Why does everyone think their child is gifted???

Cath - posted on 04/28/2013

But, of course, that doesn't mean every child is gifted. Gifted means a high above average IQ. So, no, not everyone is gifted.

Amber - posted on 04/11/2013

This was so well answered, Madam Joy. honestly, I think that having a gifted child is much like having a special needs child. My child, who tested in the top 90% in intelligence has anxiety and it has, as a result, caused me to develop anxiety. She worries about everything and when we are out in public, she speaks with out thinking and I become very tense and I anticipate her to offend or say too much. I would, in all honesty, prefer to have a 'normal' learning child in many ways as it has taken a toll on my health.

Madame - posted on 04/01/2013

I think because there are emotional needs that in the past that have not been addressed in "gifted" children. Many kids who are in the top percentage of intellectual ability many times have more extreme emotional challenges for several reasons. In fact, the tests (at least for younger children b/c that's all I have personally seen) focus on social/emotional issues, not really academic questions. It's important to identify these children who in the past may have gotten lost in the system, become depressed, anxious, angry, etc, and unable to reach their full potential as adults.

Cath - posted on 03/30/2013

I think some moms confuse gifted and talented, although I think their meanings are still pretty similar.

But also, some people just have delusions. I mean, if you listened to parents, it seems that EVERY child is equivalent to Mozart - when they are not AT ALL. (this was for 'the real world', just saying)

Dee - posted on 03/08/2013

This venue is worldwide on the web, so, in aggregate, the number is large. In any given town, the percentage is low.

Michelle - posted on 02/03/2013

And I want to add, my personal opinion, on the flipside, I think everyone is gifted at something. I also think when it comes to learning, everyone is capable of learning anything. I also think a lot of people are not living to their potential on an intellectual level because of culture. Between the way we handle our education and treat our "nerds," (and I say nerd with pride), most kids and adults have no desire to learn. So with that said, any time you do come at someone with a, "My kid is smarter than your kid," it does kind of invoke a competitive nature and maybe if enough people do say things like that, maybe there would be a shift in culture. Of course, you say things like that, people will respond with rudeness, but it might be worth it. I'm in the U.S. I'm quite embarrassed where we stand on an international level with education. Maybe we need more people to focus the ego onto intellect.

Michelle - posted on 02/02/2013

Tammy, my last post wasn't directly at you. I had just read through more and more of the older comments and it really looks like a bunch of kids fighting over who has the coolest shoes. I was trying to redirect that feeling into something more productive, and it wasn't to you specifically though your comments were some I have read.

I personally don't care if you have bad grammar or even know how to read, like I'm not going to question your judgment or even intellect because of something that trivial in comparison to overall thinking abilities. I know a guy who is around 50 years old, and he can't read or write beyond a 4th grade level (and that's pushing it), but the house he lives in, he designed and built that house by himself. It's a nice house. Really, I don't care if you misspell words or misplace a comma. Language is man-made. Many people who speak more than one language has the worst grammar and spelling because they learn enough to communicate, the purpose of it. The thing is, I am not everyone else. Most people WILL judge you on things like that. If you want to be taken seriously, my advice up there will help people take you seriously. If you want to seem credible on a subject you are arguing (which I'm not sure why you are arguing), follow my advice... I'm just saying to anyone who wants to eliminate the trolling going on their direction to be careful how they word things, and I mean that for both sides of this debate.

I think it's fabulous your child is smart. I think it should be something that should be praised and should be cooler than being able to make a touchdown. You can praise your kid without comparing the child to other children. Remember, on the computer especially, we don't hear your tone of voice. Read your posts. There's a lot of snide going on in some of them, at least it appears that way, though I don't think it's your intention at all. Most people aren't going to give you that kind of attention I gave you to read deeper beyond the surface.

I'm definitely not trying to be a bully. If you were calling me one, read my post and tell me exactly what I said that bullied you. I'm not here to belittle people. If I wanted to belittle people, I'd send a message to someone worth belittling like my inlaws.

Honestly, more I feel your feelings on everything... this is my advice specially, specifically for you. Screw what I think. Screw what other people think. You are mom. Follow your intuition and instinct. It's guiding you. Don't worry about what other people think. That's what will make you second guess yourself. That's what will make you lose track of your goals. That's definitely what makes you lose credibility with yourself. It's one thing if Joe Shmoe on the internet thinks you are wrong. It's another if you think you are wrong. I hope that makes sense. I wish nothing but the best for you and yours.

Patricia - posted on 02/02/2013

You will find trolls and mean people all over these sites. Everyone has their opinions and many nasty. I have learned to just ignore those folks.

Tammy - posted on 02/02/2013

As I already stated, there are many types of gifted. You can be gifted athletically, musically, socially ect. Why such the negative reaction to people who are gifted intellectually? It is just a fact of life that some people are stronger, some people are more beautiful, some people make friends easier. No one can or will argue that but why do I have to hid the fact that my kids are smarter then most? When there is a child who is a better athlete than my child, better looking than my child or sometimes even smarter than my child I don't take it personally like my child and myself are somehow worse people then they are. I say over and over that smarter doesn't mean better and that there are things other children are definitely bettter than my children at. Why do you only react some harshly?Why not acknowledge that everone has gifts and everyone is bifferent. No one is better or worse just different. Why do people have to hid their gifts because of jealousy or misunderstanding or whatever? And as far as my spelling or typo's go, I never claimed to be gifted, just a mom who thought I had found a safe place to talk about my kids and instead found more bullies!

Patricia - posted on 02/02/2013

Thank you Michelle!! I couldn't agree more with your post.

Michelle - posted on 02/02/2013

I also suggest to parents of "gifted" children to go and research the pscyhobabble of the concept of intelligence, creativity, learning, and cognitive development. While the IQ test measures a person's ability to do math, read, and find patterns, it misses out on the whole world of creativity. There is a lot of math in art and music, and a lot of art and music in math. Smart really excels beyond sheeple functioning of language and basic math functions. Critical thinking is being able to use your knowledge and apply it, and without the ability to implement things, do things, it all means nothing. Everything is related to each other, and if your child is gifted in one subject, that doesn't mean they are just smarter than everyone else. It means you have to feed that gift while balancing out everything else.

