Your thought on a conversation I had about my gifted child at work

Tammy - posted on 03/03/2009

I agree with you! I have, so far, one gifted child to which I had to pay to put him in private school because he wasn't getting an education otherwise. The school district we were in did not offer much for gifted students. As it was, even at the private school, which assured me they could challenge my son, he was still bored. I now homeschool him so he can work at a faster pace, but it upsets me that more was not done to advance him. I am appalled that just because he is gifted that people don't think he should have the education he deserves. My son can't help that he was born they way he was either, no more than any other child with special needs.

Tammy - posted on 03/03/2009

My daughter wasn't even diagnosed with ADD until she got to the gifted school, it was just assumed that she was bored.  I guess I'm fortunate the school she is at now does a really good job of addresing her needs. Plus she is a very social and althletic child so it helps distract her.  I was just so hurt by my co workers reaction because they had been very supportive of my children's accomplishments in the past.  I didn't ever brag about them but we are in a small town and they are in the paper alot for school and sports stuff. They also know that I'm a single mom of five and that I would never be able to afford a regular private school so I thought it was great that there is a school that actually adresses gifted children and is affordable to all and was shocked at the negative reaction.  It amazing the lip service people give to the idea of educating children until it comes down to money out of their pockets or opportunities that their children don't qualify for.

Deborah - posted on 03/02/2009

Kathe. I have heard from a lot of parents with 2E children and most state that their schools flat out refuse to consider their special needs if they qualify for gifted. It is as if the conditions are polar opposites and your child can not have needs if they are gifted. So a lot of parents have had to make the choice and it is so sad. I am sure someone going through the same thing will post. I just know that it leaves my mouth hanging when I hear the stories. There are sites specifically established for the emotional needs of the gifted b/c they exhibit higher cases of needs in general. So why can't the public schools accept this? So frustrating.

Kathe - posted on 03/02/2009

What I was getting to is that every child deserves an education that meets their level of academic ability--whether high or low.  Quite honestly, I wouldn't let your co-workers statements bother me.  He'd feel very differently if it were his child.

Kathe - posted on 03/02/2009

I am also dealing with a child who needs both gifted services and special education services.  Let me tell you--it's a nightmare!  He is extremely gifted, and also suffers with extreme ADHD, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and  (severe at times) Depression.  He is W-A-Y ahead of the "normal" kids, which makes him bored and aggravates the ADHD.  He also doesn't fit in socially because the other kids can't relate to him--and that aggravates the Depression.  We decided at the beginning of this school year to go ahead and place him in the Center-Based Gifted program (housed within a regular school, but operates as it's own program with all gifted kids all the time).  It was so exciting to see him finally getting something out of his school curriculum, and he was excited about learning for the first time in I don't know how long.  But the CBG school failed to meet the requirements for his disorders set forth in his IEP, and his behavioral problems really came out.  Then the administrators suggested we put him back in his regular school because the other kids were "sensitive" and aren't used to dealing with a child like him.  We finally gave him the choice and he returned to his old school where he felt more accepted by the administrators.  It really stinks that he had to make a choice at all--I think the schools have a really hard time working with a child who is very gifted but does not fit the typical stereotype of a gifted child.  Has anyone else dealt with this?  He enters middle school this fall, and he has qualified for CBG again, but I'm so afraid he'll have another bad experience if we send him.

Christine - posted on 03/02/2009

I'm new to this group, and share everyone's opinion. Not only am I the mother of a gifed child, but I am also a gifted certified teacher. The reality is that the general concensus is that it's OK to shortchange the gifted kids, because they are "going to be successful no matter what" I find that very frustrating, people don't realize these kids need to be challenged to rise to their full potential. As it is now, they hit their heads on the academic ceiling and it just isn't fair. The high school where I teach is slowly eliminating the honors program except for the very highest achievers (AP classes). I wish I had some advise for you dealing with your co-worker, I guess I might tell him that no child left behind means NO child and if your child happens to be gifted then not allowing her to achieve to her fullest potential is leaving her behind. Good luck!

Karen - posted on 02/28/2009

Unfortunately we are all here preaching to the choir- all of us know the songs but the ones who need to hear them won't listen. Sorry, I am a little sensitive when it comes to others who need education- especially school boards (ours asked "Well, if they're getting A's doesn't that mean they are gifted? So what's the problem?") I have the priviledge of living in small town Arizona with the nearest large city 2hrs away, nice for crime not so nice for school options.

Deborah - posted on 02/27/2009

Wow ... talk about a lovely conversation and FYI I have not read all the other posts so I will probably be posting again as I read. It is times like these that the parents of gifted kids feel like they need to hid under a rock! By the way... what about charter schools? These are the same thing and some are even targeted toward gifted while others have different criteria but all are funded by the school district they are in. Should those go away too?

I think there is jealousy there but also a clear misunderstanding of highly gifted children. This misconception that they are the lucky ones and don't need help since they are so far ahead. Not considering that they are not learning or worst, not learning to learn so when they do hit a wall it could be disastrous for them especially since the wall will probably be in middle or high school or for some college. They are high risk kids that stats prove a majority of them do not meet their full potential. Okay .. all stuff I am sure you already know but how do you convey this info to the coworkers or do you even bother? I think if the topic comes back up I would be prepared to educate them. Get the stats together and also find what charter schools exist in your area and especially if they are for other missions.

