dealing with my Tween masturbating

Amanda - posted on 04/29/2009 ( 61 moms have responded )

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We have caught my 11yr old daughter several times masturbating, I have talked to her about several time & it just doesn't seem to help. I know it is a somewhat "natural" thing but I have just never heard of any other girls doing it as often as we have caught her. I don't want to make her feel horrible about herself but I also do not want this to continue, I feel like a horrible parent...please help!!

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Terry - posted on 06/16/2013

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my daughter is 11 and she has masturbated from age 9, It feels good to her and helps to relax her at night. I have caught her many times and now she doesnt get embarrassed about it anymore. I have told her that all normal people do it..even me..lol

Kylie - posted on 07/14/2017

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wow ur a great mom do u see her cumming does she put her fingers in im 13f

Jenny - posted on 12/15/2012

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Perhaps your daughter just needs some privacy while she explores her body, which as you said is a natural thing. If we teach our children early on that their bodies are their own to touch, it enables them to better distinguish a 'good touch' from an unwanted 'bad touch. It's important to let your child know that masturbation is natural, but not acceptable to do it in public. I've had this talk with both my girls at a young age and I really encouraged them to masturbate and come to me with any questions they may have had.

Lisa - posted on 08/12/2011

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You are really mis-informed if you think sex has just one purpose!!! It has mutliple purposes. Even from a Christian point of view it doesn't serve just one purpose. It is not only for reproduction, it is also to strenghen the bond between a couple and enrich their relationship. Please don't convey your personal opinions in the name of Christianity. Not unless you check with all of the rest of us first!!

Laura - posted on 07/06/2012

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...UP-DATED REPLY,,,this is Dr.Laura Mornings ND & .LC....not sure what the problem is here,nearly all girls masturbate,not sure what you mean by the word "caught."as most do this where the parents cannot witness it.Of course all kids,male or female have the right to masturbate....we parents must make sure that we do not condemn them, that causes anxiety,guilt and shame and destroys a lot of positive self-concept.~it is indeed normal and natural..not sure why some moms find this surprising,have we forgotten when we were girls?..if there is a problem,...you may at any time,send me PM

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Candice - posted on 08/30/2017

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Masturbation is perfectly normal and should be encouraged but at the same time there is a time and place when it's appropriate.

[deleted account]

Our 9 year old daughter get real real scared when flying , last year we had a family trip over seas an I oder for her to relax we got the set in the back of the plain and brought a large blanket to over her up so that she could masterbate to release stress only think is sometimes she gets really into it an moans loudly so we have her either chew gum or bite the blanket..... Chat contact me at my an my husbands email unclebob03 @outlook.com

Candice - posted on 08/26/2017

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Let's be real - who was NOT masturbating at this age or close to it? Why make it a big deal?

[deleted account]

I have a 11 year old daughter I hear her masterbating a night an sometime she load when she orgasms . I see wetness in her panties when I do the laundry .she uses my back massager. And humps a big ready bear .... I have seen her masterbate with friend too . chat unclebob03 @outlook.com

Jeremy - posted on 08/20/2017

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I masterbated @ age 6-7. If ya get walked in on just keep going n ignore everything around u. It helps urself work up to an orgasm n get off. Depending on age u may produce semen, sperm or nothing @ alll

Kylie - posted on 07/14/2017

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hello i masterbate alot too since i was 8 i found a viberator i use it alot its awsome i cum heaps of times i never got cought woohoo

Kylie - posted on 07/14/2017

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hello i was 9 when i started im 13f now i never got cought thank god lol but i love it i masterbate alot i cum 5/6 in a row wow there powerfull say hi to me

[deleted account]

Let her do it it releases stress my girls do it a lot 9-11 .an yes I see them do it while watching t.v under a blanket an I do hear them in their rooms .unclebob03 @outlook.com

[deleted account]

Let her be it released stress, did u hear or see her doing it my daughters r loud while doing it sometime age 7 an 9. Unclebob03 @ outlook.com

Ev - posted on 03/03/2017

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I have to agree with Sarah on this. It is not a book that I would even consider getting my kids. Or any other kids I know. Be that as it may--it is not a constructive way to deal with emotional issues and others do know what she is doing. Either that or you are a troll.

Sarah - posted on 03/03/2017

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Ok, so I stand corrected. The book exists. Why on earth you need a manual for this, yikes!
It clearly says in the description of the book: "discusses where it is appropriate". Since I am not going to waste money on this book, I have to assume that the author states to masturbate in private. I also don't believe that is teaches her "how to" as you claim in a previous post.
Bob, she is your kid, if you think using masturbation as an anxiety reliever in a group setting is appropriate, then we will have to agree to disagree. You can say all you want about her being covered up. Bottom line, the car is not a private place (you don't think people can see her thru the windows, and figure out what she is doing?) Using masturbation to control stress is not a healthy life skill.