Example: When I was in first grade, I was reading out of the King James Bible better than most adults to a large audience. My reading skills were amazing. My comprehension skills were not. Nobody noticed my lack of comprehension. My mom could have pushed me into some gifted program because my reading skills were hot. While that would be awesome, she could also have gotten me a tutor to help me on my comprehension. That would have done me better than the gifted program.

Another example: I knew a kid in high school who was like way smarter than your average kid. He didn't just figure out how to do something. He understood why you did it. We are talking on subjects like advanced Calculus. His divergent thinking skills, creative problem solving, ability to understand math, language, and science... Amazing. He was in all the gifted programs. The teachers bowed down to his intellect. He comes from a family of teachers and band directors. Years after graduation, he served me my lunch. I felt odd tipping him because I kind of expected him to be some super scientist working for a top secret lab. His ego got in his way. He was fed so much bull growing up about his label, his social learning was very neglected. Nobody really liked him because of his holier than thou I'm smart and you're dumb mentality. Once he grew out of that, he started doing better.

What I'm saying is, there's a lot more to "gifted" than being smart, and there's a lot more to smart than just smart. Parents who focus on the label are shorting their kids of what it means to have that label.

In addition, focusing too heavily on the label making comments like, "my kid is smarter than your kid get over it," like that's what inspires people to write posts like the original one here. First off, comments like that are demeaning to other people and their children, whether that's your intention or not. Second, it lacks thought. Oversimplifying the concepts that give your child his label kills credibility. When you are showing hypocrisy, you lose even more credibility. Examples of hypocrisy... Lecturing what it means to be smart without thinking about the definition of smart, without any logic, full of negative emotions, false assumptions, arrogant assumptions (you are just jealous), misspelled words, etc., I mean, how is someone supposed to take that seriously? When you follow a script with a "I am judging you, you are a bunch of bad things, I am a bunch of good things, stop judging people" post, you kind of do that whole "do as I say not as I do" speech with it. Then, on top of it, you kind of insult the gifted with that because it's the opposite of what it means to be "gifted" on behalf of the gifted.

Tammy - posted on 01/30/2013

The recent posts are just not appropriate for this site. As parent of gifted kids we are suppossed to be able come here to get away from all the snide comments of jealous parents who truely don't understand what it's like to have a gifted child. Yes some people brag but I've never heard anyone get some angry or tear a parent down when they brag about their kid making a touch down or singing a solo. I for one am tired of hiding from other parents who can't handle the fact that my child is gifted. It doesn't make ME a better parent. In fact I struggle with it because as a single parent I can't afford all the extra classes or trips ect....that would help them thrive. I do the best I can with the time, energy and money I have. Is my oldest son and daughter smarter than your kid, yes. Does your child have something that they do better than mine, most definitely. Does that make one child better or one parent better than the other, NO. My children are what they are and labeling the gifted or not deosn't change that. Stop judging other parents weather they claim their child is gifted or not.

Michelle - posted on 01/29/2013

I think anyone who is truly gifted in the cognitive realm will find IQ and standardized tests to be highly barbaric and ignorant. Those tests were intended to see where your kid is at learning... To locate and identify weaknesses (something we ALL have) in order to clue you in to what to work on. Anyone who is gifted, truly gifted, would use those tests to improve their child's learning or their own as opposed to stroking any ego.

With that said, there are kids who learn faster than others. If a kid is in a class that is moving too fast for them, they are set up for failure. If a kid is in a class that is moving too slow, they are set up for failure. It's a downside to classroom environments. Learning on their own pace individually is the ideal situation, but the budget can't afford that many teachers, and many parents can't afford to quit work to teach. But you can supplement everything at the schools, who basically neglect education as a whole regardless, with individual learning at home. Fill in the gaps.

Give your kid what your kid can handle to do. I know one mom who used to read Shakespeare, act out the plays, and watch movies, and discuss and hit a play harder than an English teacher (she was an English teacher) with her 5th grader. The girl's math skills needed work, and that's when I came in the picture to help with homework. You just simply assess your child's abilities and nurture the strengths and strengthen the weaknesses. It's not rocket scientist, but if it makes you feel better to treat "gifted" like it's some sort of royal birthmark, then go for it.Be careful doing that to your kid though because they will really miss out on some maturity. Nothing was a harder reality check for me than joining the military where they don't care if you are smarter than average. You are equally maggots.

BTW, my oldest kid is not only smart and resourceful and creative, but she's also doublejointed and fearless. I swear I gave birth to a cat. She gets stuck in the weirdest places too. It's like she's a Navy Seal. The youngest (age 2) is a sociopath. A genius sociopath. She will make you buckle to your knees in tears feeling sorry for her because she beat up another kid for his balloon. Forget the IQ test, this kid is going to cheat the psychological evaluation. The middle kid, well she's a little slow and definitely has middle kid syndrome (think Jan from the Brady Bunch). She's one of the most loving kids out there. I wish my kids were just gifted. No, instead, they had to go and be kids.

Caroline - posted on 01/25/2013

I agree that the term "gifted" is probably overused when it comes to children. However, this thread has been more or less hijacked by parents who want to brag about their kids rather than address the original question, i.e., why do so many parents think their kids are gifted?

The answer's easy enough--vanity and competitiveness among parents. The false humility of insisting how difficult it is to have a gifted child doesn't fool anyone, by the way. Another answer may be that some parents who are having serious behavioral problems with their child may prefer to believe that their child is actually a frustrated, under-stimulated genius.

