Potty Training

Jennifer - posted on 01/24/2009

hi all, I just thought I'd butt in with my .02--My kids are one year apart. When my son was 2, he started potty training. He did well sitting down and we got him one of those plastic urinal thingies to use once he was comfortable. We had some rough days every now and then, but he really did well.



Now, my daughter is especially "spirited". When she was 1yr and her big brother was starting to use the potty, she wanted to do the same. In fact, for a long time, she did much better at telling us she had to go, sitting down to do her business and getting back to things. She wore underwear most of the day and had pull ups at night.



Somewhere after my son "completed training" (started using the urinal and shutting the door when he had to go), Ella lost interest. She had "accidents" so often that after weeks in underwear, she went back to diapers. She is 2.5 now and still in diapers. She insists on being changed immediately when she is wet. She takes off her wet diapers, wipes her self and makes a fair attempt at getting a new diaper on, if I'm not quick enough to catch her.



What should I make of all this? We tried sticker charts, but she'll go potty the 7 times it takes to fill up her chart and get her treat and then she's back to the diapers. She wanted to take ballet classes, but could not in a diaper (class rules, not mine). She wore her undies for class and made huge messes as soon as she got done. Generally, she refuses to "be treated like a baby", so I am really struggling to understand why she is holding on to this...She a big girl at birth, so my husband and I joke that she was a toddler right from the beginning...does anyone have any suggestions? Thanks



Jennifer

Lauryan - posted on 01/23/2009

thanks Jessica - I really hope so!! :D

Jessica - posted on 01/23/2009

Oh yeah...and that is awesome about him telling you guys!  Big News!  He is on his way for sure!  I am guessing that in a week you will tell us all he is trained:) 

Jessica - posted on 01/23/2009

Well, Lauryan...I don't know really have an awswer for you.  My son is for sure potty trained in my mind.  But, he doesn't go by himself in the bathroom all the time.  He just wants me there for security.  He will tell me when he has to go most of the time, but in the beginning he didn't.  He didn't really talk much at 22 months.  When I see him doing the potty dance (as I call it)...I make him go.  Or he wouldn't stop doing what he is doing to go.  He has seriously held it for 9 hours.  And as you know...that isn't good as it could cause bladder infections.  So...I guess you kind of have to decide for yourself what being trained is.  I feel that once they hit very few accidents...they are trained.  That could even mean only one accident a day and still be trained in my head.  Remember...for a boy being trained at 2 is very young and most boys retract when trained that young.  I am sure my son would have retracted at some point if I didn't make him go.  You will know when he is trained.  No matter if he goes by himself or tells you.   All kids are different...as you know.  So...there really isn't one correct answer. 

Lauryan - posted on 01/23/2009

Thanks Jessica! I am super stoked now... Also, Aiden loves for us to sit and read/play/watch with him.



BIG UPDATE:



Today for the first time he came to us and told us he needs to wee. Hubby took him and he did indeed wee! And at the time he was in a pull-up as after nap time he refused to wear underpants.



I was so excited!



when are they considered to be potty trained? Do they have to be able to go by themselves, or just be able to tell you so you don't have to remind them 5000 times per day?

Jessica - posted on 01/22/2009

Lauryan, he is doing AWESOME!!!!  I think when they get upset about having an accident is a real breaking point!  He just "got it ".  Poor little guy was so upset with himself ...heartbreaking!  Love the story about telling Noddy to wait for him!!!  That is too adorable!

I will tell you...my son just recently started pulling down his own pants to go....ugggg.  That was a long 8 months.  But, he is a big moma's boy.  He never leaves my side all day long.  And I hear..."mama watch me please" 10,000 times a day.  LOL!!  He still really won't go to the potty without me.  He tells me he is scared :( I am waiting for him to stop being so attached...I think maybe when he has his first date.  LOL!!!!  I blame it on him never being left without me or his dad.  But, I think it will really change when he starts pre-k in August.

Lauryan - posted on 01/22/2009

thanks Jessica - he loves to flush away the poo and to tell me that it belongs in the toilet!



