Why does everyone think their child is gifted???

Maree - posted on 12/11/2011

Cause people like to think that themselves and their kids are better than everyone else. all it is doing is setting them up to be disliked in the future by teaching them to consider themselves superior and being stuck up brats.

Tammy - posted on 12/11/2011

Well many of the posts are about children who are too young to be labled gifted. Then you have the parents that feel that if their child is gifted they win the best parent of the year award. Then you have the parents who truely do have gifted children ( and giftedness varies, my daughter didn't write a symphony at 5 but she does speak 6 launguages and just got a full academic scholarship to a top ivy laegue college). Having a gifted child has nothing to do with how good of a parent you are and all to do with the child themselves. It can be an overwhelming, finincially draining, and often guilt riddled experience especially when you don't have unlimited time and resources. It's a blessing and a curse and often accompanied by the judgement of others. Lighten up!

Sofia - posted on 12/01/2011

Mozart at the age of four had already completed his 10.000 hours which are needed to compose music - (his father was a musician, bought him a piano and taught him how to play and spent hours on it every day) In my opinion everyone is born equal but in the process of growing up it depends on what 'brain food every child gets' what they are interested in, how the parent react to their childr's needs,their environment, etc,etc

Lisa - posted on 08/07/2011

There's a difference between gifted and prodigy. What you've described sounds more like child prodigies. They are uncommon. Gifted is a very wide term. There is also highly gifted as there is also above average, but not gifted. Why do you assume everyone is just assuming their child is gifted. I must say that I have a gifted child, but not because of what I've witnessed. I say that because of all the testing he's been through. The professionals say he's gifted, which is why he participates in the gifted program at school. It's just that there is so much more to a person besides their cognitive abilities. My son's high intelligence is partly the reason he struggles so much with social situations. Because he's so gifted, the distance between his cognitive maturity and his emotional maturity is so great that it's problematic. So, I think "gifted" is really too broad to assume most people are lying. Also, please don't also assume they're bragging. Raising a highly gifted child is extremely challenging!

Karen - posted on 06/29/2011

Laura's right. Kids are gifted in different ways, and it doesn't necessarily show up in grades. Did my kid write symphonies at 3? No, but he did paint accurate duplicates of Vermeers and Rembrandts by the age of 8, which most adults can't do. He also was well versed in Constitutional law by the age of 14.

Did that translate into top grades? No. Why? Because he also has ADHD, which went undiagnosed until he was an adult, so believe you me, my husband, my kid's teachers, and I were tearing our hair out about him. Nobody could figure him out precisely because he was so gifted--it totally hid his ADHD. School counselors even said he couldn't be as smart as they had initially thought. Thing is, he tested at 175 IQ. It's that difficult to help support a kid who is gifted AND has a learning disability. You can't even recognize the disability when they're that gifted. The disability downplays giftedness, and the giftedness hides the disability. You get a kid who can out-argue most teachers on an intellectual basis, and you can bet he'll get in trouble for it.

In addition, yes, the _percentage_ of kids who are highly gifted is small, but when you consider the very large population of the English speaking nations (which I assume are all represented in the Circle of Moms website), you're still going to get a huge number of people. In the United States alone, and if you go by Mensa statistics (2% of the population is their assessment), 6 million people would qualify as gifted/geniuses. That's still a lot of people. If you were looking at the number of highly gifted kids in the U.S., that would be 1.52 million kids. I'm willing to bet that not even half of the moms of those kids are showing up here in Circle of Moms. :-)

I have to say, I wish Circle of Moms had been around when my kid was in school. He's graduated from college with decent grades--he got excellent grades as soon as he decided on a major and went head-to-head with professors who loved arguing with him regarding political science. But it took a lot of pushing and trying to come up with strategies he could use so that he could get through high school and college all right.

Stephanie - posted on 04/06/2010

Something that you should keep in mind is that "Gifted" falls under Special Education. Gifted children often need special accommodations in school because they think differently compared to their classmates. All three of my children have been tested by a private psychologist, as well as by the schools, and all have an IQ over 130. It is not easy to raise children who are gifted (or geniuses, for that matter). They are a constant challenge and tend to be more emotional than other children their ages, not to mention the fact that they are so literal. My children do not fit in with the neighbors' children. They are called "weird," "nerd," "dork," and are accused of thinking they are better than everyone else. Other children have no idea how to relate to them, so making friends is a big issue for us. There are only 3 other children in the gifted program at my children's school, and they are all of different ages. So to answer your question, yes some parents think their child has to be gifted instead of just average, but that should not reflect on those of us who actually deal with these children day to day. I am very proud of all three of my children. They are loving, compassionate, and generous people who are always quick to help out. They are healthy and active and like to eat their vegetables. They are wonderful children who challenge my husband and me on a daily basis, but that does not mean that raising them is easy. Having a group of people who can relate to those specific needs and issues is a Godsend to those of us who love these children. Most of our family members do not even understand what it is like with our children. They think that gifted means they should act like miniature adults and that our lives are SO EASY because of their giftedness.

Thank you to all of you who are helping other parents find resources and answers to help their children.

Shelita - posted on 04/01/2010

I suppose you can contact your local school board and they would know who to call to get your child tested.

Ashley - posted on 03/31/2010

How do you get your child tested to see if they are gifted?

