Jessica - posted on 09/08/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )
I am 19 weeks pregnant with my third and last child. My daughter is eleven and my son is 3, now I am having a girl. I started using opiates when my daughter turned one yrs old and I lost her when she was two. I sent her with relatives so I could go and clean up bc I knew it was unfair to her to live with a parent that used like I did. I finally, after a few years of rehabs and bouncing in and out of recovery was told to try the mathadone program, and directly upon trying it my life got better. I stopped using the first week of maintenance, and now I have take home's, and have had them for five years and have been completely straight and sober from everything including alcohol for six years now. I since getting sober have regained custody of my daughter, had a new child, gotten engaged to a wonderful man, and started school to become a Drug Addiction Counselor. I have been feeling really awful lately when I go see my OB bc I feel like they think even though Im on methadone that I am a loser bc I used to use drugs. I even feel like they are watching me very intently bc they think Im a user. It has really focalized my pregnancy in a negative direction. I want this to be a happy time, and enjoy this pregnancy, but I am constantly in fear that once the child is born dcf could take her away bc Im on methadone. It absolutly terrifies me. I am clean, and doing all the right things, but Im beginning to think that when I lost my oldest child it traumatized me to the point where now I can't enjoy anything bc Im constantly looking over my shoulder. It is an awful feeling. How can I feel better? Has anyone else felt this way?