Why do people always think I'm lying

Lisa - posted on 07/22/2009

I've encountered a lot of heartache over my kids ages, and the way I speak with them, and their stage of development, and the boundaries I set for them .. the list is endless. What I've found is that mums will always try to compare, and generally me and my kids come off second best because my kids are "different". I try to avoid situations like that entirely now because I don't like being made to feel like I have to justify things to others.

Carolyn - posted on 07/22/2009

Whenever moms see a child doing more than their own, they always wonder in the back of their mind if they're doing something wrong, or their child is behind. So it's not you, it's them.

But you're right to avoid bringing up your child's age, because that only opens the doors for them to feel that insecurity niggling at the back of their minds.

Instead of feeling like you're being criticized or distrusted, just remind yourself that this other mom's feelings come from something we all share...concern for their own child and desire to be the best mom possible.

And you are lucky...many people have physically advanced children, who are not also intellectually advanced. And those people deal with the same kind of judgementalism on the other side, with folks thinking their toddler is 4-5 yrs old, so why on earth does he still have a pacifier or throw fits??!!

Debrah - posted on 07/20/2009

I totally understand what everyone is saying. My oldest son is very advanced for his age, he is now 9. He was walking and talking before he was a year old. He taught himself how to say his ABC's backwards, by the age of 3. And yes I did say backwards. LOL



He was playing chess in Kindergarten. He reads well above his grade level, but does not enjoy reading at home. Go figure!!



This year he had to take the end of year test and was well above grade level in Math and Reading.



He is so tall and slim for his age. He is such a picky eater.



I never let others effect the way I feel about him though. I love him and brag to everyone about him. It annoys him more now ( me bragging) then anything.

Shirley - posted on 07/10/2009

Loureen, very true. Diana is very shy around people and I work so hard to help her feel like that what she is able to do is just another beautiful part of her overall being.she has been wearing 3T shorts since about 17months. she is three now and in order to allow her personal dressing room and modesty I buy 4t or xs girls.but youtube has helped me to document and share as necessary:) along with height she is also Brown (black) and I feel sometime like people think I'm lying because of this. But that doesn't last long I find myself too grateful to be apart of her life to ever try and disguise the truth. Morgan she may never tell you but she will be grateful if you only tell the truth.

I'm a health 5' 7 155and have been since 12, and before I lost my baby fat and my body and age balanced my size my mother never made any reference to me or others about my size even tough she is thin and petite.thanks mom

Charlie - posted on 06/29/2009

yeah i get that with my 7 month old , developmentally he is way ahead and is also physically taller for his age , mothers can be very competitive and don't like to hear success stories especially when they are ahead of their own children !

Wendi - posted on 06/23/2009

One thing I'm getting used to is correcting my daughter as if she knows better. People often underestimate how much the little ones understand, so I've started on my youngest a little earlier than most. When I tell her no, I make sure she stops what ever she is doing. When I ask her to do something she does it, like throw something away or go get her brother. She still can't talk very well, she thinks she can, but I can't understand everything yet. (sounds kind of chinese)...She's only 21months old but she knows a lot, like how to get into the cabinets, open finger nail polish, open bottles, plug things in, write with pencils and pens, her problem is she doesn't know when these things are appropriate or not. Because she is so able I have to set boundaries. Being the 4th child there is no way to keep her away from everything that could hurt her. People see me talk to her as if she's five or six, and they look at me like I'm crazy, but I know she understands me. If they spend any time with her they are amazed she's not even 2 yet. I think people are way to quick to assume about a child. I only hope that I don't do it with them. I quit caring what other people thought about how I raise my kids a long time ago.... I have since been able to find people who understand, which very few people do....raising these special children is extremely hard work, it is not easier because they know more, in fact it is harder *because* they know more. They know a lot more, well before their time. But sometimes when they are reading like a highschooler but still wetting their pants its a bit difficult.