Shelita - posted on 03/29/2010

Check out my blog and tell me if you think my son is gifted.
www.yourbabycanreadisawesome.blogspot.com

Robin - posted on 03/28/2010

Well, my point of view is that is not a thing to seek after, a gifted child. I would not trade any of my children, don't get me wrong, but if just for once they could follow a direction without having a legal style argument (which I will probably lose) or have some regular friends at the regular neighbourhood school or just basically be a bit less sensitive or perfectionistic, that would be a nice thing to me. After twelve years of struggling to find a school that would work for them, I have finally found a gifted school where they can fit in and I can relax a bit. And I know you are probably thinking I didn't try hard enough. Believe me, I tried hard! I wanted my child to go to the neighbourhood school and be normal. But when in Grade 3 he lay on the floor crying and wouldn't get up every morning before school, I finally had him tested by a psychologist because I thought there was something seriously wrong with him. It turned out he was just extremely intelligent (in the top 1%) and so bored at school he was depressed. And I was shocked to discover that, to be honest with you, because he didn't do anything that seemed spectacular to me, such as writing a symphony. He was just kinda difficult and got overexcited easily and figured out how to turn on the TV no matter how we tried to stop him.

At the school my kids go to, parents lie and cheat to get their kids in who aren't gifted because they think it is some sort of great thing to have a child going to a gifted school. If my child could manage at any other type of school, as in the one a block from my home, i would be delighted to send him there. But he simply cannot, his special needs are too great.

Jennifer - posted on 03/25/2010

My guess is that the parents of gifted kids (or even just smart kids) tend to be more concerned about meeting their children's needs. I was just at a birthday party for one of the students in my daughter's gifted first class, and for the first time I didn't feel like some kind of alien parent. The other parent's talked about the same things I did, had their kids in similar extracurricular activities and had the same reasons for placing their children in the gifted program (so that there child would be in a class where they were challenged, and they were one of the group). It was such a relief.

So, I think that the parents of gifted kids are searching for somewhere they can get some real feedback about the challenges of their kids without seeming stuck up or above it all.

All kids deserve an appropriate education, and here we can talk about that with other parents.

Wendy - posted on 03/24/2010

I think all parents want to believe that their children are exceptional, because if we do not believe in our children who else will, i must say though, i do have documented prrof that my child is gifted, i do my best though to "dumb him down" a bit as i feel that many gifted children are pushed too hard and overworked.

Laura Ann Brown - posted on 03/20/2010

you can also become a FAN of Hoagiesgifted on facebook!

Laura Ann Brown - posted on 03/19/2010

I try to avoid describing "gifted" as being in a percentile, because, everyone is in a particular percentile for different things....aptitude for music, art, etc. or a very high level of intelligence for any one or more of several TYPES of intelligence:



1. Linguistic and verbal intelligence: good with words

2. Logical intelligence: good with math and logic

3. Spatial intelligence: good with pictures

4. Body/movement intelligence: good with activities

5. Musical intelligence: good with rhythm

6. Interpersonal intelligence: good with communication

7. Intrapersonal intelligence: good with analyzing things

8. Naturalist intelligence: good with understanding natural world



which doesn't necessarily mean an individual is "gifted," according to the definition I prefer to others, so, doesn't mean that a higher percentile of testing in a particular capacity or grades are better or worse than someone else.



What I'm trying to say is that if you define "gifted" as being in a particular percentile, but, then the individual is a "B" student, well, this is incongruous, so, neither being in a particular percentile by testing, or attaining a particular grade in school (described by psychologists as achievement) necessarily describe "giftedness," which why I generally refer to the definition above that describes



"asynchronous development in which advanced cognitive abilities

and heightened intensity combine to create inner experiences and

awareness that are qualitatively different from the norm. This

asynchrony increases with higher intellectual capacity....."



(intellectual CAPACITY does not necessarily reflect grades or achievement,) so, I say, the top 2-5% of WHAT? obviously not achievement, if grades don't reflect it, so then, the top % of capacity? What IS capacity if it is not filled? Effectually, the higher the "capacity," the higher risk of the capacity going unfilled and the child becoming unFULfilled, which may then lead to a higher likelihood of more negative consequences, (>60% of male juvenile delinquents have IQ's>130),



So, again, I ask, "the top 2-5% of what? delinquency? risk of existential depression?" This is the real challenge: to effectively channel the qualities, needs and energies of the gifted towards a productive, successful and happy lifestyle and self-fulfillment (after all, isn't this what we all want?)



The gifted are not BETTER than those that are not gifted (thus, I would propose, not the "top" percentile, just DIFFERENT in their neurological make up, and representing a smaller percent (2-5 vs. 95-95) of the general population then the "non-gifted," (and, in some ways, not necessarily better, or "TOP" percent..ie, easy overwhelm, inflexibility, among others.) But, at least when we get old, we can call it "eccentric," and these qualities become more socially acceptable! hahaha!



Some people define "gifted" as the sum of the high capacity in addition to high levels of achievement, but, the majority of highly intelligent individuals do not have high levels of achievement because what most of us consider "gifted" refers more to capacity than to achievement, whereas in order to realize the full potential or fill the "capacity," the "gifted" individual often requires increased levels of stimulation (intellectual, creative, physical or other, which they more often don't get) in order to realize their potential without becoming so bored that their brains fall out and they begin to exhibit negative behaviors (failure to achieve at best; depressed, anxious or delinquent at worst....) so, just by nature of the fact that gifted individuals often require additional WHATEVER, be it stimulation, time, attention, adaptation to their particular learning style, are they in the TOP percent?....or would they be in a higher % if they didn't have additional needs?



Estimates from between 2 to 5 percent of the population to as high as 20 percent of all gifted children are "twice-exceptional," which refers to the fact that some gifted children are exceptional both because of their strengths and because of their limitations. Coupled with high intelligence, these children also may be "duel-identifited" or be "gifted" and have one or more learning disabilities such as attention deficit, emotional or behavior problems, dyslexia, difficulties with auditory processing , or other types of learning difficulties.