He woke up DRY after his nap yesterday - YAY! And then while I was busy with the baby, I heard him tell his Noddy DVD to "wait for me I have to go wee". I went to check on him afterwards and he was in the bathroom and showed me that he had weed on the floor. I asked him why and he said it was because his potty was full. He showed me - he had put his facecloth and his dummy in there, and because I said the dummy should not be near wee he weed on the floor rather.



This morning he was devastated when he wee'd and poo'd in his pants as we were about to go to the shops. Absolutely devastated - we had tears and everything. So changed him and went to the shops and he was dry the rest of the time he wore the pants. Eventually he asked for his nappy as he was tired.



I am so proud of him - I really am! Thanks all for the support, and I will keep you posted. I won't say he is trained yet though - not until we have 2 weeks solid with no accidents and he is able to get his own pants off BEFORE he wees.

Jessica - posted on 01/22/2009

Congrats Aiden!!!!  Sounds like he is for sure ready!  No looking back now :)  With the pooing...when he has an accident in his undies...try to take it straight to the toilet and have him watch you.  Then say...bye bye poop and wave!  That worked for my son and he still says bye and waves.  LOL!!!!!  Although...pooing will take a little longer...just make it fun!  A lot of kids are afraid, but if you make it fun he shouldn't be :) 

I bet you are so proud of your little man!!!!  Keep us posted!

Lauryan - posted on 01/21/2009

well, I don't want to brag or anything.. but yesterday I decided that it was time... And both yesterday and today we have been in undies the whole day (Except for sleep times) with only 1 poo incident yesterday... :D



He is only having his nap now for today - he fell aslepe on the way home from his swimming class, and is in undies. I must not trust him cause I put a linen saver under him on his bed!! hahaha Will let you all know later how I find things when he wakes up a bit later on.



I just decided that I was giving him a way out by using the pull ups when I KNOW he is ready, so we are going to try stay home mostly this week and see how we go.



Hold thumbs for me people!

Charlotte - posted on 01/20/2009

I think for the most part your pediatrician is correct but I know of at least 3 children (personally) who were denied access to a regular classroom at a public school because they were still in pull-ups.  Children in diapers require special facilities and different student to teacher ratio that the public schools are not willing to tackle in the regular classroom.  One of these children were tested privately and gained access to a private gifted school.  The other two were tested for medical conditions and just needed aggressive training.  Some children MUST be potty trained.  The majority succomb to peer pressure or get motivated on their own.  I wouldn't worry about it until after the 3.5 birthday and still no progress.   

Deborah - posted on 01/20/2009

Thanks Rebekah...I know it, I tell myself that I know it, but I sooooo get frustrated with it. And I think part of my problem is mommy is not dedicated enough to potty training. We are so in the habit of go go go and it is hard to break that habit. I really think if I committed myself to a week of not going anywhere she would be potty trained, but that logic goes back to not waiting for her to be ready and she is so stubborn. But someone told me once (I think my ped.) not to worry about it. Just think about it, there are no kindergarten kids in diapers. That helps but with my luck we will be the first! Katelyn loves to prove people wrong.

Rebekah - posted on 01/20/2009

Deborah, advice from a really good, smart, friend of mine that I try daily to heed: Wait until they're ready and then it will be easy. I have mounted several battles on this front, the latest involving a fancy chart and stickers with prizes for progress. We have 2 stickers on the chart and haven't sat on the toilet for days. I was wanting to get him trained by his birthday when he may be able to move to an older room at his school. But, one day I will win the war, so perhaps I'll try not to stress about it for the time being. Oh, and I'm getting the pressure from my mom big time. She claims I was trained at 9 mo and my brother at a year. She tries when she watches him and can't get him to do it either, which makes me smile secretly. :)

Lauryan - posted on 01/20/2009

awesome tips - thankyou soo much!



Another update: Let him wear undies again this morning - and DH took him up to his parents briefly (they live a few blocks from us). No accidents! BUT when he got home he made a poo in the undies... ah well - baby steps I guess hey...



Will try again this afternoon as I am determined to get it right and soon!

