I don't feel connected to my second child.

Mazy - posted on 04/13/2010 ( 13 moms have responded )

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I'm only 6 weeks pregnant, but at this time with my first I was already connected to him. At six weeks I was talking & singing to him, thinking about him, fearing for him, getting excited for him...but for the second one, I'm just not. Sure, it's not "new" like it was the first time around, but I don't even FEEL pregnant, let alone have a pregnant frame of mind. And I feel really guilty about it, mostly because this one was planned & tried for & now that I'm finally pregnant, I hardly care! I fear that I might not love this one as much as my son or be as attached. Is this crazy? How did other people feel during their second pregnancies?

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Kelly - posted on 05/08/2010

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yeah i think its normal :)

it just didnt seem real untill i felt the kicking and even then it wasnt utnill we found out the gender that we were happy, now with like 7weeks to go - im over it but im at the excited phase now.

Jodie - posted on 04/14/2010

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nah i know how you feel, even 20 weeks into my second pregnancy i still wasnt sure, it wasnt til i found out his gender and started buying for him i started to feel connected slowly, but once he was born it changed so much, thinking about it now, i have been more protective of him then my first, she use to spend nights at my mums at a few months old and still does at 4 my son i havent let out of my sight, i dont even like leaving him with his dad to quickly go to the shop lol... im sure things will change soon enough, dont be to hard on yourself we love each child differently as they are their own person and need to be loved in their own ways but you wont love your baby any less, stay strong the feelings will come

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I am kind of feeling the same way...I feel a slight connection but since I really haven't felt this one move yet I am not sure...Part of it maybe that I stay so busy with my 14mo old that I don't really have the time to think about everything that I did with her being that I didn't work during the pregnancy. Being that I am already showing I can't not feel pregnant...lol but I understand sometimes a dream about my family but the only child I have in the dream is my 14mo old and I am not pregnant in my dreams either which does worry me...I am thinking that once we are able to feel this one kicking the crap out of us we will have a stronger connection but right now we are so busy with our first child that we just can't focus on the fact that we are pregnant again

Alyss - posted on 10/15/2011

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I feel the same way, it's really been worrying me. Although I am also depressed, I figured it was because of that. I'm "glad" to hear so many other women feel this way, and that it is at least normal. It makes sense, it's not glowing and new as the first time was. No longer ignorant, and knowing what the end will be... I personally want the end to come faster, I feel more impatient than anything else. I seem to alternate with fear, anxiety and loss (that maybe I won't have time for my daughter that I do now), as well as excitement and happiness. Being also depressed however makes it harder for me to tell what is normal or not, I'm glad to have read this post and see that it seems to be common among second (+) pregnancies.

Jane - posted on 05/16/2010

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this is a common fear when you're having your 2nd. i was nervous too. but you will be so happy when you get that little baby in your arms and see just how quickly your love multiplies over and over again. now that we are expecting our 3rd, i'm not worried b/c i know it will all come. i think it's normal not to be as new. you've got all of the basics that you need for the baby and you've settled in as a mom so the unknowns are gone. plus you're busy w/your other little one. don't feel guilty it will all be fine. maybe when you get the ultrasound and hear a heartbeat you will let yourself get a little excited. i was kind of ho-hum until i heard the heartbeat and then i cried like a baby!

things will all fall into place.

Tassia - posted on 05/11/2010

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I felt the same way when I was pregnant...I thought I would not love the baby as much as I love my first. My baby is 2 1/2 months now and I love her to death, because I have spent 20 months with my first daughter I have the great memories of first everything with her but I love the baby just as much and I am looking forward to allot of firsts with her also.

Christena - posted on 05/10/2010

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I did the same and I miscarried so I was so upset but I am trying again now and I am excited and I hope it happens fast....I hope I don't feel like that again if I get pregnant.

Jessica - posted on 05/09/2010

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exactly hun, its not new anymore, yes every pregnancy with the same woman is different, but it surely isnt new to you. also i bet your bust all day with your son? so you dont have the time to connect and talk/sing/think about your new baby. now im sure once the baby starts kicking and you get to the fun part of the pregnancy, you'll become more connected with the baby. i didnt even get excited with my daughter until i was past 12 weeks so dont worry.... and yes i didnt think i can love another like i love my first

Sarah - posted on 05/08/2010

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Oh my God i'm exactly the same. although i'm 21 weeks now and know the gender, its starting to grow on me but i still look at my son now and think "how can i possibly love anyone as much as i love him?" I've spoken to my mum and husband about it and they think its just a phase and mum said its completely common and normal and it will all change as soon as i give birth, if not before...

Tannisha - posted on 05/06/2010

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I am in the same position. I don't feel connected to my second baby at all. I am 9 weeks pregnant and it was a big surprise when I found out. I'm in college and have a 3 year old. My husband is in the Army. It just doesn't feel like the right time. I am so close to my daughter, who has been my best friend and my everything for three years, I don't know if I could love this baby as much as I love her? It just doesn't seem possible. I'm in the same boat. It's nice to hear that others went through the same thing and ended up bonding very well with their children because I was starting to worry.

Jenna - posted on 04/14/2010

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I think that is normal.....I feel the same way. I am only 12 weeks and this was planned and happened right away. I am excited but it just doesn't feel like the first time. I was very suprised with my son, now I feel like it is just whatever. Maybe when I feel him/her move or find out the gender....I don't know. I am not worried about it though.....loving my son is the easiest thing in the world, and it intensifies everyday. I know it will be like that with this baby too : )

Carolee - posted on 04/14/2010

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It's normal. I'm 25 weeks, and I've just started getting "connected" with my second.

Samantha - posted on 04/14/2010

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No thats normal I think, my sister in law went threw the same thing with her second and i just got done telling my husband that I was scared because looking at my son I couldnt picture loving another child as much,

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