So, does a learning disorder, emotional or behavioral problem negate the giftedness? I would say, "no," but, then, again, are they in the top 3-5%, even if described as "gifted?" If so, again, I ask, "the top % of WHAT?" So, I do not believe that being in the "top %" of anything makes anyone gifted, nor do all gifted individuals fall within the top % of every (or, necessarily any one in particular) aspect of intelligence, capacity (not just potential, but, ABILITY to learn, (acquire knowledge, or retain information,) AND ACHIEVEMENT (or performance above expected norms,) AS WELL AS the desire and/or motivation to do so)......



This may go some distance towards explaining why there are so many different (thus, no single, universally accepted) definitions of "GIFTED." One might even go so far as to argue that we are all "gifted" to some degree in some area (some religions encourage identification of each individual's "gifts")....and those proponents of the "Bell Shaped Curve" would argue otherwise.* I believe that the truth is probably somewhere in between, or perhaps, fluctuates up and down different scales according to the different aspects or types of what is traditionally referred to as "intelligence," and often associated with increased neurological sensitivities, also often associated with "giftedness."



Laura



for further reading, refer to this article from Hoagies' Gifted website:

*http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/all_childre...

Shaun - posted on 03/08/2010

My child hasn't written a symphony, but that does not mean that he is not gifted. I think that "gifted" means that you are in the top 2-5% of the general population, not that you've memorized the encyclopedia. My child is "gifted" simply because he's very bright. He got into Mensa, the worldwide high iq society, based on his kindergarten Nagleri scores an d has been blowing standardized tests out of the water ever since. He has a B average though! And no opus to his credit! I still think he's gifted and maybe there are so many of us on this blog because we have these gifted kids who have special needs, issues, and requirements and we need input from other moms in the same situation. I do kinda know what you mean about the term gifted being used indiscriminately. My child is in the gifted and talented program, but these classes are a lot like what you and I called normal classes back in the day. Perhaps it's nice to call everyone gifted these days the way it's nice that a size 8 these days is WAY bigger than a size 8 used to be, now we can still consider our middleaged selves thin no matter what the scale says!

Laura Ann Brown - posted on 02/23/2010

Rhonda, boy, I bet we could spend a week sharing stories of the similarities of our kids. Their insight is just so.....peculiar, for lack of a better word...! :) It is definately a challange, but, I wouldn't trade my babies for anything~!
For Grace, and everyone- you are right on - there is no universally accepted defination of "gifted," but, here is my fav:
"Giftedness is asynchronous development in which advanced cognitive abilities and heightened intensity combine to create inner experiences and awareness that are qualitatively different from the norm. This asynchrony increases with higher intellectual capacity. The uniqueness of the gifted renders them particularly vulnerable and requires modifications in parenting, teaching and counseling in order for them to develop optimally." The Columbus Group, 1991, cited by Martha Morelock, "Giftedness: The View from Within", in Understanding Our Gifted, January 1992
The other night, Maxwell, my 6 year old was caught, hiding under the bed watching the Simpsons in our bedroom while my husband was watching. He was supposed to be in bed! When he got busted, he exclaimed, "but, I learned something." Chris and I rolled our eyes at each other. "What did you learn," Chris asks. "I learned about the underground railroad." "What about the underground railroad?" "That it wasn't really a railroad, and it wasn't underground." Chris: "what was it for?" Max: "It was to free slaves from the south to the north." Well, OK, then. don't get me wrong. He still got in trouble, but, if you can take that away from the Simpsons, well, then, more power to him!

Grace - posted on 02/22/2010

Hi, All



I think it all depends on how each person defines "gifted". I agree that all children are gifts from God (that is if you believe in God's existence). I don't agree in excluding any children because in my opinion even children who are mentally, physically or emotionally challenged (I don't approve of using the word disability). have their own gifts they can share to the world no matter how small they may seem. I believe that to consider a child gifted in an area, he/she would have to be at the top of the list in comparison to majority of his/her peers. For example, in music, some parents would've to spend so much money to get their kids to play an instrument whereas some parents do not even need to spend on private lessons because their kids just have the natural talent and are able to learn pretty much on their own. My daughter plays the flute beautifully and I didn't have to spend money on private music lessons.She pretty much decided she wants to play the flute and off she went, getting music sheets from online resources. My son started reading early without much effort. For me, every child is gifted, its just a matter of tapping on what their interests are and helping them develop them. Behind every child who are able to use their full potentials are supportive parents, teachers etc... I suggest instead of speaking negative, hating or contradicting those parents who believe that they have gifted children, maybe instead focus your energy and efforts into finding out what your child's gifts are. After all doesn't every child need to learn humility not just self-confidence?

Rhonda - posted on 02/22/2010

Oh, Laura , thank you for having the REAL conversation about these little gifted wonders. Your 5 year old is like my baby boy, now 10. From the moment I got pregnant he was challenging. Everything that could go wrong during a pregancy happened with him, including the doctor telling me that he might have down syndrome and die before 5 year old. I was picked at, violated, and terrified throughout the whole pregnacy. He was perfectly healthy. He refused to walk until his 1st birthday in which he took two steps and took off running like he had walked for months. We suspected that he practiced in the middle of the night when we were sleep because we couldn't get him to even try before. He was so difficult to manage during his terrible 6 months - 3 years (he loosened my tooth with the remote at 6 months), we couldn't imagine what school was going to bring. He was a model student. He received the Student of the Year Award his first year of school. At home, he was a monster. I asked hime once why I couldn't have the good one come home sometime. He answered, "Do you really want me to be bad at school? How would that look to the teachers, the other parents? What would they think about you?" I said, "You're right, but can I have a good day a month?" He smiled and said, " We'll see". He was 7 years old.

