Why does he not like to learn?

Sudha - posted on 04/12/2010 ( 4 moms have responded )

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This is strange. My son is 6. Although, we have not done a test to prove his giftedness, we know he is highly intelligent. He is a voracious reader. Prefers to read fiction but will read any book about animals - particularly reptiles and dinosaurs. His fascianation about dinosaurs has reached a crazy point that we seem to know too much which I wonder if it is required. He has self taught himself in keyboard . WE bought him a piano and he has learnt to play on his own. There have been numerous times when he has asked me questions that blew me away and I had to browse the net excessively for the answers. He was extra ordinarily good with numbers but now he just hates it. For some reason, he has suddenly started hating to learn anything. I don't know why. I know that he is not like the rest of the children. He goes to a normal school. If I talk to him about something, he immediately asks me if I want him to learn about it. WHY? Aren't highly intelligent kids wanting to learn all the time. Or is it that, my son is actually not intelligent after all. And yes, he has also become very rude the past month. Is he frustrated about studies/school/learning? Has anyone out there gone thru the same. Any suggestions will be appreciated. Thanks in advance.

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Shira - posted on 04/13/2010

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Hi Sudha, I find that the hardest part of parenting a highly gifted child is finding a balance between enrichment at home (guided by you or by your child)and just being aware that they too need to 'flake ' out from time to time. But you do need to be wary about him being so frustrated with the slow pace or lack of depth offered in the subjects at school that he does actually begin to 'hate' learning. Gifted kids are most often very emotional (see Dabrowski on 'overexcitabilities') and though they are able to aquire and understand knowledge on a much more mature level thay are still 'young' and unable to truley understand their emotions that they are feeling and usually do not have the appropriate language to assign to their feelings of deep boredom, isolaition, frustraition and confusion. Sometimes testing can open up better communication since the areas in which he tests stronger in or weaker in are pinpointed. For example our son who was tested at the 99.9th percentile and now 8, was never completing ANY written work in grade 1 (6yrs old ). Literally the page would have a "T" for The on it, and through testing we came to realize that writting out what he wanted to write out was just to daunting a task. . By the time he got his pencil to write down 'the' he was 3 pages ahead in his mind. My only advice is to basically get used to the moods and the drama and try to understand them. I'm told that the older they become the inbalance between emotional and intelectual evens out more. Hope any of that helps, good luck, Shira

Kylie - posted on 04/12/2010

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Sudha, I do not have time to post extensively (school holidays here) but it is a fallacy that all gifted children want to learn all the time. My children prefer to play than undertake academic learning - my son especially, and he just tested at the 99th% on the SB5. I read all the posts too and am astounded about how thirsty some of these children are for academic learning and at such young ages and yes, have doubted my children's ability for these reasons. If he is still reading then I would not be overly concerned at this stage and just take the emphasis off learning for now.



As to being rude, he is probably just testing the boundaries. I have found my son has calmed considerably since turning 7.



Good luck.

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Cheryl - posted on 04/19/2010

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Sudha, I can relate to what you write here. My son is 8 and is showing some of the same reactions to learning. My theory is because at school--he, too, is in the local public school, "normal," as you put it--he does not see the point of most of what they learn. It is simply so boring. He tells me he hates having to copy down stuff he already knows. That could turn anyone off to school and learning... We are looking into changing schools, just so that he can have more of a challenge, and be with kids who are a little more like himself... The only other option, according to the school counselor here, is to skip a grade, and I'm not sure he would do well with that...
Anyway, know that you're definitely not alone.

Sudha - posted on 04/13/2010

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Thanks Shira and Kylie. Actually what you both say make complete sense to me. I also feel, it is a daunting task to mother an intelligent kid (because, mostly other mothers simply don't seem to understand and basically, I feel, like a lonely person!) YEs, my son is extremely emotional and I also see what you say about his writing bit. Mine can't write fast and he has simply begun to hate writing. Sometimes, I find him moody and the other times, he is completely lost in his thoughts. He is often preoccupied that mostly, he cannot hear me and then, after a while, he has something profound to say. But, thanks for your inputs. I have to just learn to follow the cue and understand him better.

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