Any young mothers with chronic pain?

Elizabeth - posted on 10/23/2009 ( 26 moms have responded )

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Hello. I started this new conversation because I am curious to know if there are any other young mom's out there who suffer from chronic pain. I am 23 yrs old and I have chronic pain that will only get worse as I get older. My daughter is 6 yrs.old and I am not able to do a lot of the things that mom's are suppose to do. I am not allowed to lift my daughter up because I have had shoulder surgery. I don't have hardly any grip in my hands because of mult. surgeries. It bothers me that I can't be the mom that I want to be ...or the mom that my daughter deserves. Thank GOD for my family if it weren't for them I don't know what would happen. I am also a single mom so I was also wondering if any other young mom's find it hard to date. In my experience most guys are scared to date me just because I have a child, and if that doesn't scare them off my health does. I don't know how this is suppose to work, so I hope it works! :-) I would just like to talk to other young mom's who are in the same boat I am in. So please feel free to write but just keep in mind I would like this conversation to be respectful of everyone's views. Thank you and I hope to hear from you soon!!!

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Davis - posted on 09/28/2012

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I'm 20 male and i don't care about your health if you have child i'm off to someone else. I have very strange inside feeling when trying to date someone with children and I don't like it.

Maybe that will change as I get older, and I will start to want kids.

Danielle - posted on 07/22/2012

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im 23 ..and i suffer with chronic back pain and hip joint pain ..it makes it soo hard to look after my 10mth old daughter to the point where i cant physically move, bend or even walk. not to mention then the sciatic nerve gets pinched now that painful ..thank god my parents are around when that happens, im a single mum , like Elizabeth said the child doesnt scare the men away, its my health problems .. why cant the men like us women the way we are? it gets annoying

Fern - posted on 02/07/2010

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Elizabeth, I am not a young mother now, but I was when I was first diagnosed. I really know how you are feeling. I was 28 and had 3 boys, 2 who were living with us when I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and myofascial pain syndrome. I was in nursing school and the boys were in elementary school. I wasn't sure how I was going to manage after a work injury, shoulder surgery, and then being diagnosed with chronic pain. The good news is that its 17 years later and I have survived and I have learned to pace myself and make choices that allow me to function. I did become disabled in 1998. It came down to making a choice between taking care of my boys or working. I just couldn't continue doing both. We also discovered that I was having additional health problems due to terrible side effects due to long-term use of Depo-provera for birth control. It took about 2 years or more to get the medicine out of my system and for the side effects to gradually go away. My pain didn't disappear, but some of the problems like muscle weakness, respiratory problems, and food allergies/IBS improved drastically. So we decided to have one last baby before we were too old since we had always wanted another child and we felt my health had stopped us. I had 3 miscarriages, but we had our precious son in 2006. Its challenging raising another young child with my limitations and pain, but he also gives me the motivation to keep going. He literally keeps me from giving up. He gives me a joy I cannot put into words. I highly recommend support groups. You can do online support, which is the best choice in many ways because you can sit at the computer in your pjs and not have to go out to get understanding and support. But local support groups in person also have their benefits. It helps to get out with other women who understand and who are also raising children with chronic pain. And it helps to socialize, laugh, and break up your routine for a brief moment. It gives you the motivation and the hope to go back and keep plugging away. And never hesitate to make the sacrifice to do activities from time to time that you know will cause you pain afterwards so you can enjoy your life and your family. You learn to plan for them by resting in advance and planning a day or two of down time afterwards. And don't ever feel guilty for doing what you have to do to cope and don't hesitate to say you can't do something or that you need help. Learning to ask for and accept help is one of the hardest lessons we learn. And find some things you can do with your kids when you are having a bad day, such as reading books, watching movies, etc. Kids don't really care if you can't go out in the cold to build a snowman with them, they just want your time, your attention, and your love!!! And be honest with them if there is something you can't do and they will respect you for it.

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26 Comments

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Hannah - posted on 07/08/2012

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Hi Elizabeth im 24 and i have a very ative 4 year old and i know what you mean with not being able to be a mum to our kids my son also has ASD or known as Autism which can make things very hard im also a Fibromyalgia suffer and have been just before i fell pregnant i had SPD through out my pregnancy which has now coursed alot off probs but don't need to go into that atm im more than happy to chat any time Elizabeth you can find me on here and Facebook too to which im more than happy to answer any questions and swap tips ect lol

