When is the right time?

Kara - posted on 01/09/2010 ( 12 moms have responded )

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My son is almost 17 months. I've heard a lot of conflicting advice about how long is too long to wait. What is a good age gap?

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Rebekah - posted on 01/21/2011

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I wrote such a long post on similar thread that I thought I'd just post it here too:

The difference between a 2 year old and a 3 year old is huge. That's probably the better thing to consider rather than the age gap.

A child under 2, or right at 2 years old is very unpredictable. You have to hold his hand, or carry him in a parking lot or he's likely to run out into the street. A 2 year old is curious and still needs pretty undivided attention (at least mine did). You can't expect a 2 year old to get dressed by himself, get his own cup and pour his own milk, get his own snacks, or help with many of the household chores. And in the unlikely event that he's potty trained by his 2 year old Birthday, he's still not very likely to be able to go on his own without any help. So, having a 2 year old and a baby means you have two VERY dependent children. The stress level is high.

My children are 27 months apart and for probably the first 6 months I called it a "nightmare." If we went out in public, it usually ended with all three of us in tears on the way home. My son (oldest) is very spirited and the tantrums at that age would have been difficult without a newborn... add a newborn, and it was a challenge greater than I'd ever expected. Just giving you the truth...

A 3 year old is much more independent and responsible. You can open the car door and tell him to climb in and get into his own car seat. He knows what danger means and understands if you tell him to "stay close to mama" when you're out in public. You can trust a 3 year old to play in the other room without having to watch him. A 3 year old (in most cases) is able to get dressed himself, get his own cup and pour his own milk, find his own snack, go to the bathroom when he needs to, keep his room clean, and help you with the baby. When I watch my friends that have children 3 years apart it seems a lot less stressful. Obviously, I don't know for sure, but the oldest child is definitely much easier to handle if he's already 3.

Having said all that, I've grown to love the 27 month age gap. My son doesn't even remember life without a sister. In his mind, they've always been brother and sister: "special friends for a lifetime." What I really wish is that it was possible to have my son and a new baby when he was 3 years old, but still have a 2 year gap. Maybe hold my son at 3 for the first year. Hehe. :) Anyway, we are actually TTC now and are hoping for a 2.5 yr age gap this time around. I'm thinking that by 2.5yrs it won't be AS challenging the first few months.

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Nichole - posted on 01/14/2011

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I am currently ttc and my son is 16 months. I think now is a great time, I hope it don't take long :)

Lisa - posted on 12/20/2010

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its hard as every 1 has sed it depends how u feel, i waited 5 years (not on purpose) and i think the age gap is great but i have also reacently found out im expecting again ther will be 22 months between my youngest and the new baby! im scared about how i will cope sorta lol but i will tell ya wen iv had the baby lol

Natalie - posted on 12/18/2010

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it's up to you!! My girls are 14 mos apart. I got pregnant when my 1st was 5 mos. I know someone who is pregnant & her baby is 3.5 mos. Then I know others who have 20 - 24 mos in between. My sister has 2 kids & they are 3 yrs apart... so whatever is best for you!

Kylee - posted on 01/18/2010

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My daughter is almost 17months old and I have just found out that I am pregnant again so they will just be over 2 years apart. I have been told 16-18 months is the ideal gap. But i guess it is up to personal opinion and when it actually happens.

Kali - posted on 01/18/2010

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My son will be 2 in March and we are expecting another little boy in May. Im the oldest of 9 kids and they are all close in age and the best of friends and i have a sister the same age as my son and a sister that is younger then my son and he loves playing with them and then when he gets home I feel like he is kinda bored! Not saying that my husband and i dont try to get his attention and play with him all the time its just i think it is so different when you get to play with kids and not your parents so im really looking forward to my boys being the best of friend, just make sure when you do decide to get pregnant to include your son. Cannon loves hugging my tummy and giving it kisses and talking about the baby! HOpe that helps!

Kelly - posted on 01/14/2010

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I agree it depends on you and your partner and what you can handle or afford. I always wanted a close age gap and when it came to it i realised it wasnt right for me. My son will be just a little over 3yrs when this baby is born. Now to me its a perfect age gap as they can get involved and feel like part of this whole situation.
But its your call as we also couldnt afford to get pregnant again earlier now we are at the point we should beable to afford it.

Do whats right with you what helped me what thinking what age your child would be when you would be due.

Ericka - posted on 01/14/2010

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i agree it depends on you. i am the youngest of 6 my oldest sister is 13 years older than me and we really dont have a relationship. i am really only close with my sisters that are 5 and 7 years older than me. i do agree that is was nice for my parents to have live in babysitters tho. my daughter will be almost 3 when our new baby arrives so we'll see how it goes.

Cheryl - posted on 01/13/2010

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Such a personal question. It totally depends on you. I think it would be so nice to have them close together. I would love for my children to be as close together as possible. My son is almost 18 months now and we are still ttc. We've been trying since he was a month old, but with nursing it's been difficult. Finished nursing 3 months ago and am hoping and praying for good news in the next few months.

Liz - posted on 01/12/2010

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It all depends on what you prefer. My twins are 19 months now, and I am due with our third child this July so they will be a little over 2 years apart.

Kara - posted on 01/10/2010

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Thats how I feel. My younger sister and I are 23 months apart and we are best friends. My older brother was 14 years older than me and we were extremely close too. I feel like I had the best of both worlds growing up and I just want my son to enjoy that as well.

Ashley - posted on 01/10/2010

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I don't think there is a right or wrong age gap between children. I know my sister and I are less than 2 years apart and super close but we also have a sister and brother who are 10 and 8 years apart from me and we're just as close with them. I imagine having me after my older siblings was a walk in the park for my mom plus she had baby sitters as we grew up lol.

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