What do you do with a gifted kid?

Becca - posted on 11/02/2011

Bless all you young mothers! I'm afraid I am glad not to have to deal with public schools anymore.My gifted sons are 33 and 24, and the way they "turned out" is not necessarily typical, but after doing all I knew how to do to get their education modified, we gave up and let them both take the GED. Out of a possible 800 points they each made around 695. (one only needs 450 to get into college.) They both tried college, but it still was very lock-step for them. Now they are trying to get a business started.They are both excellent writers.
Good luck to all of you. Until the system realizes that not all gifted kids are identical, you will continue to get the same cookie-cutter classes, only with more work. //they don't know how to tailor a program to a child's strengths and weaknesses. Mine were not talented at math - why could they not concentrate on math for a few years, as they were years ahead in English?
I'd put their actual knowledge up against any college grad. But that won't get them past an HR department, which is looking for diplomas and grades.Sorry to be so bleak, but it isn't pretty if they can't conform.

Charity - posted on 10/18/2011

I can't tell you how wonderful it is to know that I am not alone in my fears and frustrations. I am the mother of 3 gifted kids. The problem that I am having is that the school has NO idea how to handle them, and it is causing problems with the teachers. They think my kids are trying to "pretend" to be the teacher. They think that they are also being smart butts, but in fact they are just pointing out the obvious. But after reading what all you guys have said I know to just keep doing what I am doing. Supporting them, and pushing them to do better.

Zoe - posted on 12/23/2010

It's probably not you. My experience is that teachers have huge pressure to "bring the bottom up" and the other end is just gravy.
My local lyceum had a list of educational psychologists, so we paid $200 for my daughter to get the eval. Our broke school district does the "ravens matrices" (or whatever) which misses verbal intelligence. (the wiki had some comments I found on target, & the psych didn't think much of group paper and pencil tests.) My daughter is a classic example of how it can miss a kid who is brilliant in that area, but simply "superior" in the puzzles it tests on. (Her score with the psychologist high enough to get into the Davidson institute.)
I guessed she was around a 2 or 3 on this scale http://talentigniter.com/ruf-estimates

She is 8 with a September birthday, so I took advantage of starting her in kinder at 4 (we used to be able to do that in CA) as her private preschool was really concerned she would be bored in public school. No matter how great her teachers have been, they have shrugged off her reading performance. It's been beyond frustrating. Left first grade reading like 5th grade 7th month. Just tested in 3rd like an 8th grader. What more do they want from her?
So we had her tested, and I informed the teacher of the result. I know the last 6 weeks have been busy, and I am hoping in the next year we will hear back about what little is left of the gifted program.
The teacher does have her doing a ton of 4th grade work, and 4 kids are doing a "book club" with a book that is around 5th grade. Still not 8th, but it's a start. Teachers in our district are supposed to "differentiate" but it's tough.

I feel the test proved I am not a "clueless pushy parent" and at least if another teacher puts her in whole class "group reading" with kids that read below grade level, I can pull the report and ask for an IEP. (She was reading ahead and not paying attention. Funny how a kid will be "not focused" when they are bored out of their mind. I feel she should have been allowed to read at her desk, not hold the book for a kid who can't read.) Last year her spelling scores took a dive the first 2 months of the year. Yeah, she was socializing at the last row of the room, but the teacher was ready to drop her from the high group to the middle group. So I showed the 2nd grade teacher the first grade spelling tests (all As, most of the same words for the middle 2nd group!) and went and had a chat with the spelling teacher. We pulled it together as a team and she went back to As, even in the high group. So much for the little baby not handling hard work. I am so tired of defending her age, and no one looking at what she can do! (She is a straight A student.) My point is, don't expect even the best the teachers to notice.

Some days I get tired of fighting to "after school" my kid (I have had some harsh comments from insecure family members) but then I think about her test scores, and no... who said being a parent was easy? I can't give into the pressure to just let her coast.

Anyhow, good luck with the journey.

Sudha - posted on 12/21/2010

Precisely Anne. Actually, recently, in the form of helping my child/supplementing school work, the school assigned him with extra homework - in the form of extended essay writing! They said, if he is bored to write, I could type in what he says - fair enough or so I thought. But, the topic was a problem because, he had to research on a topic that he had just learnt in school. Trouble brewed because, my son, said, he hated it because, he was simply not enjoying it. So, I was wondering, why wouldn't they let him first do on a topic he likes and enjoys. I think, we are still finding our ground to settle in.