Laura Ann Brown - posted on 02/21/2010

I have two boys with IQ's tested >150. They are soooo, different, though. My 6yo was slower to catch up with his peers, socially and emotionally, but, academically, 3-4 years ahead. My 5yo, on the other hand, has been more socially advanced (not so much emotionally) but, will deny that he can read in a heart beat. When my 6year old was 3, he told me that he could see my soul "within your eyes, mommie." We had not taken him to a church or discussed this concept at home. When my 5yo was 3, he was drawing detailed single cell organisms (paramecium, amoeba.) we have yet to discover where he learned his microbiology. My 6yo asks questions like, "how does our nervous system work automatically, so we don't have to think about some of the things we do?" He loves to watch "Skeleton Stories" on National Geographic (I do not recommend this, but, if he turns on the TV and pulls up the "list," he can read everything listed, and that's what he wants to watch....) his behavior in 1st grade was terrible until we told him that if he corrected his behavior, we would be sure that in the fall, he would be able to go to a school especially for gifted kids, so he wouldn't be bored. His eyes got wide, and he hasn't had a single behavior issue (at school) since! Gifted kids learn differently and are motivated by different things than most kids. My kids were never motivated by stickers, like my friends' kids, but, instead, motivated by more reading time, computer time, and other educational activities. The "gifted" kids have what Debrowski called an "intellectual supersensitivity" in the 1950's. Basically, this means that gifted kids crave, and need intellectual stimulation like they need food, water and sleep. If they don't get it, they become behavior problems, failures to achieve, delinquent (>60% of the males in juvie have IQ's >130!) or sick (depressed, anxious, etc.) It can be extremely challenging at times....and it is so nice to have a forum in which we can express our thoughts and "brag" about our kids and their accomplishments without feeling as if we are being judged. So, please, if you feel you must judge, do it quietly. Thank you.

Rhonda - posted on 02/15/2010

Well, this gifted thing was not my idea. I have three; two gifted, one that is not. Sure, I noticed certain talents when they were small, but I still did not consider them different from other kids. Once they got to pre-school, the teachers were the ones that identified them as gifted and suggested that they be tested. It has been a rollercoaster ride ever since. Gifted kids have so many extra issues that don't exist in average kids. The demand is so much greater.
I had little faith in the GATE and Magnet Programs offered in public schools, so in addition to school, I took the time to teach my own children. I quickly realized that one: gifted abilities are NOT a "one size fit all" concept. My son (10) and daughter (13) learn and retain information very differently. Donovan has a photgraphic memory. He remembers everything he reads or sees. Erin ,however, can remember everything she hears. Erin is a master with words. She was reading fluently at age 3. At 13, she writes essays and stort stories as compelling as adults. Donovan is a math wiz. He learned and understood the entire multiplication table at 5 years old. They were like sponges, retaining ALL of the information I through at them.
The downfall is the emotional pressure that being different causes. They both struggle with feeling more mature than they really are. They both are extremely emotional sensitive. My son still has a hard time relating to kids his age. My daughter is 13 years old and has made the decision that she would like to attend high school 3000 miles away from home. She has been offered full scholarships to attend boarding school in MA and CT (we live in California). Although she is independent and mature enough to handle this, as a mother, I'm stressing. My son has also expressed the desire to do the same.

Patricia - posted on 02/14/2010

Well said

Patricia - posted on 02/14/2010

Parents think of their kids as Gifted and Talented because its their child and most parents want their children to do very well in school. We should want the best for our children, but it is important to have realistic goals for our children. I have two sons both were considered gifted and talented by the schools because of how well they tested. My older son was a good student but not what I would considered gifted and talented but academically talented and he would be the first to tell you that. My younger son is gifted and talented. He is basically self taught. Through high school he was unable to attend school because of an illness that kept him out. I provided him with private tutors and entered him in the Center for Talented Youth at Johns Hopkins University so that he could have a good education. The home/hospital program sucked. He got his GED at 16 years and entered college. Both of my sons did well in school. However, I feel that I made the difference not the schools. Gifted does not mean genius. It is true that children who are gifted and talented is relatively small, aboujt 3% of the total population.

Chantel - posted on 02/11/2010

I wonder if it's a reflection that schools are "dumbing down" their curriculum in order to "leave no children behind," and average but precocious children are getting frustrated?

Charra - posted on 02/09/2010

It is difficult to say that you are compleatley off on that point. Yes many parents feel that their child is gifted, and they are not, although, Gifted does not mean that they are genius.. It means that they are gifted in certain areas. As an example, I feel that my child is gifted because he spoke (fluentlly) by 12 months old. He reads chapter books, and recalls moments, and conversations in detail from when he was a baby, around 12 months old. His vocabulary is extensive, and he is wonderful at math, and problem solving. None of this means that he is a genius, it means that he needs to be challenged differentlly, and grasps concepts quickly, and easily. He is 5 years old, and speaks like he is an adult. He is still just a little boy, who is smart, his emotions are very average, and he has different types of struggles to overcome. Without a site like this, it would be difficult to get advice and make decissions for him. This sight lets me connect with others who have experience that I do not have, and that is very reassuring. Its not about everyone thinking that their kid is gifted in every erea, it is about gaining advice from other parents with kids who face the same problems. Educating these kids is not the same as educating a child who is average in the same areas....