Madame - posted on 12/30/2012

There are federally and state-funded tests for giftedness, and in the early years the signs are less academic than social/emotional. A child can be a high achiever and not be gifted and vice versa. But don't kid yourself that a truly gifted child (about 1-5% of all children so that's still a high number considering the overall population) is easy to raise or even lucky to be gifted. A gifted child who is not tended to correctly can become seriously mentally ill and abusive. It can be very exhausting and challenging raising a gifted child just as with other special needs children, and all children in general. So, try to be more compassionate and less judgmental/envious when you consider gifted children and their parents and teachers. Can you imagine how much better off we'd all be if the gunman of Newtown, CT had been cared for adequately and compassionately (by family, friends, community and society) for his extraordinary intelligence?

And Mozart was beyond gifted; he exists in his own category. Gifted children are much more common than unexplained genius like Mozart's.

Kathleen - posted on 12/27/2012

The small group of children whom you say are actually gifted are actually profoundly gifted, but the term gifted actually refers to a much larger population than that. There are indeed many "gifted" children in the world and probably more profoundly gifted children than most of us realize. Perhaps the word "gifted" or "genius" is what is misleading. When I was growing up (I'm 66 now) people with an IQ over 140 were considered "gifted". My IQ was 160 and my younger brother's IQ was 159 so were both considered "gifted". Does that mean that either of us could do either of the things that you think "gifted" children ought to be able to do? Certainly not. Other's think that the term "gifted" refers only to children who are ready to start college at 6 or 7. Again, neither my brother nor I were anywhere near that category, although we did both skip 1 grade and I recall being deadly bored in the earlier grades before I skipped.

Having the right environment helps a child develop intellectually, whether they are gifted, average or even slow. In the home that I came from I had one parent who was maybe on the higher end of average and one gifted parent, but my gifted parent was drunk a good deal of the time and working a good deal of the rest of the time. His alcoholism also impacted our family economically and took a large emotional toll on our mother. She didn't neglect us, and she was proud of how smart that we were, but being of only average intelligence, she really had no clue about how the minds of gifted children work or what they need. She also had only and 8th grade education, although her grammar was perfect and she seemed to be as well-informed or even better informed than most people who graduated high school, but had no college. She did her best with us, but she was also distracted by the constant stress of having to deal with an alcoholic husband.

As a result of being an economically poor child, I went to a school where the children were not particularly bright. My mother was not equipped to provide the kind of intellectual stimulation a gifted child needs and my father was rarely fully available to do that kind of thing since he was usually either drinking or working. When I started school, I didn't know how to read or do anything amazing, although I found out from my baby book that I said my first word at 7 months, which is pretty young and my mother told me that both my brother and I talked in complete sentences before we could walk (we were late walkers, 14 months for me and 16 months for my brother).

My brother, being almost 2 1/2 years younger than I was, had the opportunity to learn a lot from me. I liked to play school and I taught him to read when he was 4. As a result he was reading well by kindergarten and even in that awful school, teachers noticed. His teachers adored him because he was so smart. We also moved to a place with better schools around the end of first grade for him, which helped him intellectually. I was in 3rd grade and the next school was so advanced that it would have been really hard for me to bridge the gap between the two schools if my gifted father had not over the years (maybe 1 or 2 hours a year) taught me some advanced math, because I was so bored at school. The thing is that even though my brother and I have about the same IQ, he was much brighter than me and has continued to be brighter throughout his adult life.

He was the center of attention during his school years, because of his intellectual abilities. He was on both radio and TV quiz shows a few times and I believe there was a newspaper article written about him when he was in sixth grade. He also had the opportunity to participate in more classes for gifted children, because there were more available just a couple of years later when he was growing up. My giftedness was recognized when I was 9. I was given an IQ test and then I skipped a grade in school. Before that most of my teachers thought that I was either average or a slightly smart kid. Finally when I was in a better school someone noticed, so I did have access to whatever they had for gifted kids and I am grateful for that. I grew into an intelligent adult, but I have never done amazing things and as far as scholastic things, I have always been well behind my brother.

My brother had no children. I married late and as a result only had one child. She was born when I was 43. I don't know my ex-husband's IQ. He was a pretty smart man, but from observing how he functioned intellectually I would guess his IQ to be in the low 130s. Although while I was quicker in most intellectual areas, he had an amazing memory. In the area of memory he was as amazing as my younger brother. I wasn't gifted in the area of memory, although like most intelligent children and young adults, my memory was pretty decent. Our daughter has an !Q between 145 and 150. She is also, unlike me, gifted in the area of memory, but not as much as her father or my brother. I raised her as I felt that a gifted child should be raised, showing respect for ability to figure things out on her own. I wasn't an authoritarian parent and always explained the reasons for things and taught her the process of how to make good choices. I encouraged her both intellectually and emotionally and tried to make sure she was exposed to many different things as a child. She went through one school system from kindergarten through high school. It was a decent school system, but even today regular schools are not set up for gifted children, especially in the early grades. They don't teach them much in those years, but at least they don't hold them back as much as they did when I was a child. During my daughter's early school years they had an Accelerated Reader program, which allowed all of the children to read at their own level. I think kids that were really behind in reading had special resource classes which provided more help to them in learning to read, but they did not hold everyone else up, because some children couldn't read. That was not true of other subjects of course, and she was often bored in school, but they did have an excellent pullout class for smart children and living in a university town there were quite a few other smart and even some other gifted children in her school. In fact in 1st and 2nd grade her best friend was much more advanced than she was, but since my daughter was competitive, she made and effort to catch up to that girl and nearly did in the short time they were best friends. That friendship broke up and her next best friend was also slightly smarter than her (my daughter), although not by much. That friendship lasted until the middle of high school, when her friend became jealous because she (my daughter) was more popular with the boys. During her high school years my daughter started dating the man whom she eventually married (after graduating college) and he is another genius whom I believe is slightly smarter than she is. She is lucky to have had access to so many gifted people during her school years. In fact a couple of kids in her high school honors class got perfect scores on their college entrance exams.