Melinda - posted on 07/07/2012

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i suffer from polymytosis i dk if i spelled that right but it a muscle disease. i had 2 kids and i worsened after my 2 kids. its hard sometimes. i started with severe jerks and cramps in my legs then i went to diff drs finally i got one with brains that blood tested me and found out whats was wrong with me. when i get inflamed i struggle so hard. luckily my husband and family helps me out. now im likely pg again and im scared to death cause i have the mirena and all the meds im on. i scheduled a dr app for monday cause i feel and see my belly moving and my boobs are absolutely sore and ive got a pooch in my belly. i just hope if i am the mirena comes out safely and the baby is healthy if i turn out to not be im having the mirena took out anyway cause ive heard some bad things about it

Erica - posted on 06/20/2012

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I'm 30 and though I consider that young, you might not. However, I have suffered from DDD (Degenerative Disk Disease) since 2001. I have had three back surgeries and two healthy, normal pregnancies, through chronic pain and acute pain flair ups sometimes cause me to be laid out in bed (though with lack of help, that's often not an option even if I'm in excruciating pain). I live a really active lifestyle (mostly walking pushing a 100 lbs stroller with a toddler and infant all day...) After I gave birth in February to my second daughter, I came down with Plantar Fasciits. It's incredibly painful and I'm still trying to figure it out.

I was wondering if any of you noticed your pain got worse when breastfeeding and did it get better after you stopped?

Thanks!
Erica

Stephanie - posted on 04/11/2012

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I am not so young, but I suffer from chronic pain. I hae ALOT of health issues. I wish there was a support group where I live!

Sherri - posted on 07/27/2010

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I may not be a young mom (I'm 40 and my son is a very active 4 year old with some special needs), but I can relate to not being able to do what you want to do with your child. I was hit by a drunk driver just before we adopted our son and have a wide variety of pain issues as well as a brain injury and a tendency to fall easily (and break my foot!). I constantly feel guilty when I have to tell my little boy that I can't do something like ride a bike or chase him or go as far of a walk as he wants to. He told me one time that he wished I could go bike riding with him and it broke my heart. I can't work because of all my challenges which makes me feel even more guilty - I loved my jobs (HS teacher and I owned my own art business) and I never saw myself as a stay at home mom especially one who can't do everything I think I should be able to do. I just constantly have to remind myself that I am lucky to be alive, and that my son has me to help him (in so many other ways) to become the amazing man he is going to become! I may not be able to do the physical stuff but I'm thankful to have my husband who is great for doing the active stuff with our son and eventually you'll find a partner to help you too.

Misty - posted on 06/28/2010

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Also, while I haven't been in the single mom situation, I'm close to many of them. The way I look at it is this: if a man cannot get past the fact that you have a child and/or health issues, he's not worth your time. It narrows down the search really. Just be who you are and up front and honest and when you find someone that loves you for what and who you are, you'll have found your match! ♥

Misty - posted on 06/28/2010

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Well I'm 26 but I don't FEEL young. Of course that's mainly due to the stupid chonic pain I've been dealing with my whole life. I've found that, while I can't do a lot of the more physical things I'd like to do as a mom, I can still find a lot of other ways to have fun with my daughter. Most of our mom and daughter activities end up being beneficial in the brain department. We like to play memory games, Skip-Bo, Mexican Train (a domino game), read together and many other things. I just make sure she spends plenty of time with friends, family and other kids who CAN do more active games with her. Oh! and how can I forget... the one physically active thing we can do together which is beneficial to both of us is swimming! It's one of the best for chronic pain sufferers because it's low impact. You CAN find meaningful things do do with your kiddo. :) Hope this all helps.

Sarh - posted on 06/25/2010

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Hi Elizabeth! I am 20 yrs old. I have a 4.5 yr old daughter and my son is just over 2 weeks old. I have Ankylosing Spondylitis and Fibromyalgia. My wrists are weak and it makes me SO NERVOUS trying to carry or pick up either one of my children! It doesn't help that my daughter is 4 yrs old and about 50lbs! She's a tall skinny girl. I began having pain immediately after I had my daughter, but because she was 9lbs 13.5oz at birth and I delivered her VERY QUICK! the doctors just told me to wait 6 weeks, then wait a few more months, and then wait a yr, it takes 9 months of changing while pregnant your body may just need 1 yr to get back to normal. This entire time they did continuous lab work, CT scans, and X-Rays. I just have crummy state insurance so there were no rheumatologists that accepted my ins. I finally found one once my daughter was about 1.5 yrs old. It took more labs, a dozen more X-Rays, and at least a handful of MRI's. The rheumatologist still didn't know what it was, I was on the verge of going to a Mayo (sp?) hospital. I requested and received all of my labs and X-Rays, a few days after I contacted the hospital back again my rheumatologist ordered the MRI's and then shortly after she finally figured it out! I was so relieved to finally know what was wrong, but at the same time terrified because there is something wrong and not just my body having a hard time recuperating. I've tried so many different pain meds and anti-inflammatory meds.

