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Perfectionism and Other Emotional Issues in Gifted Children

Melissa - posted on 04/18/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I am having a problem with my 10-yr-old son. Usually, he is very well-adjusted and happy, except when it comes to making mistakes. He is extremely sensitive, and has ridiculously perfectionistic expectations of himself. Anytime he is reprimanded, which is very infrequently, he takes his frustration out on himself by hitting himself in the head with his fists or pulling out his hair. Even for something as minute as getting a time-out for arguing with his brother! During these episodes, he often will make self-deprecating comments about what a terrible person he is. This breaks my heart, because nothing could be further from the truth! I am concerned that this might lead to more extreme self-punishment in the future, like cutting, or abusing drugs or alcohol. His school counselor said I should talk to him about making better choices, but not make too big of a deal out of it, because I could unintentionally encourage the behavior. I know this is somewhat common in highly gifted kids, but I'm unsure what more I can or should do. Have any of you parents experienced the same issue?

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Ginger - posted on 04/22/2012

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Well, maybe studing some self soothing techniqes and teaching them to your son may help. Maybe a lesson on nature and how everything is different but exeptional. That helped me when I was young. When I got into science and learning the idea of trial and error in relation to the scientific process it strongly reinforced my ability to recognize that sometimes an error is simply a lesson on doing better in the future and something to be thankful to learn from, not a reason to be mad. I don't know how you feel about religion, but maybe that would help too. I am sure as long as you continue to let him know you love and support him and talk in a calm voice when he is freaking out he will grow out of it. Like just make sure you don't deny his feelings (that usually made me freak out more when I was younger) Just aknowlage the feeling that he is unhappy with whatever and tell him it will be ok and was a learing experience and he can beat himself up or he can spend that energy more productivly by working on a solution. That seems to work wonders for my kid and worked for me. I hope that helps.

Shauna - posted on 04/19/2012

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My son has very high standards for himself and a need for perfectionism as well. But, he's only 4 yrs old and so far it hasn't been a huge issue. I have read this before, maybe it will be of interest to you as well- http://nmgifted.org/GAC%20Resources/Perf...

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