Heather - posted on 02/06/2010

Well...first off, gifted and genius aren't one in the same. The reason this forum probably has so many numbers is because some people probably sign up because they want to know if they're child is perhaps gifted. For those of us who have a gifted child a place like this is a wonderful place to some to. I don't know about other parents but if I could go back and figure out a way to make my dd just "smart" instead of gifted I'd do it in a heartbeat. Gifted children come with a whole slew of social/behavioural and learning difficulties that just normal smart kids don't have. Parenting a gifted child is an emotionally exhausting journey and at times can be very scary.

Amanda - posted on 01/30/2010

Karagh McKain if u dont like or agree with parents who children are testing at higher learning leavels than the majority of there pears, Dont visit this blog! Us parents are not trying to make our children better than anyone elces they just are simply who they are. all the parents with smart or acdimatily advanced children are entitled to talk with other parents who children and situations are similar. tell me would u go into a autisum blog and cry that the parents shouldent be bloging about how autistic there kid is? i have goten some of the best advice from wemon on this blog and it works because they have gone through the same types of obsticles and have found answers. just like if u found out ur child had down syndrom wouldent u want support from mothers who have all ready ben there and can help. think about what u say to people ur oppions can be offensive to others.

Patricia - posted on 01/30/2010

Because we need other people who understand what it's like and who can offer suggestions no matter how trivial it is or even if it's just someone telling us "it's okay we understand".

Instead of worrying about why there are so many of us supporting each other why don't you concern yourself with the fact that this site and others like it are in reality a rather new phenomenon? My mother's generation didn't have this sort of support and I'm sure she could have used it. Maybe it would have helped her cope better than screaming "Will you just stop being so smart and shut up already?" when she got frustrated. Maybe sites like this one will lower the amount of gifted children, teens and young adults who take their own lives each year because they don't have the support readily available to meet their needs.

Maybe your children truly are smart or maybe they're just "average" and you're delusional but you have no reason to be jealous of the mother's here. A child who is technically termed as "gifted" is no more or less a blessing than one who is smart, average or developmentally challenged. They just have unique needs that are overlooked in mainstream society. I highly doubt you'll ever see anyone wearing a ribbon for "Gifted Child Awareness Month" or legislation to protect the gifted. All our children have is us and all we have is each other and for some of us that connection is this site.

And since you're so worried about the admission requirements for this site -- my oldest was tested when she was three, right after I caught her reading Dr. Seuss to her teddy bear. My seven month old is exhibiting some of the same behaviors.

Amanda - posted on 01/30/2010

i agree my 5 year old when he was 3 was acting out and becoming verry mean so my peditration recomended putting him into a day care situation and he took off from there. as soon as they started changeling him he did a complete turn around he was happy. he is in a school for acdimatily advanced children he is testing at a second to third grade level and he speaks 3 languages ( just small sentcences and words) and he is still emotionaly a five year old and cant handle emotionally older classmated he loves to pretend and creats elabrate stories and games but dosent care to play with 7 to 8 year olds games. its tough having a smart kid. and people just judge me because of it im not saying hes instine but hes smarter than most of the children in our town his own age. Why should I fell bad because I want my son to be happy with school and not bord

Deanna - posted on 01/22/2010

I feel like you are sadly mistaken in judging in the sense that EVERY child IS a gift from God and we are all his children .We ALL have been given gifts and callings that he wants us to incorporate into our daily lives.He also gives us freedom of choice and like it talks about in the Bible :there was the good servant that spent all his talents and brought a wage home to his master .Then there was the wicked servant that buried his talents in the ground for the master to find when he got home;thinking he would be proud that he still had it .In this particular story of the Bible the servant was said to be wicked because he buried his talent.Have you ever heard of Christopher Nolan?He was said to be totally physically and mentally handicapped and that he'd never walk or talk because he was so ill.On 10/6/1988 he made his opening debut as a published poetry writer......because of the many hours of dedication his parents put into his rearing.I believe in all of us as human beings we are all gifted in some way..maybe some more-so than others but my BIBLE doesn't lie when it says;" the gifts and callings of God are without repentance."

Tracy - posted on 01/16/2010

We have never had a need to believe our son is gifted but we definitely had a need to understand him. Since having him formally assessed we now have support and better understanding of how he thinks, why he gets so wound up and anxious and why he doesn't associate with his peers.
Being gifted comes along with many difficulties and challenges.We feel we now can deal with them in a less frustrating more positive way.

Julie - posted on 01/15/2010

I just posted, but also wanted to add, that what I wrote does not even address the educational needs these kids have and how stressful it is to meet those needs! These are the kids that will give up in school if they are not challenged.

Julie - posted on 01/15/2010

I can't respond for the rest of the group. What I will say is the following... Having a highly gifted child is stressful, and you need the support of other parents. These kids need constant engagement, they wear you out with their constant questions, and they are highly sensitive. It helps to have a support place like this. And, I'm done apologizing for having a gifted kid. My kids are not smart because I push them, they push me because they are smart. That does not make them better than others, it means they have different needs than their peers do. Before any formal education, my daughter taught herself to do division with remainders in her head when she was 4. By the time she was 6, I could no longer answer all her algebra questions, not to mention her questions about why she is different from her peers, and why God created human beings if He knew they were going to sin... Then there's the emotional intensity, and the how to keep them from reading things that are not age-appropriate when they are 2. Yes, there are serious issues that go on with these kids, and we parents need support! It's fun and rewarding and very, very scary, all at the same time!

