how to keep the romanic going with a new baby and a 4 yr old?

Ashley - posted on 02/26/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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me and my husband are newly married and we have a new baby in april and a 4 yr old and are having a hard time finding time for us i just know that even with the childern we need to keep the romanic alive we just need help and ideas on how??? please???!!!

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Dawnielle - posted on 03/04/2010

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alright, so my husband and i went through a faze like this a while ago, before we were married actually because we were so engrossed in our little girl. she was premature and super tiny so we didn't let people watch her too much. this really strained our relationship and we found ourselves fighting more.

we realized we were in this rut and that we didn't want to be there anymore (and try to prevent it from happening again) so we decided that at least every other week, we would take a night for ourselves. this includes having someone watch our daughter and concentrating on us...and only us.

it's soo easy to get wrapped up soley in your child(ren)s lives that at times you forget about the person who you created that baby with. :)

now with number two on the way for us, we have decided that instead of hauling the kiddos out of the house to gramma's, we would have her come to our place and once a month we will get a hotel. just relax in the pool, hottub, watch uninterupted tv, anything.

i know that that takes money and sometimes it won't be feasible but even just grabbing coffee or lunch can help keep it there.
plus this is no time to be shy about your wants and needs, sexually.
there may not be time to "get in the mood" and have an hour post cuddle time, but talking about it may spark something more.

Wendy - posted on 03/02/2010

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Well we aren't in that situation, but we do have a 17month old and are due with our second this May. We have also dealt with a lot in the last year (hubby getting laid off one awesome job due to recession - took the opportunity with severance to move from AB back to BC where we want to raise our family). With the lay off, having gotten a new vehicle shortly before the lay off, moving provinces, and becoming pregnant again a tad bit sooner than originally planned - us time has come to an all time low. We are still very much in love and want to do more together, but between him working 10-14hour days 5 days a week, driving a min of 150km a day around the valley for work, paying for our vehicle, making ends meet after moving less than a year ago with another baby on the way, keeping up with our toddler, reconnecting with old friends and family in the area and keeping things together by the end of the day we have no spare time or energy to do anything but grab a bite to eat and sleep.

That being said, clearly, we do not get much time together. Most weekends are spent with him trying to rest and relax and get some extra sleep (I can't really blame him), our son and I trying to get out of the house (one vehicle, we live on the other end of town from everyone we know) to see other people, as well as trying to spend a tiny bit of time together at the end of the day. We rarely get a chance to go out with other people either.

So awhile back, we decided that at the very least, once a month - we will ask my parents or a friend to take our son overnight on a friday or saturday. If we have a couple of bucks we'll go out (just the two of us) - if we don't, there is plenty to do that doesn't cost anything. This is generally an 18hour or so child free time. It may only be once a month, but it is a start - and we LOVE the time we get to spend together. Because it is just us, together, doing whatever we want! It is a great chance to reconnect, catch up, just BE together, and whatever else might happen ;) As the kids get older, we both anticipate a little more free time to spend together - but we try to make a point of making it happen at least the once a month. If we didn't put the effort forward, it just wouldn't happen. It does take effort, and sometimes a lot of planning to get our son a sitter - but we just make it happen!

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Adrianna - posted on 04/19/2010

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we let our kids go to my moms for a weekend every mth or every other and we take a mommy daddy weekend, at least after the 6 week recoup time after baby #2 gets here we will, go out on dinner dates find a sitter for kids,grandma, auntie, family friend what ever works for u ,

Stephanie - posted on 03/07/2010

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Something easy we do cause it's hard for us to get a sitter is we just put the kids to bed early and light some candles I usually pre make a nice dinner and we pop a bottle of wine, It's not away from the house but home cooked meals are better anyway

Samantha-Jo - posted on 03/04/2010

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A date night once a month is a MUST! See if the grandparents can take the 4 year old for a few hours or even a night so you two can have some alone adult time. Plus, the new baby will sleep at first hopefully, so take advantage of it. Even a nice dinner or bath together while the kids are sleeping will help. Don't let your love life falter, in the end, the love you have for eachother created those children, and you can't let that fade away. As difficult as it may be for a while, sooner or later the kids will be going to school, and having thier own lives. Then you are stuck with eachother! lol But seriously, even make a tradition just you and him like say, Tuesday night is movie night and every second friday of the month is date night....and don't be afraid to be creative!

Alexandria - posted on 03/02/2010

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I am wondering the very same thing. Our son just turned 4 yesterday and we are expecting our second child May 5th. Sometimes all it takes for us is to get our son to bed at a decent hour and then just sit, relax and watch a movie together. Or silly things like ask a freind to watch your child(ren) for a few hours so you and your husband can go out for a meal. If you have family close by maybe they will be willing to take your 4 year old for a night so that you and your husband can have a full night together before your baby arrives. I know it is hard but as long as you both put some effort into spending some time together ... it does not necessarily have to be romantic time, but just any few spare minutes that you can treasure eachothers company. Find time to talk about eachothers day, even if the only time you have is that half an hour you have between getting ready for bed and going to sleep. I think that if you both try to make an effort and start with some small things it will become alot easier. Good luck to you both and i know what you are going through and i know how hard it is, dont give up and i am sure things will be just fine.

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