tries to get through a story about something that happened at school with out tears.  I just let him know that it's alright to feel emotional and allow him the freedom to let the emotions out.  Then once he is past the tears, I go back to him and ask him what it was about the situation that made him upset enough to cry.  It usually leads to a great conversation!

Deborah - posted on 03/01/2009

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The sad thing is puberty is starting earlier now and especially for girls. People have argued it is the additives to milk and meat but it has been supposedly disputed. Just in case that information is wrong I chose to purchase organic milk and meats in hopes to slow my daughter's puberty down.

Cindy - posted on 03/04/2009

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We are very much in the same boat with our 6 year old. Every single day is a battle with him because he is so quick to react and does not think first about the consequences to his actions. (Temper tantrums and defiance - he doesn't like rules very much.) This is affecting him both at home and at school.



I took him to a chiropractor yesterday for the first time in a while and she said that his back and shoulders were quite stiff which could be causing him some discomfort. She also recommended a lady for us to go see who does accupuncture/accupressure/natural "stuff". She won't be getting the needles near him, but the first thing she asked me to do was to make a log for one week that monitors his food intake, liquid intake, daily activities, emotional state (am, afternoon, pm) and sleep times and quality before our first appointment. Her instant gut feeling is that because his poor little brain is already firing so quickly and because he can't seem to turn it off, that something as simple as the wrong food could be sending him off the deep end. (She used the example of a fruit roll-up that could last negatively in his system for 8 hours.) We are almost off the deep end with him, so we are willing to try anything at this point!



So that is my suggestion to you - as one parent to another with the same issues...can't hurt to track it for a week and see if you find any obvious links!



Good luck!!



Cindy

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Patience and Prayer.. I have a 9 year old and he is the same way at times.. Gifted children feel on a different level then their peers.. Is he an only child?

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Kathy - posted on 03/04/2009

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I have to say that it is a big comfort to hear from other parents of highly sensitive gifted kids.  This was actually my main goal in having my kids tested and placed in the school's gifted program - the emotional and social attention that they would get.



I'm interested in trying the diet Kylie described.  Right now my son is having a pretty good year, but I'm sure that's something will upset the balance again between 11 and 18 years.  Is this recommended for girls who are approaching puberty too (estrogen vs. testosterone issues)?

Leigh - posted on 03/04/2009

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Thanks for posting this. Is this a typical behavior amongst gifted children? My son get's jealous if I even speak to another child and he gets sooo frustrated with everything when he can't do something perfectly. How do you speak to your child to let them know it is OK not to be absolutely perfect. My son is 8 and in the second grade but he is on a 4th grade reading level, 3rd grade math and 3rd grade spelling. I was advised not to have him skip grades because of his age. I guess there might be a few topics in my post but I'd appreciate some feedback. I will check out the sengifted link. Thanks!

Kylie - posted on 03/03/2009

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In response to Ginger's post - I have read and really value Mary Sheedy Kurcinka's books too and another great one I read recently was Taming the Spirited Child by Michael Popkin.

Ginger - posted on 03/03/2009

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I deal with this too, on a daily basis. My son is 11 and is very over sensitive. I have read a book that I found helpful, it is called. Raising your Spirited Child, by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. She wrote another book called Kids, Parents and Power Struggles..which has also been a wonderful help! Check them out. Just know you are not alone on this issue, good luck!

Kylie - posted on 03/01/2009

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I have 2 boys, both quite a bit younger than this but remember noting that the next high testosterone surge was due around 10 (I noted this because my son was 4 at the time and my Dr suggested his moodiness was due to the normal surge in testosterone at that age and that I had a few years break to look forward to once he turned 5). Maybe worth looking at hormones.



Also we started my son on a high protein, low carb diet which has helped with his moods and my nephew is going through puberty at the moment and my sister has been advised to start him on a similar diet to assist with his moods.