Marit - posted on 01/14/2010

I have 5 children who are all gifted in various ways. One does attend a gifted program one day a week but isn't "high gifted" in the testing. She is categorized as bright. I don't care about the other moms who want to believe their kids are gifted or not. I just know that my 4 kids who do test "highly gifted" and attend different programs have their own challenges that don't compare to the norm. They are all in special education because the normal system does not meet their needs.



And I always explain to my children, that their intellect has NOTHING to do with them, but with their genes. So, if they ever think they are better than another human being because they are smarter, they are pretty off base. It is only how they choose to respond to this intellect that matters. Who will they become? What will they do with those powerful brains? How will they make the world a better place.



I don't care at all if they are writing symphonies or playing chess. Building a to scale model of the solar system out of legos and using the whole family room and hallway to get the space right was one symptom of gifted. Watching him then kick the legos all over the room as soon as he was done was a symptom of child. It is a difficult challenge for these children.



I would rather have bright children who have a higher chance of succeeding in this world. Gifted children have their own set of problems. But, I love the kids I have. And I will try to help them through the world they live in with the set of blessings, skills and special challenges that they are given.



So, do all the moms think their kids are gifted? I don't care. It isn't a competition. I just know that kids who have a swiss cheese education, can teach the teacher a thing or two about a subject, and get so bored in a normal classroom that they tune it out, skip the directions and end up getting poor grades, are higher risk. I have dealt with the challenge of kids who are brilliant and failing classes regularly.



So, even if my kids can't play on a single sports team, aren't in the popular crowd at school, and don't always relate to others, they are still in the 99th percentile or higher, and they need help to get through a "normal" school system.



This group is for parents to commiserate with their problems of these types of challenges and issues. Support and understanding is needed, not bragging or covering our own insecurities. I don't even tell the kids what their IQ's are. They don't need that info. They just need to adapt the worl that isn't made for them, and learn to succeed in it, without losing their creativity and challenge.

Amanda - posted on 01/12/2010

i guess i took the word gifted in a different way u see my daughter was born dead . no heart beat andnot breathing but she did not die and she is now a very normal little girl she has no handicaps or anything like that but she does communicate with people who have passed on and shes also somewhat of a psychic sometimes she reslly freaks me out like when she says one of my friends is ganna have a baby and a month later that specific person ends up pregnant i have pictures of my daughter with not only ghosts in it but angels too so yes i would deffidently say that my 4 yeat old is gifted

Brenda - posted on 01/07/2010

Just to note: Gifted DOES NOT mean genius. Gifted children are a part of the special education system that gets forgotten. Special Ed is not just for children with learning disabilities and retardation and other mental disabilities. Schools fail to address gifted students all the time. Gifted is not entirely based on IQ. You can have a high IQ and be gifted. I am considered gifted, was assessed at about 10 years of age, and have an IQ of about 121 if I remember correctly. This is not "genius" level. My husband was also assessed as gifted at the age of 8. His IQ is in the same range as mine.

It is a common misconception that gifted children are just "smart". This is simply not true. They have a different style of learning and you must address it or they can become the poorest students and worst behaved students in a class. I'm training to become a school counselor, and one of the things to check for repeat visits to the office is if the child is learning disabled OR gifted. These children can fall through the cracks if the parents do not recognize it. They are very smart, but sometimes it is not the kind of smart that teachers want. Sometimes they use their smarts to get OUT of doing work, and thus end up failing because they find it more interesting to figure out how to not do stuff they already know.

Tammy - posted on 01/06/2010

Gifted children have different educational needs and on occasion require different parenting tactics. I have 3 children, only one of which is gifted. I love all 3 of them equally but every now and again, my daughter does or says something that keeps me on my toes, and she often requires a different level of understanding when dealing with her. I am just as proud of the other 2 as I am my daughter, gifted children aren't more special, they're just unique.

Mena - posted on 01/05/2010

ok I'm glad I stopped by to read this question and it's replies, at first I was a bit angry at the question. I never thought of my child as "gifted" just extremely smart, I was always very proud of his accomplishments (full alphabet by one, counting in english and french by two, reading at three, math by four) I mean what 2 yr old could say "car extracation (I can barely spell it) let alone tell you how to perform one and what tools are used and what they are hooked up to when the fire dept. cuts someone out of a car wreck?!? he would pick up a chapter book and read the entire thing before bed at 6yrs old if you didn't take it away when you tucked him in , at 7 he started reading the dictionary for something to do. he's in grade three french immersion now (for an extra challenge HA!) , he spent two weeks in a grade 8 class in the fall and aced a paper the teacher handed out to the older kids and asked if he'd like to try one , he shrugged and said "sure, why not" ....keeping one step ahead of him is a chore.

The school has told us many times how intellegent he is, to which I have replied "keep him busy, because if he re-wires the school I'M NOT RESPONSIBLE!!!!" lol... it is they who have labled him this last yr as "gifted" and his social worker ...not we, his parents.. we never pushed him to learn, and we don't tell him he's better than anyone or treat him differently

Patricia - posted on 01/04/2010

IQ Test will determine if your child is a genius.

Kylie - posted on 01/04/2010

Hi Amy My daughter is heading into 4th grade this year and when tested at the beginning of Year 2 was 7 years ahead in reading, 6.5 in spelling and 4 in comprehension. Her school does not have a very active G&T programme and whilst they do try to differentiate the curriculum it cannot possibly cater for her.

My children are all very visual learners which also creates difficulties within the standard classroom although thanks to technology this is becoming better for VSLs and my daughter loved the technical aspects of school last year. I take quite a different approach to some parents on this site in that my children do not do academic activities outside of the school environment - simply because they have no interest in it. But they are all very creative and so are in dance, drama, piano, guitar, art classes etc after school which gives them the creative stimulation they need.