Jessica - posted on 01/19/2009

I thought I would give a little insight to the potty training.  My son trained himself at 22 months.  At 17 months I had bought him a potty chair and put it in his toy room.  Everyday he would play with it.  I would give him toilet paper rolls and he would go to town unrolling it and throwing it in the toilet.  We would even pretend his stuffed animals had to go potty.  He loved it!!!!  Around 18 months he was probably ready...b/c he would looove to sit on the toilet for hours.  I would let him, but nothing ever produced.  Finally at 22 months...I tried to put the diaper on him and he refused like he did daily, but I was too tired to fight anymore.  I said fine...no diaper...go potty in the toilet.  He did it 5 times that day.  LOL!!!  We also did rewards for going.  That helped a lot.  Sometimes I would have to have the reward in my hand so he could see what he was going to get.  I kept him naked for 3 days.  With a boy...it is very easy to tell if they have to pee if they are completely naked.  So, I could tell if he had to...so I would take him to the potty.  I am the only parent I know that had a 3 day adventure in potty training.  But, I think he was for sure ready for it.  Two things I would suggest.  Do NOT teach a boy to pee standing up until they master how to do it correctly for #1 and #2 sitting down.  You WILL confuse him!!  Also...you will have a huge mess to clean every day in the bathroom.  The other thing I can not strongly suggest...is once you start it...do not use pullups while they are awake.  Again you are confusing them.  I can not tell you how many moms complain to me about their boys not potty training fast...and it is usually because of one of those reason.  I know it is hard to resisit putting a pullup on him when going out to the store.  TRUST ME!!  We didn't leave the house for about a month b/c I didn't think he was ready.  But, I just started making small trips.  I would make him go potty before going to the store to get a gallon of milk.  And I would make sure to ask him while in the store if he needed to go.  Also...make sure to stay calm when accidents happen.  Just say...uh oh...you had an accident.  Change their clothes and say...next time lets go in the potty.  My son is now 2 1/2 and I can count on one hand how many accident he has had.  And that was just the first or second months of training.   Makes sure that if you feel he needs to go to take him.  I still ask my son if he has to go and he tells me no, but he does.  I make it fun too!  I say...Mommy has to go potty....lets race!!!!  And he will run right in with me.  He is more likely to go if my husband or myself have to go.  Oh...and one more thing...try not to allow him to see his father standing up...he will get confused and want to try it.  We have recently started letting my son stand up, but he still prefers sitting.  Sitting is a lot easier for night time trips also!  they are too tired to stand.  Good luck!!!  And stay positive, no matter how frustrated you get :P

Jessica - posted on 01/19/2009

I thought I would give a little insight to the potty training.  My son trained himself at 22 months.  At 17 months I had bought him a potty chair and put it in his toy room.  Everyday he would play with it.  I would give him toilet paper rolls and he would go to town unrolling it and throwing it in the toilet.  We would even pretend his stuffed animals had to go potty.  He loved it!!!!  Around 18 months he was probably ready...b/c he would looove to sit on the toilet for hours.  I would let him, but nothing ever produced.  Finally at 22 months...I tried to put the diaper on him and he refused like he did daily, but I was too tired to fight anymore.  I said fine...no diaper...go potty in the toilet.  He did it 5 times that day.  LOL!!!  We also did rewards for going.  That helped a lot.  Sometimes I would have to have the reward in my hand so he could see what he was going to get.  I kept him naked for 3 days.  With a boy...it is very easy to tell if they have to pee if they are completely naked.  So, I could tell if he had to...so I would take him to the potty.  I am the only parent I know that had a 3 day adventure in potty training.  But, I think he was for sure ready for it.  Two things I would suggest.  Do NOT teach a boy to pee standing up until they master how to do it correctly for #1 and #2 sitting down.  You WILL confuse him!!  Also...you will have a huge mess to clean every day in the bathroom.  The other thing I can not strongly suggest...is once you start it...do not use pullups while they are awake.  Again you are confusing them.  I can not tell you how many moms complain to me about their boys not potty training fast...and it is usually because of one of those reason.  I know it is hard to resisit putting a pullup on him when going out to the store.  TRUST ME!!  We didn't leave the house for about a month b/c I didn't think he was ready.  But, I just started making small trips.  I would make him go potty before going to the store to get a gallon of milk.  And I would make sure to ask him while in the store if he needed to go.  Also...make sure to stay calm when accidents happen.  Just say...uh oh...you had an accident.  Change their clothes and say...next time lets go in the potty.  My son is now 2 1/2 and I can count on one hand how many accident he has had.  And that was just the first or second months of training.   Makes sure that if you feel he needs to go to take him.  I still ask my son if he has to go and he tells me no, but he does.  I make it fun too!  I say...Mommy has to go potty....lets race!!!!  And he will run right in with me.  He is more likely to go if my husband or myself have to go.  Oh...and one more thing...try not to allow him to see his father standing up...he will get confused and want to try it.  We have recently started letting my son stand up, but he still prefers sitting.  Sitting is a lot easier for night time trips also!  they are too tired to stand.  Good luck!!!  And stay positive, no matter how frustrated you get :P