Up until a little over a yr ago I was a single mother, then I met my fiance. Thank god he accepted my daughter as his own, and he also knows what my condition may turn to. Honey! You will find someone like my fiance, it takes time. Just continue being a great mother! I found my fiance because I realized what a true man is and changed my "taste" in men. lol. Gotta look for the good, semi-mature men. I'm sure you are the perfect mother that your daughter deserves, I say I'm a bad mother all time, I truly believe that I am, but I just hope you have a support system like I do. Good luck to you and your daughter!

~Sarh

Tanya - posted on 05/05/2010

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I am 33 years old and suffer from Chronic Pain Syndrome following knee trauma at work. I completly understand the difficulties you face. I try to include myself in the kids activities as much as I can even if it's sitting on the side cheering them on, but some days are rough. Thankfully my husband is a big help with my children who are from a previous marriage and assists me with them on my bad days. It sounds like your family is a great support system for you though and I am sure they make up for what you can't do with your daughter.

Amanda - posted on 05/04/2010

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I am 24 years old and I have fibromialga and endometreosis which both are really not fun. They are telling me I may have to have a hysterectomy at 29 and everyday feels like the worst cramps of my life. I cant do blood work bc it feels as if someone is sticking an ice pick in my arm. My nerve endings are over reactive so even the smallest bump against the table feels like I got kicked. Its hard being a mom of a 5 yr old boy and having this go on. You just gotta try and tolerate it and find other ways to play with your kids.

Erika-Maye - posted on 02/09/2010

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Hi (first post!)

Am 18, my son is 3 months. I have ME/CFS, and am finding it all a bit overwhelming at the moment!

Elizabeth, don't loose heart - its obvious just fro the little I've read that you're a great mother and a lovely person. Life does deal some nasty cards at times, but I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. Keep on truckin' :)

Elizabeth - posted on 02/03/2010

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Thank you to everyone who has posted. I have read every single one and tried to send each of you a message. If I missed anyone please let me know. I really appericate everyone sharring their stories. To me it makes me feel less alone and it's comforting in a strange way to know that other people are in the yaht we are. Boat's a little to small lol. Please keep the comments coming and everyone of you is welcome to join my circle!! Please keep in touch!

Esther - posted on 02/03/2010

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Hi honey! Don't you worry! Right now, somewhere out there, Mr. Right is thinking: "Hmmm, I wonder where Elizabeth is?"

But all joking aside, I was in the same boat as you when I was your age. Well, a similar boat anyway... I am 30 now, but my pain started at 17. I have a genetic spinal disorder where my discs herniate and then crumble away, and a not too wonderful prognosis for the future. I am in and out of the OR and wheelchairs, and it puzzles people how I am in a wheelchair one day, and walking around the next due to the chronic pain levels, my tolerance, numbness in extremeties and other factors. I have a 12 year old daughter and a 5 year old son, and I can not be the mother that I want to be either. I know exactly how you feel, and it is the most frustrating feeling in the world. And doing it alone is even worse. I am from the UK and my family is over there, so I am trying right now to get back home, (sons father has not been around in a year but is trying to stop me from leaving) in the UK I will have a support system and better care for one. Two, I will have that chance at being a better mother. And three, the man that does not care about my disability, that loves me for me, that wants to marry me, and that is setting up a home for us right now is waiting! You see, there are different types of men out there: 1) pieces of poo 2) Real Men. One day you will find a real man, and when you meet him, you will know it. I know that mine is a real man because he accepts the harsh reality of my situation, of my life, and he is willing to take it all on no problem. Of course there have been and will be bumps along the road, that is life, but it is the willingness to go over those bumps full force because he loves me that makes him the man that he is.



You may have a health problem that is more noticeable than other people's health issues, correct? I'll tell you one thing, you are way more beautiful than many other people who have hidden health problems, and many men would run far far away from them!!! Give yourself a chance! I always told myself that no one would want to ever date me because of my disability, and I only thought that because someone in my family told me that repeatedly and it wore me down. So I held my head down with no self esteem for a while, that is until one night that I went out to dinner and happened to be in my wheelchair. I was with that same family member, and it just so happened that the waiter was very good looking and flirted shamelessly with me in front of her, and brought my self esteem back up quite a bit! So I threw it in her face and started to make an effort again. It wasn't long after that I started dating my now fiance! So, have a little faith in yourself. Good things will come!