I did use to stress a bit just after I received my daughter's results in terms of her being challenged and she also lost interest in school. We then had national testing here in Aus and she scored beyond the highest level in every linguistic area for her grade and in the top 15% of Year 9 students for writing (she was in Year 3) so while the school may not seem to be doing anything for your daughter she may still be learning something. I know not the greatest possible scenario but it also may not be as bad as it seems. My suggestion would be to enroll her in classes that she enjoys and has an interest in outside of school. From a psych perspective too (studying at the moment), latest research points to the greatest advances are made intellectually by those that engage in new activities rather than extension through similar tasks ie. academic (all about developing new neural pathways etc).

Another thing would be to ask her teacher if she could pre-test her at the start of term in areas that she is extremely advanced and if she receives 100% on the 5 hardest questions/tasks then to excuse her from those lessons and let her undertake self directed project work that she could then present at the end of term. This does not excuse her from the end of term assessment though. I am going to try this tact next year. My daughter's Year 3 teacher did actually do this for her in certain subjects towards the end of the year without my asking so some teachers are actually open to it.

Good luck.

Amy - posted on 01/04/2010

Quoting Melinda:

I'm new to this group and yours is the first post I read. You question seems to focus on genius, the title of this group is "Moms of the Highly Gifted", which in my area is called "TAG", ie, Talented and Gifted in our local school district. These are kids that have special academic needs just the same as a student who struggles in reading, writing or arithmetic, speech, ADD, ADHD, Autism, etc. Parents of these kids have the same struggles as those parents with children on the opposite end of the acedemic spectrum.

I say this because I have both. My 13 year old son was diagnosed as a Highly-functioning Autistic and/or "within the Autism Spectrum", at the age of 3 yrs. I found out when he was in the 4th grade that he could not read a word, meaning he didn't understand the idea of phonics (sounding a word out) rather he read by sight (as most adults do.) It was determined that he only needed to see and hear a word one time to know it and while he couldn't sound out a word to save his skin in the 4th grade, he had a sight vocabulary of a 12th grader but a comprehension level of a kindergardener. He needed special assistance.

However, on the flip side of that, my daughter who is three years younger was reading and comprehending at a 5th grade level when she started the 1st grade. She was an excellent student until January each year from Kindergarden through the fourth grade when we finally realized that just giving her additional work wasn't cutting it---she needed to be challenged or we just lose her attention. She is now in the 5th grade and the school is having to be VERY creative to find her challenging lessons using a made up or borrowed cirriculum from the Middle School.

Believe me when I tell you, this group is necessary. In fact, I personally find it more difficult keeping her challenged than providing my son with the tools he needs to be successful with his academic needs.

This is not about people thinking their kids are genius but about support for those who have to extend themselves as well as others at every moment. Communicating with a 10 year old that has a higher level/sense of reasoning and logic than many adults yet keeping the conversation age appropriate is difficult---it's constant and challenging during every moment you are with that child...add that in with academic needs.

 

Did this group already exist for your daughter?  Do you have any suggestions on how I could go about getting my daughter's new school to consider doing something like that for her?  She is in 4th grade, and last time she was tested right before Christmas, she tested on a 7th or 8th grade level.  Her present school don't seem to care about that and it is causing her to lose interest in learning period!

Amy - posted on 01/04/2010

Quoting Carol:

My guess is because there wasn't a group for just "gifted". Parents are allowed to go on and on about their children's accomplishments in sports (especially sports), music, dance, etc but not about books smarts or they're considered bragging. Most of my friends' kids in my town need extra help to meet the minimum standards in school. My kids both need extra help so they aren't bored out of their skulls. Any time I bring up one of my problems to my friends they just don't understand the way people on this site do. This site allows me to vent and not be fearful of being judged as bragging. ie The schools don't challenge them enough. or What books can I get for my 6 year old who reads at a 6th grade level but is still interested in boogers and frogs?

My kids have not solved world hunger yet or the cure for cancer and they probably never will. They do however have their own unique set of problems that being super fast learners and "gifted" present. The US public school system is a total joke now that it only caters to kids that don't meet the bare minimums (No Child Left Behind). We also have class inclusion that forces classes to have kids from every place on the spectrum of learning from severly autistic (can't speak, sit, respond in any way) to severly gifted in the same class. Only the ones not meeting minimum get extra help. As a result, even average kids either slide into the substandard range or are bored stiff. Kids with even slightly high IQ's are even more left out.

This site is priceless to me.

 

I second your opinion.  Very well said.  My daughter falls into the high IQ, but slipping through the cracks now because her new school does not meet her needs.  She is now falling behind, and it is sad to watch, considering she was reading chapter books at 3 years old, and now doesn't even want to pick up a book because she thinks it is pointless.  Her school has nothing to offer her because she has learned everything they have to teach her at her previous school.  So, I totally agree with you now because I did not know that all schools did not have a Gifted and Talented program until we moved recently.

Julie - posted on 01/02/2010

Are there any parents out there with a gifted teen? I have a son who is about to turn 16 who tested into tested into the gifted program at 6 years old.

Melinda - posted on 01/01/2010

I'm new to this group and yours is the first post I read. You question seems to focus on genius, the title of this group is "Moms of the Highly Gifted", which in my area is called "TAG", ie, Talented and Gifted in our local school district. These are kids that have special academic needs just the same as a student who struggles in reading, writing or arithmetic, speech, ADD, ADHD, Autism, etc. Parents of these kids have the same struggles as those parents with children on the opposite end of the acedemic spectrum.