Sonja - posted on 01/19/2009

We ended-up taking our son to a behavioral pediatrician about this issue, we were approaching kindergarten and he still didn't want to take a break in his day and pee/poop. With the help of fiber supplements to cut-down on constipation and a diet to avoid constipating foods (no cows milk, bananas which seem to be triggers for my son) and timed sitting on the toilet after meals, it got solved. It helps if a neutral 3rd party tells the resistant child that it needs to happen, then you can just say Dr. D said you need to sit on the potty after eating for x minutes (1 min for yr of age).

Lauryan - posted on 01/19/2009

ah no Kibbie... maybe try taking her back to other baby things that she will not enjoy? Like an earlier bedtime, fewer big girl things? Tell her that those are for big girls and since she is still in pull ups she must not be a big girl

Kibbie - posted on 01/19/2009

I'm so frustrated with my daughter she potty trained herself at 2 and then at 3 is using it as a controll thing.   I swear this child is going to be in high school peeing her pants! 

Like you I have tried everything.... for not I'm just ignoring the issue and usign pullups to see if I can take away her "controll" but so far that has just gotten me poopy pullups  *grr*

Lauryan - posted on 01/18/2009

lol - that's my theory Deborah - anything is worth a shot at this stage ;) Driving me nuts that he KNOWS but WON'T

Deborah - posted on 01/18/2009

Cynthia, Welcome to the board and by all means brag away. We love hearing the success stories.

And update on my daughter... still at square one. I guess I have not found the magical component yet. Maybe I will take her shopping for a potty chair that she likes. Worth a shot.

Cynthia - posted on 01/18/2009

Hello, I'm new to the group. My daughter was identified as gifted in elementary school, and she just graduated with Honors in Aerospace Engineering last May--I don't get to brag much! ;-). I miss being an "involved" mom...time passes soooo quickly! With regard to potty training, I'm not an expert by any means. I let her "lead" and she showed no interest (and I didn't make it an issue) until we enrolled her in pre-school part-time at age 2 for socialization. Then she wanted to be "a big girl" like the other kids, so it was a natural process when the time was right for her...and there was no stress, which was a relief!

Lauryan - posted on 01/18/2009

Linda - am going to get something like fruit loops for him to try the aiming thing too! thanks for that tip

Lauryan - posted on 01/18/2009

UPDATE: I found a cute little plastic chair - with a potty built into it. When he saw it in the shop - he tried to get his pants off there and then and told me "I will wee in this potty now!" hehe



So we have had 2 mornings where he has gone without an accident running around in his little underpants. This morning we nearly made the whole morning - he started weeing on the floor and managed to sit down very quickly on the potty - which was right behind him.



I think I found the right trigger :p

Linda - posted on 01/17/2009

My boys were easy to train.  I sent them into the bathroom with their dad and a bowl of fruit loops and had Dad show them how to sink them.  I helped to teach them how to aim too!

