Homebirth coming up and not sure where to send my then 3yo.....

Ivy - posted on 09/15/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My son will turn three in Oct. and I'm due Nov. 6th. We are planning a second homebirth, but we're in an awkward position with housing/sleeping arrangement and our son....
At first we thought we'd maybe have him stay home through the birth, but realistically, I don't think that's likely to work for us. We only have one floor (no basement to send him or myself to or anything), and there just isn't that much privacy. He is easily upset/scared and I think he'd be running to me scared during labor- esp. late labor- and it would be bad for both of us.

My fiance/children's father has two family members in the area- a brother/sisinlaw with their kids, and a cousin/his wife. We really do not have any friends with kids- had one girlfriend who moved with her daughter at start of year and that's it. We just keep to ourselves a lot- we lead really busy lives- I'm a student and dad works full time- and in the evening we just spend time with our son. Unfortunately I have no family in the area at all.

We thought that sending him to the brother/sisinlaw were our best bet, because she has been stay at home mom for 9 years- our son loves her youngest daughter and she occasionally babysits him, so he's comfortable with them and their house- but we just found out she's going back to school this month because her youngest starts school. She's likely to not be available. Her husband doesn't drive, so if it were at night it would not work- he could take the bus (we live in the city) if it were in the daytime though.

The cousin is a really busy guy in his work, and his wife just got a new job and has little flexibility with it- she couldn't just drop everything if we needed her for instance. He could most likely, unless he's on a business trip- he hasn't confirmed with us for sure that he won't be- so we asked him and have spent a couple of days extra with our son around him so he'd be more comfortable with them. I'm still really concerned about it though- My son has never been away from me over night, and I'm worried about how he'll be in a relatively strange house with no other kids if it happens in the middle of the night. We still lay down next to him til he goes to sleep- and the thing is that the cousin is NOT AT ALL into the attachment parenting thing. He thinks we're too lenient and spoil or son (nobody else that's ever met him has said such a thing- he's a total gentle-hearted little soul) and the few times we've spent around him he's constantly scolding our son in front of us- for things like not finishing his dinner (even though he's sick and has little appetite) or made comments about how he was just manipulating us when he was having separation anxiety when he started daycare six months ago. We just have totally different parenting philosophies (he's not a parent yet of course) and I'm worried that I'll be worried about my son during labor and that will affect how things go.....


So, has anyone dealt with similar issues, or have any advice for me? Much appreciated!

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Emma - posted on 09/19/2010

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have u thought about a dula or someone u trust to stay at the house with your son if its night then they can just soothe him back to sleep or daytime play games outside or in his room they dont have to see the birth or anything but then at least ur son wont be far away and he can see his new lil sis or bro sraight away i let my son go out of the house wen i had a home birth with my 2nd and i regret it i was worried about him i wanted him there i got upset and them i hemoraged i had no bleeding with my son cause i was calm so woteva u decide make sure ur comfortable with it but also if u have some one there with him they can go for a walk if u need the space but there not far away if u want him good luck with it all

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Jonna - posted on 10/10/2010

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I agree with emma... I would keep him at home. See if you can get someone to stay with him in his room, or put on his favorite movie and have daddy check on him frequently. Child birth is natural (as you seem to already know since you are having another home birth) and your son will more than likely not be scared by it. He might ask what's going on or what's happening to mommy, but, more than likely he'll be fine with it, and you will be more calm knowing where he is and know that he's not going to be negatively affected by staying with someone who makes you uncomfortable. Good Luck!

RENEE - posted on 09/23/2010

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i would def not leave him with the cousin u dont sound comfortable and u dont need to worry about things. i would try to find a baby sitter maybe someone from the daycare or they may know someone who will come to ur house and keep him in his room or if things get loud or stressful maybe take him to the park. to me unless the stay at home doesnt mind missing a day of school this sounds like ur only option :) i guess if it happens during the day he could still go to daycare so nights and weekends are ur only problem good luck ;)

April - posted on 09/22/2010

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i know someone that showed their son a video of a live home birth and talked all about it with her 3 year old before it happened. he was squeamish with the blood but because he knew blood was going to be involved ahead of time...he wasn't scared and said he liked seeing his brother born!! t

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