Kimberly - posted on 03/01/2009

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He was seen by a endocrinologist. I suspected it and it was confirmed by the doctor (precocious puberty).

Jennifer - posted on 03/01/2009

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Quoting Kimberly:

My son has the same problem and the same age and grade as your son. He was never an average child from the day he came home from the hospital. He is gifted and is easily bored in the classroom (even though he is in a gifted program) and at home. Being the only child doesn't help either. He is easily frustrated at times and can be very negative about everything. After speaking with his peds dr. she thought seeing a pyschologist might help. He also started puberty at 8 1/2-9 and that played a part on his emotions as well. Make sure he gets enough sleep and do not over schedule his day.



How do you know he's starting puberty?  That seems kind of young...

Kimberly - posted on 03/01/2009

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My son has the same problem and the same age and grade as your son. He was never an average child from the day he came home from the hospital. He is gifted and is easily bored in the classroom (even though he is in a gifted program) and at home. Being the only child doesn't help either. He is easily frustrated at times and can be very negative about everything. After speaking with his peds dr. she thought seeing a pyschologist might help. He also started puberty at 8 1/2-9 and that played a part on his emotions as well. Make sure he gets enough sleep and do not over schedule his day.

Kathy - posted on 02/28/2009

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I hope it's not too late to join this conversation, but I just joined circle of moms.  I have two gifted kids, a boy age 11 and a girl age 10.  My daughter was literally born oversensitive, and no I am not kidding.  Her first night in the hospital she would fall asleep in my arms and wake up the second I set her down.  This lasted for several weeks.  Raising her has been a real learning experience but the biggest thing I've learned is to give her space to work through her intense emotions and when she's calm teach tools to use in the future.



I experienced a different form of oversensitivity in my son.  When he was in fifth grade and 10 years old, he went through a phase exactly like what you describe you son going through.  The biggest thing contributing to his negativity was being overscheduled.  He was doing springboard and platform diving 10 hours a week plus accelerated math.  The math was a problem because he was told at the beginning of the year that he had to maintain an 85 average to stay in the class.  He spent the entire year physically exhausted from diving and obsessed about being kicked out of the advanced math class.



My advice to you, having been there, is to look at his activities and see if there isanything that can be cut back.  It's so easy for gifted kids to get sucked into the cycle of trying to live up to their overachieving expectations.  The greatest cost of this is losing time to just be a kid.  Ian is a different person this year even though he is now in middle school and taking all advanced classes.  Diving had to go, but he's so much happier now.

Deborah - posted on 02/01/2009

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Jennifer... you reminded me of some friends and their son who is clearly gifted but also their 1st born. He is almost 2 yrs older than my child and I didn't figure out gifted until she was 2 so I didn't have advice for them at the time I witnessed just how much his sensitive side set off his dad. I would get so annoyed with him. Of course it was because they babied him being their first child. When his son started crying he would tell him how he has to be a man and toughen up. It got to the point that I would tell my husband that he (the dad) clearly feared his son was gay or something because of how over the top he was with it all. Which really set me off. I personally could care less about my child's sexual preferences and at this age why would that matter? But everytime we were around them the same thing. So we have moved a distance away from them now and don't get with them anymore but now that I understand gifted and sensitive elements of these kids I would like to educate him. His methods are just not healthy for his son and will give him if it has not already ... a big complex. I really hope he has laid off this attitude but I doubt it. Really is sad.

Jennifer - posted on 02/01/2009

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What kinds of emotions and how is it affecting him?  My son is also pretty emotional.  He's in 3rd grade, but it usually only surfaces at home.  He cries easily, and my husband gets frustrated and tells him he needs to "grow up".  Obviously I disagree with that approach.  However, I have been looking into tai chi and yoga as ways of helping him with self control.

Deborah - posted on 01/30/2009

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www.sengifted.org is a great place to start. The organization is 'Supporting Emotional Needs of the Gifted'.

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