Young mums and other people's attitude towards them...

Phoebe - posted on 04/30/2010 ( 15 moms have responded )

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Hi, I am 19 years old, and I have two kids, 1 year 5 months old son, and a 3 month old daughter, that I love to bits :)
But whenever I go out of the house I get a lot of looks from people, especially older people, they just look at me as if I was doing something really wrong, or if there is something wrong with me being a mum, some of them even make comments like " arent you too young to have kids" or " Should have grown up yourself first before having children"
I mean, there is nothing wrong with me as a mum, my kids are always clean and happy, it isnt like if I was a sloppy mum...
Does anyone else ever gets it, or is it just me?...

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15 Comments

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Emily - posted on 06/18/2010

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I'm with you on this one. I'm 18 years old and am expecting my first child. I'm not showing too much yet; but the little bit that I am I still get the rude questions and comments that I do not appreciate. My age is in no way going to stop me from being an excellent parent. As long as you are satisfied and your children are satisfied you are doing the right things [=

Michelle - posted on 06/18/2010

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Its pretty much come to the point in this country where the majority of women have children young. Some even as teens. Its pretty much common place anymore, but there are still the looks and glares you will get unless you look like you've graduated college and waited a few years and are in a happy marriage. Its not so much your actual age...if you even look young your pretty much are screwed! The female birth line on my mothers side all age well so we have all had our kids and looked young.

I was highly upset when I got the looks when I was pregnant with my 1st daughter. But my sister, mother and aunt all told me that it may bug me now, but to worry. To think of it as when our kids are grown we will still look smokin' good and could win hot mom and hot grandma competitions! lol

So just think, now your a hot mom, and your going to make a hot grandma!

Melanie - posted on 06/15/2010

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Yep Me To!!! I was 22 when I had my daughter (i don't even consider that young) No she wasn't planed we had just gotten married and were planing on doing a few over seas holidays duing our 1st year of marraige then try for baby but life had other plans for us and 5wks after the wedding i found out i was 51/2wks preg, we were so excited. Do i regret not being able to go through with our travel plans? Hell No, as if i would trade one of my daughters smiles for a holiday! So anyway once I was not able to wear my wedding ring any more i used to get such dirty looks of ppl!! Since when does being married have anything to do with what kind of a parent you are going to be! Also when my daughter was in hospital at 3wks old my mum was with me at the time as hubby was working and every doc we saw would start talking to my mum and she would say errr no im nanna shes mum. mum said to me OMG Im 50 how the hell can they think shes mine! Lot of people also thought we only got married beacuse i was preg (even though i didnt know i was before i got married) Now im 25wks with our 2nd (a little boy) and everyone keeps asking us if he was an accident (how rude as if you ask someone that!! "hey, so this baby is an accident huh?") seriously do ppl have no manners!! there will be 17mth between my kids but hello, maybe we wanted them close together!!! (i was told i could have a hard time falling preg again so we started trying and fell first go, he is a very much planed little bub and we are so relieved to have fallen right away and did not spend months of heartache trying to fall)

Christa - posted on 06/14/2010

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I hear you loud and clear on this one! I was 21 when my first son was born and had dirty looks all throughout the pregnancy. When he was born and my mom was pushing him in the stroller people would think that she was his mom ( she is 53). I would say to them...no I'm actually his mom and she is the grandma. Their jaws would drop and they would say "oh you look so young to be a mom", this drove me nuts! My mom was done having her 5 kids 17 years ago people! It drives me crazy how young moms are portrayed and looked down upon in todays culture. I'm proud to be a young mom and am so happy that I don't look like a grandma pushing a stroller!

Ashley - posted on 05/21/2010

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I got it too! I was 16 when I got pregnant and 17 when I had my son. I am pregnant again at 23 with my second. The way I see it is that people are going to look whether we want them to or not, all I can say is forget them and live your life continuing to care for your children...who cares what other people think?!? I'm sure you are a great mom.

Abigail - posted on 05/18/2010

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i have a friend who is 19 and has 3 kids, 5boy 4girl and 1girl and is also a solo mother, her sister is the same but her kids are 6 4 and 5 months she is 21 tho,

i think alot of people have opinions of young mums especially if they are solo mothers but i guess everyone is entitled to their opinion, just remember its only how they see the world,

i'm pretty sure they have all made decisions in their lives that other people would look down on or whatever, however if anyone is ever rude to you just remember the old saying,

sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me ;)

Elysia - posted on 05/17/2010

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I know where u r coming from, ive never had anyone say anything to me but ive certainly gotten the "look" especially when i have my younger sis as well as she is only 8yrs, im 23 and my son is 14months and im due on july 13th with my 2nd.
I actually find it kind of funny cause the ppl that tend to be looking down on u prob had half a dozen kids by our age. I guess its cause the trend had turned and alot of women were waiting till they were in their 30's to have kids now its rolling back around and alot more ppl are doing it younger. I dont think it matters what age you are, its about how mature you are and what your willing to forgore for your children, i know some young mums that make far better parents than ppl that waited until they were older. But unfortunatley there are those ppl that make trouble and cause all young mums to be stero typed into a group. I love being a young mummy i didnt wanna be 60 and take my kids to kindy.