I believe all of this stimulation really helped her to maximize her intellectual gifts. I developed narcolepsy at about 12 and my gifted classmates weren't particularly friendly to me. They probably thought I was on drugs or something, so although I did have smart friends in school, they weren't at the gifted level. The only access that I had to people like this were besides my brother, were a few of his friends. I believe that being able to associate with people of equal or better intellectual ability helps a person develop their own intellectual ability. Of course being an older mom I am slowing down mentally a little due to age, while my daughter's mind just keeps expanding.

My daughter graduated high school at 17 like I did, so she had already completed a year of college by age 18. She went to one of those colleges that is particular about which students they will accept. They provided an intellectually stimulating and interesting atmosphere and had high academic standards there. Somewhere in her second year of college she became much smarter and more knowledgeable than me. She appeared to function intellectually like a very smart person with a graduate degree during her sophomore year of college thanks to the superior education she was receiving. Frankly since that time, I can't keep up with her intellectually, not that I am stupid or anything. I am not really that well educated and my mind isn't what it used to be when I was a young woman, although I can still hold my own intellectually with most people and I have noticed that I am still a little bit smarter than a few people with graduate degrees. I am not dumb by any means in spite of the fact that my brain is aging and my memory isn't great. I can still have intellectual conversations with my daughter, but I am probably even more aware than she is, of how she can just run circles around me intellectually. She is currently about to graduate from the top law school in our state. They gave her a full tuition scholarship and she has also been on the dean's list there every semester except the first. She had a slightly lower IQ than what I was born with, yet she is so much better educated and smarter. I believe that is the result of a much better environment. I guess that I am trying to say that it takes both nature and nurture to totally develop the giftedness a person is born with and it is important to help these children fulfill their early promise.

If you were born smart, it is impossible to become stupid, barring a physical problem with the brain, even if you are intellectually lazy, because intellectual things are so easy for you. On the other hand, when I see the difference between how I function, compared to the functioning of my brother and my daughter in spite of my having the same or higher I Q, I suspect it may have much to do with early stimulation. I think my intellectual laziness has to do with lack of sufficient early stimulation for a gifted child and to boring awful schools where they are teaching things you know already, not once, but over and over again. No, most of us gifted people are not Einsteins, but we do have many gifts to offer to this world and it is important to develop these gifts.

Rhonda - posted on 11/05/2012

I wish there was a better word than "gifted" or "smart". These words insinuate a privledged, fun and exclusive club that others yearn to be a part of. Parents of gifted kids feel far from privledged. It is overwhelming and frustrating sometimes. We all love our children and acknowledge the gifts and talents of all our children, tested or not. The biggest difference for me has been: more social attention has been needed and more attention must be paid to the schools to ensure that the gifted get the services they need.

Mandisa - posted on 11/05/2012

Hi,



I guess in some cases gifted, like smart or talented, may be a choice of semantics. Every child is good at something and its great when we as parents can identify and promote that don't you think?

Jami - posted on 11/04/2012

I read your post a few days ago but wanted to take the time to really think about it before I replied.



first: amazing gifts is only the high end of giftedness, the levels are moderately gifted (where my son has been identified as yet), Highly gifted (where we all think he really rates), exceptionally gifted and profoundly gifted. It is foolhardy to assume that only profoundly gifted as worth any "note" there are a lot of moderately and highly gifted individuals who are making great progress in science and technology just by virtue of how their brain works. Which leads me into my next point.



Giftedness (at all levels) is much different then being "smart". I have a child who is high average intelligence (probably has IQ between 120 and 125) He is smart. He had no problem learning what he was being taught. He has always been in the high end of his classes as far as he does well in school and learns what he is supposed to.



My gifted son (has an identified IQ of 136 which is at the ceiling for the test he was given at 5 years old) is a whole different story. He learned at school (which is good) but that wasn't enough for him. He wanted to know more. as an example he learned addition and subtraction the first day, proudly brought home his worksheet full of simple addition and subtraction and did it in 10 minutes. Then he completely melted down the next day when he brought home a nearly identical page full of more simple addition and subtraction. He wanted to learn something new every day...more than that he NEEDED to learn something new. His teacher would have thought he learned nothing at all in kindergarten (which is nearly the truth) except that he was constantly questioning everything. when learning numbers up to a hundred he informed his teacher, I know what 50 plus 50 is, it's 100. and so on. Learning is not something he's "supposed" to do like it is for my oldest son, it's something he NEEDS to do or he cannot handle his life. On the flip side because his intellect is so high it has basically shoved all the other things to the back burner. He is 6.5 years old nearly and does not know how to tie his shoes. He can barely write legibly. I recently had a chat with him about his writing and it turns out that he can write perfectly but he thinks that the english written word is plain and ugly...so he adds flourishes all over to all his letters and calls them "fancy" letters so no one can read it. We agreed I would get him the materials to learn "real" fancy letters (cursive). He does not know how to play nicely with other children, and does not know how to control his own emotions. he is not night trained and does not sleep well. Ever. That is moderately gifted. That is a HUGE difference.



My daughter I believe is also gifted, she's a great sleeper but has a lot of night wakings (again this has never been different) She is teaching herself simple math (addition and subtraction) as well as writing numbers and letters and teaching herself to read simple words. It's a complete change to my very smart oldest child.



I love my younger two children, I really do, but I wish they were merely "smart". It is much easier on parents to not have gifted children.

Tracy - posted on 10/29/2012

I truly agree there is a difference between smart and gifted i have a highly gifted daughter i found out through her school when she was in kinder she is now in the 7 grade and she still in G/T classes..My 8 yr old is a very high reader very smart in her subjects but she have comprehension problems this causes her to struggle in math.. i also have a high school daughter she is smart in Pre-ap advance classes she not gifted like her younger sister but, she is defiantly smart..No parent will ever look at there kids as being not smart but trust me you can tell a gifted child.

Brittney - posted on 10/25/2012

im only a child, age 11, and i think all moms think soo too. im gifted in ELA. all moms think because their children do one great thing they think they are gifted and they are not. then they go around school saying they are. when they get the GATE test they fail it big time................

