Charged with kidnapping?

Lori - posted on 07/02/2010

I was a foster parent and had two boys ages 5 and 6 living with me. One of the boys fathers was contacted by mail stating he needed to do the paternity to proove he was the dad. He had no idea the child existed and the mother had failed to involve him before that point. He had to take parenting classes, start with supervised visitation and move on from there as well as pay BACK child support. That child is his responsibility whether you ask for payment or not. Your best bet is to get a lawyer and tell him to do the same. See him in court!

Tara - posted on 07/02/2010

have you asked a lawyer about that? It seems strange that he would be required to sign away his rights if he hasnt ever been legaly deemed as her father.

Tara - posted on 07/02/2010

ok, first off because he is not on the birth cert, then in order for him to get visits or you to ask for child support, paternity must first be established. Second everyone is completely right. He has no way to charge you with kidnaping due to the fact that he has not legally been established as the father. Beware of making treats or altimatums to him though, I would never tell him that he can't see her unless he pays you, I would just stall him by telling him that he will have to go through the courts, that way he will be responsible for paying for paternity test. Also, more then likely once he is deemed the father, child support will start then, most likely not from birth because you never requested it prior. I do hope this helps. This is all info that i know from WA and CA states, from having family that works in the Child potective systems. Good luck and dont let him scare you.

Lori - posted on 06/27/2010

Absolutely not!! He is using a bullying tactic to force you into letting him see her. I would insist on a paternity test(even if you know she is his) because then you have proof and you can take him to court. He will be the one in trouble. He will have to pay back child support, current child support, be drug tested periodically, have a home inspection done to make sure he has a fit environment. Once you call his bluff and let him know you have done some researching of your own and know what your right are versus his he will probably back down. If not, I would not worry too much any judge is going to see what a dead beat dad he has been and side with you. Trust me I have been a part of the DHS system. Hate to say it but the bio mom ALWAYS takes precidence over the father, especially if she has been the primary care taker. Good luck and God Bless.

Lisa - posted on 10/26/2009

oh gosh. I have TWO stories--TWO men and two boys, each daddy had a problem. I did different things with both of them and I am STILL regretting the first.

I'll leave out the backstory, the important part is what I did regarding them.

First daddy, I went after him for child support. My son is 8.5 years old, his dad owes 9333 dollars in back child support. He has been off again, on again in seeing our son. I had to do a parenting agreement because he is my son's father. I had that legally established. NOW I'm stuck with the jerkface for the rest of my life, he's taken my son on drug deals, he's been arrested and in jail for 6 months and never wrote to my son and my poor son won't tell him NO about anything, he idolizes the man who neglects him. My son is allergic to tons of stuff and his dad will tell him he's not allergic and give him the things he's allergic to, and my son will throw it up and his dad then yells at him for throwing up. stupid stupid.

SO after I learned the hard way, the SECOND man who also did drugs and hit me...once I found out I was pregnant with HIS son, I slapped a restraining order on him and ran away. I haven't seen him since. and my now 7 year old is doing VERY well without a bio-dad around to screw him up.

I got married a few years ago and my second son calls my husband "dad" and brags about him at school. I caught him telling people that "his dad can jump really far"

he is so much better off. while my first son is moody and angry and violent after coming home from his dad's place because his dad says nasty things about me to him, flipped me off in front of him, told him that he would kick my husbands a$$...and then is a rude, crass, jerk anyways and my son wants to be just like him!

so yeah, wait and let the man take the steps. don't go for child support until he goes for parental rights. once he insists on getting a DNA test, then you can insist that since he's the daddy he gets daddys rights of taking care of his child and paying for her and that includes medical insurance. but I would certainly insist on drug tests and supervised visits because you are concerned about your child's welfare...

good luck. i hope he doesn't do anything and leaves you and your child in peace.

April - posted on 10/26/2009

Quoting Brianna:

Yea I would take him to court for child support (if he doesn't pay he goes to jail), and say you want supervised visits because of his history with drugs, and the drug tests are a good idea. Tell him to either leave you alone or you'll take him to court for all of this and maybe see if your fiance can adopt her. I don't know if he needs permission from her real father because he's not on the birth certificate or what happens with that, but I would go talk to a lawyer. But either way he definitely can't charge you with kidnapping.

I want him to make the first move if he really wants to see her. I don't want him to see her because I do not trust him. I think he would run with her if he got her. If he truly wants to see her I want him to take me to court, I don't think he will though. In order for my fiance to adopt her he would have to sign over his rights, which he won't because he knows that's what I want. I have asked him before.

Brianna - posted on 10/23/2009

Yea I would take him to court for child support (if he doesn't pay he goes to jail), and say you want supervised visits because of his history with drugs, and the drug tests are a good idea. Tell him to either leave you alone or you'll take him to court for all of this and maybe see if your fiance can adopt her. I don't know if he needs permission from her real father because he's not on the birth certificate or what happens with that, but I would go talk to a lawyer. But either way he definitely can't charge you with kidnapping.

Ashley - posted on 10/23/2009

No he cannot charge you with kidnapping. If he takes you to court the most he would get is visiting, and if you think that he is still doing drugs you can ask for random weekly drug tests and if they come up negative then he can't see her. (or at least thats how it's done where im at) what state do you live in? I know some states are completely for the women and he wouldn't get anything until he paid child support. good luck and don't let him scare you!