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Thank you ladies for speaking so openly!
I have been struggling with an eating disorder since I was 8 years old. It began with binge eating. At 14 yrs old I began to purge and at age 17 I began my long journey of hospitalization after hospitalization. By age 24 I was quite overweight at 225 and my marriage had fallen apart.

I lost 110 lbs in 10 months. From there I continued to lose and began to have grand mal seizures due to the electrolyte imbalance and low weight. I wasn't anorexic by standard anorexia meeting criteria but my body was anorexic. I plummeted to 70 lbs by purging so much so often. Slowly I began to gain in treatment. It was a whirlwind of ups and downs.

I am now 37 years old and I thought I had it all pretty much licked by 2005. I would have been 31 years old then. That is when I was hospitalized for the last time. My weight rested around the 115 to 120 mark. I was married again in 2006 and had honeymoon babies.
I have 3 children three and under and one on the way. My pre-pregnancy weight was normal around 120 lbs. I then had a set of twins and went up to 205 lbs. Got down to 160 lbs when I conceived our 3rd little one. Went back to 205 and since then only got back down to 180 lbs when I got pregnant again with our 4th and he/she will be due this November.

So here I am nearing to the 200 lb mark and I feel so stuck. I am so thankful for this little life that is growing within me and it's truly a miracle that we were able to get pregnant again (another story). I long to be the pregnant mom that just has the basket ball belly and shows no weight gain anywhere else.

This weight gain is wreaking havoc in my head and the E.D. voices can be tormenting! I fear that it will never stop in my head. I love my family so so much. My husband is so supportive and my kids are super healthy and I wish after this pregnancy I could lose the weight (to a healthy weight back to pre pregnancy as I was truly content there) but I don't know how to lose weight without purging and being extreme. I have never been a huge exerciser even in my darkest days but I just want to be content again. Thank you for reading/listening to my post.

Amy - posted on 08/01/2010

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My name is Amy Brown. I have had a weight problem all my life. I go to OA meetings as well as alanon meetings. I was told when I was real yound they told me they could not get me to eat. Now since 8 ior so all I wanted to do was eat. I have been to weight watchers and tired the powered stuff you drink instead of a meal. I went on diets all my life. I was made fun of.at school. I went to Overbrook School for the blind in Philaelphia PA. They had 300 kids or more to feed so they made alot of starchy foods They would put the milk out 15 minutes before the meals while they set up. So I do not like milk either Heather. It has to be real cold right out of the refirdgerator but it always seemed to have a funny order and I have a habit of smelling my milk before I drink it and sometimes it smells funny to me but it is not bad. I will not waste it but will not drink it. I like chocolate milk if I have to drink milk I enjoy that. I have been in oa for 15 years. I do really good then re;apes and go back and forth. Right now I am doing ok. I have an 8 year old son and am married. I am 43 years old. I found out too that when I was 16 I have an underactive thyroid. Which does not help with my weight problems but adds to them. I also have water retention. My weight goes up and down. I have people in OA who judge me because it looks like I am compulsively eating. I work with my doctor. It is a struggle and I hate it but I love myself. I love life and my family. Glad there is a fellowship here as well. My son likes to eat off my plate sometimes. We are also on food stamps so it makes it hard sometimes. My husband also eats alot and sometimes I will look for something that i need and it is not there. Kind of crazy. I do the best I can one day at a time.

Abigail - posted on 03/31/2010

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i have a 2 year old daughter.when i was pregnant i gained 80 pounds,prepregnancy i was 100 lbs exactly.im 5'0 and doctors consider me obese=(.

my issues started when i was about 14.all my friends were smaller than me and made fun of me for it.soo i stopped eating.when i was 17 i was at my lowest,95lbs.i moved in with my grandparents who forced me to eat.i stayed at a steady 100 lbs for about 6 months.after i got pregnant i gained weight from being lazy i guess you could say.ive been trying for 2 years to lose all this weight and nothing has helped.i go days without eating anything at all along with working out.i feel sick and depressed when i eat.i just feel stuck .just the thought of food grosses me out.i dont feel beautiful and i dont feel like im good enough to be seen with my fiance.i feel like crawling into a hole and hiding.

[deleted account]

my names christin. i had my first little girl in nov of 09. when i went on depo it messed me up pretty good and as it started wearing off one thing was i was unable to eat. it started off where i would eat a little bit, then i was liquifying food, now its to the point i dont eat or want to. i get so hungry but its like my food has to be a liquid before swallowing bc it fills me up faster. i also have a tendency to just spit it out. i went thru anorexia as a kid and thought i was over it. its a hard thing to overcome.