I say this because I have both. My 13 year old son was diagnosed as a Highly-functioning Autistic and/or "within the Autism Spectrum", at the age of 3 yrs. I found out when he was in the 4th grade that he could not read a word, meaning he didn't understand the idea of phonics (sounding a word out) rather he read by sight (as most adults do.) It was determined that he only needed to see and hear a word one time to know it and while he couldn't sound out a word to save his skin in the 4th grade, he had a sight vocabulary of a 12th grader but a comprehension level of a kindergardener. He needed special assistance.



However, on the flip side of that, my daughter who is three years younger was reading and comprehending at a 5th grade level when she started the 1st grade. She was an excellent student until January each year from Kindergarden through the fourth grade when we finally realized that just giving her additional work wasn't cutting it---she needed to be challenged or we just lose her attention. She is now in the 5th grade and the school is having to be VERY creative to find her challenging lessons using a made up or borrowed cirriculum from the Middle School.



Believe me when I tell you, this group is necessary. In fact, I personally find it more difficult keeping her challenged than providing my son with the tools he needs to be successful with his academic needs.



This is not about people thinking their kids are genius but about support for those who have to extend themselves as well as others at every moment. Communicating with a 10 year old that has a higher level/sense of reasoning and logic than many adults yet keeping the conversation age appropriate is difficult---it's constant and challenging during every moment you are with that child...add that in with academic needs.

Teri - posted on 12/31/2009

I know I've posted a few times already but I do have one thing to add. I agree with the parent who said that they hope their 1 yr old is average. I have the same feelings. I have an almost 4 yr old who is smart but nothing like her sister was. I'm so excited to start school and not have to cry everytime I have to talk to a teacher because that's exactly what I did with my "gifted" daughter due to behavior and other issues. So anyone who thinks we're here bragging you're wrong. I honestly don't know if I could handle another "gifted" child. They are a lot of work!!

Deborah - posted on 12/28/2009

It looks like you have gotten a lot of response to your question but I will offer up some additional and if it has already been touched on by others ... forgive me but I haven't of yet read every response.

Number size of this group: I have noticed early on that a lot of people joined the group to ask what 'gifted' meant. And yes some joined to find out if what they were experiencing with their child falls under 'gifted'. So I guess what I am saying here is don't judge a book by it's cover. The size of the group on the outside might lead you to believe that there is a lot of arrogant parents out there but truthfully there is a set number of parents who truly utilize this board.

The term 'gifted' seems to confuse a lot of people (as I scanned this post I saw a few refer to gifted as all children are...). 'GIFTED' is a term for level of intelligence. Not all children are 'gifted'. Yes all children are gifts and a lot of children have talents but gifted is a term specific to intelligence.

Michele - posted on 12/27/2009

I joined this group because I don't know what to do with my child. She is not a 'genius' of the level of Mozart or play chess with a grand master, however, my child is 4 years and 10 months old and has tested out of the second grade, but can't tie her own shoes. I was a gifted child, educationally, but I couldn't beat my way out wet paper bag. I am looking for other people who are in the same position for advice. She is already doing basic geometry, reading, writing, spelling, science, and the list goes on. I am struggling with the questions, do I home school, do I put her in a higher grade and risk the maturity problem, do I do nothing and let her become so bored in school that she becomes a troublemaker because she is bored. Believe me, if I could have 2 average children, I would! Every child is gifted in their own way, it is up to us as parents to find that gift and encourage and nurture it. There is nothing wrong with being average, but when you have children that ARE highly intellegent it is nice to know that you are not alone. I have one of each.

Heather - posted on 12/26/2009

I agree with you Karagh. Honestly, I didn't know my son was gifted until his pre-k teacher suggest I take him to be tested. After spending a lot of money for a private pyschologist to perfrom an IQ test and an achievement test we found out he was. However, I don't really consider this to be so wonderful. It actually comes with a lot of issues. I can truly say I hope my 1 yr old daughter is just a happy average kid. What else could a parent ask for?

Misty - posted on 12/25/2009

Quoting Sharron:

My daughter read on a fifth grade level by the time she was 3 . By the time I could teach her anything she had already taught herself. She skipped kindergarten and would have advanced her to a higher grade than 1st but she was not emotionally ready. Most kids are only gifted in certain areas. Remember they thought Einstein was retarded. I am a low income, single mother of 5. I have 3 regular kids,1 delayed, and one gifted. They are all absolutely wonderful by me!!! I wonder how many kids in Special Ed may actually be geniuses in their chosen right?!?

A comment about the genius thing: my hubby did HORRIBLY in school, because he didn't do well on IQ tests (which only test for certain things and if you are SUPER strong in one learning style you won't necessarily test well), and was placed with an IEP. This was where the school placed him in remedial classes and closely monitored his grades, ect. Basically it was the next step up from special ed. He did NOT need it, he was actually probably a "genius" but because of the way the school systems work, they labeled him as a slow learner- which was completely opposite! So really, who's to say who is gifted and who isn't? Thank you for your comment Sharron!

Sharron - posted on 12/25/2009

My daughter read on a fifth grade level by the time she was 3 . By the time I could teach her anything she had already taught herself. She skipped kindergarten and would have advanced her to a higher grade than 1st but she was not emotionally ready. Most kids are only gifted in certain areas. Remember they thought Einstein was retarded. I am a low income, single mother of 5. I have 3 regular kids,1 delayed, and one gifted. They are all absolutely wonderful by me!!! I wonder how many kids in Special Ed may actually be geniuses in their chosen right?!?

Sherika - posted on 12/24/2009

I never considered my son gifted. I know all parents think that about their child, but all of the tests and research point to that fact and scientifically speaking he is deemed gifted advanced.