Lara - posted on 06/23/2009

I had very similar experiances when my daughter was younger. People would think was Iying about what she could do, or her age if they saw her do things, they would act angry at me like I was pushing her, or expect her to act like she was older all the time. Other people would just act angry and then become incredible competitive. I stopped talking to people about her. These days I am still careful, but I am able to talk about her more, and not just to my parent's. I think it's really painful when your own parent's think you are lying, at least it was for me,but once they and few other people realize the truth, it started to be safer to talk about her, and maybe that's how it is for most people. I know that it gets better as they age, so there is hope. I wish we lived in a society where people celebrated each other and our differences instead of seeing each other as either the same or as enemies/competition. It makes me sad to remember/ think about how hostile people can be about these things. I think some people don't want to think about their children as precious individuals and prefer to think of them as extensions of themselves, or maybe the idea that children are more complex then the old school idea of them being empty helpless things with little abilities or feelings scares them.

Dawn - posted on 06/06/2009

I have the same problem. My oldest is now six and she was walking and talking by eight months old. She was putting together full sentences by one. I felt strange around other mothers with "normal kids". But now that I have another one that is just the same way, it's not so bad. When someone tells me I'm wrong and that she is older or that I'm making it up I state that my childern are normal and that I have no reason to lie. I do get a little huffy and sometimes a little rude by telling them maybe if they didn't talk baby talk or paid attention their child would be where my are. I'm very proud of them and I have no reason to feel that I cant talk about them. I brag every chance I get.

Angela - posted on 06/02/2009

You know, I haven't even thought about it in, well, years, until I read this thread, but I used to have these same issues. Now that I read this it makes me really sad. I realized that I don't brag about my children at all anymore to anyone except my parents and a few (very few) close friends. To others I just speak very generally about my boys because when my oldest was younger I was so frustrated by the disbelief, or by people thinking I was exaggerating things in order to brag. My boys are both small for their ages, so people always assume they are younger than they are also, which makes their achievements even more unbelievable. Now they are 11 and 5 and I smile and happily listen to other people's children's achievements, but don't share my own children's. It really is sad, especially when we face so many challenges as well. It would be nice to be able to celebrate the joys with others. At least I have my family and close friends. Hopefully you can find a good sympathetic group to share with also.

Heather - posted on 06/01/2009

You've just got to roll you eyes (mentally, not physically) at most folks. We all have our challenges and joys, and people tend to be nosy and forget that! Be proud of your kiddos uniqueness and blow everyone else off. Hard to do, but if you can learn to smile and be sweet, it'll baffle the most annoying ones every time (I've had to learn to do this myself) And then go vent to folks with kids like yours who get it!

Annette - posted on 05/18/2009

Well,my son's little for his age and I know now that he is what he is and that's that!!Every time I go to WIC they make a big deal about it and I just say, are you saying that I should stretch him or what? My husband's dad was a small man but, he was a very good provider for his family and that's what counts!! Size has nothing to do with how intelligent someone is...I'm very smart and under 5 feet tall!!!

Brooke - posted on 05/12/2009

3 1/2 months

Brooke - posted on 05/12/2009

My baby girl is only 3 1/5 months old but i have this dilemma. People are constantly saying oh look how tiny she is, she must only be a couple of weeks old. When i tell them she is 15 weeks they dont believe me. Bubs was exactly 6lb born and now weighs around 12lb but she is quite short. The funny thing is the Dr. has said she is advanced for her age, she has full head and neck control, pulls herself into sitting position and hold onto our hands and lifts herself up so she is standing. We cant lay her down unless it is bed time or she screams. She wants to be part of everthing but her little body isn't developed enough to keep up with what she wants.

Paula - posted on 05/12/2009

Why worry about it? Your friends know how old your child is and trust me - strangers don't matter. Love your little girl and worry about important things - like "What's for lunch!"

Sonja - posted on 04/29/2009

Yes, always let your children know that you are proud of them just the way they are. Both of my boys are highly gifted. My youngest taught himself to read at age 2.5. He said he wanted to read and brought a book to me and started reading. I celebrate my children all the time. If others don't believe or understand then it is their problem and not mine.

Chris - posted on 04/20/2009

Don't weorry about what other people think. Don't lie about her age when asked but she is who she is. Show her to be proud of herself no matter what other people think.