Sue - posted on 01/14/2010

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Hi, I'm Sue and suffer with anorexia. I've gained 35lbs since becoming pregnant back in July...a miracle in itself... I was happy yet terrified to conceive with a BMI of 15. My daughter is due on 9th April, I'm having a couple of extra scans to make sure she is growing ok and so far so good, next scan is this Monday. I'm glad of this group and a place to be. I'm 30 years old and have had an e.d. on and off since I was 15... I am married and have just moved to the South of Wales, UK. x

Heather - posted on 01/09/2010

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Glad to meet you Carmen. :)

I have also experienced feelings of nausea and sickness when I eat- especially in the mornings. I usually drink an Ensure shake in the mornings nowadays, just to try and get some calories, because I have trouble holding down anything solid. I also try and drink another shake in the afternoon (along with a meal)- the drinks have a lot of vitamins in them, and although they are not a good substitute for food, it's better than nothing, I guess.

I'm not really sure exactly how or when my issues with food started. I know some of my issues began when I was very little- for as long as I can remember, I couldn't stand to eat any foods that touched each other on my plate. (For instance, if I had corn and mashed potatoes on my plate, and if the corn and mashed potatoes touched, I could not eat either one of them.) I don't know how or why that started, but I still struggle with it. I have also had issues with drinking milk, or eating any dairy products- for some reason, I always feel as if the milk is rotten, even if I know for a fact that it's not.

I experienced sexual abuse as a very young child, and again when I was 12- I think that may have something to do with it. I also developed very early, and I was extremely uncomfortable with this- I was teased about it at school quite a bit. I remember, when I was 11, I was in gymnastics, and my gymnastics coach brought me aside one day and told me that he was going to speak with my parents about putting me on a diet, because I was "getting a bit chunky"- I think I weighed maybe 95 pounds at the time, if that. I don't know if it was any one thing for me- it was most likely a combination of events, combined with depression and anxiety disorder. That's my best guess.

Carmen - posted on 01/08/2010

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hi I am new here - I am carmen I have 4 kids oldest is 14 years youngest is 16months, I have struggled with anorexia since the age of about 11 and had bullemia for about 2 years - I suffer from severe stress disorder which causes my body to stop eating - if I do eat I throw up and then I get really sick - I have been struggling with weight issues most of my life I am now 34 and weigh 63 kg with all my clothes on and boots on as well - not too sure as to why I am losing weight this time but have lost almost 10kg since august last year - I have to go back to a dietitian to get an eating plan sorted out - I do eat but when stressed I can go for up to a week without eating it like my body can't handle food and it's in my head - I have no mirrors that are full length and I can't handle standing on scales - so yeah for me this is an ongoing battle to maintain a healthy weight - for me my age and height I should be 72-75kg to be in the healthy weight range - just one question what made you start to lose weight??? With me is was my adoptive mum saying to me don't get fat cos fat girls don't get married!!!

Krysta - posted on 01/01/2010

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Hi! My name is Krysta. I live in Chicago with my wonderful husband and our 3 month old first daughter Madilynn. I think this group is a really great idea for recovery for us moms! I have had problems with anorexia and bulimia since I was about 13 years old. I was a chubbier kid the kind a kid you would say is "big boned". Anyways I really struggle with anorexia these days. I just with in the last couple years come to the realization that I am anorexic. I looked in the mirror one day and could see my ribs through my back and I was down to 105lbs with a 28in waist (I'm 5'6''). Of course I loved being that skinny but It just wasn't healthy and I was just wasting away.I struggle with eating every day of my life. I also have a severe anxiety disorder and depression. I have to take pills every day for these problems but then I don't eat for 2 sometimes 3 days at a time. I had to stop breastfeeding because of the meds and the fact that I wasn't eating anything and so I wasn't producing enough. I have to work hard to take care of myself for my daughter. She is my life but some times I have my days! One day at a time! This is a good place to get it all out thanks for listening!!

Heather - posted on 12/31/2009

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Hello there! :) I'm guessing this must be a newer group? I'm really glad to be here. :) My name is Heather, mom of 4 awesome kids, from Colorado. I've struggled with my e.d since I was about 13. (I'm 29 now)- I've pretty much run the proverbial gamut with my e.d- from bulimia to compulsive overeating to anorexia, with anorexia being my primary issue. I'm working towards recovery today. :) How about you? :)

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