Ami - posted on 10/22/2012

The difference between gifted and Mozart is that they were genius'. Gifted is defined as being an intellectual ability significantly higher than average. It is different from a skill, in that skills are learned or acquired behaviors. Like a talent, intellectual giftedness is usually believed to be an innate, personal aptitude for intellectual activities that cannot be acquired through personal effort. Various ideas about the definition, development, and best ways of identifying intellectual giftedness have been put forward.



There are tests to determine whether or not a child is gifted or if their parents are just extremely proud of them as you are.



This may be a very late answer, however, I just clicked on the group and it was one of the top posts. It wasn't a very nice post either. THUMP

Tammy - posted on 10/20/2012

Kim thanks for the post. That is why I insisted on a gifted program when my first enetered school. She could read before she went to kindergarten, how was she supposed to stay engaged and not act bored? I was lucky my school listened to me. I remember knowing as a child that I could get A's and B's without even trying so I became very lazy. Also i was an emmancipated minot so I had a full time job and paying bills seemed more important. My daughter does very well socially but she acts sort of ditzy, I think to downplay her intelligence but she doesn't hide it with people she knows or in the classroom. My son on the other hand was picked on once he got to the higher grades and bullied for being too smart. Sending them both to IMSA was a blessing I wish every parent could experience. My middle son tests in the top 99-100% but will get D's and F's in classes that don't interest him and as he gets older he doesn't even want to do the homework in the classes he used to enjoy. My fourth is smart but not gifted but very athletic. My youngest is 4 and I believe that is too early to tell if she is smart or gifted. I'm a single mother of five and I tell people all the time, it's not anything I did to make my child gifted they were born that way. i did the best I could to encourage them and give them opportunities but it can be an exhausting and financially draining experience.

Kim - posted on 10/19/2012

other weird thing i am noticing is that when i was young, to enter a "gifted" program, a child had to have an IQ on the Stanford Binet test over 145 and excel in at least 2 acedemic or artistic areas (mine were writing and math.) at my daughter's school, to get into "Target", the children have to excell acedemicly and have good school stewardship. This does not ""gifted child" make.



most gifted children have something else going on too-- ADHD, dyslexia, bipolar, etc, and many do horribly grade wise and behaviorally. so the genius children I know parents had to quuit their jobs and homeschool them in order to give them the enviironment they need to learn.

Kim - posted on 10/19/2012

thank you for the question! when i was a child, going to the gifted events 2x a week at Stanford University was a respite from the depressing, boring and terrifying world of "normal" clases. My normal school was technically an accelerated program, but i already knew everything the teachers taught, was picked on by the other kids for being a nerd or know it all, and couldnt sit still. in a lot of ways, it was more of a disbility.



in 6th grade, all the parents of the "normal" kids said it wasn't fair that 2 or 3 kids per grade level was going off to a special program, and that their children should participate as well, which ended up ruining it for the rest of us. by that point, we had no safe place to learn.



many of us started cutting classes, and a lot of my frined dropped out or took their GEDs and ran off to college.



being a gifted child was not always a blessing at all, and having other children who were not gifted in our programs was really a curse for us.



in a lot of ways, i am glad my child is not gifted-- she will get along much better with her peers and will be able to learn in a similar style to other children and will not constantly be in trouble with the teachers like we were.

Donna - posted on 10/17/2012

I was actually told by my child's teacher that she is gifted. I think it is a wonderful thing to have a gifted child and I am sure a teacher does not just randomly go around informing a parent that their child is gifted if it is not proven by certain criteria. Let's celebrate all kids-gifted or not!

Donna - posted on 10/17/2012

You sound very jealous. What is it to you if someone thinks their child is gifted or not?

Tammy - posted on 10/05/2012

Maybe I'm lucky but my very very small school rcognized my daughters and son giftedness and implimented a gifted program for them that continues to this day. My middle son tests gifted but has extreme ADD and a heart condition and they work very hard with him but he is difficult and will never get the grades his older siblings got but his interest is in computer graphics and special effects and he excels at thoose. Illinois has a public high school for gifted children that is a residential high school and I only had to pay for room and board on a sliding scale. It's called Illinois Mathematics and Science Academy IMSA. If anyone is lucky enough to live in Illinois and have a gifted child ready to enter high school I would highly recommend applying. The app is harder than getting into most colleges and the residential aspect may not be for those kids with poor social skills, but it's well worth it to go if you can. All teacher are Dr's and one of the founders is a Noble Laureate in physics. My daughter is at an Ivy League University and finds it easier than high school. They KNOW giftedness and even have some prodigies going there.

Wendy - posted on 10/05/2012

Monique--



Please see my comment about how the same thing happened with my son since Kindergarten (both with the family doc as well as school counselors) and I finally convinced my son's Guidance Counselor to bring in outside forces and test ALL IQ areas AND possible disabilities and conditions at no cost to me. That includes an individualized education program geared toward whatever the results turn out to be (a win-win for my son). I've been "accused" in a subtle way over he years of making excuses for my son's lack of focus and behavioral problems and been told there's something "wrong" with him.



But I kept pushing and you need to NOT have an outside force (that you're paying for) test your child. It is you LEGAL RIGHT to require the school to test him if he shows signs of ANY of those things (like giftedness or even ADHD) and they WILL push against you to save money. But they know that they have to do it and are basically waiting to see if you push them and are aware of your rights as a parent. Don't give up, don't let them continue to overlook his possible boredom, and don't accept "it's a behavioral problem" as an answer if you feel that isn't the case.



Go to your school and talk to the Counselor DAILY, if needed (that's what I have been doing), go and talk to the Principal daily (as I've had to do because of his behavior) and keep in close contact with his teacher (I keep in contact via daily email). It keeps the power in your hands and makes it much harder for them to claim you aren't "open minded" or "taking responsibility" for your child. It also makes it harder for them to ignore your requests for testing and specialized programs. Push, push, push and don't give up. It's your child and your rights!!! Never forget that!