Heather - posted on 02/27/2009

my son is highly gifted and has aspergers. he also goes to a school for gifted children.the funny thing is our school district offered us a gifted education but no treatment for aspergers. i have not seen a school yet that can accomidate a dual exceptionallity. we are in quite a pickle too!

Karen - posted on 02/27/2009

yeah, my husband always asks why we invest so much in the kids who, frankly, will never contribute to society but invest nothing in the ones that have the potential to do so much good for society. I have to clarify that, for political correctness if nothing else, I am talking about money for money investments not human worth or the growth of humanity- everyone can contribute to that, the disabled perhaps more than anyone.

Dawn - posted on 02/26/2009

I agree with you too.  My daughter goes to public school because we can't afford private school.  If we could get help then she could get a better education.  Nothing wrong with public school, but I just think that she would do better in a private setting.  I do think that there should be funding for the gifted children.  At her school, the first thing that gets cut is the gifted program.  I don't think that is fair to a child who has as much potential as she does.

Karen - posted on 02/26/2009

We have had this discussion over and over- I am trying to get a gifted program running in our schools. Here the law requires a gifted program to meet the special needs of gifted children, but does not provide funding (our entire distict received $8000 last year). They do, however, provide funding for the other end of the special needs spectrum, $5 million last year. While I disagree with Marie above- we are all responsible for what our states do or do not do- I can see why the disparity in both funds and attitude, obviously it is compassion for the less fortunate that drives them.

It is such a tightrope to walk trying to get anything for the gifted program. Somehow I have to ask for special treatment for my poor child who has every advantage in the world without seeming to slight the child who will not even get to go out into that world.

Rebekah - posted on 02/25/2009

I do agree that our schools should be better equipped (and perhaps required) to deal with children who have needs at both ends of the spectrum. However, I can also understand why it is so difficult for the system to deal with the entire range. This is the intrinsic flaw with the age-based system.

I'm not sure you'll find many people who accept a highly gifted child as requiring special education in the same way as those at the opposite end. I don't know that it's jealousy per se (although we all certainly encounter that on a more personal level) as much as a lack of understanding. If they're smart kids why do they need help? Everything should be easy for them. Also, many people don't believe that they are born this way, and shift "blame" onto the parents. Some of this also comes out of compassion for those who have less, which is an admirable quality, right? Have you ever complained about rich people getting tax breaks? But we can all agree that poor people need a break. I'm not sure how best to deal with this issue, other than very carefully. I guess I'd just take it back to saying that you want what's best for your child and try to steer clear of the politics of who's paying for it.

Tammy - posted on 02/25/2009

What is really funny is my daughter is also really good at sports cause she "plays smart", so his Catholic school was offering her a scholorship and that was ok.  I guess being goods in sports is socially acceptable but being gifted isn't and spending money on sports is ok but on education is not????  If I didn't know there were so many great parents out there I'd be really worried about our future!

Krista - posted on 02/24/2009

We don't have that luxery where I live, but I will tell you this. I have found that even among some of my best friends, there has been resentment b/c my 3 older children are all gifter (my youngest is still a baby). But they have always accomplished benchmarks and milestones very early. My oldest daughter is extremely bright and when I complain about the schools not meeting her needs, my friends almost get offended. I think people see gifted children as you having to not parent or not worry about your kids. In reality we deal with the same problems of people with children with disabilities. It's very frusterating. But many people don't see it that way. Yes, understand where you are coming from b/c my friends have been not so friendly from time to time and that stinks. Other than on boards like this its hard to find people who truely understand the problems our kiddos deal with. You are absolutely right and feel blessed b/c those programs are not common where I live!

Ellen - posted on 02/24/2009

I usually get that reaction from parents of disabled children. My child can't help that he was born the way he was and that with his giftedness comes other issues. He needs support in meeting his educational needs or he'll go nuts! So as far as I'm concerned, the state has a financial obligation to educate every child. Now the federal government words leave a lot to be interpreted. My idea of free and appropriate education is not the same as others. I think gifted education (enriched, advanced, individualized, what ever) is appropriate.

Cindy - posted on 02/24/2009

Hi Tammy - the conversations I have with others always seem to feel awkward...I'm sure that most of it is my own anxiety, but I always figure that people think I am bragging about my child...which every parent does at times, but I do contain it in most situations! :)

My background is working with children with disabilities so I find it especially hard talking to some of these parents. My child goes to a school for the academically gifted - it's a fact...and I would advocate him the exact same way I would if he were to need help in other areas. Raising a child who is gifted has more than its own challenges as well...we deal with the overexcitabilities in our household, let me tell you! But how do you explain that to other people? I guess in the end, it is what it is and they are who they are...I guess my question is, are we supposed to be overly private about our families in order to protect the kids (labels?) and ourselves as parents? Anyways, that's my two cents.

Lauryan - posted on 02/24/2009

I am currently in an on-line discussion about this exact thing on another locally based parenting forum. I TOTALLY agree with you.



If funding and support are given to kids who struggle/have ADD/ADHD/Dyslexia etc, then the same support needs to be available to every child. Point out to him that your "poor daughter" was born this way and also cannot help how she is. Also point out to him that every child is different - in strengths and weaknesses and no single child should be penalised or held back or denied the same opportunities of an interesting and enjoyable education.



If the state shouldn't pay for your daughter's schooling, they should also not pay for ANY other special needs children. Because gifted kids do have special needs too!!



I'm telling you - it's jealousy. Plain and simple jealousy