What do I do when my 3yo gifted daughter feels the slightest thing is

Alicia - posted on 04/20/2010

Her new obsession (thanks to my mother) is her hair. I say obsession because that's what it is. She has this feeling that since her hair doesn't look like mine (which is usually wavy or straight)that its not perfect. It drives both me and her CRAZY! How can I reverse this sense of
perfection before she develops self-esteem issues?

Mary - posted on 04/20/2010

I went through the same thing with my child before I knew he was gifted. Their brains work different than their bodies and they are intelligent but not able to express themselves as fully as they like due to capabilities at that age. My son would get so outraged and have huge fits. I'm sure people thought I was abusing him or stealing him when we were out in public. It did simmer down as he learned to communicate more. I also learned to be more understanding and stricter as well about what was acceptable and what not after I got some books on the gifted. I used to think I was a bad parent that I didn't know how to handle a situation when they threw those big fits, but once I started to challenge their thinking and give them computer time, field trips, books, and other stimulation that helped them have something to think about, they simmered down. I also agree that she may need more walking exercise. We still do that a lot too. You may also want to get some books about gifted children so you can learn about how to handle and recognize their needs. There is probably nothing wrong with your child. She just cannot express herself as she wants. My kids are a little bigger now and still sometimes get like this, but not too often. Do give her lots of love and understanding.

Tanya - posted on 04/19/2010

LOL ! Please dont be offended, but have you had her tested for ASD ? ( Autism Spectrum Disorder) ? I have 5 children, 3 with ASD, in particular Aspergers! MOST aspie kids are highly functional, extremely intelligent ( mine have 121, 140, 151 iq's) they are gifted. The sensitivity, the "tantrums" (meltdowns) are kinda aspie trademarks with the gifted. It never hurts to have them tested, the better you know your child and understand how she see's things, the better prepared u both are.

Dr. Peggy - posted on 04/18/2010

This is from a post by Glennis Rainey talking about dealing with her son who now is grown. This post was on one about skipping a grade. "The best solution too, to control his concentration, because gifted kids get bored very easily, was to keep him on a specific diet! This diet consisted of no sugar, no additives, no food coloring. lots of protein, and especially never letting the child get hungry, because these kids don't seem to get the signal that they are hungry, and then they start getting fractious and annoying! This diet helps them to concentrate and also calm them down a lot. These kids also need a lot of quality sleep at night, as they also do not seem to know when they are over tired. Lots of fresh fruit, salads, water, watered down fruit juice, veggies and lean meat. (These kids seem to automatically have an aversion to fat on meat, which is not a bad thing really)."

It might help and surely can't hurt to try this with your little one. PBB

Dr. Peggy - posted on 04/18/2010

And don't forget the normal things - is she running around a lot outside to get enough exercise of her large muscles? Is she taking a nap or quiet time in the mid afternoon to get enough rest? (A tired child is a cranky child as we all know and one who is chronically tired can jump to out of control in a heartbeat.) Is she being timed out for bad behavior at the second it starts? Also it doesn't hurt to take her to her doctor and get a check up. About this time we discovered our daughter had NOT outgrown her milk sensitivity as we thought, but it just expressed itself differently. Like I said, just because they are gifted doesn't mean the normal things that affect any child doesn't get to them.

Becky - posted on 04/15/2010

I agree with Heather. Most gifted children have a hard time maturing emotionally, so the emotions get out of control. Mirroring is a great way to get her to settle down, and Heather is right- it might take a few tries to get it to work well. Its something new to your daughter, and new things tend to scary for gifted children, but stick with it. Keep trying, even if it takes more than a few times, because it is a really effective method of regaining control over a situation.

Heather - posted on 04/13/2010

What I find worked with my daughters is to mirror their feelings. When she starts to geet upset say to her "you look like your mad/sad/frustrated/etc" Her reply will probably be "ya, I am" or something like that. Then tell her "it's really upsetting/frustrating/whatever when X happens" and then take it from there. The first few times she'll probably still freak out but over time she'll learn to identify these feelings inside her and be able to communicate with you how she's feeling.



Gifted children often don't mature as quickly emotionally as their peers and definitely not as quickly as their intellect is maturing which can lead to a lot of inner conflict.



With my dd I would tell her what I do when I'm feeling however she's feeling and eventually she'd start using those coping mechanisms to calm herself down. She's 9 now and still is prone to outbursts but they are getting fewer and she now knows when she has to remove herself from a situation. My 6 year old is slowly learning to cope as well (she was horrible!) and I'm told they are going to be testing her for giftedness as well.



And reading Raising your Spirited Child helped me tremendously.

Jane - posted on 04/07/2010

Time outs worked well for me with my kids. You have to take control back...basically she's controlling YOU right now and you need to nip that in the bud immediately.