Tarilyn - posted on 01/08/2009

My daughter is 19 months and has been potty training for 9 months...(she's very advanced) she started asking to use a potty at 10 months and the doctor said to get her one and let her explore with it. She used it fine the first day...9 months later we are having our struggles...but I find that by NOT giving her the choice...tell her she has to use the potty before we go out...before she plays with her toys...before meals...after meals...before naps/bad...and so on...we set up a "schedule" of sorts and she knows what times she has to be on the potty...once we started doing that...whether she goes or not, she sits for 5 minutes minimum....she gets a basket of toys to take with her, she has 2 potty books she can choose from...a reward chart...and "treats" from time to time...sometimes they are a small box of smarties, a cookie, a small toy, a special trip somewhere...depends on how long she went using it without accidents...we still use diapers on her at night, but we find that the cool alert pull ups work wonders on her during the day....although she has been showing night time training interest for a couple weeks now...so we are about to start that already! Persistence is key!!! Also, trying to be as patient as possible!! It's a long hard process!!! Good Luck!!!!

Lauryan - posted on 01/08/2009

thanks Laura will look into it.

Laura - posted on 01/08/2009

i don't know if the claim is accurate but One Step Ahead catalog has a urinal for little ones that says it will help your little boy potty train faster b/c they can stand up. worth a try maybe!

Lauryan - posted on 01/08/2009

Good point Charlotte. that asking thing gets me into trouble over and over again for so many things. And every time I correct msyelf, I catch myself doing it again for something else a while later :D



hehe. Gonna have to watch myself.



Aiden knows when he is going to go. I know he knows. I can see it in his face and in his actions etc...

Charlotte - posted on 01/08/2009

Sometimes it takes a little longer for the body to mature than the brain.  There actually needs to be some nervous system growth in order to feel the "need" to go.  My oldest was able to go to the bathroom on schedule (or command) at 16 months (he was interested at the time) even though though he was unable to go to the bathroom by need before almost 3 yrs old.  My Aunt gave me a good suggestion when it came to young children.  Don't ask if you want them to do it.  We're going to the potty now so we can go outside (still important for my 4 year old).  We're going to the potty now so we can eat breakfast etc.  For us it was important have something there to occupy him while he is on the potty like a special potty book or sing a potty song or put a mirror where they can see himself etc.  It was not as important that he go as that he took the time to sit.

HTH

Charlotte

Lauryan - posted on 01/08/2009

He is the oldest, so no others. He likes to watch his Dad pee though.



But he sits - he can't reach the toilet just yet - but I am trying to get him to stand on a little plastic bench, so perhaps I should try the standing thing - that's a great idea!



Deborah - seems our kids are in cahoots here again :p Will also try find something big for bribery.

Samantha - posted on 01/08/2009

I had some similar issues, I've potty trained 4 little ones. We used the diapers that let them feel the wetness and it feels icky I guess. That worked with the little one.

I think the oldest was hardest because there wasn't a big sister or brother to emulate. Do you have other children?

Have you tried any of the potty books or videos?

Deborah - posted on 01/07/2009

We are having the same issues with our daughter. She just does not want to take time out of whatever she is doing to potty train. We tried stickers but now sweets. I really don't want to do the candy thing. She will eventually have candy and will have the rest of her life to eat it so I don't see the need to give it to a 2 yr old. Then today she was pooping in her diaper and I asked if she wanted to sit on the potty chair. I got a big NO and I do not want to potty train. Than right after that she asked for lipstick which I responded lipstick is for big girls that are potty trained and when she is in panties I will get her her own lipstick. Magic! She ran to the chair and has started potty training. So maybe just maybe we have found the magical ingredient. But again this was today and time will tell.



So maybe you find something he really wants: a toy or something. buy it and put it up where he can see it. Make him aware that he can have it after he is fully potty trained. I have heard that that works really well.

Bonnie - posted on 01/07/2009

Does he sit or stand? I ask becuse My friend who is a mom of boys said that she got her boys interested by putting cherios in the potty and made a game out of hitting them.. May be a bit messy a first but hey he will be going...lol.