Wendy - posted on 10/05/2012

Since I first posted here, I figured I'd add a positive note that even though the school has frustrated me over the years (and currently) in focusing on my son's *alleged* ADHD (diagnosed ONLY by a family doctor and one school psych) and refusing to check for any other things including Giftedness, Learning Disabilities, or even other disorders like OCD (especially since I have OCD myself and it's genetic). It's so frustrating because the school will gladly focus on what is "wrong" with our kids instead of considering that THEY may be "wrong" for our kids. You'd think that all these people with Master's Degrees would already know that it's VERY common for Gifted Kids to have Learning Disabilities concurrent with High IQ or Giftedness. It's also common for Giftedness to be misdiagnosed as OCD, ADHD, Asperger's, and OPD. And yet I had to beat my head against a wall since my son was in Kindergarten (now Grade 3 and struggling with behavior and attention, but still excelling at Academics) to get anyone to listen to me and TEST for those other things.



Finally, I got through to his School Guidance Counselor and kept close communication (emails daily) about my observations and hers, my concerns, my issues with the way they're handling his ADHD, and the fact that no one has bothered to test for anything else.



I dedicated myself this year to making SURE the school does what it's legally required to do.....test my child for ALL of the above at no cost to me.



It's only because she is an open-minded counselor who lacks the absolute arrogance many do and takes my word that I know my son best, am out for his best interests, and believes that I know what is and is not working. She has worked with him daily and allowed him freedom to show off his more advanced skills to her while also addressing his behavioral needs. She has agreed to bring in TWO outside Psychiatrists to test IQ in all areas, possible disabilities, and all other options. She is also making his teacher allow him to have the quiet and space he needs to do his best (instead of sitting back and doing nothing).



So I want all the parents to know that you need to STICK WITH IT and be a constant force in your child's school and keep good communication with all of the staff (even the ones that are opposed to offering "free" testing and Individualized Learning) there's hope that eventually you WILL get through to just ONE counselor who cares enough to take you and your child seriously.



I had lost faith in all educators and Psychs (and I'm still not sold on that), but keep pushing on and being patient, involved, and open to their ideas....because it makes them more likely to feel obligated to be open to yours.



Mind you, my son attends a regular Public School (albeit in an area known for "good schools" with plenty of funding), but even so it took me all these years even to get him tested.



There IS hope for your gifted kids, it's just a matter of getting through to ONE educator who believes as strongly as we do that Gifted Kids are overlooked, short-changed, and expected to just "tow the line" and deal with the classes they are given in the environment they are given.



Remember that it is your legal RIGHT for your child to have an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) if your child is Gifted, has Learning Disabilities, has a Medical Disorder (like ADHD and ODD), or is just plain disabled. Schools will pretend like they only have funds for kids who have PROBLEMS, but the law gives you Gifted Kids the SAME right to special education plans and testing as they do children with disabilities. You as the parents have to push your school and make them realize that you know your rights, know the law, and refuse to back down. Sometimes a touch of pushiness WITH an open mind is the best medicine to set the wheels in motion.



I want to give you all hope that even a Public School WILL provide these things for your child if you make it clear that you're involved, aware, and aren't backing down from your rights. Our children are well worth it and it's their right to the best education possible, just like children who are disabled. Don't let the school bully you or tell you they "don't have the funds". They're required by law to FIND those funds and go out and bring in outside Psychiatrists (if needed) to administer whatever your child needs.



Don't back down, don't give up, and don't let anyone tell you what your child needs. You know your child best, you are the parent, and at the end of the day.....their job is to educate them no matter how much "special effort" they have to put into it!



I'm happy to know my son will finally be tested appropriately by a professional with all types of IQ testing and that a "medical doctor" will not just eyeball my kid and say "give him some meds" this time around. I stuck to my guns and it was well worth it (no matter how it turns out) because I know I can rest a little easier knowing I did what I can for my child and that it *may* have finally started to pay off.

Tasha - posted on 10/03/2012

you obviously don't know what gifted means.

Patricia - posted on 09/30/2012

I love that last line Monique. It is a parents right!! :)

Monique - posted on 09/30/2012

thank you

Monique - posted on 09/30/2012

I often wonder if the problems my son has socially are because he is just bored. When in JK he use to complain about having too much time to play, if he wanted to play he would stay home.I thought this was funny. He did not like school he thought it was a waste of time at age 5. He is now 12 and is an A student-except french, which he dislikes extremly-he has had no homework in 3 years, where his peers have almost every night. he often complains of being bored, and has been in trouble with teachers, peers etc. He talks back and sees things as black and white, right or wrong, no inbetween. So really what I am saying is that every child is probably gifted in some way. No my sn never wrote any master peices, or was a grand master with chess, But at 3 hecould explain how hydro electircity worked.

NO one seems to think he is gifted but our family, the school will not test him and think we are trying to blame his emotional issues, without taking blame for him. I do not have extra money to test him, but I know that he is brilliant, and that is a parents right.

Patricia - posted on 09/30/2012

My Sister happens to be one of those "rare" people that are considered a genius. She was doing the highest math level offered at the University by the time she was 7 years old. She is the one that noticed right off our baby was different from anyone else. She was not in the norm. We noticed too, but never wanted to say anything. We call it gifted because it is not only book smarts she has, but her emotional intelligence is off the charts. It is nice to have a place to talk about things that normal children don't have to deal with on a daily basis. Also "gifted" children often come with what my pediatrician called "quirks".

Wendy - posted on 09/25/2012

Many parents like myself don't necessarily WANT to believe there child is gifted, it's just that it's the only logical explanation for their "differences" that are VERY different to a majority of children.



My son is highly intelligent and receives excellent grades consistently since he began school (he's in Grade 3 now), however he displayed outward "symptoms" of ADHD (according to the school and then the family doc just "agreed" and said a trial of meds was the best way to find out) and nothing the school or docs have tried that are geared toward kids with ADHD has worked AT ALL. On top of that he has had allergies/snoring/sneezing/red eyes DAILY since he was born. We also have a family history of actual Genius IQ's scattered amongst my side of the family (including my Dad and my niece). Unfortunately, the schools and docs REFUSE to even test him for other medical conditions (sinus, allergy, and sleep related which all are misdiagnosed as ADHD) and refuse to offer him more challenges in school or test him to see if he is actually THAT bored in school due to higher levels of intelligence.



