Feeling low

Jess - posted on 03/03/2010

I have been there when my boy was in preschool the principal came to me and said that he needs to learn to communicate with these kids on their level I looked at her and told her that is silly if she wants my 4 yr old to do what her teachers went to collage to learn. it gets better though I had him skipped up a grade he found some normalcy with kids older then him for a few months now he has surpassed them but he has formed a bond with these kids eventually your daughter will have to learn to deal with her ummmmmm I say gift for lack of a better word. what you have to keep in mind is that she is surrounded by kids of an avg intelagence that is around 100 iq mentally challanged people have an avg iq of 70-80 so that 20 or 30 extra points of intelagence makes a huge difference so if your daughter has an iq of 125 and all the other kids have a 100 iq then your putting her with a group of children that all seem mentally challanged. no child would respond well in that situation but as she gets older and can do dance or baseball ot soccer or whatever she likes she will form a bond with kids with in a few years of her age and those kids will help her to learn how to cope with her situation

Sheila - posted on 03/03/2010

Thanks Amy. I should add that although I don't put her in nursery I do take her to a ball park and a mother & toddler group once a week and we go to a toddler disco once a month. I'm afraid when I go to these my daughter is very happy charging around on her own, she doesn't really play with other kids and I'm usually following her so I get little time to sit and chat to other Mums. I mainly use this forum to chat to other Mums because I can do it when she's occupied at home or is asleep in the evening.
I do cook and garden with her and I'm also teaching her the piano.
I like the idea of having a weekend to myself but I know hubby will just take Zoe to Mother-in-law's. I'm afraid I really don't trust her as Zoe's safety is not a priority for her. When we go there (every 3 weeks for an extended weekend) I always have to blow out the candle put just at Zoe's level, move the heavy glass paper-weights put in her reach, move this little pottery dishes also at her level and she will insist on sitting Zoe on the window sill (we live in a town house) and on a little table which causes us problems at home as we have a 'no sitting on tables' rule because we eat off them and have computers on them. Am I being over-sensitive???
She has only just started to cook meals that Zoe can eat and makes no provision for her tea. She adds loads of salt to her cooking which we have asked her not to do but she has dropped putting alcohol in the food! I always have to take my own food for Zoe. Sx

Amy - posted on 03/02/2010

God bless you, lady! You ARE working hard, but it's okay to have some time to yourself, too! It's OKAY! By all means, send her to nursery! Like Rachel said, she'll learn valuable social skills, and have the attention of peers. That's also important!

If you can't send her, or still don't want to, it's still okay for you to have time to shower and groom. She's not an infant anymore, and though she's a priority, so are YOU. She can learn how to occupy herself and not be the center of attention.

I have some struggles with my oldest regarding his insane need of attention. It's quite disruptive in school and at home. He's constantly talking... he operates as if he's not alive or he has no worth if his thoughts aren't continually in other people's brains. It's quite maddening. Not sure if it's due to an inordinate amount of attention paid him while younger, or because of other issues... but it might be a good time to start looking ahead and planning how to "wean" her from your attention level.

Finally, take a week or a weekend and leave him with her. I am a firm believer that all men need this experience (and all women need the free time). men cannot possibly fathom how busy the little ones keep us until they live it. Go away with a sister or friend, and have him walk in your shoes. I bet you get a lot of empathy when you return! My husband was a SAHD for a few years, and it's absolutely been a godsend for our marriage.

Best of luck to you!

Sheila - posted on 03/02/2010

Thank you Rachael for taking so much time to write such a lengthy and helpful reply. I have turned down my monitor which has helped and I have also cut down on my coffee in the day which has helped with my sleep.
I am in the process of addressing the other issues! :-)
Many thanks. Sx

Rachael - posted on 03/01/2010

Ok, many things.

1. Your daughter is very bright...but one or two days in nursery will help her develop social skills. Regardless of intelligence, your child is 2 and needs to learn the social skills of a two year old. Social skills build on one another just like any other skill and often watching a precocious younger child interact with older children gives a skewed view of development because older children understand she's a "baby" and are amused by her ability to play with them. It is also a fact that most people aren't gifted. Teaching your child to build relationships with non-gifted peers is a gift.

2. If she's in your bed or in your room, consider moving her to her own room to help stop her restlessness from keeping you awake. You can still lie with her until she falls asleep, still read and sing. But sleeping separately will allow you to SLEEP. If she gets up at night and comes to your bed, then welcome her, but bless you few hours of actual restful sleep. If she's in her own bed, turn off the monitor. She's old enough to call you loudly if she needs you.

3. Your daughter learns the way she should behave by watching you. Right now, she is learning that it is ok, even desirable, to completely neglect your own needs for the sake of others. You are also teaching her that hers are the only needs and desires that matter. Gifted kids pick up on this stuff quickly. You need to give yourself space in every day to do something for yourself. Set Zoe up with some blocks or another open-ended toy, tell her Mommy needs fifteen minutes, set a timer and pick up a book or magazine. Stay in the room with her if you want, but let her see that you need to do things for yourself. At two, your daughter should be able to look at a stack of books in the hallway while you go to the bathroom. She should be able to use blocks and animals to create a jungle while you're in the shower. She should be able to create sticker stories on scrap paper while you take a phone call, make a grocery list or cook dinner. She's at an age where you should be teaching her to be more independent.

4. Tell hubby flat out that he needs to schedule 4 hours each and every week that he is solely in charge of Zoe. During that time, you will go shopping (for you), head to the gym, go to the salon, take a nap, get your nails done, or have a bubble bath. This needs to be 4 one hour times, not a 4 hour block. If your appearance is important to him, then he need to step up and make it a priority for him.

5. Remember that learning is highly experiential at this age. She needs time to explore on her own and draw her own conclusions in order to develop higher-order thinking skills. All children eventually learn the abc's. Many children don't master cause and effect or logical problem solving because they don't get time to try these skills out. Cut yourself some slack. Create some reusable, open ended activities and let her play. Talk to her intermittently about what she's doing and let her do it. I'd suggest sensory boxes or bags, pencils and paper with grocery advertisements, or a letter to picture/letter sound memory game (my favorite that I've created isn't really memory, but a set of cards that create a picture when matched correctly.)

Also Bravo for being so in tune with your kid.