We have trouble finding the right curriculum because, what he going to now, is considered advanced! So, there is simply no place to go. I am constantly supplementing and we find ways and means of keeping him interested. I think, we have our hands full all the time :) The good part is that my GK , Math and Science skills are tremendous now :D

Annie - posted on 12/20/2010

I understand your frustration. It seems inconceivable that schools don't want to help those students with the capability to soar the highest. My first and foremost advice to you is never stop being an advocate for your child. Keep pushing until you find the situation that is best for your child.
I have 2 Talented and Gifted children, who were identified very early (both in kindergarten). My daughter was miserable in a "regular" first grade class. The teacher's idea of challenging her was to have her read to the class at story time. She would refuse because she didn't want to be singled out as "different". The next solution was to pile on more homework. Also not a viable solution. TAG (Talented and Gifted) kids shouldn't have to do MORE work, they should be doing work that is appropriate for their rate and level. We ended up changing school to one with an advanced curriculum within our public school system. It was fantastic! Just the right place for my very bright kids.
If there are no TAG programs in your area can you talk to the school about tailoring the program to fit his needs? Maybe go up to the next grade for reading and/or math? That worked very well for my son, who was still working above grade level in math, even with the advanced curriculum.
Or maybe supplement his school experience with online classes with a more advanced curriculum? Those can be good because they will be geared towards his age, but at a higher level.
Good luck!

Sudha - posted on 12/19/2010

Thanks Becca. We have spoken to the teacher and the school and they have said, they will look into what they can do best. Let me hope, they can do something about this. The only trouble is that I think, sometimes, we have to find ways and means of keeping him occupied and at the same, time, also, we as parents look for constant assurance, that we are doing the right thing.

Becca - posted on 12/17/2010

Don't worry about whether he is gifted or not, since there are no formal programs for gifted children where you live. As the mother of two gifted sons who were in the gifted programs at their school, I'd say you are not missing much. I'd also say that he sounds gifted to me, and like many gifted children, loves learning new things. Schools are more geared to those children who have to be "taught".Your job as a parent is to do what you seem to be doing - observe his interests and talents and provide him with materials and encouragement. Try to find other gifted people, adults and kids, for him to hang out with. Talk to him about kinds of jobs he'd like to do, and try to find people doing those jobs to talk to him. Help him to go ahead and do the assigned work - my boys hated the practice homework that they didn't need to learn the material. With gifted kids, either they learn to play the game of school or they end up starting their own businesses! It's a shame that he has to be bored because other kids are slower. I'd talk to his teacher about finding him more challenging work, but that often is not something they can do. Good luck!

Sudha - posted on 12/15/2010

You are right Laura. I might actually end up helping more parents! I am meeting with the school again tomorrow and I am hoping something comes off that. I would love it if my son gets to interact with other kids with high ability and gets challenged. Right now, he just gets it easy and has almost become lazy. He doesn't study/work for any test. Your kind words have been encouraging, so, I will do my best tomorrow. Thanks again.

Laura - posted on 12/14/2010

Boy, that's a tough situation, Sudha. It sounds like the school disctrict is hesitant to do anything because the administrators themselves know they don't have anything to offer. From what you discribe, the administrators and supervisors may be trying to gather information on your son via the "portfolio" so that they can assess his abilities so as to offer some sort of help. At least one can hope that's the case! At this point I suggest continuing to work with the school administration to see if you can find additional help or curriculum from the school and teacher. Are there examples of other G/T programs in other school districts that you can use as examples? This may take a bit of research, but by providing the information to your district's administrators shows that you, as a parent, are aware of what kind of G/T programming is available to students in other areas.



The comment about other kids being smart may very well be true but those parents may have felt disuaded enough to just give up. By pursuing better G/T programming in your district, you may actually end up helping other parents and students. Have you thought about trying to organize other parents who feel their students might qualify for G/T programming? One benefit for the students is they will be with peers of similar skills. These kids WILL make strong friendships and will be able to know that they are not alone in their abilities! By involving other parents you will find that there IS power in numbers when trying to achieve certain goals. If more students could benefit from special curriculum the adminstration might be more willing to make changes.



Continue to encourage your son to muster through the classwork; there are still benefits to doing one's best, even if the task is easy! Since changes in school systems are a slow proccess, continue to suppliment your son's education. Some of the best minds, "geniuses", have been self taught! Einstein himself was a school drop out who taught himself complex mathematics and look where he went! One wonders what might have happened to him in school if G/T programs were available back then...Keep up the good fight, you may wind up helping more students than just your son...