The refusal to look into the very common and very obvious signs of a misdiagnosed child is something frustrating for any parent who has children who have been diagnosed with things such as Aspergers, OCD (I allegedly have it myself), ADHD, ODD, CP, and even Bi Polar disorder when we do all the "right things" that the docs and professionals suggest, but see NO results and see what the docs CANNOT see (as parents).



People tend to check out the "gifted" end of things because doctors and school staff are guilty of assuming that ADHD symptoms mean the child could not be gifted (since they're unfocused) and/or would be showing extremely high grades if they WERE gifted (which is obviously a stupid assumption since intelligent people typically do a half-assed job at things that bore them and DEFINITELY become unfocused). I speak from personal experience on that because I have also struggled to do what the docs tell me to do and take the meds they give for my OCD and yet they ignore my telling them that I don't even HAVE any actual compulsions or obsessions plus even the highest doses of ALL meds they try have made me WORSE and not better or even neutral.



Parents who have listened, worked hard, made difficult decisions regarding medication, behavioral therapy, expensive classes/programs, and are dealing with daily emails and calls from the school about their kid's "behavior" are seeking a "gifted" diagnosis because it's one of the things that CAUSE symptoms of many illnesses and also the absolute most-ignored cause.



Think about how a mother how awful you'd feel knowing your child was singled out, had to do special counseling sessions, was always in trouble in school for lacking focus, had to do special "behavior charts" and ADHD therapies......had taken dangerous medications with side effects and had a stigmata attached to him.....when there's a chance he had a POSITIVE GIFT as opposed to a medical problem. I can honestly say that any parent struggling with kids who are diagnosed with a medical/mental program has probably exhausted all avenues and it's only logical to start looking for OTHER reasons when the things that have been tried don't work or make things worse.



No parent wants to accidentally medicate, isolate, and stigmatize their child with a medical problem they don't even have.



So please don't assume parents are all "in denial" (while I'm sure there are many that ARE)....many are just trying to help their child and make sure they aren't HARMING their child with whatever they're currently doing to help them. It's rational and statistically reasonable to consider high intelligence and/or gifted when behavioral, social, and academic problems arise. Check out some "symptoms" of gifted kids vs symptoms of ADHD, OCD, Asperger's, etc....and you'll probably see why "so many parents want to believe their kids are gifted".



They don't want that. They just want an ANSWER so they can help their child. And in order to do that, all other possibilities have to be ruled out to start with!

Rhonda - posted on 09/24/2012

I can relate, Jennifer. I have one average kid and two gifted children. The average child is the oldest, so we had to contend with many emotional adversities with him. The other two required a great deal of interaction, support and creativity to make sure their needs were being met. Also nobody warn parents of the wonderful world of subject obsessions, wild experiments, prefectionionist tantrums, self-esteem hikes and lows, and the battle of keeping them constantly engages. The truth is, like you said, they are who they are. We must continue to give them comfort and challenge them to be good, whole people.

Jennifer - posted on 09/24/2012

There are many levels of giftedness, from moderate through profound (these are the terms used by giftedness professionals). Your examples are in the profound category. However, the gifted person always has a different intellectual and emotional constitution and different set of needs. All parents of gifted kids can share experiences and strategies with each other regardless of the level of giftedness, because of this common experience -- as the other parents have said, gifted kids are intensely exhausting and challenging. As the Mother of a child who has both a learning disability and giftedness, I have often needed the support of other such Moms, for both of those types of exceptionalism. I often find myself wishing my kids were just normal; the way many parents of children with severe autism or down syndrome probably think from time to time. Then you realize, they are who they are, it is not right or wrong or bad or good, but they have different needs, and their parents need a supportive group of other such parents :)

Jessy - posted on 04/27/2012

wait till your brain gets tired and sore day after day just from having a conversation with your four year old and then tell me you don't need extra help! :o)

Jessy - posted on 04/27/2012

Hi, you don't have to write a symphony at 3 to be gifted. Being a parent of a truly gifted/talented child or being that child is not easy. I doubt many mothers think that there is anything wrong with being an 'average child' (what is an average child anyway? ) and most just want their child to be- cliché I know, but really happy and healthy. If children are having difficulties because of these talents or parents want to know how to support their children to be the best person they can be (and when I say person I mean the actual person that they are, not some run-of-the-mill genius), why should there not be lots of help out there. Most gifted children seem to have other areas in which they are really struggling with at a below average level so might need help with this also, each child is so different and each need so personal that the more information you can get the better.

Hope this helps.

Rachel - posted on 04/26/2012

Perhaps because we're all trying to get ideas and help with dealing with our children from others in a similar boat. Great to hear you have smart and talented children that's wonderful. That would be good enough for me also. What ever abilities your child has -they should always be good enough for you. But if they did have great abilities that weren't being catered for and this was affecting your child negatively, what would you do?

Jess - posted on 04/25/2012

No, quite often having a gifted kid or being gifted is detrimental - er, meaning difficult and making life more challenging than it is for "most" people. Generally, there are some "extreme" issues that go along with the intelligence factor. Start reading Dabrowski's studies, especially those of overexcitabilities. It is a good "jumping off" point to investigate the other, less publicized aspect of being a gifted individual - especially good for parents! The emotional, physical sensory difficulties that gifted kids/adults have make daily life...problematic. You have to be creative in order to deal with those challenges - going to a public restroom that had automatic toilets was VERY traumatizing for my gt son. Something that parents who do not have one of these youngsters wouldn't get (I have heard "oh, he needs to toughen up and get over it" WAY too many times - he doesn't react the way he does to get attention, loud noises truly hurt him! They do me also at times...but we learn to become a bit deadened to things over time - survival mechanism).