Tricia - posted on 02/01/2010

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hiya, i was a single parent for many years, but dont give up hope! i met my man and we fell in love and married,i already had three children,like u i thought many wudnt look at me cos i had children. let alone three,there are so many now who have children most men dont see u as any different for having any.
when i met my man we went on a date,an then i told him. tho u find a shock that sum just likes u for u,that he wasnt at all bothered,i thort he must be! its ur own confidence and thoughts that need a boost,xx i thought any man wud run! lol and not stop running! lol
we been together 7 years now. its happens so dont give up hope!! xx

Heather - posted on 01/27/2010

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I an 19 (20 in less than a week) and i have severe IC. I am in pain almost everyday. anything I eat causes me to be in pain and anything I drink causes me to be in the bathroom 24/7. I have a 13 month old son who is full of energy. I have a hard time keeping up with things around the house and chasing him. Luckily I have a husband. He helps a little. He tries to understand, but he can't fully. sometimes he says I'm lazy which is not the case. Nobody understand how I feel, or what I go through everyday. Maybe one of you will.

Ashley - posted on 01/27/2010

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I am 26 yrs old and have RA and Fibromyalgia (along with other connective tissue diseases). I also have a 5 week old baby. I agree with Christine, when you find the right guy you will know it. My husband has known of my health issues and has been supportive and understanding since day one. Since my baby was born, I am having more issues with picking her up, changing her diaper...well, pretty much everything a new baby needs. I haven't been on any medication since I got pregnant and am very scared to resume it until she starts sleeping better at night. I do understand how you feel when you are trying to be a mom and not able to accomplish everything when you have to deal with chronic pain. I wish you the best of luck!

Kevina - posted on 11/21/2009

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im 28 and got sever fibromyalgia im now in a wheelchair and can relate to wat you say i was single with 2 children one 7 n the other 9 i cant do alot of stuff with my children that other mums do i thought the same who would want me but i found a good man through facebook and he has took my children on and we are engaged now so it can happen there are men out there that dont care if you have a child or if your ill if there a good man they will see through it no matter what so dont worry hun x

Christine - posted on 11/15/2009

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elizabeth, i'm pretty old---i'll be 47 in feb, but was a single mother with 2 children at 22. i did not have pain back then, but i remember that dating with kids was difficult. when you find the right guy, you'll know it, because he will be understanding and love you despite anything that might appear to be "baggage" to someone else.

Audrey - posted on 11/09/2009

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Hi, I'm 24 and was diagnosed with fibro about 3.5 years ago but have had the symptoms since I was about 12 years old. I have been married since August 12th 2006 and have a 20 month old son. I also have PCOS/Metabolic Syndrome, borderline diabetes and something (unknown currently) wrong with my thyroid function. I am very thankful that my hubby is so helpful and understanding.

LORI - posted on 11/09/2009

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Hi. I'm 34 yrs old. Was diagnosed with Fibro approx 6 years ago. I've suffered from chronic pain since my son was first born (when i was 15 & married, divorced by 17). I was a single mom for many years and met many poo headed men. I was patient and found my husband 13 years ago, we were friends & dated, married 8 years ago. We also have an 8 year old daughter. It is hard. I often feel like i'm not the mom with our daughter that i was with my son. I'm currently dealing with Fibro & Diabetes and between the two they are kicking my hinny. I work part-time at Michaels. Full-time and in an office setting is too hard for me. We are in the process of selling our house to move to Virginia to be closer to my dad and sister. I'm sure hoping that family support with help us in raising our daughter. My son is already there, he started college a month ago.

Michelle - posted on 11/06/2009

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Elizabeth. I am 33, I have FMS, CFS, and who knows what else. I am not as young as you, and I am not single. I have 1 son who is 10. I have had all of this since he was 4. I know how you feel when it comes to not being able to do what all you wanted to do with your child. I know that it breaks your hear. I still have that. I can't do things with my boy that I want to, or sometimes even promised to because the pain is so bad. All of this I do understand.

As for the man thing, here are my feelings. If your daughter scares him off, it's his loss, if your illness scares him off, it his loss. There is someone out there just for you!! He will come along when you least expect it. just don't look, he'll be there around the corner. that's how it always works.

I hope you are doing good. If you ever want to talk just look me up!!

Blessings
Michelle

Carolee - posted on 10/23/2009

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I'm 27, but have had what they diagnosed as tendanitis(sp?) and arthritis in almost every joint in my body since I was 19. But, there is a (probably good) chance that it's not those, or just those, but Charcot-Marie-Tooth Disease. Luckily, I only have a few times a month where I can't lift or do anything. I was a single mom, but then I did find somebody, and we are getting married on May 1st! I was very straight-forward about having a son, as well as my physical limits. We met at work (I was a cashier, and he's a butcher), and I was not looking for anything more than friends... that changed quickly! From the start, he wanted to include Corbin (my son) in almost everything we did. We still had dates after work while my sister was watching Corbin, but then I introduced them in a public setting, and they've been best buds since.

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