Rebekah - posted on 04/13/2009

Morag, when I saw "lying" in this thread again it triggered something else I had forgotten: my own family must have thought that I was lying about what he could do. I had been telling them, my mother and mother-in-law and other in-laws, for months that he was reading and they apparently had been placating my obvious motherly bragging because each one several months later came to me and told me something like, "you know, I was reading him a new book and I think he read some words." And they were totally surprised. AAAAGH! So, brace yourself for the day that your own mother calls you a liar. Or just nods and smiles and thinks you're crazy.

Alicia - posted on 04/11/2009

my oldest son could pass as a 4yr old and hes only 2 1/2...he started walking at 8months and never crawled....he wears size 4/5T, wears 9wide shoes and is taller and bigger than most 2/3yr olds his age...everyone says hes big 4 his age...its ok tho cuz hes my handsome little man and that's all that matters

Morag - posted on 03/26/2009

Its nice to know this is a more common feature with intelligent children. It doesn't help that she is already a big child (skinny, just very very tall). Thankfully big sister has but a huge dent in the appearing too smart thing, she taught her her shapes from a teletubby book and now a circle is eh oh, a square is big hug. Sometimes being able to learn things quickly does not work in your favor LOL

Paige - posted on 03/26/2009

I often get that kind of response as well. My son will be 3 in Aug. and he's very tall but extremely skinny and that makes him look smaller than he actually is. He's reading simple sentences and doing add. and sub. in math and whenever we're out, he always looks for things to read. People often ask me if he's 4 or 5 and give me the dumbest look when I explain that he's 2.5yrs! Most of the time it's people who don't have kids or haven't been around kids and they're thinking on children is that they are all incapable of doing certain things early in life (like reading and math). My biggest pet peeve is that when I tell them how old he actually is, they start talking to him like a baby and asking him silly questions like, "Do you know your name?" or "Can you count to 3?". My son just looks at them as if to say,"Please, if you only knew" I find myself not even mentioning the things he can do b/c have the time if I do, they look at me as if I was crazy!! Just hang in there. Think of it as a sacrafice that you have to endure do to having such an intelligent child!

Brenda - posted on 03/24/2009

I go through this all the time now and have since my son started walking.  Everyone would be like, oh your son is so cute, how old is he with this disdainful look on their face when he was being a typical 2 year old and I'd say, oh he's two.  And then they'd look at me and go, "oh...he's a big boy..." and wander off.  I was never actually told I must be lying, but I could tell that's what they were thinking.  He didn't walk till he was almost one, but he was always a big guy (22 in at birth), and now he's about 40 inches tall and in the top percentile for weight and height.  As much as he talks and reads, it seems he's often mistaken for older.

Today I was at my OB's office he was running around like a 3 1/2 year old will do when forced to wait for nearly four hours for the various tests I had to do, and a preg couple asked how old he was.  I'm like 3 1/2 and I see the raised brows.  "Wow, he's smart..." comments the mom to be. (He'd been reading the covers of magazines to me and stuff) "I hope mine behaves as well as he does at that age..." but you could tell she thought he was about five or so.  Especially when there was a boy there that was probably seven or eight and my son was maybe an inch shorter than him...

Ashley - posted on 03/23/2009

I wish I could have lied about my daughters age, she was born only 5lbs 8 oz now she is 3 years old and weighs only 27 lbs she is tall but dainty like I was as a child. When she was one yeah and even today,  when  most people first saw her assumed she is much younger but then she open her mouth and starts talking and they are amazed that she can speak. Then they ask me how old she is and she answered I am one, or I am two or now she says I am three years and three months, I will be four in November.

Rebeckah is right when she said they just aren't used to seeing it and it doesn't process so they assume. Just like all the people who assume she is a boy because she has short hair or is wearing blue.

Rebekah - posted on 03/23/2009

I will tell you the truth here: I have lied about my son's age in order to avoid this exact situation. Or at least often didn't correct people when they made an incorrect assumption. I guess sometimes a lie is easier to believe than the truth. Of course, once he was old enough (and willing) to say how old he was I couldn't fly under the radar anymore. The good news is, now he is 3 and people think he's 4 or 5 and he doesn't do as many visibly strange things anymore. I really don't have any answers, other than to try to remember that most people haven't seen a kid like yours before and have no frame of reference for processing what they're seeing, so they will make assumptions. They may be more in shock and not know what to say rather than really thinking that you're lying.