Help with average younger brother of a gifted son?

Amanda - posted on 01/28/2009 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Hello,

I have a 10 year old gifted son who is now happily in a Highly Capable program at school and is very self-motivated. Then I have another son who is 7, not at all motivated and more average academically. The issue of their differences is starting to come up, how do I deal with the 7 year old as he realizes he may not be as smart (in the same way) as his brother?

Thank you!

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Kira - posted on 02/01/2009

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Have you considered that your younger son may not be motivated because he is bored?  Average grades don't always come from an average student, especially if siblings are gifted.   That said, if your younger son isn't gifted, try to have him find his own interests.  My daughter is highly motivated and excellent at most things, but not so good at sports. She's a tough act to follow.  I have encouraged my son (who was tested for gifted but didn't quite make it) to not compete with her accomplishments, but to do what he enjoys.  He plays baseball and bowls.  And even though he doesn't really excel at either, no one compares him to his sister and he feels pretty good about himself.  One thing we do expect is for all of our children to do their best in school.  That may not be A's all the time, but you can tell if your child is working to his potential.  Hope this helps!

Kira - posted on 02/01/2009

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Have you considered that your younger son may not be motivated because he is bored?  Average grades don't always come from an average student, especially if siblings are gifted.   That said, if your younger son isn't gifted, try to have him find his own interests.  My daughter is highly motivated and excellent at most things, but not so good at sports. She's a tough act to follow.  I have encouraged my son (who was tested for gifted but didn't quite make it) to not compete with her accomplishments, but to do what he enjoys.  He plays baseball and bowls.  And even though he doesn't really excel at either, no one compares him to his sister and he feels pretty good about himself.  One thing we do expect is for all of our children to do their best in school.  That may not be A's all the time, but you can tell if your child is working to his potential.  Hope this helps!

Sandra - posted on 02/01/2009

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Dear Amanda,



It sound very much like my story. My daugther is higly gifted and I have a very smart but avarege son in most of the things. He is on top of that dyslexic, so it is hard for him to see very smart sister how is taking big steps so easily and he needs to work hard. I am trying to find the things where he can shine -  loves science and sports. That's how I am keeping his spirit up. Every child is special and unique, we just need to find the place where that can shine. :)) All the best!

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This is something I worry about too... but as Deborah says - each child is unique... and loved because of who they are NOT what they can do.



Maybe focus on this and perhaps some more family focus on other gifts that your younger son has?



al;l the best!

Deborah - posted on 01/29/2009

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You have to bring to his attention his gifts. Everyone is gifted in one way or another and seeing his older brother's gift might motivate him to seek his out. One is not better than the other they are different and unique in their own special way. So be proactive in finding his special gift. And spend some extra time with just you and him. And by all means do not allow the comparison game with the extended family. And time he will come discover that his brother being smarter than him is his own unique gift and he too has his own.

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