Sorry, I am a bit rambling at this point, but basically - if you have a gt kid, you know it. And recognize that factor in other kids. They require much more energy and ...intervention when they are young and interacting with peers. They tend to be VERY emotional and intense (some aren't of course, but many are). And often have difficulty with social interaction with there same age peer group.

But...all of us know that. We are responding to a post that knows nothing of this phenomena, and, unless I have skipped more posts than I am aware of, has not bothered to follow this discussion.

So, why don't we celebrate this conversation for what it is - and that is the joining together for bonding, answers, sympathy, and a collective supportive forum to cite our funny, weird, joyful and heartbreaking moments as parents of these wacky, wonderful kids? :) At least they keep us creative!

Melissa - posted on 04/18/2012

What many people do not recognize is that there are many definitions of gifted. People seem to be mostly familiar with the academically gifted segment. From there, it is easy to mistake giftedness (high IQ) with high achieving kids. Some kids are just one or the other, but not necessarily both. Within gifted (high IQ) populations, there are several tiers: mildly gifted, moderately gifted, highly gifted and profoundly gifted. There is a tremendous difference between a moderately gifted person and a profoundly gifted person, or genius. Schools usually require an IQ score in the 98th percentile, moderately gifted, or more to participate in gifted programming. Our school district also offers a full-time gifted program for the highly gifted children, who must fall above the 99.6th percentile.



I share your frustration that many parents have used their gifted kids as a way to make them feel like they are better than everyone else. This elitist attitude gives their kids the idea they are better then everyone else too. Both my children have been identified as highly gifted, and it always gets awkward when people ask why they get bused to a different school. I just keep it vague by responding that they attend special programming only offered at one school in the area. I have also told the kids to tone it down, for fear of offending people and causing resentment among their friends. But then I wonder WHY? If my kids were going to the state tournament for sports or appearing on American Idol, we would be shouting it to the world! I guess IQ will always be considered a taboo subject, like your salary, religious beliefs, etc. I guess this is the one place you can be openly proud of your children's accomplishments and ask for help and advice when you need it. Having gifted kids isn't all positive all the time!

Sarah - posted on 03/29/2012

The school system says 1 out of 100 children are gifted, and one out of 500,000 are highly gifted. My two year old is learning to play chess with his dad and yes he can play violin very well. I honestly believe my child is highly gifted and if i want to believe this there is no harm in it. And maybe some of the children on here will be chess grand masters at 5...just saying.

Cheryl - posted on 02/05/2012

Amen! Love it

Rachel - posted on 01/31/2012

I have 4 children, the eldest is very bright, he attends an academically selective school and wants to be a doctor. My second son is a fantastic artist, has the imagination of a poet and is below average academically, My eldest daughter is 8 and consistently gets graded at age 11 standards, her little sister, my youngest, is 5 and struggles with even basic phonics, yet she has so much physical coordination and grace and sings like an opera star. All my kids are gifted, not all academically. My second son has had special educational measures in place since he was around 6, he has some developmental delay and has Tourettes and some ASD traits and yet I would like to see 'bright' children also being given help, to not get bored, to not remove themselves emotionally from education that seems to be moving at too slow a pace for them. My job, as mum, is to help them appreciate their unique abilities and gifts and to NEVER rank one gift more highly than another.

Kristeen - posted on 01/11/2012

I just thought my son was normal... I was informed by the community nurse that he was well ahead of his milestones.. I was told by his kindy teacher that he was performing at a level expected at the end of year 2... they tested him and he was placed in the a gifted program... he is now entering year 6, he changed schools last year (after sitting a national test) to enter an opportunity class (accepting only 15 students)... so I have come to accept the label of "gifted"... but I do know what you are talking about, because I meet lots of parents who tell me how brilliant their child is, when really they are average or a little above... and if that makes them happy, then that's okay... my middle son is extremely bright, and performing well above his age level, but I wouldn't label him gifted. And my beautiful 3rd son is clever & cute, but he is performing at the expected level, & that's fine by me, because variety is the spice of life.

Melissa - posted on 01/06/2012

Because my child has 4 different cognitive tests that state his intelligence is on the 'superior' end of the scale, he reads at a 5th grade level in kindergarden, can memorize just about anything, does algebra and geomatry without the use of scratch paper, and can also explain basic scientific laws to middleschoolers.

Kelli - posted on 01/04/2012

Every parent is proud of their children, as they should be. I have always been proud of my daughter, but I never cared about her being labeled "gifted" -- it never occurred to me until my daughter's preschool teacher told me to move her to a different program that could address her needs for academic and social stimulation. She is certainly not a prodigy, but she was 3 years old, reading at a Kindergarten level and was the leader of the pack among the 4 year olds in her class. Still, I didn't care about the term gifted, but we moved her to a Montessori school that was set up for self-paced learning. It has been better, but now that she's in 1st grade I'm realizing why you sometimes need the "gifted" label. Children with high IQs are not wired the way other children their ages are wired. They aren't just "smart," they have challenging idiosyncrasies and personality quirks. If gifted children are not properly handled by their parents and teachers their idiosyncrasies and personality quirks can be crippling – crazy perfectionism can shatter their confidence and never feeling like they fit in with other kids can change how they walk through life. The “gifted” label helps parents and their teachers finally understand how to help frustrated children flourish. No parent wants to see their child struggle, and we just look for advice on how best to help our kids thrive. No pretension here, just concern and trying to do the best we can to see our kids be happy.

Lisa - posted on 12/31/2011

When your 5 year old is using their own money (that they earned through the creation and managment of their own business) to purchase reference books to read, you realize that your child IS different. Having a group of others who have dealt with the unique issues a gifted child brings is a powerful tool and hugely encouraging. I'm glad your daughter is smart. If you get to the point where every teacher wants to slow her down, makes her leave her hand in the air for 30 minutes in class for finishing her work too fast, sets the high score for your state in the standardized testing and is discoraged from reading at level due to age inappropriate, I can guarantee you will want other people who have been there and done that to help you with the huge responsibility that guiding a gifted child is.