Is your highly gifted child mean to thier younger siblings?

Shira - posted on 04/23/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My 8 year old son is 'profoundly gifted' and displays ALL that comes with a gifted profile! He is super sensitive and very bossy. Although we have been consistent with him about the rules which need to be followed in being a respectful, inclusive and caring family member, it has not been without a strict consequence guidline.( i.e.time taken away from computer or DSI, immediate removal from situation, and so on). Our second son, 6, is displaying major anxiety and although from birth he never seemed quite right with the world I do feel that growing up constantly being for lack of a better word, bullied ,by his older brother has effected him badley. He himself is a beautiful boy with many streghnths, just not the same as his brothers.They intensely love eachother but also fight A LOT! We also have two other little boys, 2,ans 9 mos. Does anyone out there share this family dynamic?

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Dawn - posted on 05/03/2010

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My 9 year old is gifted and she is the same way. Ever since my younger daughter was born, she has always made sure that she knew that she was the stronger one, or at least she thought she was. She has always bullied her. My 7 year old is very shy and quiet and can be good in school if she wants to be, but her sister is constantly putting her down saying she is stupid because she is not as smart as her. We have been dealing with this from the beginning. The fighting is unreal!!!!

VicTORIa - posted on 05/01/2010

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Wow, your post reminded me of the anxious years when my girls were young. We worried a lot about how aggressive the older sister was, and watched them like a hawk... Then one day we caught the younger girl sitting on the older sister's head. The older sister had fallen asleep playing, and the younger needed a diaper change...we were rolling around on the floor laughing, but felt from then on that the younger one knew how to take care of herself. They are both highly gifted - with different skills, they have had their fights, they have shared a lot, they are very very different people, and they are friends! Patience, diversity in activities, and lots of supervision, helped! Good luck! (Also, don't let anyone make you feel bad that your kids are not the angels that other people expect. Highly gifted kids are different, and challenging, but worth every moment we get to spend with them!) My oldest daughter died as an infant, I am always grateful that my other children were healthy enough to live to be trouble makers! The "Terrible twos" become the "Terrific twos" when seen from that perspective!

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Elizabeth - posted on 05/07/2010

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Shira-

Is there any chance the older kid is being bullied at school? It just seems like there is something teaching him to take it out on a smaller kid, but you say you're working with a counselor, so hopefully that will help.

Julie - posted on 05/05/2010

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I have to remind my oldest, who is 14, to choose her words carefully when she talks to her brother, who is 10.5. They are both very smart, scoring in the high 90% nationally on tests, but he says he's dumb. Whenever I see the bullying behavior from her to him I stop it, but there are times that he instigates it also (he is also told to stop) - he just wants her attention and does things he knows is going to get her mad so she ends up hitting him. They end up both getting in trouble, because they both know to keep their body parts to themselves. She has personal space issues, she knows he looks up to her and wants her attention and even though they both annoy each other deep down they really care for each other. It does come through when one of them is having a bad day the other will make the other smile, or if one of them is mad at me the other is a back up to talk to. Just keep at it, keep talking to them and pointing out to them that they are family - they need to treat each other with respect because when you are no longer there to help them they are going to be the only family they will have left. Do they want someone around that bullied them or someone that supported them and accepted them for who they were? It's worked for me so far pointing out why the brother or the sister is behaving the way they are, figuring out what can be done about the behavior, what not to do, if this happens tell an adult, etc. . Good luck.

Shira - posted on 05/04/2010

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Thanks moms for the responses. Just knowing that others have or had experience with this type of bullying are surviving makes me calm down a bit! Since this origional post we have been working with a local social service counsillor to try to work as a more cohesive family.......meanwhile the DSI has been taken away for good, after a punch in the head to the younger bro, followed by the "f" word......day at a time, right?

Aramanth - posted on 04/24/2010

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I think it's really normal with kids, whether they are gifted or not, to have bullying in the family. I know it happened a lot with my girls - they are only 15 months apart and often strike sparks off one another. However let someone OUTSIDE the family criticise either one of them and the other jumps to her defence instantly.



Both of my girls are Gifted, the older one Highly Gifted, the younger one Gifted but not highly. It has been interesting watching them grow up! They are now 14 and 15 and have pretty much grown out of this phase although I sometimes have to remind my older daughter to be kinder to her sister.

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