Sarah - posted on 03/02/2017

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I have to agree with Ev. Yes I have daughters and we have a healthy open dialog about all aspects of their lives. I do not discourage masturbating but I do teach them it is a private, personal activity. As a parent and a school nurse I am shocked that you'd even consider an instruction manual for teaching an activity like masturbating. I don't think a believe that such a book exists.
Like I said, it is important to teach effective coping skills. While self-stimulation may feel good and provide relief for your child, it is hardly a solution to her issue. If she truly has an anxiety issue, I personally would focus on appropriate stress management methods. Visualization, deep-breathing, listening to music.

Ev - posted on 03/02/2017

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A child of nine getting a book to learn to masterbate? Are you serious? Those books would not be geared to a child.

Sarah - posted on 03/02/2017

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Helping a child develop appropriate coping skills is important. No one should need to masturbate in the car. I am not saying it is shameful activity, however it is not something to be done in front of other people.

[deleted account]

My daughter is 9 an I let her masterbate openly at home if just us or on long trips I give her a blanket to cover herself,the n she would pull her pants an panties down under the covers an madterbate...better her feeling unashamed then scared we be mad at her an she know not to do around others.she is a very nervous child an masterbating help her if want to email me unclebob03@outlook.com. that mine an my husbands account.

Ellen - posted on 12/28/2014

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How did your daughter respond when u told her did..me to but scared to admit..

Krista - posted on 09/24/2014

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When you say caught... do you mean just like hand down the pants? Cause I actually catch my 9 year old doing this but was unsure of what exactly she was doing? If she is I'll talk to her about it:/ if not then I'll wait. Please help

Vanessa Van - posted on 07/14/2014

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If your daughter is masturbating (very normal ) in the privacy of her own room. Then learn to respect her privacy. Tell her its important to only do this in her own private time and that its not a subjrct of discussion to friends. Give her that girl book NOW. Dont make an issue about it its not demonic.

Chloe - posted on 02/10/2014

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Jessica, you could be right. It's not all that rare these days that girls that young are having sex. I was a little older the first time I had sex but after the first time I started masturbating a lot more than I did before.

Jessica - posted on 01/11/2014

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ask her why and work it out maybe she had sex. and is hungry for more

Amber - posted on 12/24/2013

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What's to deal with? That's what bedrooms are for. Just close the door and let her be. Haven't caught mine yet (not trying to) but suspect they do it. 12 y.o. twin girls. No worries Mom.

Sarah - posted on 08/15/2013

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I did the same with my daughters as Jenny, I think it is good and healthy that they masturbate. You are concerned about how often. Umm... you don't actually say how often, but as your post is four years old, i guess there is no point in me asking.

Toni - posted on 03/07/2013

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Thank you so much Amanda for you comments. You sound exactly like me. I love my baby with all my heart and I know what she dose isn't right, especially at he age, but I don't want her to feel like a freak or an outcast. It even seems to be gettin whorse. She's starting to develop a pattern of severe dryness and burning from it. It really bothers her while she's in school and she's not even 12 years old.

Cass - posted on 12/06/2012

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So what? Give her privacy. If she's doing it in public then that would be the only real issue that needs dealing with. If she's in her room with the door closed, knock first if you don't want to see whats going on in there. There's no shame and no crime in pleasing yourself.

Ben - posted on 12/03/2012

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Im a 15-year old teen and I and other teens have been spankin it since we were like 10 it's all good just teach her some discretion and let her be.

Annabelle - posted on 07/31/2012

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It is totally natural and expected as children grow. At 11 she most likely just knows it feels good and that's it. My sons father had to have this chat with him at about 11 because he wasn't doing it privately but it's still 100% normal. I believe that you shouldn't have the opportunity to catch her because she has some right to privacy doesn't she (ie. you knock before entering her room, etc.). When I taught preschool I saw kids as young as 5 and 6 masturbating and while it was uncomfortable it is true that you aren't supposed to shame them. What's important is to communicate openly with them about private things and remember that if you're embarrassed about it then what are you teaching your kids? You can't stop her from this behavior it's natural - rejoice -- your daughter is "normal" :)

User - posted on 07/20/2012

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my daughter is the one who told me not the little girls in class...that woud be strange

User - posted on 07/20/2012

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there where 2 girls in my 6th graders math class doing that everyday all class long and she told me and i contacted the school and they call one of the girls parents and they had asked the girl and of orse she said no and i think thats nasty in class! in font of every one and there was a male teacher. He was one of MY tachers and he tought me and my siblings also so he wasnt "cute" or "hot" he was like 58 and the class had like 6 boys ald 23 girls....

