Siblings that aren't gifted

[deleted account] ( 12 moms have responded )

My oldest son is gifted in math and science and I've adapted to his needs. My youngest son, however, is a very normal child. He's generally happy and healthy, but rather quiet, especially when my oldest and I are talking. Sometimes I worry that he gets left behind because I'm engaging my older son so much. Does anybody have ideas to help nurture my wonderful, normal son's interests and personality? I am a single mother and doing this on my own, so I find this to be quite a challenge.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Deborah - posted on 08/07/2009

385

7

35

Hi Caddie.

One son is almost 9 and the other is 6 1/2?

It is still debatable if gifted is inherited from the parents and with this in mind very possible that you have a gifted and normal/average child. This question has been asked a few times on this board and if in fact your youngest child is average in intelligence I seriously doubt you would love him any less. What my advise has been is all children are 'gifted' in their own way. Your oldest is intellectually gifted and as for your younger son ... well you will need to find his gift. Because the last thing you want is for him to feel out of place. This means spending time with him alone or letting him pick an activity that interests him and all of you doing it together. It is the give and take angle. You might come to find he is your athletic child or he is your artistic child. Whatever the case ... support his interest and make it clear to both sons that they are each unique individuals that are special in their own right. The other thing I would say is don't ever compare the two of them. Your younger son can grow to resent it especially if the comparison is in reference to intellect.

Christine - posted on 08/05/2009

6

3

1

Your youngest son could very well be gifted too; he just might not show it in the same way. How old are they? Do the two of them play well together? I would definitely encourage their relationship. Also, be sure to read to the younger son. My second daughter wasn't an early reader like her older sister; she wasn't actually reading independantly until the middle of first grade, while her older sister had been reading chapter books in kindergarten. However, I read the entire Laura Ingalls series to her in kindergarten and first grade. She was an active listener, and by fourth grade she was reading Lord of the Rings on her own! When I had both their IQs tested I found out that the younger daughter was more of a visual-spatial learner. Anyhow, what I've found is that gifts show up in different ways. Perhaps your second son will be better at puzzles and building things, while his brother is more verbal, for example. The fact that he's quiet may mean he's reflective, or it could be he feels like he's not as smart or talented as his big brother. I would definitely make a point of setting aside some time to spend with him. Also you could sign him up for something his big brother's not involved in, like musical instrument lessons. (My daughters each play a different instrument to avoid competition.) Since you're a single mother perhaps you could recruit a grandparent, aunt or uncle to help with enrichment opportunities such as museum visits, classes, fun activities, etc. Good luck!

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

12 Comments

View replies by

Charleen - posted on 10/31/2013

5

0

0

Biological siblings are within 1 standard deviations of each other. Most of the time within 5 points. Birth-order resources maybe more appropriate for you than giftedness issues. Your other son may not have found his spark.

Vicki - posted on 08/21/2012

12

11

2

I have a problem somewhat like this. My step son is 11 and the mother wont let him go to a GATE school bc they live about 50 miles away. We are closer to one but she wont let him live with us either... We get him on the weekends. He skipped 1st grade. They tested his IQ at 3yrs and it was gen lvl, they wanted to skip him 2nd and my husband said no bc he was diagnosed with high funct autism and doesn't really act his age and it would be hard on him socially. He is now 11 and going the high school for math classes starting this year for geometry. My husband had 4 children with his ex and the next 2 are gifted as well in different areas but not enough to move them up a grade since its not over all... The youngest just skipped 1st grade like their older brother. The middle 2 seems to be getting upset bc their mom makes a BIG deal out of it.. NOW my 3 girls from my previous marriage are avg. Not bad, just normal and have a few hard times in subjects.. I have 2 children with my new husband, a 19 month old and a 7 month old. The 19 month old shows signs of being gifted like his half siblings so I think they all go it from their dad who has a gen IQ (tested). My girls understand that Taylor is different but now the younger step sister is following and now in the same grade as my daughter. (different schools thankfully bc different towns) I think my babies are far enough in age away from my girls that they will understand if he starts doing like Taylor... BUT I am scared.. I don't want the kids that are not skipping to feel dumb bc they are not and we always tell them how good they are doing... Even though it is harder for them.. But the 4's mother always says that taylor is the smart one and that doesn't help..

Katie - posted on 07/06/2012

2

7

0

I would stop using the term gifted for your older one and normal for the younger. They are both normal and healthy. I agree, spend time with both, don't just favor the other. I would treat them both like they're both just as great as the other and both as important. You could have mommy date nights separate with each of them. Have a sitter or someone watch one while you go spend one on one time with the other.

Dawn - posted on 08/26/2009

54

31

2

I have the same problem with my two girls. I have come up with finding something that your youngest is interested in and finding time to engage in those activities with him, I have done that with my youngest and it does help.

Cynthia - posted on 08/24/2009

1

0

0

Is there a reason that you are able to spend time engaging your older son, but not your younger son. Just because he is not labled gifted does not mean that he does not also need to be engaged. Sone how we need to be able to split our time so that each child gets time to be nurtured. Even when your children are all average they all need their specail tim to share their interest with their parent and siblings.

Carisa - posted on 08/12/2009

88

17

7

Your youngest son is probablly "gifted" in something else, like baseball, or golf, or art... I would just spend some one on one time with him and find out what it is he is good at and then put as much effort in to that as you have your oldest. I wouldnt be surprised if once you were alone more often with your youngest that you see a higher intelligence start to peak out... if he doesnt feel like he can compete with his older brother, he may just keep what he knows quiet.

Suzanne - posted on 08/08/2009

3

40

0

I have two boys and the older 10 has been tested and is gifted in all areas. My youngest who is 8 says he doesn't want to be tested! I have found that they are both gifted! My younger son is great at building and math and thinking totally outside the box at problems. My oldest is very logical and likes to stick to rules. I told them both to stick together and they will do great and wonderful things in this world together!

Debbie - posted on 08/08/2009

2

12

0

I've been able to engage the non gifted child with what her interests are, but sometimes I actually have to write myself reminder notes. I'll put a post it note in my car and try to engage her in conversation about a topic that she likes.

[deleted account]

Christine,
Thanks! I have noticed that my younger son is much more interested in puzzles and he's very GOOD at them. I like the idea of getting him involved in something that's just for him because I think he often feels that he has to live up to his brother's standards, even though I don't (consciously) push that.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms