Hubby driving me nuts. He just doesn't understand my pain!

Carolyn - posted on 10/04/2009

I completly understand. My husband truly does'nt understand the level of my pain. Sometimes in my worst pain I wish he would feel the pain just once to understand. As bad as that sounds there is no way he can really understand.He is very strong and healthy and thinks that people can wish themselves healthy. He thinks that because I am functioning every day that is not as bad as I say. What am I supposed to do, not raise our daughter, not go to work. As much as I want to I can't just curl up in a ball and turn away the outside world. I am 37 and I have had pain since was 18. We have only been together for 8 yrs. He does not know me without pain.He does not understand how viable I was. A totally differant person. If he fell in love with me this way, how does he not understand. He calls me lazy. It is not always like this. Now that I made him out to be a villian. Sorry I started rambling. The reason I wrote was to tell you I understand. Clearly I understand. I hope that it gets easier to deal with for the all of us. xoxo, Carolyn

Christine - posted on 10/01/2009

rebecca, when the cobra kicks in it becomes retroactive, so there is no reason you should have to wait to go to the doctor. you should have the same coverage you had before he changed jobs---and be at the same point you were at as far as deductibles and such. we are also paying for cobra, and our kids are on medicaide----i hate having to do things this way, but we don't have much choice.



my husband also gets tired of me talking about how i feel. i think i can understand where he is coming from, because i do complain too much, but sometimes i feel like no one will remember if i don't remind them and they will expect me to function as if nothing is wrong.

we have recently started counseling and since one of my diagnoses is adult ADD, our counselor did something i really liked. he asked my hubby what he would do if he were a coach who was getting a new player from another team. of course, the answer is that he would learn everything he could about that player. he then loaned my hubby a book called "driven to distraction" and told him to read about it so that he could learn about ME and ADD. i don't think i could have gotten my hubby to read the book if i had suggested it, but since the counselor did, he has been reading it and already learning from it. maybe there is someone your husband really respects that could suggest something similar to him, except with a book about fibro?

Brandy - posted on 10/01/2009

to make a marriage work you have to be able to talk I don't feel he should have changed jobs with out even talking to you he should make sure he has insurance on you so you can get your meds and go to the doctor if you just can't do the insurance right nor go to the ER sometime a hospital has to see you even if you have no insurance that is not all hospital but I know it is some . I feel no one will truly know your pain but he should not act like it not there or act like it bothers him he should talk to you and listen to you and try to understand that you don't want the pain it is just something you have to live with and the both of you have to deal with it to help your marriage work I hope for the best for you

Anna - posted on 09/15/2009

You are right: your hubby doesn't understand your pain, and he never will. We have to come to terms with that. I learned that repeatedly telling my DH that I was hurting led to him tuning me out.



Since your hubby changed jobs without discussing it with you, I wonder if there is an underlying communication problem that y'all need to address as well. Can the two of you sit down and amicably discuss options for you to see the doctor? Or does it end in argument? Has he always been this unaccepting, or just recently? Is the stress between the two of you making your pain worse?



I recently found some help for myself on a web site called www.KnowFibro.com. There is a lot of information that you can share with your husband in a non-confrontational manner. The best help I have gotten from the site is from a tool called FibroGuide. You might want to look at it.



All my best to you and you hubby as you work out this problem.

Margaret - posted on 09/14/2009

:( I hate the way the US health service works you really shouldnt have to wait like that to see a doctor :( I hope it can be sorted out soon...

your employment also shouldnt determine what health services you have available either

Christine - posted on 09/13/2009

rebecca, sounds like you and i were in the same zone this week!!