What should I tell my 13 year old about sex?

Janet - posted on 07/30/2011 ( 4 moms have responded )

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The one and only time I told my now thirteen year old daughter about sex, was when she was seven. When she had asked the "How are babies made?", I answered "Daddy puts his penis into Mommy's vagina, to give Mommy a special seed to make a baby." At the time I was very proud of how I tackled the situation, and thought that I didn't have to say much more about that topic for a long while. Well, 6 years have passed and I still haven't said anymore, because I figured that if my daughter does have any questions, she'd ask me. But she hasn't and it was only around one week ago that I saw in my Amazon viewing history: "Asking about Sex and Growing Up: A guide for kids" that I realised she needs "the talk".
My child has not been told anything else about sex from me and school has not given sex-ed either, so I am really stuck on what to say to her. Should I leap into contraceptives, but that would suggest that people have sex even when they don't want a baby, and I'm not sure she knows that yet. Can anyone who has (or had) a 13 year old tell me what she should know at her age, and what I should say.

Thanks so much

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4 Comments

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Indya - posted on 10/18/2011

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You can start by asking how her friends feel about sex (this might provide an open door) and ask if she feels the same way. I know what you mean about not knowing how much (or little) to say about the subject especially if your child is not the kind of child who comes to you freely. You should have fairly frequent conversations with your tween though because as time goes on, if she feels that it is something she can share with you (without you feeling weird or going off) she might freely come to you when she has questions or when a boy approaches her.

Jessica - posted on 10/07/2011

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I totally agree with Kelly and although it is shocking, I just found out last night when I was going through her text messages that a 13 year old my daughter is friends with is pregnant *gasp* and considering an abortion. Yes my daughter hates that I read her text messages but she has been warned that as long as she lives under my roof and I pay the bill I will check it whenever I want to and she knows I check them periodically so even though she has had sex ed in school (at age 10) it is time for us to move the conversation further regarding birth control, etc. Good luck!

Crystal - posted on 09/20/2011

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This past month my daughter had her first full blown period. Three weeks later she experienced ovulation. Suddenly I was explaining what a clitoris was, why it was there, why she was wet...I kept it matter of fact and tried to remember what I wish I'd known when I was that age. I ended it with the thought that sex with the right person, at the right time and in the right place, can be very wonderful, and that she needed to be much older to appreciate that. I also told her to please come talk to me if she ever thought she wanted to have a boy touch her. I hope that's many years away though....

I hope my experience helps you.
Crystal

Kelly - posted on 08/08/2011

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You will be shocked to realize how much your child probably already knows about sex. At age 13 she may have friends whom are already engaging in sexual activities or close to it. I know some of the stories my kids tell me (I have a 14 and 12 yr old) sometimes shock and amaze me. I have been talking to my kids about sex for a long time now. We have had the sit down sex talk, "This is where this goes" and so forth, but I just listen for questions or just curious comments from them and answer them honestly. If your daughter hasn't been asking you questions, she may be getting information from her friends/peers (which may not be totally correct) or she may be too embarassed to ask. She is definately old enough to have another conversation and I would just pick a quiet and private moment and say something like "I know this might be embarassing, but you haven't asked me any questions about sex and I was wondering if there is anything you would like to know?" She will probably say no. I would ask "Well, do you talk about sex with your friends?" And just keep gently nudging her. She is a teenager and I can gaurentee she is curious, even if she acts grossed out. As far as contraceptives, because of my religious beliefs, I have been talking to my kids about waiting until they are married, since I can remember. But as my son gets older, I have reminded him ("reminded", because he hears about it from his friends and media) that if he does end up having sex before marriage, that he should always use a condem. This is such a tricky subject. But better they are prepared and knowledgable than grandma and grandpa having to help raise a baby. Good luck!

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