Problem with social skills, motivation or something else?

Jennifer - posted on 03/25/2010

My son does the same thing, and when we tried to test him he wouldn't answer a lot of the questions. It was very frustrating. But that being said, I have him set up to start Kindergarden at one of the local magnet elementary schools which offers technology and is a gifted center. If you can, check out some of your local schools, and see if you can find a school which seems like they would know how to deal with your child.

My experience has been that at most schools if you start talking about your concerns with giftedness, you pretty much get shut down immediately. If this happens, they are not equiped to deal with a gifted child. In a school which is comfortable with gifted children, they will respond to your concerns in a way which is constructive and helpful, and will help you come up with solutions.

My daughter is just finishing her first year at the school and she loves it. She has wonderful friends who are all at a similar place with her academically but come from a wide array of backgrounds.

Maria - posted on 02/16/2010

Yes I see where you are with you son. They considered at his school to bump him up a year, but social skills lacked totally. He was even in a private school. I tell ya, I am pretty positive our youngest is gifted also; I noticed that when he was 2 and started to read. I backed off totally and have been focusing on the skills my intellect 11 yr old has but cannot socialize and is board at school now in 5th grade. Some days I regreat pushing my older son; some days not.... Everyone has their own way of raising children, just focus on the good times while they are young; don't push yourself!

Denise - posted on 02/12/2010

Yes, while I love the Montessori idea and was hoping to do that with my son, I have also heard it doesn't mean it will work. Some are still too regimented, some not enough. It just depends on your child and that school. My son is about to enter K and we struggled a lot to decide what to do with him and where to educate him. We have finally decided to homeschool (or give it a try) as I think for him it is what will work best. Just stay attentive and follow your gut on what to do. Good luck.

Charra - posted on 02/09/2010

My son is going through similar issues. He is 5 years old in Kinder. His teacher tells me that he is brilliant, but will not complete his work. She tells me that if he is only 99% sure he knows the answer to something he will not answer. He must be 100% sure of himself at all costs. He is a bit of a perfectionist, he dislikes writeing because his letters are not perfect. He compares himself to me, and cant understand why he cant write like mommy, even though I am 25+ years older, with that much more experience. If he sees it done better than what he can do he will refuse. He must be the best. He must learn it first, he must not make a mistake. As far as social skills, he had none 6 months ago. Didnt even want to interract with other kids, had no desire. I put him in Karate, It took him 6 months to say hi to his instructer, when he started kinder in the Fall, he refused to talk. It was a struggle of the wills. He now has many friends, and is becomming a natural leader, he " teaches" other kids about things ar recess. He is at the top of his class. He is not challenged enough at school, so I supplement at home. He loves it, he gets to choose if he wants to do math or read, that day, and chooses pretty difficult material.
On another note, I was told not to put my child into Montessori for the same reasons that your child is having difficulty. A gifted child needs instruction, and a lot of it needs to be individual. Maybe you could put out a bit of work for him to choose from at home, but make it challenging, thus eliminating the " easy stuff" that way he still has a say in what he wants to learn =)

Tracy - posted on 02/05/2010

We too have a gifted 4 (almost 5) yr old son. We had him tested last year due to his never settling in the pre-school environment. We have tried 3 different types of pre-school and none of them were very successful.

During his testing the psychologist thought that he showed some perfectionism traits and said that he would possibly choose not to do things in case he couldn't do it perfectly the first time. He often opts out of trying new things if he thinks there is a possibility he won't be able to do it. He will also only do the minimum expected so he can move on to something else. Could your son be the same??

One thing that has helped a lot is violin lessons. He is finding it a challenge (especially to stand still) but is picking it up easily which is keeping the motivation going. I also do lots of modeling my 'mistakes' for him ie if we are making something I will cut right through the edge (colour over the line etc) to show him that it doesn't matter if we make mistakes or don't do it perfectly the first time.



I am also a pre-school teacher and I do think it is hard to find the right place for any child. My son spent most of his kindy days wondering in circles (which broke my heart) until he finally met a friend. I believe he was bored with the environment but kept him there as socially he needed some help and for the first time was making friends.



It really depends on the needs of your child. Some are happy to do extention work but many are not.



Good luck!!