Caroline - posted on 07/15/2012

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we've caught my 11yr old son masterbating heaps. it's a normal part of life so were not going to get him in trouble

Eka - posted on 07/09/2012

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it is not bad she is11 11 11 she is half women.just say that you dont whant to see that adn that :"you would not doing this often its bad"

Mel - posted on 07/06/2012

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Leave her alone to enjoy herself ! As you say it is natural and in this day and age let her take some pleasure when she can get some !

Tricia - posted on 12/15/2011

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it is perfectly ok. but!!!! the child should be told it is only to be done in private. and as a parent you need to respect their privacy. i have a 12yr old girl and havent ran into this yet but this is what counselors say. dont shame them. but if they are doing it in public or in front of ppl thats a huge issue

Indya - posted on 10/18/2011

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I agree with Angela. Just because it is normal (which I agree) we as parents have to teach our children self control. I think that you should certainly be respectful of them being in their room or the bathroom but when you are 'catching' your child more times in the week doing this than other very youthful and appropriate activities this is concerning. I guess I am a bit more passionate because I KEEP catching my son and he is 13 and usually in his room but it just seems to be too much. I do think you should have a conversation ( or a few) about masturbating and try to find out (without making her feel self conscious) how often she does this and if there a certain things that bring it on - like boys at school or her peers talking about it etc..

Lisa - posted on 08/15/2011

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I appologize if my comment was strong, but your post said it has "only one purpose" and I do not believe as a Christian that even God meant it to be that way (only one purpose). You are posting as if all Christians feel the way you do, and I am simply reminding you that you do not speak for every Christian. You post from THE Christian standpoint, and I respectfully submit that since I am a Christian and I don't believe the exact way that you seem to that you should post from your view as a Chrisian not from THE Christian standpoint. Yes everyone's views are allowed on here, and therefore you shouldn't label yours as the views of every other Christian out there. Respectfully......

Angela - posted on 08/12/2011

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The one purpose I'm speaking of is that it's only to be shared between a husband & a wife. And everyone's view of things are allowed on here so.....just giving my opinion from the Christian standpoint!

Angela - posted on 08/12/2011

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Yes, those rules ARE in the bible! Also, the devil is right there as soon as a child is born, trying to get his hands on them as early of an age as possible! I never said sex was a dirty thing, it's a beautiful thing created by God Himself to serve only one purpose. And it's up to us as parents whether or not we teach our children to value that and to learn self-control & obedience to God. And yes, if you don't follow His rules then you will be sent to Hell. As I said before...just cause it 'feels' good don't make it right'.

Sian - posted on 08/08/2011

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You know what you are totally blinded by 'religon'. God and religon are two very different things. Religon is man made to put fear into us, to control the 'masses'. God Did not set these 'rules' that we have been told we need to stick to or we will be sent to hell. Think about it logically. God created us, so he created our feelings, urges, desires. They are not wrong, they are there to help us grow as people. What is wrong is to tell kids that these things are wrong and dirty, that is a sure way to screw them up and make them very confused about sex as an adult. I speak from experience!
My daughter is 5 and she has been toutching herself since she was a baby. I will not tell her if is wrong, because its not, it came as an instinct from being a baby to explore her body.

Angela - posted on 08/05/2011

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Has no one posted anything about this from a Christian's view?! It might be a normal feeling but just cause something feels good doesn't mean it's right. Children should be taught to learn to have self-control & to respect the fact that God himself created sex & that He created it ONLY to be shared between husband & wife, not when you're 13 laying in your bed at night. If a child is left alone to just 'go crazy' with this activity then they are far more likely not to be able to control themselves when it comes time for them to start dating because they can get so wrapped up in the feelings & have already been sexually active(with themselves)! The devil uses sex as his MAIN tool in this world to get people to sin. It's very prevelent everywhere, so by the time the child is old enough to date they have been so emmersed in the sexual world, that they think it's 'normal' or ok. Why do you think our world is so full of abortions, teen pregnancy,STD's, & every other bad thing that comes from sex not staying just between a husband & a wife!!!

Mary1959 - posted on 04/16/2011

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i agree it normal
my son and daughter have caught me
we never make a big deal out it

Mary1959 - posted on 04/16/2011

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i agree it normal
my son and daughter have caught me
we never make a big deal out it

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