Ashley - posted on 05/15/2010

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I can relate, known my now husband since I was 15. Got married when 18. 4 months later after being married I found out I was pregnant. Now I am pregnant with my second baby and I will be turning 21. I get comments from family members all the time and strangers but what I say is screw them!! If you are a good mother, care for them, love them and make sure they come first, who cares what people say? I would die for both of my children and they are both taken care of in all ways possible. I do not party, drink or neglect them so I am doing alot better than some mothers I have seen! I am also a stay at home mom. So like I said screw them, and be the best mom possible to your little ones

Kerri - posted on 05/11/2010

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I just turned 20 the beginning of april, got married 2 weeks after i turned 18 had my first daugther a month after i graduated from highshcool and my second this past december she will be 5 months. And i can understand where you are coming from, i always feel as though older couples with children the same age as mine are looking at me a little odd.. but i dont worry too much about it because i know that i am a wonderful mother and my children are very well taking care of by me and my husband! But it tends to run in my family so it seemed so natural for me to start my life after school having children. My mother was 17 when she had my oldest sister and barely 20 when she had me, my sister was 17 when she had her first child and 20 when she had her second.

Tannisha - posted on 05/06/2010

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It happens all the time. People can be very judgemental but everyone comes from different backgrounds and has different beliefs. When I first had my daughter at 18 I got a lot of looks because I looked somewhere around fifteen. But now, three years later, either I don't notice the stares anymore because I'm not paying attention... or they don't look at me weird anymore. If anyone said any of the comments you listed to me... I would have definitely said something back. Age is nothing but a number and it has nothing to do with your parenting. Just keep your chin up and keep rocking it as a younger mom. We kick butt :)

Jennifer - posted on 05/04/2010

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O my gosh i feel the same way Phoebe i just turned 21 i have a 20 month old and is pg again which im 11 weeks along im married and everything when i had my first child the nurses in the hospital while i was still in labor mite i add kept asking me "Have you ever babysat Before" seriously like asked me 10 times i was like yes i have a sis who is 9 yrs younger then me i have baby sat quadruplets plus my lil sis all at once when i was 10 they were 1...they wouldnt leave me alone with it...they didnt let me help with my sons first bath or change his diapers or let me make his bottles making me feel like im dumb or shouldnt be a mom i couldnt believe it i have never been treated this bad before...but when i was 10 ppl were telling me that my lil sis was so cute but saying she was my daughter lol i dont get ppl...

Jessi - posted on 05/03/2010

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Ill be 23 in August this year,and my hubby and I have been married 5 yrs in August this yr too.We have a 41/2 yr old daughter,a 31/2 yr old daughter and a 19month old daughter,and we are due june 4th with our 4th child,a son.This will be our last baby.

I got pg when I was 17,and had her when 18.I recieved a lot of looks.The women in my family age very well and so I look rather young for my age,and constantly(even now 5 yrs on)get odd looks or so forth from strangers while shopping.Its actually rather amusing,because my kids are all very well behaved and never cause us hassle while shopping or out and about yet mothers who are older have sometimes got children acting up all over the place.I dont think age is relevant.I think being responsible for a child is a wonderful gift,and I am stoked to almost have our family complete by age 22.My hubby is 24 this yr and he loves being a dad.He is capable of putting in the hard yards at work(in the army fulltime)in order to bring in good money so I can be home full time with out kids still theyre all in school.

Ill be young still when our kids are teens,so we will be very active parents.And then capable of living.And I think some people dont realise that having kids at our age has matures us,and puts us further ahead in that area then others our age.Forget what they say,your happy,your kids are happy,so what else matters?

Kristin - posted on 05/02/2010

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It's a biproduct of the feminist movement. Women are almost expected to want to go to college and then work for a while before having kids. It is an anomaly for a young woman to want to have a family right out of highschool.

There is nothing wrong with that choice. As long as you thought about it before acting on it. It's a lot harder to get the degree and work after the kids come.

If you are happy with your choice, then ignore the looks and the comments.

Liz - posted on 04/30/2010

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No, I completely understand where you're coming from. I got pregnant at 20 and had my b/g twins at 21. Now I am expecting our third, their little brother shortly after they turn two years old. I get looks all the time when I'm out. Especially when the twins were younger.

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