Sudha - posted on 12/13/2010

Thanks Laura. To be frank, I also thought of homeschooling but dropped the idea for the same reasons as you did - only child. I wanted him to make friends and understand social behaviour.

We have spoken to the teacher and also the school counsellors. It feels that they understand very little and sometimes, I wonder, should the teacher not have actually pointed out that my son is not like the rest? They simply refuse to acknowledge. I don't know if this sounds ridiculous, but, now, I have been advised to actually make a 'portfolio' for him - describing, his interests, attaching testimonials (for this, I have collected all the puzzles, stories and poems, he has made over the years) and now, I am supposed to meet with the school supervisors and ask for 'help'. I have been told/advised repeatedly by others that 'schools won't do a thing' . Also, in this part of the world, there are only private schools and we pay a lot of money, I feel, why shouldn't the school do at least something. Family members and some friends always tell me - 'you think, your son is smart, perhaps, the other kids are smart too' . So, in short, We are having to face an uphill task all the time.

About bad behaviour, yes, he does get into trouble. Other times, teachers and other kids, taunt him. In fact, once he came home crying because, other kids called out saying, 'are you a genius?' . Whoever said, it was easy!

Laura - posted on 12/13/2010

Gifted and Talented programs vary from school district to school district, even here in the US. I'm fortunate that my daughter tested early (1st grade) and was able to get into our district's G/T program from the start. I briefly thought of homeschooling her if she couldn't get in the program, but as an only child I was concerned about her having opportunities to make friends. Fortunately everything worked out for us! She is now in 7th grade Honors classes in middle school and has thrived with the challenging work.

Since it doesn't sound like your school system has a G/T program, then Louise's suggestions are a must! School is as much about being with peers and friends as it is about actual learning. Your son may find the social structure just as important to him. Continue to at least encourage friendships and stress the importance of that with school, too. Acedemics can be supplimented at home. With my daughter we always stressed the importance of doing her best in class, even if the work was "easy". This helped keep her going, to a certain degree. You might consider talking to the teacher to see if there is any supplimental work your son could do in class. At this point, with no real program with your school system, the teacher is the only ally you have to work with.

Louise also makes some excellent points about behavioral issues, both with your own child and with others. Boredom in class can lead to negative behaviors in your own son, so just be mindful of that. Other kids can target your son for being "smart", so also watch out for that. Both problems can be dealt with successfully if you are made aware and intervene early. Hope this helps and best of luck to you!

Sudha - posted on 12/13/2010

Thanks Louise. Firstly, I am so glad that I am not alone and that my doubts and fears are not strange. It seems most likely that I am on my own. That is exactly what I am already doing. We do the library rounds and the puzzles a lot. Since, I am a writer, I also encourage my son to write. I am quite astounded at times, with his vocabulary and imagination. But, somewhere, I feel, I am not doing enough and that is when, I look for encouragement. Other times, I am fatigued and if not, I delve in self doubt. It has not been easy. I still remember the day, when he was hardly 18 months, when I showed him the alphabet 'A'. At that time, all he could see was not the alphabet but a lil triangle inside it! I guess, my struggle/challenge started then, and is still continuing.

Louise - posted on 12/13/2010

It sounds to me that you are having the same problem that I had all through my sons school life. My son was reading at 2 and was gifted in maths and science at school. Teachers did pick up that he was gifted and after three years they decided that he really did need extention work as he was bored stiff in class. You need to contact the school because a talent like this needs to be handled very carefully. Having a talented child in main stream school is very difficult and you will have a battle on your hands all of his academic life. We really did not get the help that we needed for our eldest son until we moved area from Cambridge to Cheshire. Here we got all the help we needed and my son was put immediately onto the Gifted and Talented Register which gave him access to other children like him and to more advanced work to keep his mind active. If you have been into the school and they do not see what you are saying about your son then you are on your own. Buy lots of puzzle books and go to the library often to encourage mind stimulation. At least once a month take him to some sort of learning facility like a science museum or historic building so you can satisfy his need for information. just be mindful that you will have problems at school with his behaviour as he is bored he will start to act out, also the other children do get jealous and pick on the odd one out alot. Bullying became a big thing for us to deal with. But it is all worth the effort and heartache as my son is now studying a duel degree at university studying Maths and French and he has never been happier with so many friends that are as academically as bright as he is.