Are there any other pregnant women on methadone that have real sobriety, (I have six years completely sober) and feeling like they have a scarlett

Jessica - posted on 09/08/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I am 19 weeks pregnant with my third and last child. My daughter is eleven and my son is 3, now I am having a girl. I started using opiates when my daughter turned one yrs old and I lost her when she was two. I sent her with relatives so I could go and clean up bc I knew it was unfair to her to live with a parent that used like I did. I finally, after a few years of rehabs and bouncing in and out of recovery was told to try the mathadone program, and directly upon trying it my life got better. I stopped using the first week of maintenance, and now I have take home's, and have had them for five years and have been completely straight and sober from everything including alcohol for six years now. I since getting sober have regained custody of my daughter, had a new child, gotten engaged to a wonderful man, and started school to become a Drug Addiction Counselor. I have been feeling really awful lately when I go see my OB bc I feel like they think even though Im on methadone that I am a loser bc I used to use drugs. I even feel like they are watching me very intently bc they think Im a user. It has really focalized my pregnancy in a negative direction. I want this to be a happy time, and enjoy this pregnancy, but I am constantly in fear that once the child is born dcf could take her away bc Im on methadone. It absolutly terrifies me. I am clean, and doing all the right things, but Im beginning to think that when I lost my oldest child it traumatized me to the point where now I can't enjoy anything bc Im constantly looking over my shoulder. It is an awful feeling. How can I feel better? Has anyone else felt this way?

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Staceyjw - posted on 10/16/2012

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I will have 10 years clean on MMT in December. I worried myself sick about CPS (DFS) as well, even though I have done everything right. Its only natural to have this fear, as CPS is in no way benign, and your history makes you sensitive to the reality of losing a child. I think we have all heard horror stories of MMT moms, and it's hard to shake the fear.



I had two great OBs, and both were wonderful, neither said anything about the MMT, outside of helping me when needed. It was the first thing I brought up when choosing a doc. It was great to have advocates in the hospital; its not needed, but makes life nicer.



If you have to keep this doc, please consider sitting down with him/her, and talking about the MMT, and where you are at. It may be hard, but I promise it will be worth it. This will either clear things up, or show you it's time for a new doc. Chances are decent that they aren't looking at you in a negative way at all, and may be able to put your mind at ease.



If they do have concerns, or are poorly informed about MMT (being a MD doesn't mean you get MMT!), here is your chance to get them on the right page. Better to clear this up now! By being direct, you show your maturity, and that you don't hide from your past. Do not apologize for past use, do not dwell on it. Keep it to discussing what MMT is, why you are on it, and where you are at now- they do not need a rehash of your past. I armed myself with some MMT facts that I got from the mod on the MOM forum (was that you? :-). I also brought these fact sheets to the hospital and shared with the nurses. It helped a LOT, and the nurses appreciated it. Dont assume any HCP is MMT knowledgable, as they usually aren't.



If is doesn't help, fire your doc and get a new one. This may be easier said than done, and making a new relationship is harder after half your pregnancy is over.



It can be easy to see yourself in a negative way that others do not, years of drug use can condition you to see yourself as a user, even long after you quit. You cannot control others, but can change how you view yourself. I distinctly recall the day I looked in the mirror and realized that dry user was gone for good, but it took many years (6-7). I used positive self talk to change the way II thought of myself, which helped get rid of fear and guilt. It can help you look towards your pregnancy with happiness, even if you have a bunch of mean doctors. I know it seems silly, but anytime you hear a negative thought, just refute it, out loud if need be.



I am sure everything will go wonderfully. You are a strong mom and are doing all the best thugs for yourself and your family. You should consider yourself a role model!

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